在人际交往的舞台上，随缘、珍惜与适应是三部曲，演绎着人生的喜怒哀乐。让我们一同踏上这场旅程，探寻人际关系的奥秘。

On the stage of interpersonal interactions, the trio of yielding to circumstances, valuing, and adapting is a symphony that unfolds the joys, sorrows, and struggles of life. Let us embark on this journey together to explore the mysteries of human relationships.

1. 著名的社会心理学家霍曼斯提出，人际交往在本质上是一个社会交换的过程，相互给予彼此所需要的。

1. The famous social psychologist Homans proposed that interpersonal interaction is essentially a social exchange process, where each party gives what the other needs.

2. 别将自己的意见强加于人（让别人觉得那是他们的注意）

2. Don't impose your own opinions on others (let them feel that it's their own idea).

3. 把人的生活改造得更美好才重要，而不是整日沉溺在自怜的深渊。

3. The importance lies in transforming people's lives to be better, rather than being engulfed in self-pity all day.

4. 人的个性虽不能改变，但可以借由某些行为呈现出来。

4. Although a person's personality cannot be changed, it can be expressed through certain behaviors.

5. 9减不下去的体重，管不住的嘴巴，听说吃甜品，心情会变好，不管怎样始终保持，不与狗计较的心态，嗯。就是全世界是灰色的，我。依旧是自己的彩色世界。

5. The weight that can't be shed, the mouth that can't be controlled, I've heard that eating dessert can improve your mood. No matter what, always maintain the attitude of not arguing with a dog, huh. Even if the whole world is gray, I still have my own colorful world.

6. 我们每个人做每件事，都希望实现利益最大化，人际交往也一样。没有一个人愿意对他人无偿地付出，也没有一个人会得到他人无偿地付出。

6. We all hope to maximize our benefits in everything we do, and interpersonal relationships are no exception. No one is willing to make an unselfish contribution to others, and no one will receive an unselfish contribution from others.

7. 回答者： 华北

7. Respondent: North China

8. 激发他人产生一种向上的精神－－一种确实有效的方法！

8. Inspire others to develop a positive and upward spirit – a truly effective method!

9. 要做成事情的办法，是激起竞争。当然不是勾心斗角的竞争，而是相互取胜的欲望。

9. The way to get things done is to stimulate competition. Of course, not the kind of competition that involves cunning and intrigue, but the desire to outdo each other.

10. 缘，是上天给予的福报。惜缘，就是惜福。

10. Karmic connections are blessings granted by the heavens. Cherishing karmic connections is to cherish blessings.

11. 第二篇 平安快乐的要诀

11. The Second Article: The Secrets to Peace and Happiness

12. 玩跷跷板的时候，要让对方高一些，就必须使自己低一些，要让自己高一些，就必须使对方低一些。

12. When playing on the seesaw, in order to let the other person be higher, you must lower yourself; in order to make yourself higher, you must make the other person lower.

13. 1他仿佛知道以后会孤独老去，要以回忆为食，所以现在才写下许多琐事。

13. 1 He seems to know that he will grow old and lonely in the future, living on memories, so he is writing down many trivial matters now.

14. 马克思认为理论的符合于现实是理论的唯一标准。

14. Marx believed that the conformity of theory to reality is the sole criterion of theory.

15. 12总有那么一些人当着你的面说一些中伤你的话，还在那洋洋得意，自认为很厉害，关键你还不能去反驳，因为它们没有指名道姓，这个时候只能自己窝火加自我安慰，莫动了胎气，狗永远是狗，岂有让它们不吃屎的道理，而我，就是不与狗计较，等待着等它们指名道姓的那一天，好名正言顺的扇它们。

15.12 There are always some people who say some defamatory things about you in front of you, feeling smug and thinking they are very clever. The key is that you can't反驳 them, because they didn't name names. At this moment, you can only feel frustrated and comfort yourself. Don't let your temper rise, dogs will always be dogs, and there's no way to make them not eat shit. As for me, I don't want to argue with dogs, and I'm waiting for the day when they name names so that I can properly scold them.

16. 很多人总是在不断地给人制造乏味，让人生厌，这种人说不上什么罪过，也算不上什么不轨行为，却对他人有着极大的危害。

16. Many people are constantly creating boredom and causing annoyance to others. These individuals may not commit any crime or misdeed, but they pose great harm to others.

