在人际交往的海洋中，亲密关系如同深邃的航标，指引着人们探寻情感的彼岸。然而，过度的接近，也可能在无形中拉开彼此的距离，埋下危机的种子。本文将探讨亲密关系中的距离感，揭示人际交往中的微妙平衡。

In the ocean of interpersonal interactions, intimate relationships are like deep-sea beacons, guiding people to explore the shore of emotions. However, excessive closeness may also, in an invisible way, widen the distance between individuals and plant the seeds of crisis. This article will explore the sense of distance in intimate relationships, revealing the delicate balance in interpersonal interactions.

1. 在学习和思考如何改善语言沟通之前，我们首先要意识到说的重要性，说就是沟通。很多人对于亲密关系有着很多想当然的偏见，比如觉得，亲密关系是不需要用语言来沟通的，我不说，你就得明白，这才是真正的亲密关系；或者认为把沟通看做是对关系的破坏。我不说，是为了不破坏两个人的关系。千万不要以为你没有说出来的东西，就想当然地认为别人应该了解。

1. Before learning and contemplating how to improve language communication, we must first realize the importance of speaking, for speaking is communication. Many people have many taken-for-granted biases about intimate relationships, such as believing that intimate relationships do not require communication through language, that I should not have to say anything, and you should understand, that is the true intimate relationship; or considering communication as a form of relationship destruction. I don't speak to avoid destroying the relationship between the two. Never assume that what you haven't said is something that others should understand by default.

2. 与亲人交，互相尊重，来往以礼，不打扰，不麻烦。

2. When interacting with family members, show mutual respect, treat each other with politeness, avoid disturbance, and do not cause trouble.

3. 认知误区之一，就是忽略情绪。或许因为是一种大家都有的无差异的生理本能，情绪被认为是一种低级形式的人类心理，它变化无常且捉摸不定，因此与个性、能力、言谈行为等等相比，情绪是似乎是最不受关注的一个心理要素。孩子们考试回来，我们关心的是考试的结果，却很少关心孩子的情绪。尤其在中国文化观念中还主张要控制和压抑情绪，比如不能喜形于色、面不改色等等。但是我们能控制自己的情绪外在的表现，但不能控制情绪本身。就像敢怒不敢言，我们能控制自己不言，但怒的情绪依然存在。

3. One of the cognitive biases is the neglect of emotions. Perhaps because it is a common and undifferentiated physiological instinct, emotions are considered a low-level form of human psychology, changeable and elusive, and therefore seem to be the least attended-to psychological element compared to personality, abilities, speech and behavior, etc. When children come back from an exam, we are more concerned with the exam results than with the children's emotions. Especially in the Chinese cultural concept, there is an advocacy for controlling and suppressing emotions, such as not showing joy or maintaining a colorless face. However, we can control the outward expression of our emotions, but we cannot control the emotions themselves. Just like feeling angry but not expressing it, we can control ourselves from speaking, but the angry emotion still exists.

4. **《阿凡达》中，潘多拉星人用辫子和生命智慧树的触须进行对接，就能进行高级思想的交流。而且往往重要的事情他们都是用这种方式来交流，而不是用语言。在导演看来，这是一种比语言交流更为高级的沟通方式。但是，人类在语言发明之前，我们可能更多依赖于肢体语言和表情，甚至是直觉来进行交流，但是这种方式只能进行一些非常简单的思想情感的交流。语言的发明使得我们的交流活动更复杂丰富，但是与此同时，交流中对语言的依赖，使得交流变得更加间接，很多的误解和错待也都是因为语言造成的。

4. In the movie "Avatar," the Pandoraans use braids and the tendrils of the Tree of Life to connect and engage in advanced thought communication. Often, important matters are communicated in this manner rather than through language. In the director's view, this is a more advanced form of communication than language. However, before the invention of language, humans may have relied more on body language and expressions, even intuition, for communication. But this method can only facilitate very simple exchanges of thoughts and emotions. The invention of language made our communication more complex and rich, but at the same time, our reliance on language in communication made it more indirect, and many misunderstandings and misinterpretations are also caused by language.

