揭开奥秘：那些等待你的爱人，或许正藏于这三种关系中……

Unveiling the Mystery: Perhaps the beloved you've been waiting for is hidden within these three types of relationships...

1. 张爱玲和炎樱是一对好朋友，她们相识于上海，一见如故，相见恨晚。

1. Zhang Ailing and Yan Ying are a pair of good friends who met in Shanghai and became close friends at first sight, regretting not having met each other earlier.

2. 实际上在这个问题的回答当中，性别是一个重要的变量，也就是男性和女性在这个问题上的看法完全不同。在亲密关系当中，男性需要展现出来的是自己已拥有的资源，自已的能量，自己的地位和财富：而女性则需要展现出自己的容貌，自己的身材。

2. In fact, in the answers to this question, gender is an important variable, meaning that men and women have completely different views on this issue. In close relationships, men need to demonstrate the resources they possess, their energy, their status, and wealth: whereas women need to showcase their appearance and their body shape.

3. 嫉妒程度有浅有深，程度较浅的嫉妒，往往深藏于人的潜意识中，不易觉察。如自己与某同学是好朋友，他的学习成绩、能力等都较强，对自己的好朋友并不想加以攻击，但在内心总有一点酸楚。而程度较深的嫉妒，会自觉或不自觉地表现出来，如对能力超过自己的同学进行挑剔、造谣、诬陷等。

3. The degree of jealousy can vary from mild to intense. Mild jealousy often hides deep in one's subconscious, making it difficult to detect. For example, if someone is a good friend with a classmate who has strong academic performance and abilities, they may not want to attack their good friend, but there is always a bit of bitterness in their heart. On the other hand, more intense jealousy may be expressed consciously or unconsciously, such as by nitpicking, spreading rumors, or fabricating lies about classmates who outperform them.

4. 嫉妒是由于别人胜过自己而引起抵触的消极的情绪体验。当看到别人比自己强时，心里就酸溜溜的不是滋味，于是就产生一种包含着憎恶与羡慕、愤怒与怨恨、猜嫌与失望、屈辱与虚荣以及伤心与悲痛的复杂情感，这种情感就是嫉妒。嫉妒者不能容忍别人超过自己，害怕别人得到自己无法得到的名誉、地位等，在他看来，自己办不到的事别人也不要办成，自己得不到的东西，别人也不要得到。

4. Jealousy is a negative emotional experience caused by resentment over others' superiority. When one sees others being stronger than themselves, they feel sour and uncomfortable in their hearts, and then a complex emotion arises, which includes hatred and envy, anger and resentment, suspicion and disappointment, humiliation and vanity, as well as sadness and grief. This emotion is jealousy. Jealous people cannot tolerate others surpassing themselves, fearing that others will obtain fame, status, and other things that they cannot attain. In their view, if they cannot achieve something, then no one else should be able to, and if they cannot obtain something, then no one else should either.

5. 怀疑性嫉妒：怀疑性嫉就产生是指，伴侣并没有不端的行为，个体只是有猜疑所引起的嫉。可以这么说，反应性妒是针对确实存在的真实危险而产生的，而怀性嫉则是根据假想出来的危险而产生的。在怀疑性嫉妒中，这些假想出来的危险完全脱离实际，都是嫉者自己无中生有臆想出来的，我们把它叫做主观瘾断。

5. Sceptical jealousy refers to the situation where a partner has not engaged in any misconduct, yet the individual experiences jealousy solely due to suspicion. It can be said that reactive jealousy is generated in response to a real and existing danger, whereas sceptical jealousy arises from imagined dangers. In cases of sceptical jealousy, these imagined dangers are completely detached from reality and are solely the product of the envious person's unfounded conjecture. We refer to this as a subjective inference.

6. 在繁华的上海滩，她们曾住在一起，每天畅谈文学，研究文坛动向，也喜欢拉家常，说说家长里短，市井俗事。她们还经常携手逛街，品咖啡，参观画展。

6. In the bustling Shanghai滩, they used to live together, engaging in lively discussions about literature, studying trends in the literary world, and also enjoying casual conversations about family affairs and daily life. They frequently went shopping together, sipped coffee, and visited art exhibitions.

