清晨的第一缕阳光透过缝隙，温柔地唤醒了沉睡的双眼。闭上眼，思绪如潮水般涌动，却也在夜的宁静中渐渐沉入梦乡。生活，因这一刻的清醒与安宁，美好如诗。

The first ray of sunlight in the morning gently awakens the sleeping eyes. Closing my eyes, thoughts surge like a tide, yet they also gradually sink into dreams in the tranquility of the night. Life, at this moment of clarity and peace, is beautiful like a poem.

1. 宋丹丹： 俺俩搞对象那钱儿吧，我就想送他件毛衣，那钱儿穷，没钱买；赶上呢我正好给生产队放羊，我就发现那羊脱毛，我就往下蚝羊毛。晚上回家呢，纺成毛线，白天一边织毛衣，一边放羊，一边再蚝羊毛。结果眼瞅着织着差俩袖了让生产队发现了，不但没收了毛衣，还开批斗会批斗我，那钱儿不是有个罪名叫——

1. Song Dandan: When we were dating, I wanted to buy him a sweater with that money, but it was so little, I didn't have enough to buy one. By coincidence, I was herding sheep for the production team, and I noticed the sheep were shedding their fur, so I started to pluck the wool. At night, I spun the wool into yarn, and during the day, I wove the sweater while herding sheep and plucking wool. In the end, I was almost done with the sleeves when the production team caught me, not only confiscating the sweater but also holding a public criticism meeting against me. There's a crime named after that...

2. 赵本山： 我叫黑土，

2. Zhao Ben Shan: My name is Heitu.

3. 范 伟： 准备好了吗？

3. Fan Wei: Are you ready?

4. 崔永元： 大叔大妈呀，这个谈话节目呢，它实际上就是说话，就是聊天，就是唠嗑，就是你们东北坐在炕上唠嗑，您在家什么样啊，在这儿就什么样。别紧张，好不好？

4. Cui Yongyuan: Uncle and aunties, this talk show is actually just talking, chatting, and gossiping. It's like the Northeasterners sitting on the kang and chatting. How do you feel at home? It's the same here. Don't be nervous, okay?

5. 崔永元： 您要是弄个拉皮儿，拍个黄瓜，我就只能烫壶酒了。说着说着下酒菜都出来了。其实我听得出来，大叔大妈呀，是想永远年轻，那就让我们一起，祝大叔大妈永远年轻，生活幸福！

5. Cui Yongyuan: If you can make some pickled vegetables and take some cucumber photos, I can only heat up a pot of wine. As I speak, the side dishes for the wine have appeared. In fact, I can tell that, aunts and uncles, you all want to stay young forever. So let's join together to wish the aunts and uncles to always be young and live a happy life!

6. O 在她和他见面的第二天，她便知道他从此不再是她的梦想了。所有的之前的一切臆想，不过都是顺着他甜美的语言营造起来的一个海市蜃楼而已。雾气散尽之后，实则空无一物。

6. On the day after she met him, she knew that he was no longer her dream. All the previous illusions were just a mirage created by his sweet words. After the mist cleared, there was actually nothing there.

7. 赵本山： 恩

7. Zhao Benshan: Gratitude

8. O 我变成一棵树，长在爱我的人的身旁，每天可以看到我心爱的人经过，却不能靠近，我成为永恒的处子，永不能尝人神皆迷的爱情，这多么好，哈哈哈哈。笑着，就流出了眼泪。

8. O I become a tree, growing beside the ones who love me, able to see the beloved ones pass by every day, yet unable to approach them. I become an eternal maiden, never to taste the love that both gods and humans are captivated by. How wonderful that is,哈哈哈哈. Laughing, tears flowed.

9. 赵本山： 还听题：树上骑七个猴，地下一个猴，一共几个猴？

9. Zhao Ben Shan: Let's hear the question again: Seven monkeys are riding on the tree, and one monkey is on the ground. How many monkeys in total?

10. 赵本山： 冒金星，现在你的脑袋明显智商偏低。

10. Zhao Ben Shan: Mao Xingjin, your brain's intelligence is obviously low now.

11. 不论你活成什么样子，都不是人人喜欢的样子。

11. No matter how you live your life, it won't be to everyone's liking.

12. 赵本山： 是啊，等于好几亿呢可惜你没答上！请听第二题，

12. Zhao Ben Shan: Yeah, that's equivalent to several hundred million! Too bad you didn't answer it! Please listen to the second question.

13. 赵本山： 缺氧了呗，这么喊的~~~ 这是他这体格，你这样都得倒下。

13. Zhao Ben Shan: Lack of oxygen, huh? He's shouting like that~~~ That's his physique, you would have fainted if you were like that.

14. 宋丹丹： 没文化呢！

14. Song Dandan: No education, huh!

15. 宋丹丹： 那也不是昨天今天和明天呐，

15. Song Dandan: It's not just yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

16. O 毕竟，生活是生活，不是无关痛痒的小说。小说永远会在最关键的时刻止住，留给你无穷的遐思，生活则是枝叶相连的纠葛。

16. After all, life is life, not a trivial novel. Novels always come to a halt at the most critical moment, leaving you with endless contemplation, but life is an entangled web of interconnected branches.