5. 如果说，亲密关系中最重要的是情绪的沟通和交流，那么语言就是情绪沟通和交流的重要媒介，是情绪表达的一个重要方式，也是情绪释放的一种渠道。不过，错误的语言有时会转换成暴力，曾经再亲密的关系也会因为语言暴力的日积月累而被破坏掉。更糟糕的是，大多数人根本就意识不到有时罪魁祸首仅仅是因为不会讲话。以我个人的经历来说，我认为绝大部分亲密关系中的冲突都可以通过改善语言的沟通而得到化解。在沟通中，如何说和如何听都同样重要。

5. If it is said that the most important aspect of close relationships is the communication and exchange of emotions, then language is an important medium for the communication and exchange of emotions, an important way of expressing emotions, and also a channel for the release of emotions. However, incorrect language sometimes can escalate into violence, and even the closest relationships can be destroyed by the cumulative effect of language violence. Worse still, most people are completely unaware that the root cause of the problem is sometimes just a lack of communication skills. From my personal experience, I believe that most conflicts in close relationships can be resolved by improving the communication of language. In communication, both how to speak and how to listen are equally important.

6. 在倾听中，我们要明白情绪比事实更重要。我们很多人都有被类似这样的对话带进沟里的感觉。

6. In listening, we should understand that emotions are more important than facts. Many of us have a sense that we have been led into a "trap" by conversations similar to this.

7. 有时我们渴望得到知己和挚友，朝夕相处，殷勤问候，不离不弃，而换来的却是隔阂、疏远和变故。

7. Sometimes we yearn for intimate friends and close companions, desiring to be together day and night, warmly greeting each other, and never leaving each other's side, yet what we get in return is alienation, estrangement, and changes.

8. 本人并非心理学方面的专家，略读了几本人际交流方面的书籍，不过凭借哲学专业背景赋予我的领悟力和个人在与家人发展亲密关系中的不懈努力，在人际交往方面偶有所得，因此愿意整理和总结些许，期望对他人改进人际关系，尤其是与家人的亲密关系有所参考。

8. I am not an expert in psychology, but I have skimmed through a few books on interpersonal communication. However, thanks to the insight I gained from my philosophy background and my unwavering efforts in developing close relationships with my family, I have occasionally made some progress in this area. Therefore, I am willing to organize and summarize some insights, hoping that they may serve as a reference for others in improving their interpersonal relationships, especially their intimate relationships with family members.

9. 亲人是由血缘连接起来的社交圈子。可是，亲人之间走得太近，往往让人不胜其烦，疲累不堪。

9. Family members are connected through the bond of blood and form a social circle. However, when they get too close to each other, it often becomes too much to bear, leading to exhaustion.

10. 与同事交，了解人性，洞察人心，不轻率，不潦草。

10. Interact with colleagues, understand human nature, discern people's thoughts, do not act precipitously, and do not be slapdash.

11. 如果没有像行车记录仪那样的仪器把他们的生活当着两个人的面回放一遍，估计这种争吵永远不会有结果。“你是世界上最有控制欲望的妈妈！”儿子曾经跟我抱怨过，这让我很不服气，满是恼怒，就会洋洋洒洒地用比较法、反正法、举例法给予论证，以摆脱儿子给我扣的“控制狂”的帽子，不过往往是我一个例子还没举完，另一顶帽子又扣上来了。这曾经让我不胜烦恼。后来，当我学会了情绪翻译后，这些抱怨的话都不会引起我情绪的剧烈波动了。我学会了跳出事实层面的争辩，不对话语本身进行直接的回应。有次，老公驾车出门，正好碰上堵车，大概花了一刻钟都没有走出小区门，他非常恼火地抱怨，：“看你买的好房子，好小区！”这要是以前，我肯定气死了，掘地三尺也要把当时买房子是我们两个人一起决策的事实证明出来。然而，我启动了话语翻译器，于是他对我的指责就被翻译成了：“这车堵死了，我很烦！”虽然我当时无法缓解他的情绪，但至少我没有再让他更烦。

11. If there hadn't been an instrument like a dash cam that replayed their lives in front of both of them, it's estimated that this argument would never have reached a conclusion. "You are the most controlling mother in the world!" My son once complained to me, which made me very不服气, full of anger, and I would go on at length using comparison, contradiction, and example to argue, trying to shed the label of "control freak" my son had put on me. However, often before I had finished one example, another label was already being pinned on me. This used to be very烦人的 for me. Later, when I learned emotional translation, these抱怨 no longer triggered a dramatic emotional response in me. I learned to step out of the factual debate and not to respond directly to the words themselves. Once, my husband was driving and encountered a traffic jam, and it took about a quarter of an hour to even leave the residential area, and he was very angry, complaining, "Look at the good house and good neighborhood you bought!" If it had been before, I would have been extremely angry and would have gone to any length to prove that the house buying was a joint decision we made together. However, I turned on the language translator, and his accusations were translated into: "This traffic is a mess, I'm very annoyed!" Although I couldn't alleviate his emotions at the time, at least I didn't make him any more annoyed.