17. 在生活中，虚荣是被创造区别开来的兴趣，将虚荣与艺术上的兴趣相比较并以思考的人，也许能够找到切实解决虚荣的办法。

17. In life, vanity is a created distinction of interest, and perhaps those who compare vanity with an interest in art and ponder over it may find a practical solution to vanity.

18. 不与人争吵，不与狗计较。拍马屁精永远都只能跟在马屁股后面，而我们是骑马的人。

18. Do not argue with others, and do not hold a grudge against dogs. Sycophants will always have to follow behind the horse's buttocks, while we are the riders on the horse.

19. 言语乏味是人格生病的一种症状，也是人格不再成长的一种现象。

19. Boredom in speech is a symptom of an ailing personality, and also a phenomenon indicating that the personality is no longer growing.

20. 如果我们只是引起别人的注意，想让别人留下印象，就不可能交到许多真心、诚恳的朋友。

20. If we merely seek to draw attention to ourselves or want to leave an impression on others, it is impossible to make many genuine and sincere friends.

21. 给他一种自重感，这样他就会与你保持合作，而不是背叛。

21. Give him a sense of self-worth, so that he will cooperate with you rather than betray you.

22. 今天和教练吵架了，虽然是他不对，老板和老板娘及其他教练都支持了我，但时候还是觉得自己处理冲动了点。不想和任何人结怨，可以只当那个教练年轻不会做事不与计较的。有什么办法呢，总是事后才能冷静才能想到更好的办法。和朋友出去玩了，很开心弥补了吵架坏心情的影响。

22. I had an argument with my coach today, although he was in the wrong, the boss, the boss's wife, and the other coaches all supported me. However, I still feel that I acted on impulse. I don't want to hold any grudges against anyone, so I can just consider that coach young and inexperienced and not bother about it. What can one do, after all? It's only after the fact that one can calm down and think of a better solution. I went out with friends and had a great time, which helped to make up for the bad mood caused by the argument.

23. 当亲友中某个人去世时，我们往往会后悔，有些一直想对他说的话再也没有机会说了。事实上，每一个人都在不可避免地走向死亡，我们随时面临着太迟的可能性。

23. When someone among our relatives or friends passes away, we often regret that there are some things we've always wanted to say to them but now have no chance to express. In fact, everyone is inevitably moving towards death, and we are always facing the possibility of it being too late.

24. 圈子不同，不必强融。阶层不同，不要攀缘。

24. Different circles, no need to force yourself to fit in. Different social strata, don't seek to climb up.

25. 快乐并非取决于你是什么人，或你拥有什么，它完全来自于你的思想。

25. Happiness does not depend on who you are or what you possess; it comes entirely from your thoughts.

26. 要做到内心强大，一个前提是要看轻身外之物的得与失。患得患失的人，不会有开阔的心胸，不会有坦然的心境，也不会有真正的勇敢。

26. To achieve inner strength, a prerequisite is to attach less importance to gains and losses outside oneself. Those who are overly concerned with gains and losses will not have an open-mindedness, will not have a tranquil state of mind, and will not possess true courage.

27. 不与任何人计较，要有一颗包容一切的心。怨天尤人只会把自己逼上绝路。今天心情几好。

27. Don't hold grudges against anyone and cultivate a heart that can tolerate everything. Complaining about others and blaming the heavens will only lead you to a dead end. Today, I'm feeling quite good.

28. 虽然我们不能避免别人的恶意攻击，却能做一件很重要的事：是否让别人的攻击干扰我们正常的工作和生活。

28. Although we cannot avoid others' malicious attacks, there is one very important thing we can do: whether to let others' attacks disrupt our normal work and life.

29. 你给我西瓜我也给你西瓜，倘若你给我苦瓜我必定也给你苦瓜。我的态度在于你给我的态度，少计较，多释怀。自己在这个世界都是个独载体，不与任何人比较！

29. If you give me watermelons, I will give you watermelons too; if you give me bitter melons, I will definitely give you bitter melons. My attitude depends on the attitude you give me. Less of counting and more of letting go. I am an independent entity in this world, not comparing myself to anyone!

30. 如果你要在某方面改进一个人，就要做得好像那种特点已经是他的显著特性之一。

30. If you want to improve someone in a certain aspect, do it as if that trait is already one of their prominent characteristics.