7. 后来，张爱玲到美国居住，炎樱也去到了日本。两人分开后，仍然书信不断。然而，张爱玲独居美国，生活困顿，而炎樱在日本却风生水起，不仅谈了优秀的小朋友，经济上也非常富足。

7. Later, Zhang Ai ling moved to live in the United States, and Yan Ying went to Japan. After they parted ways, they continued to exchange letters. However, Zhang Ai ling lived alone in the United States, struggling with a difficult life, while Yan Ying thrived in Japan, not only dating excellent young people but also enjoying great wealth economically.

8. 张爱玲对炎樱感到心冷，不再回信，两人彻底断绝联系。

8. Zhang Ai ling felt indifferent towards Yan Ying and stopped replying to her letters, leading to a complete cutoff of their contact.

9. 右边也有一个人，一脸看似真诚的笑容，拎着一个铁壶，在给一棵树浇水，不过他倒出来的是滚烫的开水。图上标注：伪君子。

9. There is also a person on the right, with a seemingly sincere smile on his face, carrying an iron pot and watering a tree. However, what he pours out is boiling hot water. The caption on the picture reads: Hypocrite.

10. 嫉包含多种情感体验。既有悲观失落，又有因伴侣具有吸引力而产生的自豪感。一般来说，我们认为嫉妒必定包含伤害，也包括馈怒和恐俱这样的情绪。我们会很通俗的把这些情感都称为叫做吃醋，相信这个词在日常生活中并不罕见。

10. Jealousy encompasses a variety of emotional experiences. It includes not only feelings of pessimism and despair but also a sense of pride due to the attractiveness of the partner. Generally speaking, we believe that jealousy necessarily involves hurt, as well as emotions such as resentment and fear. We would colloquially refer to all these emotions as "being jealous," believing that this term is not uncommon in everyday life.

11. 嫉妒心理不但影响身心健康，还影响学习工作。嫉妒心强，直接影响人的情绪，而不良的情绪会大大降低学习或工作的效率。另外，嫉妒心强可能使我们结交不到知心朋友。嫉妒心强的人往往事事好胜，常想方设法阻止别人的发展，总想压倒别人。这可能使同学、朋友想躲开你，不愿与你交往。从而给自己造成一个不良的人际关系氛围，你会感到孤独、寂寞。

11. Envy not only affects physical and mental health but also influences learning and work. Strong envy directly affects a person's mood, and negative emotions can significantly reduce the efficiency of learning or work. Additionally, strong envy may prevent us from making close friends. People with strong envy tend to be overly competitive in everything, often trying to hinder others' development and always wanting to surpass others. This may cause classmates and friends to want to avoid you and not want to interact with you. This may create an adverse interpersonal environment for yourself, making you feel lonely and isolated.

12. 这时，嫉妒当中既包括因失去亲密关系所产生的痛苦，也有归结为是情敌造成自己情感破裂的罪魁祸首所产生的愤怒。可见，嫉妒饱含了两种负性情绪。嫉妒是一种非常可伯的情绪，尤其是其中蕴含的惯怒，常常指向那些横刀夺爱的情敌，或者说是自己移情别恋的伴侣。

12. At this moment, jealousy encompasses both the pain of losing an intimate relationship and the anger caused by blaming the rival for the emotional breakup. It is evident that jealousy is laden with two negative emotions. Jealousy is a very unsettling emotion, especially the anger it contains, which often directs at those who steal love, or those who have transferred their affection to another.

13. 看着马有铁一天天老去，四哥家想甩掉这个包袱，于是给他张罗了一门亲事，让他和一个同样有身体缺陷的女人结婚，搬出去另住。

13. Watching Ma You Tie grow older day by day, the Fourth Brother's family wanted to get rid of this burden, so they arranged a marriage for him, pairing him with a woman who also had a physical defect, and encouraged him to move out and live separately.

14. 世事艰难，人心难测。有的人表面和你称兄道弟，暗地里却使绊子，捅刀子。有的人平时老实本分，与人为善，背后却落井下石，伤天害理。

14. Life is tough and people's hearts are hard to read. Some people may act like good brothers to you on the surface, but behind the scenes, they may set traps or stab you in the back. Others may seem honest and decent in their everyday lives, doing good to others, but behind the scenes, they may betray you when you are down, doing harm to heaven and earth.

15. 人们要寻找具有类似适配价值的人建立亲密关系，这样像嫉等负性情绪就较少的出现在婚姻当中，可以让彼此过得更加的幸福。

15. People tend to seek close relationships with individuals who have similar compatibility values, which leads to less frequent occurrence of negative emotions like jealousy in marriage, allowing both parties to enjoy a greater sense of happiness.