12. 在很多改善关系和沟通的书中，针对如何倾听会有一个很好的技巧，就是直觉检验。通俗来讲，就是把对方的话，按照你的理解翻译一下后，复述出来给对方听，以确认是否准确的理解了对方的真实意思。这个技巧无论是改善说还是听都是非常有帮助的。比如儿子对我咆哮，“我不要你管我的任何事情了！”，我会重复一遍，“你的意思是现在不想要我管你做作业的事情吗？”。“我从来没有做过这个事情！”，最好重复一遍，“你的意思是不是记不起来做过这个事情，还是即便做过，也是非常非常不常见的。”诸如此类的，这样会让双方都能得到学习。

12. In many books aimed at improving relationships and communication, there is a good technique for how to listen, which is called intuitive checking. In plain language, it means to translate what the other person says according to your understanding and then repeat it back to them to confirm whether you have accurately understood their true meaning. This technique is very helpful for both speaking and listening. For example, if my son shouts at me, "I don't want you to interfere in anything of mine anymore!" I would repeat, "What you mean is that you don't want me to help you with your homework, right?" If he says, "I have never done this!" it would be better to repeat, "Are you saying that you can't remember doing this, or even if you have, it's extremely rare?" And so on. This way, both parties can learn from it.

13. 与朋友交，其淡如水。彼此成全，各自安好。

13. In friendship, be as pure as water. Fulfill each other, and live in peace.

14. 知误区之三，情绪的对错。情绪是有积极和消极，正面和负面之分，但这是一种内在需求满足与否自然反应，不能用对和错来界定哪些情绪应该有，哪些情绪不该有。尤其是对一些负面情绪，我们会习惯抱有否定的态度，不要伤心，不要生气等，孩子们在小的时候就会经常因为一些情绪性的问题被家长斥责。情绪不管积极还是消极的，都应该释放出来，情绪虽然没对错，但情绪的表达方式有好坏之分。

14. The third misconception is about the rightness or wrongness of emotions. Emotions have positive and negative, and good and bad aspects, but they are natural reactions to the fulfillment or lack of fulfillment of inner needs. They cannot be categorized as right or wrong to determine which emotions should be present and which should not. Especially for negative emotions, we tend to adopt a negative attitude, such as not feeling sad or angry, etc. Children often face scoldings from parents due to emotional issues when they are young. Emotions, whether positive or negative, should be expressed. Although emotions themselves are not right or wrong, the way emotions are expressed can be good or bad.

15. 父亲沉默寡言，平时很少交朋友，印象中他只有一个朋友，往来也不多。我对他这种闷葫芦的孤僻性格不以为然。相反，我非常喜欢交朋友，相信“多个朋友多条路”，把经营人脉当作人生中的大事。

15. My father is reserved and rarely makes friends. In my memory, he has only one friend, and their interactions are not frequent. I don't appreciate his reclusive character. On the contrary, I love making friends and believe in the saying "more friends, more paths." I consider cultivating my network as a major part of life.

16. 《增广贤文》说：有茶有酒多兄弟，急难何曾见一人。

16. The "Addition to the Collection of Virtuous Sayings" says: With tea and wine, there are many brothers; in times of urgency and distress, one has never seen a single person.

17. 而小人之交，黏黏糊糊，热热闹闹，因为利益而交结，最容易分道扬镳。

17. However, the relationships between the mean-spirited are superficial and entangled, full of noise and commotion, as they are formed for the sake of benefits, and are the easiest to part ways.