31. 信念：树立“双赢”（平等互利）的信念 要想拥有良好的人际关系，就要有平等、互利的思想。用时髦的话说，就是要有双赢思维。 在对待人际关系上，存在着以下几种思维模式： 1我赢你输： 我们从小受的教育就在加强这种思想观念。考试的时候你要考得比别人好，体育比赛时你要跑得比别人快、跳得比别人高，你要得冠军。总之只有超过别人，只有赢，才能使我们感到快乐。我们把生活看成是竞技场，要成功幸福就要超越别人，把别人甩在后面。 另外，自私自利的人抱持的也是这种我赢你输的思想。 2我输你赢： 缺乏自信、缺乏自尊的人往往是这种思想。 他们不敢坚持自己的立场，无所欲无所求，牺牲个人利益委曲求全，以牺牲求太平。 3两败俱伤： 表面上看这样做谁都得不到好处，似乎没有人会这样做。可是有的人偏偏要这样想、这样做！损人不利己，我得不到的你也别想得到，为了报复，宁愿牺牲自己，也要把你拖垮。 4双赢： 双赢是建立在平等互利思想的基础之上的。自己获利但又不伤害别人利益。不把自己和别人对立起来，我和你不是敌对的双方，而是同一条战壕里的战友，有富同享，有难同当，共同开创美好的未来。 我赢你输（自私自利）、我输你赢（委曲求全）、双输（两败俱伤）这些思维模式，都是无法使人拥有良好的人际关系的。要想拥有良好的人际关系，就要有双赢思维，拥有平等、互利的思想。 4理解他人与表达自己（“理解”与“表达”的平衡） 人际交往离不开沟通交流。沟通就是通过倾听来理解别人，通过表达来使别人了解自己。内向的人不善于表达自己，如何说话是他们的一个弱项，他们更愿意倾听。但他们的倾听是被动的倾听，别人说什么他们听什么，而不善于通过提问来把握谈话过程，也不善于通过赞同使别人感到你愿意听他说话。因此这个愿意倾听的优势，在内向的人的身上也没有充分地发挥出来。 5宽容他人与主动认错（“宽容”与“认错”的平衡） 别人出错时，宽容对方；自己出错时，主动道歉。 内向的人因为自信心不强，往往不能主动认错，怕这样做使别人知道自己出错而瞧不起自己。因此他害怕出错，做事谨小慎微、畏首畏尾，出错掖着藏着、怕人知道。或者走另一个极端，不管是不是自己的错，总是不停地认错，以此博得别人对自己的同情、怜悯。其实无论是不敢认错还是不停地认错，都反应了他对别人原谅他的错误没有信心，对自己改正错误、扭转局面的能力没有信心。这使他宁愿什么事都不做，以免言多必失、做多错多。 6…… …… 通过以上的分析，内向的人不能拥有良好的人际关系，不光是因为性格的因素，还是许多思想观念的偏差造成的。而且越分析，问题越多。不过这样也好。知道了问题的关键在什么地方，就能着手进行改进与提高。 另外我们也看到，绝大多数的人际关系书籍，都只谈到了人际交往中的爱心部分，例如尊重他人、诚实守信、对他人感兴趣、理解他人、宽容他人……等等，而对人际交往中平衡爱心的勇气部分，却都忽略不谈。这样建立起来的人际关系是有偏差的，离我们理想中的双赢的人际关系，还有一定的距离。本人把长期被人们忽视的、对内向的人搞好人际关系特别有用的人际交往中的勇气部分，做了弥补。由此而组成的人际交往的理论，才是完整的理论。在此理论指导下建立的人际关系，才是真正的、人们心目中渴望的、良好的人际关系！

