关系如止水，愿各自安好，不问余生。

The relationship is as still as still water, may each of us be well, and not inquire about the rest of our lives.

1. 无论什么关系，情分被消耗殆尽，缘分便走到了终点，没有谁对谁错，最后所有的错都应该归咎在自己身上，然后礼貌地退场。把自己还给自己，把别人还给别人，山水一程，再不相逢，愿来生，不见，不欠，不念。

1. Regardless of the relationship, when the emotional bond is exhausted, the缘分 has reached its end. There is no right or wrong between anyone. In the end, all mistakes should be attributed to oneself, and then leave with politeness. Return to oneself, and return others to others. With a journey through mountains and rivers, never to meet again. May we not see each other in our next life, not owe each other, and not remember each other.

2. 只有你真正明白了，没有人可以填补你内心的空洞，所有的关系都是你自己的照观，最终都是你跟自己的关系。只有你真正明白了，我们需要他人和关系，都只是为了找到和证明那个自己，让你学会去爱自己，你无法爱自己，就无法去爱他人。

2. Only when you truly understand, no one can fill the void within you; all relationships are reflections of yourself, and ultimately, they are all about your relationship with yourself. Only when you truly understand, we need others and relationships, all just to find and prove that self, to teach you to love yourself; if you cannot love yourself, you cannot love others.

3. 喜欢其实更多的只是保留在最浅的层面，当由喜欢上升到爱的时候，更多的人学会了责任两个字，或者说在做一件事情的时候能够更加的深思熟虑，这样子才不会是伤害到两个人之间的感情，才会更好的稳固好两个人的爱情，并不会是在岁月与矛盾中蹉跎了曾经的美好，剩下的只有对彼此的埋怨。

3. Actually, the feeling of liking is mostly reserved on the shallowest level. When it evolves from liking to love, many people learn the words 'responsibility,' or become more thoughtful when doing something, so as not to harm the feelings between the two. In this way, they can better solidify their love rather than let the years and conflicts erode the once beautiful moments, leaving behind only complaints against each other.

4. 一招和回避走向亲密：想走下去，先满足一个前提，这个回避人品是没有问题的。

4. Approaching and avoiding intimacy: If you want to move forward, there is a prerequisite to satisfy first, that is, the person who is avoiding has no issues.

5. 年少时的我们，意气风发，凡事喜欢争个是非对错。友情、爱情乃至亲情，一旦出现嫌隙，总希望第一时间沟通解决。否则就吃不好，睡不好，总是觉得“只要掏心掏肺，拿出真诚来把话说开，这段关系就会修复”。

5. When we were young, we were full of spirit and always liked to argue about right and wrong. Whether it was friendship, love, or even family ties, whenever there was a rift, we always hoped to communicate and resolve it as soon as possible. Otherwise, we couldn't eat or sleep well, always feeling that "as long as we open our hearts and show sincerity, and talk things out, this relationship will be mended."

6. 你要收起你的所有情感，把它们深深封存埋葬，不，这样还不行，你要彻底的遗忘。因为回避们都有一种天赋，可以识别你任何接近他们不纯粹的动机。这样你就会用普通朋友的标准去看待对方，你不会要求一个普通朋友去满足你的很多需求，你也不会要求一个普通朋友跟你有过多的链接，你更不会把很多的情绪倾注在一个普通朋友身上。

6. You must put away all your emotions, deeply seal and bury them. No, that's still not enough; you must completely forget them. Because the avoiders all have a natural talent to discern any impure motives in their proximity to you. In this way, you will view the other person by the standards of an ordinary friend, you won't demand that an ordinary friend meet many of your needs, you won't demand an excessive level of connection with an ordinary friend, and you definitely won't pour a lot of emotions into an ordinary friend.

7. 只有你知道对方跟大部分人是不一样的，你被那个灵魂吸引，你清楚那个回避身上有你的需求，即便你还不知道那个需求是什么，你想去探索。你知道对方接近你，是因为你吸引到他，而对方推开你，是在保护他自己。你明白在这漫长的生命之旅中，不管你遇到谁，跟谁牵手，都只是走那么一程，从来没有什么是永恒。

7. Only you know that the other person is different from most people, and you are drawn to that soul. You are aware that there is something in that person's avoidance that fulfills your needs, even if you're not yet sure what those needs are, and you feel the desire to explore. You know that they come close to you because you have attracted them, and when they push you away, it is to protect themselves. You understand that in this long journey through life, no matter who you meet or with whom you hold hands, it is only a passage, and nothing is ever eternal.