16. 反过来，如果一个低自尊的人错误的高估了自己的价值感，又可能会发生对于伴侣的背叛视而不见的情况。所以，不仅是自尊，也有自我价值感（也就是自我评价）的因素在其中左右着局面。

16. Conversely, if a person with low self-esteem overestimates their sense of self-worth, they may also turn a blind eye to infidelity in their partner. Therefore, it is not only self-esteem, but also the sense of self-worth (i.e., self-evaluation) that plays a role in determining the situation.

17. 于是男性会更加的记住那些自信、强势、果断和富有的男性，而仅仅长相英俊的男性不太可能让人产生妖，因为男性会合理化，别看他长得好看，但他没有我厉害，充其量就是小白脸一个，就是很多男性会用这种方式来进行解读。

17. As a result, men are more likely to remember those who are confident, assertive, decisive, and wealthy, while handsome men are less likely to evoke a feeling of seductiveness, because men tend to rationalize, even though he may look good, he is not as skilled as I am, at best he is just a小白脸, which is a way many men tend to interpret it.

18. 曾看过一幅漫画：左边有一个人，龇牙咧嘴，一脸坏笑，在砍一棵树。图上标注：真小人。

18. I once saw a cartoon: on the left side, there is a person with a toothy grin and a sinister smile, chopping down a tree. The caption on the cartoon reads: "A real scoundrel."

19. 反应性嫉妒：什么叫做反应性嫉妒？它是指，人们在觉察到自己所珍视的亲密关系，面临实际的威胁时，所产生的嫉心理。这种实际的威胁可能是来自于过去已发生的事实，就是以前有过类似的事儿。

19. Reactive Jealousy: What is reactive jealousy? It refers to the envious feelings that people experience when they perceive an actual threat to the intimate relationships they cherish. This actual threat may come from past events that have already occurred, that is, there have been similar incidents before.

20. 这样的人，一定要看清，否则就会受到伤害，悔之不及。

20. Such people must be clearly discerned, otherwise one will suffer harm, regretting it later.

21. 谈恋爱的情侣有个破坏大魔王：它叫“吃醋”，另一个名字也叫“嫉妒”。谈起嫉欲，那种心里面的难受，以及接距而来的争吵不休及其对感情的破坏，相信恋爱的情侣都知道，可见一斑。

21. Couples in love have a big troublemaker: it's called "jealousy," and another name for it is "envy." When it comes to jealousy, the discomfort in the heart, the endless quarrels that follow, and the damage it does to relationships, I believe that anyone who has been in love knows this well, as evidenced by this.

22. 东野圭吾在《恶意》中说：

22. Keigo Higashino said in "Malice":

23. 此外，当伴侣念念不忘自己的前男友或者前女友，也会导致我们产生更强烈的嫉妒。

23. Moreover, when a partner frequently thinks about their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, it can also lead to an even stronger sense of jealousy in us.

24. 嫉妒起源于亲密关系中的适配价值差距：这类嫉产生的根源就在于，亲密关系当中彼此的适配价值的差距什么意思？就是一方比另外一方条件明显要好，这叫适配价值的差距大了，比如说外貌或者身材更具有吸引力，或者更有才华，家境更加的优越。

24. Jealousy originates from the gap in matching values within close relationships: What does this mean for the root of jealousy arising from the gap in matching values within close relationships? It means that one party has significantly better conditions than the other, which is called a large gap in matching values. For example, one person may have more attractive appearance or physique, or may be more talented, or have a more advantageous family background.

25. 白居易说：行路难，行路难，不在山，不在水，只在人情反复间。

25. Bai Juyi said: It's hard to travel, hard to travel, not because of mountains or waters, but only due to the vicissitudes of human relationships.

26. 如果这个时候伴侣又没有事先和你说过这件事，相信你还会因此而感到很愤怒有一种被隐购、欺骗的感觉。我们把这种，由现实或想当中的竞争的关系，使得珍贵的亲密关系面临丧失、所引发的消极体验，就叫做嫉妒。

26. If your partner hasn't mentioned this to you beforehand, you may still feel very angry about it, with a sense of being kept in the dark and deceived. We call this negative experience, which arises from a real or imagined competitive relationship and threatens to lose a precious intimate bond, jealousy.