31. Belief: Establish the belief of "win-win" (mutual benefit) To have good interpersonal relationships, one must have the idea of equality and mutual benefit. In fashionable terms, it is to have a win-win mindset. In dealing with interpersonal relationships, there are several patterns of thinking: 1. I win, you lose: From an early age, we are educated to strengthen this kind of thought. During exams, you must perform better than others, in sports competitions, you must run faster and jump higher than others, and you must win the championship. In short, only by surpassing others and winning can we feel happy. We see life as a competition ground, and to be successful and happy, we must surpass others and leave them behind. Moreover, selfish and self-centered people also hold this "I win, you lose" mindset. 2. I lose, you win: People who lack confidence and self-esteem often have this kind of thinking. They dare not stand firm in their own positions, have no desires or demands, and sacrifice their personal interests to accommodate others for peace. 3. Both lose: On the surface, it seems that no one benefits from this, and it seems that no one would do such a thing. However, some people think and act this way! Hurting others and not benefiting oneself, not allowing others to obtain what I cannot have, for the sake of revenge, I would rather sacrifice myself to drag you down. 4. Win-win: Win-win is based on the idea of equality and mutual benefit. While benefiting oneself, one does not harm the interests of others. Not setting oneself against others, I am not an enemy to you, but a comrade in the same trench, sharing wealth and difficulties together, and jointly creating a beautiful future. The thinking patterns of "I win, you lose" (selfishness), "I lose, you win" (sacrificing oneself for others), and "both lose" (both parties suffer) are all unable to lead to good interpersonal relationships. To have good interpersonal relationships, one must have a win-win mindset and hold the idea of equality and mutual benefit. 4. Understanding others and expressing oneself (balance between "understanding" and "expression") Interpersonal communication cannot be separated from communication and exchange. Communication is to understand others through listening and to make others understand oneself through expression. Introverted people are not good at expressing themselves, and how to speak is a weakness of theirs, and they prefer to listen. However, their listening is passive, listening to what others say without being good at grasping the conversation process through questions, nor good at making others feel willing to listen to them through agreement. Therefore, this advantage of willingness to listen has not been fully utilized in introverted people. 5. Being tolerant of others and admitting one's mistakes (balance between "tolerance" and "admitting mistakes") When others make mistakes, be tolerant of them; when you make mistakes, apologize actively. Introverted people often cannot admit their mistakes because of a lack of self-confidence, afraid that doing so will make others look down on them for knowing their mistakes. Therefore, they are afraid of making mistakes, cautious and hesitant in their actions, hiding their mistakes and afraid that others will know. Or they go to the other extreme, admitting their mistakes continuously, whether it is their fault or not, to win others' sympathy and compassion. In fact, whether it is not admitting mistakes or constantly admitting mistakes, it reflects their lack of confidence in others forgiving their mistakes and in their ability to correct mistakes and turn the situation around. This makes them prefer to do nothing at all, in order to avoid saying too much and making too many mistakes. 6. ... Through the above analysis, introverted people cannot have good interpersonal relationships, not only because of personality factors, but also because of many deviations in thought concepts. And the more we analyze, the more problems we find. However, it's good to have this. Once we know where the key problems lie, we can start to make improvements and improvements. Moreover, we have seen that the vast majority of books on interpersonal relationships only discuss the love aspect of interpersonal communication, such as respecting others, honesty, being interested in others, understanding others, being tolerant of others, and so on. However, they all ignore the balance of the courage aspect of balancing love in interpersonal communication. The interpersonal relationships established in this way are biased, and there is still a certain distance from the ideal win-win interpersonal relationships we envision. The author has made up for the long-neglected courage aspect of interpersonal communication, which is particularly useful for introverted people to develop good interpersonal relationships. The theory of interpersonal communication thus formed is a complete theory. The interpersonal relationships established under this theory are true, the ones that people in their hearts desire, and good interpersonal relationships!

32. 人情世故，真的让人太心烦～忍让太多会被人当成傻子，太计较又会显得你斤斤计较。如果可以，我宁愿一辈子不与人打交道。

32. Human relations are truly so烦人. To be too accommodating can make you seem like a fool, and to be too particular can make you look overly meticulous. If I could, I would rather not interact with people for the rest of my life.

33. 希望一觉醒来我能阳光乐观的面对人生，不与人计较，努力学习加油我要为了自己的理想而努力奋斗

33. I hope that when I wake up, I can face life with a sunny and optimistic attitude, not to argue with others, and to study hard and keep pushing myself, as I will strive for my ideals.

34. 第三篇 如何使人喜欢你

34. Part Three: How to Make People Like You

35. 我们绝不可能对任何人－－无论其智力的高低－－用口头的争斗改变他的思想。

35. We can never change anyone's mind through verbal disputes, regardless of their intelligence level.

36. 4一群狂犬病，逮谁咬谁，但我们又不能咬回去，毕竟人不与狗计较。

36. A group of rabid dogs, biting anyone they come across, but we can't bite back, after all, humans don't hold grudges against dogs.