18. 其次，要意识到语言的双重特性，一方面它是客观的，有具体所指的内涵；另一方面它又有主观性，每个人个体受到环境、性别等因素的影响，在语言习得过程中，会有对同一所指的语言产生不同的主观情感认知。人们对事物的认知本身就包含有客观层面的认知和主观层面的情感认知。记得上大学的时候，我们宿舍五个同学分别来自不同的省份。我们很快就发现在语言认知中存在很大的差异性，比如我们习惯用“笨蛋”来称对方，表示一种特别的亲密。可是对于另外一个北方同学来讲，被人称作“笨蛋”却是一个非常令人恼火的感受。这种差异性在一些表示主观性感受的词语中就更大了。比如“经常”、“温暖”这样的词，有人觉得每天才算经常，而有人觉得一个月一次就可以算经常了。有些人喜欢用“从不”其实就是想要加强语气和表达情绪，而听的人却会觉得这是一个确切的判定。所以，要注意，即便你说出了想要说的话，别人也未必会照你所以为的那样去理解。这不是因为对方不可沟通，而是这是普遍存在的语言问题。

18. Secondly, it is important to be aware of the dual nature of language. On one hand, it is objective, with specific connotations; on the other hand, it is subjective. Each individual is influenced by factors such as environment and gender, and during the process of language acquisition, they may develop different subjective emotional perceptions towards the same referent. The cognition of things inherently includes both objective cognitive aspects and subjective emotional perceptions. Remember when I was in college, our dormitory had five students from different provinces. We quickly found that there were significant differences in language cognition, such as our habit of using the word "idiot" to address each other, which indicates a special intimacy. However, for another northern student, being called "idiot" was a very annoying feeling. This difference is even greater in words that express subjective feelings. For example, words like "often" and "warm" are perceived differently by different people; some think every day counts as often, while others believe once a month is enough. Some people prefer to use "never" to strengthen the tone and express emotions, but the listeners may perceive it as a precise judgment. Therefore, it is important to note that even if you express what you want to say, others may not necessarily understand it in the way you expect. This is not because the other person is uncommunicative, but because this is a common language issue.

19. 圣人说：过犹不及。任何东西都有一个“度”，过度了，就会偏离正轨，甚至背道而驰。

19. The sage says: Too much is as bad as too little. Everything has a "degree," and when it is exceeded, it will deviate from the right path, even go against it.

20. 不要跟想要交往的人走得太近，适当的距离感，会让你们的关系之树常青。

20. Don't get too close to someone you want to be friends with. Appropriate distance will keep the tree of your relationship evergreen.

21. 不想把亲密关系狭隘地定义为与男女关系或与家人的关系，虽然他们在亲密关系领域里确实占有最大的比重。如果你愿意，你依然可以和朋友甚至是同事伙伴也建立比较亲密的关系。所以，在这里亲密关系是指与他人建立的一种持续的、稳定的有着密切的情感互动的交往关系。

21. I do not want to narrowly define intimate relationships as relationships with men and women or with family members, although they indeed occupy the largest proportion in the field of intimate relationships. If you are willing, you can still establish relatively close relationships with friends and even colleagues. Therefore, in this context, intimate relationships refer to a continuous, stable form of interaction with others that involves close emotional interactions.

22. 但有关亲密关系的研究最有价值的不在于各种星相说、人格说，而是沟通学，通过对人与人之间沟通方式的细致研究，试图发现造成冲突的直接原因，并通过改善沟通方式，来建立更好的人际沟通。人们往往会发现，关系越亲密的人之间越容易产生冲突？这是为什么呢，因为沟通得频繁了，如果有良性的互动，亲密关系就会越来越稳固，如果沟通有问题，那么再般配的关系最终还是会分崩离析。

22. The most valuable research on intimate relationships does not lie in various astrological theories or personality theories, but in communication studies. By meticulously studying the ways in which people communicate with each other, it attempts to discover the direct causes of conflict and to establish better interpersonal communication by improving communication methods. People often find that it is easier to have conflicts with those who are closer to them. Why is that? It's because, with more frequent communication, if there are positive interactions, intimate relationships become increasingly stable. However, if there are problems in communication, even the most compatible relationships may eventually fall apart.

23. 在亲密关系中，我们还要慢慢积累一本特定的翻译词典，掌握双方对于一些词语的不同理解。这种对语言的主观理解的不同，有些是性别、个性等原因造成的，有些则跟成长的背景有关。

23. In close relationships, we also need to gradually compile a specific translation dictionary, understanding the different interpretations of certain words by both parties. This difference in subjective understanding of language is caused by factors such as gender, personality, and some are related to the background of growth.

24. 再好的亲戚，也要保持一碗汤的距离，否则，受人冷眼，徒增恶感。

24. Even the closest relative, one should maintain a distance of a bowl of soup, otherwise, one may attract cold glances and only add to the animosity.