17. 我仍怀著志气 爱原没有限期

17. I still carry ambition, love has no expiration date.

18. 高秀敏： 我没说要表！

18. Gao Xiumin: I didn't say I wanted to sign a statement!

19. 高秀敏： 拐卖了噢！拐卖了！

19. Gao Xiumin: Sold into slavery! Sold into slavery!

20. 高秀敏： 孩儿他爸，

20. Gao Xiumin: Dad of our child,

21. O 如果她终于找到那个人，她见到他的时候，一定会掐他的胳膊，掐到他有伤痕，她会说，你怎么会这样晚才出现。

21. If she finally finds that person, when she sees him, she will definitely pinch his arm until he has a mark on it, and she will say, "How is it that you only appeared now, so late?"

22. 不要跟任何人攀比，平平淡淡才是真，简简单单才是福。

22. Do not compare yourself to anyone. The plain and simple life is true happiness, and simplicity is the source of blessings.

23. O 人世间勇敢的男人少到只能在小说里看到，而勇敢的女人却比比皆是；吹起人间烟火的是男人，持续着的却多是女人。不甘心不情愿，爱成残缺，努力争取，和命运抗争，终究还是敌不过与人分享热爱或者遭人临时抽身的尴尬。

23. In the world, there are few brave men who can only be seen in novels, while brave women are everywhere; men are the ones who ignite the human hustle and bustle, but it is mostly women who keep it going. Discontent and reluctance, love becoming incomplete, striving to fight for it, and battling with destiny, in the end, one still can't overcome the embarrassment of sharing one's love or being suddenly withdrawn by others.

24. 赵本山： 错！

24. Zhao Ben Shan: Wrong!

25. O 爱作前提，而他什么都不明白，他只是这样地，配合着她，做一场爱的配角。他心安理得地享受着她的给予，他从来都是享受着她的，却没有给她任何。

25. Love is the premise, but he doesn't understand anything. He is just like this, acting as a supporting character in a love story, along with her. He comfortably enjoys what she gives, always enjoying her, yet never giving her anything in return.

26. 赵本山： 各位领导，同志们，

26. Zhao Ben Shan: Distinguished leaders, comrades,

27. 赵本山： 挺合适吧，就按你号做的。请听题，

27. Zhao Ben Shan: Pretty suitable, just do it as per your number. Please listen to the question.

28. 赵本山： 我告诉你，非常好治！

28. Zhao Ben Shan: I tell you, it's very easy to treat!

29. O 他一直没有告诉她，撇去她的其他不谈，只是她的样子，就已经如一个有魔力的咒语一样地围绕着他了，一旦出现，全盘笼罩，他的生活里再也不能没有她的痕迹。

29. He had never told her, but apart from all else, just her appearance was like a magical spell that surrounded him. Once it appeared, it enveloped everything. Her trace could no longer be absent from his life.

30. 人总是喜欢解脱束缚，寻求另外一种新鲜刺激的生活。就像穿鞋，穿久了，光着脚走路，就会有一种全新的体验。然而，光脚一旦遇上了玻璃碴，就容易受伤……

30. People always like to break free from constraints and seek a fresh and stimulating new way of life. Just like wearing shoes, after a long time, walking barefoot gives a completely new experience. However, once barefoot encounters glass shards, it's easy to get injured...

31. 高秀敏： 我还不知道你那强项，我孩他爸可有意思了，听说人家买马上人那卖车套，听说人家买摩托上那卖安全帽，听说人失眠上那人家卖安眠药，听说人家——

31. Gao Xiumin: I still don't know about your strong suit, but my child's father is really interesting. I heard that he buys horse saddle covers when he buys horses, safety helmets when he buys motorcycles, sleeping pills when he can't sleep, and I heard that he...

32. 范 伟： 啊啊啊对了等于二，错了等于三！

32. Fan Wei: Ah, ah, ah, by the way, right equals two, wrong equals three!

33. 崔永元： 不是哪一天。我说的这个意思就是咱，这个——回忆一下过去，再评说一下现在，再展望一下未来。您听明白了吗？

33. Cui Yongyuan: Not on any specific day. What I mean by this is, let's take a look back at the past, talk about the present, and then look forward to the future. Did you get that?

34. 高秀敏： 我就不信人家好好的腿你就能给人忽悠瘸了？

34. Gao Xiumin: I just can't believe that someone's perfectly good leg can be deceived into being lame by you?

35. 高秀敏： 你又赖我！去年你就赖我，我没说要表！

35. Gao Xiumin: You're blaming me again! You accused me last year, and I never said I was going to buy a watch!

36. 宋丹丹： 我说吧，

36. Song Dandan: Well, let me say...

37. 高秀敏： 你那提前量也有打失误的时候！

37. Gao Xiumin: You also make mistakes when you're early!

38. 赵本山： 大家好！九八九八不得了，粮食大丰收，洪水被赶跑。百姓安居乐业，齐夸党的领导。尤其人民军队，更是天下难找。国外比较乱套，成天勾心斗角。今天内阁下台，明天首相被炒。闹完金融危机，又要弹劾领导。纵观世界风云，风景这边更好！多谢！

38. Zhao Ben Shan: Hello everyone! 1998 and 1999 were amazing years, with a great harvest of grain and the flood was driven away. The people live and work in peace, all praising the leadership of the Party. Especially the People's Liberation Army, which is hard to find anywhere else. It's very chaotic abroad, with constant intrigues and power struggles. Today the cabinet has fallen, and tomorrow the Prime Minister will be fired. After the financial crisis, they will start impeaching leaders. Looking at the world's events, the scenery here is much better! Thank you!