37. 群里一下就热闹起来，各种公式，各种假设，各种阻力，重力，加速度的计算，足足讨论了近一个小时 。

37. The group became lively immediately, with all sorts of formulas, assumptions, and calculations of resistance, gravity, and acceleration being discussed for nearly an hour.

38. 7从来不与狗计较因为狗是畜生！而你连狗都不如。

38. 7 Never argue with dogs because dogs are beasts! And you are even worse than a dog.

39. 人皆有与人共享快乐的需要。你一定有这样的体会：当你快乐的时候，如果这快乐没有人共享，你就会感到一种欠缺。譬如说，你独自享用一顿美餐，无论这美餐多么丰盛，你也会觉得有点凄凉而乏味。如果餐桌旁还坐着你的亲朋好友，情形就大不一样了。同样，你看到了一种极美丽的景色，如果唯有你一人看到，而且不准你告诉任何人，这不寻常的经历不但不能使你满足，甚至会成为你的内心痛苦。

39. Everyone has a need to share happiness with others. You must have experienced this: when you are happy, if this happiness is not shared with anyone, you will feel a sense of deficiency. For instance, if you enjoy a delicious meal alone, no matter how abundant the meal is, you may still feel a bit desolate and tasteless. However, if your close friends and relatives are sitting at the dining table with you, the situation is quite different. Similarly, if you see an extremely beautiful landscape, if it is only you who see it and you are not allowed to tell anyone about it, this unusual experience not only cannot satisfy you but may even become a source of inner pain.

40. 人若是心灵成熟，或心智继续成长，就能与人讨论任何事情而不致引人生厌。

40. If a person is emotionally mature or continues to grow intellectually, they can discuss anything with others without becoming boring.

41. 有人买了一箱梨，因为天气太热，梨坏得很快。他怕坏了浪费，所以每天挑几个最烂的吃掉，最后却吃了一箱烂梨。

41. Someone bought a box of pears, but because the weather was too hot, the pears spoilt very quickly. He was afraid of wasting them, so he picked and ate the worst ones each day, only to end up eating the whole box of rotten pears.

42. 真理就是具备这样的力量，你越是想要攻击它，你的攻击就愈加充实了和证明了它。

42. Truth possesses such power that the more you try to attack it, the more you fill and confirm it.

43. 当你拥有某一项东西的时候，你就会发现这种东西，并不像你原来所想的那样有价值。但当你失去这种东西的时候，你又会发现它比你原来所想的更加有价值。

43. When you possess something, you will find that it is not as valuable as you originally thought. However, when you lose it, you will realize that it is even more valuable than you originally imagined.

44. 拥有多少自己清楚就好，不与人攀比不与人计较不与人炫耀，一切都无所谓一些就好。

44. It's fine to know how much you own; don't compare with others, don't argue with others, don't show off to others. Just take it easy and not worry too much.

45. 爱是人类能够进步的基础，也是我们与他人交往的桥梁，更是衡量一个人是否成熟的依据。

45. Love is the foundation upon which human progress is built, it is also the bridge through which we interact with others, and it is the criterion for measuring whether a person is mature.

46. 注重生活中的小事（注重那些看似小事的事情）

46. Pay attention to the small things in life (pay attention to those things that seem trivial).

47. 与其通过“炫耀”去获取认可，不如给自己“充电”，把精力多放在自身的修养上。

47. It is better to "recharge" yourself rather than seek recognition through "showing off," and to put more energy into improving yourself.

48. 后来，时过境迁，鲁迅先生回到故乡，看到自己想念的闰土时，他已是一身仆装的长工，恭敬地喊鲁迅先生为“老爷”。

48. Later, as time went by and circumstances changed, when Mr. Lu Xun returned to his hometown, he saw the Longtian he had been missing, who was then a long-serving servant in servant's attire, respectfully addressing Mr. Lu Xun as "Master."