25. 不管与任何人交朋友，不忘保持一碗水的距离，其淡如水，真水无香，细水流长。

25. No matter who you befriend, never forget to keep a distance of a bowl of water, which is as light as water, the purest water has no fragrance, and the gentle stream flows endlessly.

26. 情绪与角色要保持一致。情绪是个体需求所激发的心理过程，而角色则是社会赋予个体的行为模式和规范，特定的文化背景甚至家庭背景会赋予角色一些非常具体、固定的情绪表达方式，认为这是构建角色的一个重要部分。比如男儿有泪不轻弹，男人膝下有黄金。社会角色的确立确实会让个体建立一套基本符合角色规范的稳定的行为规范和模式，但是情绪却很难完全置于角色的管理下，无论是什么角色，伤心的时候都不免落泪，高兴的时候都不禁手舞足蹈。而且，除了我们经常所说的喜怒哀乐等具体的情绪状态外，每个人的内心都存在儿童、成人和父母三种情绪角色，这种情绪角色的跳跃会让一个人会用不同的方式来表达相同的情绪。比如平时威严的父母突然会变得歇斯底里，而孩子时不时会摆出一副教训人的姿态。这种角色的跳跃可能会是个体内在心理机制的一种自我调整和解压，父母偶尔撒个娇或蛮不讲理一回，对于缓解他们的精神压力是有益的。就像办事严肃认真的老板偶尔会像不懂事的小孩子一样搞搞恶作剧一样。不过这种情绪角色的跳跃往往连自己都意识不到，也经常会让人不知所措。被小孩子教训一番的父母会恼羞成怒，甚至认为孩子大逆不道，会对孩子斥责一番，结果反而会激化紧张的关系。如果能够辨识这种情绪角色，并相应的调整对应，比如孩子教训父母的时候，父母就装傻卖萌，这不仅不会影响角色关系，还会促进彼此的亲密关系。情绪角色的弹性可以缓解社会角色带来的情绪压力。

26. Emotions should be consistent with the roles. Emotions are psychological processes that are evoked by individual needs, while roles are the behavioral patterns and norms assigned to individuals by society. Specific cultural and even family backgrounds may endow roles with some very specific and fixed ways of expressing emotions, which are considered an important part of role construction. For example, "A man should not shed tears easily" and "A man's knees are full of gold." The establishment of social roles indeed helps individuals develop a set of stable behavioral norms and patterns that are largely in line with the role norms, but emotions are difficult to be completely managed under the roles. Regardless of the role, one cannot help but shed tears when sad and cannot help but dance with joy when happy. Moreover, in addition to the specific emotional states such as joy, anger, sadness, and grief that we often mention, each person's inner world contains three emotional roles: child, adult, and parent. The fluctuations of these emotional roles lead to different expressions of the same emotions. For instance, a usually stern parent may suddenly become hysterical, while a child may occasionally adopt a condescending demeanor. This role transition may be a form of self-adjustment and stress relief within an individual's inner psychological mechanism. Parents occasionally throwing a tantrum or acting unreasonable can be beneficial for alleviating their mental stress, just like a serious boss occasionally playing pranks like a child. However, this emotional role transition often goes unnoticed and can be confusing to others. Parents who are scolded by children may become angry and feel humiliated, even considering their children rebellious and responding with scolding, which can further exacerbate the tense relationship. If one can recognize and adjust to these emotional roles accordingly, for example, when a child scolds a parent, the parent acts naive and cute, this will not affect the role relationship but can promote closer relationships. The flexibility of emotional roles can alleviate the emotional stress brought about by social roles.

27. 不过，以我的经验，要遵照书上的建议去有意识的调整一贯的说话方式是很难的，经常是计划和盘算得很好，可是，当你将准备好的台词讲完，结果对方完全不按照你的剧本来演时，你会不知所措，备受打击。高考那天，我准备和明年要参加高考的儿子好好谈谈，备战高考。我特意认真的先跟他预约了时间，并按照书上建议设计好了说话的基调：说出自己的情绪，倾听对方的感受。于是我和蔼的说：“妈妈有点紧张和焦虑。想听听你的感受，有什么需要妈妈配合的吗？”，儿子很不以为然的说：“我不想跟你说。不需要你配合。我对自己很满意！”于是，我就被请出了儿子房间。我的剧本里本来应该是儿子跟我倾心而谈，最终制定了一个高三学习计划和目标和我的后勤工作计划的。不过，在这样一次次的挫折中我逐渐明白了一个道理，就是学习这些沟通的技巧是帮助我们改善关系的，而不是帮助我达成自己的目标。说话方式的改善能够让彼此能够更准确地让对方了解自己的真是想法，而不会陷入负面情绪的恶性循环当中。