27. 对于伪善的同事，我们要及早看清，心中有数，提高警惕，不要着了他的道。

27. For colleagues who are hypocritical, we should recognize them early, have a clear understanding in our hearts, be on high alert, and do not fall into their traps.

28. 高自尊比低自尊更少嫉妒但也要结合自我价值感：一般来说，高自尊的人比低自尊的人更少去嫉妒自己的伴侣。但这也取决于自身的自我价值感。如果一个高自尊的人自我价值感低不认为自已能够满足伴侣的要求，也容易产生嫉妒。

28. Higher self-esteem is less prone to jealousy but also depends on a sense of self-worth: Generally, people with higher self-esteem are less likely to be jealous of their partners. However, this also depends on one's sense of self-worth. If a person with high self-esteem has a low sense of self-worth and does not believe they can meet their partner's requirements, they are also prone to jealousy.

29. 敏感的人更容易嫉妒：对人际关系敏感的人，TA更容易嫉妒。这是因为，TA会更经常的对伴侣的言行进行瑞测和解读，也常会陷入到忧心仲仲的状态里，容易引发嫉妒，我们把这个叫多疑的性格。而性格随和的个体呢，则不太容易表现出嫉妒。

29. Sensitive individuals are more prone to jealousy: People who are sensitive to interpersonal relationships are more likely to feel jealous. This is because they tend to frequently speculate and interpret their partner's words and actions, and often fall into a state of anxiety, which can easily trigger jealousy. We call this personality trait "doubtfulness." On the other hand, individuals with a relaxed personality are less likely to show jealousy.

30. 朋友是我们人生的陪伴者，应该和我们相向而行，互相取暖，然而，有些虚荣的朋友，为了自己的利益，不惜冷落朋友，伤害原本相亲相爱的感情。

30. Friends are companions in our lives and should walk with us, offering warmth to each other. However, some vain friends, for their own interests, are willing to neglect their friends and hurt the originally loving and caring feelings.

31. 也可能是将要发生的情况，也就根据我综合各种信息，我判断这件事儿有可能会发生，比如说，伴侣表示出TA要和其他的异性约会的意愿。那么我们就可以据此而判断，伴侣也许会离我而去。

31. It could also be a situation that may occur in the future. Based on my synthesis of various information, I judge that this matter may happen, for example, if my partner shows a desire to date other individuals of the opposite sex. Then, we can judge from this that my partner may leave me.

32. 虚荣的朋友，处处显示自己的优越，觉得自己高人一等。一旦你的光芒比他耀眼，他就会很不痛快，对你心生怨恨。

32. The friend of vanity boasts of his superiority everywhere, feeling himself to be superior. Once your brilliance outshines his, he will be very uncomfortable and harbor resentment towards you.

33. 贫居闹市无人问，富在深山有远亲。

33. When poor, living in the bustling city no one cares; when rich, in the remote mountains, distant relatives appear.

34. 而见不得你好的人，不是外人，往往是这三种熟人。

34. The people who cannot bear to see you well are not outsiders, but often these three familiar acquaintances.

35. 对婚姻的信念影响嫉妒：此外，一个人所持有的婚姻的信念，也会关乎到嫉妒的产生与否。对于认为婚恋就应该专一的人群，TA更希望自已与伴侣都遵循只爱一个人的原则，包括性和爱也是合并在一起的。所以，伴侣的不忠诚行为会给他们带来强烈的心理冲突。

35. Beliefs about marriage affect jealousy: Moreover, the beliefs a person holds about marriage also relate to whether or not jealousy arises. For those who believe that marriage should be monogamous, they would prefer that both they and their partner adhere to the principle of loving only one person, which includes the merging of both sexual and emotional love. Therefore, the unfaithful behavior of a partner can bring about a strong psychological conflict for them.

36. 所以，心理学家研究就发现了，嫉妒是否具有这些积极的属性，取决于嫉妒的类型是到底是怎样的，以及嫉妒所产生的原因。当然，这中间也包括伴侣所做出的那些对应的反应类型。那么有哪些嫉妒的类型会影响着我们的感受呢。

36. Therefore, psychologists have found that whether jealousy possesses these positive attributes depends on the specific type of jealousy and the reasons it produces. Of course, this also includes the corresponding types of reactions from the partner. So, what types of jealousy can affect our feelings?