8. 你才能够做到不期待，因为你做的所有一切并不是为了能够打开那扇门，而是为了你自己。然后再问一问你自己这个问题:如果你真的如愿走进了那栋房子，会怎么样

8. You can only truly not expect because everything you do is not for the sake of being able to open that door, but for yourself. Then ask yourself this question: What would happen if you really succeeded in entering that house as you wish?

9. 很多人都会是对于逝去的爱情感叹，所以希望更多的人学会去爱，学会去克制，学会去保护自己的爱人，而不是只是一场轰轰烈烈的爱情，却只是在自己的人生当中昙花一现，徒留遗憾。

9. Many people will sigh over the lost love, so it is hoped that more people can learn to love, learn to control themselves, and learn to protect their loved ones, rather than just having a passionate love that only appears briefly in their lives, leaving behind only regrets.

10. 于是你开始反复确认，反复要求沟通找原因，而对方拒绝。你们之间开始上演各种推拉追逃，直至对方彻底消失。这是他们的回避模式开启了。初期你感受到的爱和甜蜜，其实是来自他们的一种演习模式。他们也渴望甜蜜的恋爱，遇到你，觉得这个人跟自己内心的完美型好契合，很想跟你在一起。

10. Then you start to repeatedly confirm and repeatedly demand communication to find the cause, but the other person refuses. You begin to experience various push and pull, chasing and escaping, until the other person completely disappears. This is when their avoidance pattern is activated. The love and sweetness you felt initially were actually a kind of drill mode from them. They also long for a sweet love, and when they meet you, they feel that this person is perfectly matched with their inner ideal, and they very much want to be with you.

11. 那你也不用再看下去了，因为那基本上是痴心妄想。如果你觉得你是真的爱这个人，而不是因为你自己的需要，你也不期待对方能够爱回来。你可以做到降低需求降低期待，像一个圣母或者圣父一般包容。

11. You don't need to keep reading, because that's basically a daydream. If you truly love this person and not just because of your own needs, you also don't expect the other person to fall in love with you in return. You can learn to lower your needs and expectations, and be as包容 as a Madonna or a St. Joseph.

12. 人生，没有谁是谁的永远，这辈子该遇到谁，谁该在你的身边离开，都是命中注定，如果某一天，有人突然从你生命中消失了，不要去问为什么，是他到了该离开的时候了，你只需要接受就好。有些事情，我们终究无能为力。

12. Life, no one is forever for anyone else. Who you should meet in this lifetime, and who should leave your side, is all predestined. If one day, someone suddenly disappears from your life, don't ask why; it's time for them to leave. You just need to accept it. There are some things that we ultimately have no control over.

13. 童话有一个通用的结尾:从此以后，他们过着幸福快乐的生活……写到这里就戛然而止了，然而人生不是。如果看完上文这些，你还是决定陪着回避走下去，那么祝福你!在相对之爱中成长，在绝对之爱中觉醒，希望你能收获爱情和甜蜜。

13. Fairy tales have a universal ending: "And they lived happily ever after..." But writing comes to an abrupt end here, whereas life does not. If after reading the above, you still decide to accompany the avoidance, then I wish you well! Grow in relative love, awaken in absolute love, and I hope you can reap love and sweetness.

14. 当一切都变得面目全非，不如就此打住，给彼此留下一丝体面。曾经近在咫尺，如今却远在天涯，总有些关系无法继续，有些人只能止步于记忆。人这一生，最好的关系，就是没有关系。这辈子，你不欠谁，也无需讨好谁。

14. When everything has turned upside down, it's better to stop here and leave each other a bit of dignity. Once so close, now far apart, there are some relationships that cannot continue, and some people can only stop at memories. In this life, the best relationship is no relationship. In this lifetime, you don't owe anyone, and you don't need to please anyone.

15. 生命中遇到的每个人，他们的来去，是命中注定，绝非偶然，有的人给了你帮助，有的人解开了你的心结，有的人带给了你快乐，有的人给了你痛苦，但无论是谁，都教会了你成长！你学会了，他们就离开了。

15. Every person you meet in life, their coming and going, is predetermined, not accidental. Some people help you, some untie the knots in your heart, some bring you joy, and some bring you pain. But no matter who it is, they have all taught you to grow! Once you've learned, they leave.