27. However, based on my experience, it is quite difficult to consciously adjust one's consistent way of speaking according to the advice in books. Often, the planning is meticulous, but once you've delivered your prepared lines, you're caught off guard and feel defeated when the other person doesn't follow your script. On the day of the college entrance examination, I was planning to have a serious talk with my son, who will be taking the exam next year, to prepare for it. I specifically made an appointment with him and carefully designed the tone of our conversation based on the advice from the book: to express your own emotions and listen to the other person's feelings. So I warmly said, "Mom is a bit nervous and anxious. I'd like to hear about your feelings, is there anything you need Mom to assist with?" My son replied dismissively, "I don't want to talk to you. I don't need your help. I'm quite satisfied with myself!" As a result, I was asked to leave his room. My script was supposed to have my son confide in me, and we would eventually come up with a senior high school study plan and my logistical support plan. However, through these successive setbacks, I gradually came to understand that learning these communication skills is to help us improve our relationships, not to help me achieve my own goals. Improving the way we speak can enable us to make each other understand our true thoughts more accurately, and not fall into a vicious cycle of negative emotions.

28. 生活中，同事之间因为某种利益，互相挤兑和构陷的事情，比比皆是。

28. In life, it is common for colleagues to squeeze and frame each other for some kind of benefit.

29. 利益场上，害人之心不可有，防人之心不可无。守住初心，善心和待人的诚心，当然也要识人辨人，因为不是每个人都值得真心托付。

29. In the field of interest, one should not have malicious intentions towards others, but one should always be cautious and aware. Hold onto your original intentions, cultivate a kind heart, and be sincere in dealing with people. Of course, one should also be able to discern and know people, because not everyone is worthy of being entrusted with one's true sincerity.

30. 有恰当的距离和分寸，才能让人际关系健康持久发展。

30. Appropriate distance and measure are necessary for the healthy and lasting development of interpersonal relationships.

31. 因此，在亲密关系中，要正确认知自己情绪和体察对方的情绪，并试图去探求情绪背后的真正的需求动机，这时你就会发现彼此并没有像行为表现的那样争锋相对了，人与人之间的差异性也没有外在所表现的那么大。

31. Therefore, in close relationships, it is important to correctly recognize one's own emotions and observe the emotions of the other party, and try to explore the true needs and motivations behind the emotions. At this point, you will find that neither of you is as confrontational as your behavior may suggest, and the differences between people are not as pronounced as they appear on the surface.

32. 俗话说：海水犹可知深浅，只有人心难忖量。

32. As the saying goes: The depth of the sea can be known, but the depth of the heart is hard to measure.

33. 人与人的关系，要把握好分寸，亲密有度，进退有据，来往有礼，相敬如宾，关系才能亲近和持久。

33. In relationships between people, one must maintain the right measure, be intimate with a degree, advance and retreat with reason, communicate with politeness, and show mutual respect as guests, only then can the relationship become close and enduring.

34. 认知误区之四，忽略情绪背后的需求 情绪是外向的，情绪的激发跟内在需求满足有关。大部分人是能感受到自己的情绪状态，但是却很少有人能感知到自己内在的需求。内在需求有些是生理性的需求，但更多的是跟价值观和自我有关。因为内在需求的不同，不同的人对同样一件事情的情绪反应也各不相同。情绪是变化的，稍纵即逝的，但内在的需求依然存在。如果这样的需求没有得到满足的话，类似的负面情绪会频繁出现，直到需求得到满足为止。

34. Fourth cognitive misconception: ignoring the needs behind emotions. Emotions are outward, and the stimulation of emotions is related to the satisfaction of inner needs. Most people can feel their emotional state, but few can perceive their own inner needs. Inner needs include some physiological needs, but more are related to values and the self. Because of the differences in inner needs, different people have different emotional responses to the same event. Emotions are changeable and fleeting, but inner needs still exist. If these needs are not met, similar negative emotions will frequently arise until the needs are satisfied.