37. 1培养豁达的人生态度，心胸开阔，要懂得“天外有天，人外有人”，“强中自有强中手”，这是客观规律。

37. 1 Cultivate a magnanimous attitude towards life, broaden your mind, and understand that "there is a heaven beyond heaven, and there are people beyond people," and "the strong have their own strong among them." This is an objective law.

38. 当第三者是我们的朋友，其中夹杂着友谊的背叛，更强的嫉妒会产生。

38. When a third party is our friend, with the betrayal of friendship mixed in, stronger jealousy will arise.

39. 当我们有很多事情要做时，我们就无暇去嫉妒别人。因此，积极参与各种有益的活动，努力学习，勤奋工作，使自己真正充实起来，那么，嫉妒的毒素就不会孳生、蔓延。为了缓解自己的失败带来的心理上的不平衡感，可以找一些理由，使自己不再嫉妒别人。

39. When we have a lot of things to do, we have no time to be envious of others. Therefore, by actively participating in various beneficial activities, studying diligently, and working hard, we can truly enrich ourselves, and then the poison of jealousy will not breed or spread. To alleviate the psychological imbalance caused by one's own failures, one can find some reasons to stop envying others.

40. 有些亲戚，非常势利，当你穷困潦倒，他们把你当作瘟疫，远远避开。当你衣锦还乡， 他们想来跟你分享成功果实，鸡犬升天。他们的眼里，只有利益取舍，没有真实的亲情可言。

40. Some relatives are extremely snobbish; when you are down on your luck, they treat you like a plague and keep their distance. When you return home in triumph, they want to share in the fruits of your success, like a rising tide lifting all boats. In their eyes, there is only a matter of self-interest, with no genuine family affection to speak of.

41. 千防万防，人心难防。

41. No matter how many precautions one takes, the human heart is hard to guard against.

42. 势利的亲戚，真是让人寒心。他们打着亲情的幌子，专门算计自己的亲戚，嫌你穷，怕你富，有时嫉妒心强，还会坑害你。

42. Snobbish relatives truly make one feel cold-hearted. They use the guise of family ties to specifically calculate against their own relatives, begrudge you for being poor, fear you for being wealthy, and sometimes, due to their strong envy, they may even harm you.

43. 自我价值感低，越容易嫉妒：第二个因素叫做自我价值感。在亲密关系当中，如果感受到自己的能力不足，吸引力不够，则嫉妒就会增强。这类人担心自己的能力达不到伴侣的要求，而导致伴侣会转身离去，寻找更有能力的，或者更具有吸引力的其他人。

43. Low self-esteem makes one more prone to jealousy: the second factor is called self-esteem. In intimate relationships, if one feels their abilities are inadequate or their attractiveness is insufficient, jealousy tends to increase. Such individuals worry that their abilities may not meet their partner's requirements, leading their partner to leave and seek someone more capable or more attractive.

44. 人生原本就是苦痛的。我们遇到的朋友，吃到的美食，收获的爱，都是人生的止痛药。

44. Life itself is painful. The friends we meet, the delicious food we taste, and the love we receive are all painkillers in life.

45. 一种最常见的情况是：实际上，两种类型的嫉妒的划分，没有那么明显的界限。最常见的情况是什么？就是因伴侣曾经出过轨，心里有了阴影，后来就惊号之鸟，形成了怀疑性嫉妒。

45. A most common situation is that in reality, the distinction between the two types of jealousy is not so clearly defined. What is the most common situation? It is when, due to a partner's past infidelity and the lingering shadow it left in the mind, one becomes a 'bird of alarm,' leading to suspicious jealousy.

46. 如果还伴随着遭受情敌或者伴侣的侮辱，比如说嘲笑你这个人无能：就是你无能，所以我才离开你的；就是你无能，所以我才把你伴侣去抢走的。遭受这样的悔辱一一就极有可能演变成一个暴力伤害的案件，我相信在社会新闻当中，这类事儿大家都有耳闻。

46. If it is accompanied by insults from a rival or a partner, such as mocking your inability: It's because you're incompetent that I left you; it's because you're incompetent that I took your partner away. Suffering such insults - it is highly likely to escalate into a case of violent harm, and I believe that everyone has heard of such incidents in social news.

47. 女性则更容易去嫉比自己年轻漂亮的情敌，她们更不会去嫉妒那些强势富有的女人。这就是男女两性在嫉妒上的差别。

47. Women are more prone to be envious of younger and more beautiful rivals, and they are less likely to be jealous of those powerful and wealthy women. This is the difference between men and women in terms of jealousy.