16. 没错，你要开始翻盘，拿出你的强势，不再什么事情都顺着他了。但是这个过程会很漫长，也许是三五年，也许是十年，也许是一辈子。当然也有可能，他依然不会考虑你的感受，依然没有办法接受爱给予爱，你要能接受沉没成本，接受你们之间依然是平行线，并且永远都不会交融。不要觉得这是失败，因为一开始没有谁逼你这么做，任何的选择都有利弊。

16. Right, you need to turn the tide, show your strength, and no longer let everything go his way. However, this process will be long, maybe three or five years, or perhaps ten, or even a lifetime. Of course, there's also a possibility that he still won't consider your feelings, and still can't accept love and give love. You need to be able to accept the sunk cost, accept that the two of you are still parallel lines, and will never intersect. Don't think of this as failure, because no one forced you to do this at the beginning, and every choice has its pros and cons.

17. 你可以做到拿出极大的耐心，完全无视自己的感受，无私无畏的爱一个人。那你也不用再看下去，因为你在不自量力的挑战自己的本性，如果你真的有那么强大，你遇到谁都已经不再重要。

17. You can achieve the ability to show great patience, completely disregarding your own feelings, and loving someone selflessly and fearlessly. Then there's no need for you to continue reading, because you are challenging your own nature without measuring your strength. If you are truly that strong, who you encounter is no longer important.

18. 做到这点非常非常之难，但是也许你因此学会了不把感情当做生活的全部;你也许培养了自己的很多业余爱好，你因此变得有趣起来;你也许开始专注于自己的学习和事业;你也许因此训练了自己强大的自我情绪接纳和处理能力。

18. It is extremely difficult to achieve this, but perhaps because of this, you learn not to take emotions as the whole of life; perhaps you develop many hobbies, thus becoming more interesting; perhaps you start focusing on your studies and career; perhaps you therefore train a strong ability to accept and deal with your own emotions.

19. 第二阶段:当这个回避开始慢慢靠近你，你要学会尽量及时去满足他的除了情感需求之外的一些需求，也要让对方及时满足你的除了情感之外的一些需求。只有相互满足的关系，才能够维持平衡。

19. Second stage: As this avoidance starts to gradually approach you, you need to learn to satisfy some of his needs, beyond emotional ones, as soon as possible. Also, you should make sure that the other person meets your needs beyond emotions in a timely manner. Only a relationship where both parties meet each other's needs can maintain a balance.

20. 即便最终依然寸草不生，但是请相信，你其实已经在他们心中种下了那一抹绿意。只有你真正明白了亲密关系不是你的依靠和救赎，它也不可能解决你人生的所有不如意。只有你真正明白了你自己的幸福快乐不可能依靠他人去获得，他人也不可能让你变完整，让你从此不再孤独。

20. Even if in the end there is still no sign of life, please believe that you have actually planted that touch of greenness in their hearts. Only when you truly understand that an intimate relationship is not your crutch or redemption, and that it cannot resolve all the misfortunes in your life, can you realize this. Only when you truly understand that your own happiness and joy cannot be achieved by relying on others, and that others cannot make you whole or end your loneliness, can you truly grasp this.

21. 任何关系，到最后都不过相识一场，始于心甘情愿，也要终于愿赌服输，真心得不到回应，那就到此为止，各自散场。

21. In the end, any relationship is just a brief encounter of knowing each other, starting with a willing heart and ending with a willing acceptance of the outcome. If the sincerity does not receive a response, then let it be, and let each party go their separate ways.

22. 随着关系的深入，他们发觉自己开始对你产生了一种让他们觉得恐惧害怕的情绪，其实那就是爱。但是他们从来都没有感受过爱这个东西，他们以为爱就是他们通过身边人或者影视文学作品习得的那些甜蜜和满足感，而不是这些让他们觉得自己要失控濒死的感觉。

22. As the relationship deepened, they found themselves developing a feeling of fear and trepidation towards you, which, in fact, was love. However, they had never experienced love in that form before; they thought love was the sweetness and fulfillment they learned from people around them or from films and literary works, rather than the sensation that made them feel they were losing control and on the brink of death.

23. 支撑着家庭的更多的是两个人对于彼此的爱，而并不是简简单单的一份喜欢，因为在几十年的的岁月里面，爱才会是有更长的保质期。所以即使心里面深深的挨着浩汉，但是刘莺莺还是选择了拒绝，因为世俗的舆论没有人能够承担得起，只会是一点点的打碎了两个人的美好。

23. What supports the family more is the love between the two people, not just a simple liking, because it is only over the span of several decades that love has a longer shelf life. Therefore, even though Liu Yingying deeply feels for Haohan, she still chose to refuse, because the public opinion of the world is something no one can bear, and it will only gradually shatter the beauty of the two.