49. 1有时候碰到一些不讲理的人。就像被狗咬了一口，本着不与狗计较的态度不予理会，然而，狗还要在你门前拉屎撒尿然后扬长而去，你又不得不为了自己门前的清洁而去打扫，这就是现在的社会病态。

49.1 Sometimes I encounter unreasonable people. It's like being bitten by a dog; I adopt the attitude of not计较ing with a dog and ignore it. However, the dog still defecates and urinates at your doorstep and then leaves in a hurry, and you have to clean up the mess in front of your door for the sake of its cleanliness. This is the social pathology of the present time.

50. 丁元英担心自己说错话，误了韩楚风的大事，才表现得如此小心翼翼。

50. Ding Yuanying was worried that he might say something wrong and spoil Han Chufeng's big matter, which is why he acted so cautiously.

51. 丁元英是一个怪人，思维颠倒，思想独特，在柏林被称为“极品混混”。

51. Ding Yuanying is an eccentric person, with reversed thinking and unique ideas, known as the "top-notch hooligan" in Berlin.

52. 5自认为关门在家不与人交往就不会有是非，想不到即使如此还是会引人非议，那些无聊心态差的老女人我决定选择无视她们，人不与狗计较，我就生活的好，你能怎么着，我的生活难道会因她的闲话而改变让她如愿看笑话吗？

52. 5 I thought that by staying at home and not socializing with others, there would be no disputes. Little did I expect that even then, I would still be the subject of gossip. Those无聊, poorly-mannered old women, I've decided to ignore them. I don't hold a grudge against dogs, and I live well enough. What can you do to me? Would my life change because of her idle chatter, just to let her get her laugh?

53. 不和老天较劲，对老天要随命。你要记住人无法支配自己的命运，但可支配自己对命运的态度，平静地承受落在自己头上的必不可免的遭遇。

53. Do not argue with heaven; submit to its will. Remember that while people cannot control their destiny, they can control their attitude towards it. Bear calmly the inevitable misfortunes that befall them.

54. 从来没有想过会被亲人利用，会被家人欺骗。这辈子也算是领会一次了！吃一堑长一智，过去的就过去了，也不想再计较什么。眼睛既然被擦亮了，心也就明镜了，谁是谁非，谁亲谁远，也是更加明白了。从此，利益攥在自己手里，不与任何人分享，更要懂得拒绝，哪怕是亲人，因为除了父母，你不知道会被谁算计

54. I never thought I would be exploited by relatives or deceived by my family. It seems like I've experienced that for the first time in my life! As the saying goes, "Every adversity faced brings wisdom." The past is over, and I don't want to dwell on it anymore. Since my eyes have been opened, my heart is also clear. I am now more aware of who is right and who is wrong, who is close and who is distant. From now on, I will hold the interests in my own hands, not share them with anyone else, and I will also learn to say no, even to my relatives, because besides my parents, you never know who might be plotting against you.

55. 幸福并不是靠别人来布施，而是要自己去赢取别人对你的需求和喜爱。

55. Happiness is not bestowed by others, but it is something that one must strive to win by gaining others' needs and affections.

56. 最重要的，不是别人有没有爱我们，而是我们值不值得被爱。

56. The most important thing is not whether others love us, but whether we are worthy of being loved.

57. 一个人迈向成熟的第一步应该是敢于承担责任。

57. The first step towards maturity for a person should be to dare to take responsibility.

58. 名誉有如江河，它所漂起的常是轻浮之物，而不是确有真份量的实体。

58. Honor is like a river, what it usually floats are trivial things, not substantial entities with true weight.

59. 人生一世，遇到一个懂你，欣赏你，关心你的人不容易。如果有这样的人，必须好好珍惜。不要让对方寒心，更不要让来之不易的感情半途而废。

59. In a lifetime, it's not easy to meet someone who understands you, admires you, and cares for you. If such a person exists, they must be cherished. Don't let them feel rejected, and most importantly, don't let the hard-won affection come to an end halfway.

60. 如果你想成为一个善于谈话的人，那就先做一个注意静听的人。

60. If you want to be a good talker, first be a good listener.

61. 所谓贵人，都是你先有了价值，有了实力，他来欣赏和提携你的人。而不是到处钻营，溜须怕马，降低人格换来的。

61. So-called VIPs are those who appreciate and support you because you have first established your value and strength. It's not something you can achieve by flattery, sycophancy, or lowering your character.

62. 没有人喜欢接受推销，或被人强迫去做一件事。

62. No one likes to be推销 (sold to) or coerced into doing something.