35. “上个月倒垃圾竟然故意把我的花给扔了？简直成事不足，败事有余！”……

35. "He actually threw away my flowers when he was taking out the trash last month? He's not only incompetent but also makes things worse!" ...

36. 意思是，真君子之间的相处，不苛责，不强迫，不嫉妒，不粘人，像水一样平淡、自然、有透明度、有距离感。

36. It means that in the相处 between true gentlemen, there is no harsh criticism, no coercion, no jealousy, no possessiveness. It is as plain, natural, transparent, and with a sense of distance as water.

37. 人心隔肚皮，千万不能随意托付。人世间最严重的弱智，就是错把敌人当知己，你真心昭日月，他的算盘打得噼啪响，把你算计得干干净净。

37. People's hearts are separated by their stomachs, and one must never entrust themselves casually. The most serious form of foolishness in the world is to mistake an enemy for a friend. While you sincerely shine the sun and the moon, he is meticulously calculating, and he plans to take everything from you cleanly.

38. 在亲密关系中，有些人往往内心翻江倒海，但是最后什么也没说，或者说出来的只是一点点，甚至说出的跟内心想的完全不一致，即便是能准确说出来，听的对方却不能完全按照你所期待的那样去理解。这是我们在交流中普遍存在的问题。如果能够像潘多拉星球的人那样，彼此能够用直觉就能无缝对接，就不会有那么多的不必要的交流冲突。非常遗憾的是，现代文明的演进路径是强化了语言的交流沟通，而钝化了我们的直觉觉察力。好像你要是不大声说出“我爱你”，我就无法相信你是爱我的。

38. In close relationships, some people often experience intense internal turmoil, but end up saying nothing, or only revealing a little bit, sometimes even the words that come out are completely different from what they are thinking inside. Even if they are able to accurately express their thoughts, the listener may not understand them as expected. This is a common issue we encounter in communication. If we could communicate like the people on the planet Pandora, where we can seamlessly connect through intuition, there would be fewer unnecessary conflicts in communication. It is very regrettable that the evolution path of modern civilization has strengthened the communication of language while dulling our intuitive perception. It seems as if I have to hear you loudly say "I love you" before I can believe that you truly love me.

39. 所以，对于那些还在思考什么星座的人最适合你，甚至连自己是什么人格类型的人都还傻傻分不清的人，不如好好学习沟通，我相信这些内容适合任何星座和人格类型，对于他们亲密关系的建立和维系都是有益的。

39. Therefore, for those who are still pondering which zodiac sign is the best match for you, or even those who can't figure out what personality type they are, it would be better to focus on learning effective communication skills. I believe that these contents are suitable for any zodiac sign and personality type, and they are beneficial for the establishment and maintenance of their close relationships.

40. 界定亲密关系的标准不是物理距离，同床异梦不能算亲密关系，当然也不能以血缘关系来定。亲密关系与其它关系所不同的一个重要特点就是，亲密关系的人之间能够进行情绪沟通，情绪交流也是亲密关系的一个重要的功能。因此，在亲密关系中，情绪应该是最为重要的一个因素。无论是夫妻之间、父子之间还是朋友之间，如果彼此能够分享快乐和承担烦恼，那么这就可以说他们的关系很亲密了。

40. The standard for defining an intimate relationship is not physical distance; a situation where people sleep in the same bed but have different dreams cannot be considered an intimate relationship, nor can blood relationship be the determinant. An important characteristic that distinguishes intimate relationships from other relationships is that people in intimate relationships can communicate emotions, and emotional exchange is also an important function of intimate relationships. Therefore, in intimate relationships, emotions should be the most important factor. Whether it is between husband and wife, father and son, or between friends, if they can share happiness and bear burdens together, then it can be said that their relationship is very intimate.

41. 后来母亲生病住院，家中拮据拿不出钱来。我想起了那些朋友，于是挨个打电话，结果一块钱也没借到。正当我不知所措的时候，父亲拿出了两万块钱，说他跟他的那个朋友开的口。

41. Later, my mother fell ill and was hospitalized, and the family was in a financially strained situation and couldn't afford the money. I thought of those friends and called them one by one, but I didn't manage to borrow even a single yuan. Just when I was at a loss for what to do, my father took out 20,000 yuan and said that he had borrowed it from one of his friends.

42. 路遥曾在《平凡的世界》里，写到一段话：

42. Lu Yao once wrote a passage in "The Ordinary World":