24. 他们厌恶这种感觉，也厌恶产生这种感觉的自己，更厌恶给自己带来这种感觉的你，巴不得赶紧立刻远离你。而这一切你并不知道，也不理解，初期的美好感觉让你依然在步步逼近。

24. They detest this feeling, and they also detest themselves for feeling it, even more so than they detest you for bringing this feeling upon them, and they can't wait to quickly distance themselves from you. Yet, you are unaware of all this, nor do you comprehend it; the initial pleasant sensations still have you inching closer.

25. 你愿意陪他平行走这么一段，能相交你就珍惜，不能相交你就祝福他，各自安好。是缘是劫，都是功课。那么你可以看下去了。

25. Are you willing to walk with him for a while side by side, cherish him if you can connect, and bless him if you cannot, wishing each other well. Whether it's destiny or misfortune, it's all part of the journey. So, you may continue reading.

26. 抓不住的东西，连伸手都是多余的，对于任何人的离开，都要看开，反复消耗自己，是对自己的不尊重！

26. Things that cannot be grasped are unnecessary to reach for. For anyone's departure, one should maintain an open mind. Repeatedly wearing oneself out is a form of disrespect to oneself!

27. 当喜欢上一个人的时候，我们会奋不顾身的付出一切，想要能够和自己喜欢的人在一起，但是爱一个人的话，会克制住自己这种放肆的行为，更多的是想要保护住自己爱的人，而不是奋不顾身的带去伤害。

27. When we fall in love with someone, we are willing to give everything without a second thought, desiring to be with the person we like. However, when it comes to loving someone, we control our extravagant behavior, more wanting to protect the one we love rather than risking bringing them harm by acting recklessly.

28. 但是也许你因此学会了不把他人当作你幸福快乐的源泉;你因此学会了独立;你因此学会了自我满足，你因此学会了自己爱自己，还有多余的能量去爱他人。当然如果这一切你都做到了，你们之间也会开始像所有的关系一样进入疲惫期，对方也许突然遇到一个新鲜的对象，要去进行一段新的关系，也许因为一个疏忽再度反复把你推开。

28. But perhaps you learned not to consider others as the source of your happiness and joy; you learned to be independent; you learned to be self-sufficient; you learned to love yourself; and you had extra energy to love others. Of course, if you have done all of this, the relationship between you may also enter a period of fatigue, just like all relationships do. The other person may suddenly encounter a new object of interest, eager to embark on a new relationship, and may inadvertently push you away again.

29. 他开始慢慢向你袒露自己，其实这也是所有亲密关系的第二阶段，只是你们采用了另外一种方式迂回进入。这个时候，这个回避开始慢慢觉得这种爱的感觉其实很好很温暖，就像太阳照在自己身上，他也愿意自发去做一些细微的改变。你没有支持没有依靠，稍不留神就前功尽弃。

29. He begins to slowly reveal himself to you, which is actually the second stage of all close relationships, but you two have adopted an alternative way to approach it indirectly. At this time, the person who is avoiding starts to gradually realize that this feeling of love is actually very good and warm, like the sun shining on him, and he is willing to spontaneously make some subtle changes. Without support and without a reliance, you could easily lose all your hard work with just a bit of inattention.

30. 想开了就知道，不用强留任何一个人，是你的就是你的，不是你的强留也无用！尽力之后就选择随缘吧！任何一段无效关系的终结，带来的未必是伤害，有时也可能是解脱。成年人的离开，更多的是悄无声息，为了成全自己不被外界消耗。成年人最大的体面，是悄无声息地淡出一段关系。没有大声指责，没有撕心裂肺的争吵，只是某一天，手机里不再有对方的消息，社交网络上也少了彼此的踪影。

30. When you think it through, you'll realize that there's no need to force anyone to stay. What's yours is yours, and trying to hold onto what's not yours is futile! After doing your best, choose to let things be as they may! The end of any ineffective relationship may not necessarily bring harm; sometimes, it can also be a release. The departure of an adult is often done silently, to fulfill one's own needs without being consumed by the outside world. The greatest dignity of an adult is to quietly fade out of a relationship. There are no loud accusations, no heart-wrenching arguments; it's just that one day, there are no more messages from the other person in your phone, and their trace is also missing from social media.

31. 允许任何一段关系的失去，允许任何人的离开，成年人关系的结束，根本就不需要告别，对任何人的离开，要给予谅解，看淡所有的不辞而别，接受任何一段关系的渐行渐远。

31. Allow for the loss of any relationship, the departure of anyone, the end of adult relationships; fundamentally, it does not require a farewell. Understand anyone's departure, take lightly all cases of no notice, and accept the gradual fading of any relationship.