39. O 这样的男人类似于一颗浸毒的摇丸，外表光鲜无比，一旦接近，就会上瘾，最后是绝决地毁灭。

39. Such men are akin to a poisoned candy ball, externally dazzling, but once approached, they are addictive, leading ultimately to decisive destruction.

40. 赵本山： 我说他完了！媳妇儿，就你这眼力你看看，一年来有什么明显变化？往上看~~~

40. Zhao Benshan: I said he's finished! Honey, with your eyes, can you see any significant changes in a year? Look up~~~

41. 赵本山： 正确了！看见没？你都会抢答啦！

41. Zhao Ben Shan: Exactly! See? You can even answer before I finish!

42. 和她相比，他更像是一个贪玩的孩子，他没有长大，还是躲在自己的城堡里玩耍，一旦要接近残忍现实的世界，他选择的面对方式就是逃避和沉默。于是，他会在她手足无措的夜晚体察不到她的崩溃，在她歇斯底里的哭泣里面无法体谅她的失控，她将裂开，而他选择了一次又一次的躲避。

42. Compared to her, he is more like a playful child; he has not grown up and is still playing in his own castle. When faced with the cruel reality of the world, his chosen method of dealing with it is to avoid and remain silent. Therefore, he is unable to perceive her collapse in the nights when she is at a loss, and he cannot understand her loss of control in the midst of her hysteria. She will crack, but he chooses to evade again and again.

43. 赵本山： 你看着没，我搁家我就告诉她我说你写这段不行，海湾那事儿那联合国安南都管不了你操那心干啥完应~~~

43. Zhao Ben Shan: Look, you see, at home I told her that I said you can't write this paragraph. The issue of the gulf, even the UN Secretary-General Annan can't do anything about it, why do you worry about that? Finish up~~~

44. 崔永元： 您先畅想，

44. Cui Yongyuan: First, let your imagination run wild.

45. 崔永元： 要做报告呀？

45. Cui Yongyuan: Are you going to give a report?

46. 赵本山： 我们相约五八，

46. Zhao Ben Shan: We made an appointment for May 8th.

47. 赵本山： 要我说你这智商有问题没，

47. Zhao Benshan: Should I say your IQ is problematic?

48. O 爱神，我不要爱情，爱情是靠不住的东西，如果我贪恋爱时的甜美，终究会被爱结束时候的利刃刺伤，爱神，你明知道我是一个多么软弱的女子，我不过是一个软弱的女子，如果能够预知道最后的伤害，那么不如狠心地躲开。

48. Oh, Cupid, I do not desire love, for love is an unreliable thing. If I indulge in the sweetness of love, I will eventually be pierced by the sharp blade of its end. Cupid, you know full well how weak a woman I am, for I am but a weak woman. If I could foresee the ultimate harm, then it would be better to fiercely avoid it.

49. O 所谓华丽，非是容颜上的夺目，实在是一些不可解说的潜质透过平常的肌肤所散发出来的奇异光芒，她如此华丽，她如此不堪，她如此年轻。

49. So called elegance is not about the dazzling appearance of the face, but rather the strange radiance emitted by some inexplicable qualities through the ordinary skin. She is so elegant, so unendurable, and so young.

50. O 想到这样的情景许明媚的心都碎了。似乎心里爬出来了几百只小虫子，一起在啮噬着她的骨头，那种酸涩难当的感觉她第一次感受。嫉妒吗？是嫉妒吧。嫉妒原来是这样折磨人的一种可怕东西。

50. Thinking about such a scene, Xu Mimi's heart was shattered. It seemed as if hundreds of tiny insects had爬 out of her heart, gnawing at her bones together. That sour and aching feeling was the first time she had ever experienced. Jealousy? Yes, it was jealousy. Jealousy is such a terrifying thing that can torment people.

51. 范 伟： 因为我们家的小狗讲究卫生！

51. Fan Wei: Because our little dog is very hygienic!

52. 赵本山： 说一加一在什么情况下等于三？

52. Zhao Benshan: When is it the case that one plus one equals three?

53. 宋丹丹： 我年轻的时候那绝对不是吹，柳叶弯眉樱桃口，谁见了我都乐意瞅。俺们隔壁那吴老二，瞅我一眼就浑身发抖，

53. Song Dandan: When I was young, I wasn't just boasting. I had willow-like eyebrows and a cherry-red mouth. Anyone who saw me was happy to take a look. Our neighbor, Wu Laoer, would tremble all over when he just looked at me.

54. 崔永元： 那大叔说，说说大好形势，

54. Cui Yongyuan: That uncle said, let's talk about the good situation.