32. 这个时候，你们之间又切换到了初始状态，这个回避感觉不到压力了，才会慢慢缓过神来，人类对于爱的向往和追求的天性才会在他身上慢慢复苏。他会慢慢靠近你，像个小心翼翼的孩子。

32. At this moment, you have both returned to the initial state. The feeling of avoidance no longer feels the pressure, allowing you to slowly regain your senses. The human instinct for yearning and pursuing love will then slowly awaken within him. He will gradually draw closer to you, as if he were a child who is very cautious.

33. 每一段关系都是阶段性的陪伴，缘来，珍惜，缘尽，接受，释然。珍惜所有的不期而遇，看淡所有的不辞！要坚信，所有的失去都是为了遇到更好的！

33. Every relationship is a阶段性 companionship, embracing缘分, cherishing when it comes, accepting when it ends, and letting go. Cherish all unexpected encounters and take lightly all unyielding ones! Believe that all losses are for the sake of encountering something even better!

34. 第三阶段:如果你们终于走到这个阶段，你一定要让他知道你对他坚定不移的爱，你永远都不会离开他。你其实已经慢慢的给回避构建了一个安全的堡垒，这个堡垒里面有爱、信赖、友谊、亲情和责任，他可以在这个堡垒里重塑他的安全依恋系统。同时，你也要开始对回避设定你们之间的框架，哪些事情是他不能对你做，哪些事情是他作为亲密关系中的一方必须要做的。

34. Third Phase: If you have finally reached this stage, you must make sure to let him know your unwavering love for him and that you will never leave him. In fact, you have slowly been constructing a secure fortress of avoidance, which contains love, trust, friendship, kinship, and responsibility. He can rebuild his secure attachment system within this fortress. At the same time, you should also start setting boundaries between you and the avoider, defining what he cannot do to you and what he must do as a partner in an intimate relationship.

35. 因为你再强大优秀也无法战胜人类喜新厌旧喜欢不确定自私的天性，何况你面对的一个还没有完全长大，没有共情能力还叛逆的孩子。这时候你能做的就只能是活好你自己，静静等待。看到这里，你还决定看下去吗

35. Because no matter how strong and excellent you are, you cannot overcome the human nature of novelty and aversion to the old, the love for uncertainty, and selfishness. Moreover, you are dealing with a child who has not yet fully grown up, lacks empathy, and is rebellious. At this time, all you can do is live well for yourself and wait quietly. Seeing this, do you still decide to read on?

36. 其实正是因为两个人身份的原因，注定了刘莺莺和浩汉绝不会走在一起，所以刘莺莺才会是克制住自己对于浩汉的爱，这才是正确对待他们感情的方式，一别两宽，各自安好，而不是飞蛾扑火注定是一片灰烬。

36. In fact, it is precisely because of the identities of the two individuals that it was destined that Liu Yingying and Hao Han would never be together. This is why Liu Yingying had to克制住自己对Hao Han's love; this is the correct way to handle their feelings – to part ways amicably, to live well separately, rather than like a moth to a flame, destined to end in ashes.

37. 不必过于纠结于失去，因为每一次的离别都是为了更好的相遇做准备。

37. Do not be overly fixated on the loss, because every parting is preparing for a better meeting.

38. 第一阶段:和回避交往的家属，很多无法放下和释怀的原因是:一开始的时候，你能感受到这个人是真的爱着你的，这个人温柔而强大，深情而不过界，你甚至会怀疑自己是不是上辈子拯救了银河系，遇到真爱了。一般三四个月或者半年以后，你会发现有些东西不一样了，对方好像变了一个人，前后的反差过大，让你一头雾水。

38. First stage: Many people find it hard to let go and move on from family members who avoid contact, mainly because at the beginning, you can feel that this person truly loves you. They are gentle yet strong, deeply affectionate yet not overbearing, and you might even doubt if you saved the Milky Way in a past life and met true love. Generally speaking, after about three to four months or half a year, you may notice something different; it seems like the other person has completely changed, with a huge contrast between their past and present, leaving you bewildered.

39. 缘来缘去，顺其自然，就是圆满。关系断了，不过是缘分尽了。允许有些人，有些事，慢慢消失在你的人生里。

39. With destiny's coming and going, going with the flow is perfection. When a relationship ends, it's simply because the fate has come to an end. Allow some people and some things to slowly fade away from your life.

40. 只有你真正明白了我爱你，并不是我要把你变成我想要的样子，而是我在你身上看到我自己越来越好的样子。

40. It is only when you truly understand that I love you, not because I want to change you into the person I desire, but because I see a better version of myself in you.