在失落的攻击性面前，我为何总是不开心？这，或许是一个关于内心挣扎的序章。

Why am I always unhappy in the face of the lost aggression? Perhaps this is an epilogue to a story about inner struggle.

1. 这个世界就是这样，当你敢想敢干，雷厉风行，作风强硬，世界就会对你温柔起来。

1. This world is like that, when you dare to think and dare to act, act resolutely and firmly, the world will become gentle towards you.

2. 也许是因为付出没有得到同等回报。也许是热恋期，过后慢慢倦息了,也许单纯就是是你太作他不想哄了，但他不会轻易把对你的衡量给说出口。

2. Perhaps it's because the effort hasn't been met with equal reward. Maybe it's because the honeymoon phase has worn off and there's a gradual weariness, or maybe it's simply that you're too much for him and he doesn't want to put in the effort to please you. But he won't easily voice his assessment of you.

3. 比如面对感情失败：受害音心理：男人果然没有好东西，结果下次还是跳进同个坑。受益者心理：这段感情让我吸收了什么教训，下次要怎么避免再次发生，毕竟让自己进步强大才是硬道理。

3. For example, facing a failed romance: Victim's psychology: Men are indeed not good, and yet I end up falling into the same trap again next time. Beneficiary's psychology: What lessons have I learned from this relationship, and how can I avoid a repeat in the future? After all, making myself progress and become stronger is the real deal.

4. 所以男生们注意了，女人不爱你会有明显的语言暗示，别傻傻的分不清楚。

4. So, guys, take note: If a woman doesn't love you, there will be clear linguistic hints, don't be foolish and be unable to tell the difference.

5. 而不是在小事上动不动发脾气，没完没了，在大事上，又是男人做什么都原谅，一再妥协。蕞后，敢于提要求，你在感情中任何合理需求，都可以不卑不亢的传达。比如你希望在重要日子收到男朋友的礼物;你希望遇到矛盾两个人当天解决不逃避;你希望每周保证一次约会，不惧失去的心态去大方表达。

5. Instead of easily losing your temper over trivial matters, endlessly nagging, and forgiving your partner for everything a man does and repeatedly compromising on major issues, finally, you dare to make demands. In a relationship, any reasonable need of yours can be conveyed with neither humility nor arrogance. For example, you hope to receive a gift from your boyfriend on important days; you hope to resolve conflicts between the two of you on the same day without shying away; you hope to have a date at least once a week, and you express it generously without the fear of losing.

6. 不要在任何关系中，随随便便把自己亮出来、剖出来给人看，一眼看不透的才珍贵。暖昧期一上来不要交底，保留神秘，少点情绪流露，多展示直观魅力。吵架时不要反复诉说情绪。

6. Do not expose or reveal yourself carelessly in any relationship; what cannot be seen at a glance is precious. Do not reveal your true self immediately during the ambiguous period, maintain a sense of mystery, show less emotion, and display more direct charm. Do not keep on expressing your emotions when arguing.

7. 强硬起来的余欢水，从而没有阻力，没有欺负，没有委屈，他一路开挂，活得十分潇洒。

7. The strong and resolute Yu Huanshui, without any resistance, no bullying, and no grievances, he lived a life full of ease and elegance, as if he were on a smooth ride.

8. 他会默默考察，继续衡量，直至放手。等他权衡到定程度，觉得"确实不合适"，或者有了新的日标，就会决绝果断地离开你。你这边还沉浸在"他很爱我”"我们很好"的幻象里他那边早已抽离。

8. He will silently observe, continue to measure, until he lets go. Once he has weighed things to a certain degree and feels "it's indeed not suitable," or if he has set new goals, he will leave you resolutely and decisively. While you are still immersed in the illusion of "he loves me so much" or "we are doing well," he has already distanced himself.

9. 这是完全反人性的道德规范，是为了塑造奴隶而设计出来的道德规范，在农耕时代，这种道德规范可以确保让大多数人自动成为世袭奴隶，从而最大限度降低社会管理成本。

9. This is a completely anti-human moral norm, designed to shape slaves, which could ensure that the majority of people would automatically become hereditary slaves during the agricultural era, thereby minimizing the cost of social management to the greatest extent.

10. 这中间就会出现一个问题，就是你付出大最时间精力去猜去想，去怀疑，去发情绪，最后很可能得到的是一个错误结论，而你根据错误的结论去应对，就会导致一个更错误的结局。

10. A problem may arise here, which is that you spend the most time and energy guessing, thinking, doubting, and expressing emotions. In the end, you are very likely to come to a wrong conclusion, and if you respond based on this wrong conclusion, it will lead to an even worse outcome.

11. 根本不爱你的女人，和你聊天时都会有很明显的表现，只是你自己看不出火候，白白浪费感情。那么根本不爱你的女人，和你聊天时都有哪些表现呢？

11. A woman who doesn't care about you at all will show it very明显ly in conversations with you. It's just that you may not notice the extent of it, and you end up wasting your feelings. So, what are the signs that a woman doesn't care about you when she chats with you?

12. 其实人的天性就不是老实人，没有人会天生愿意当老实人，这就不是人类基因的正常进化趋势。这是明显不利于生存的行为特征，在进化过程是必然被淘汰的。

12. In fact, human nature is not inherently honest. No one is born willing to be honest, and this is not a normal trend in the evolutionary process of human genes. This is a behavior trait that is obviously不利于 survival and will inevitably be eliminated in the process of evolution.

13. 当感情没问题的时候，更不需要每天琢磨着怎么让他更爱更离不开你，这样就非常容易陷到剧本思维里去，一点风吹草动就大动干戈，情绪失控，怀疑对方的爱，产生更多控制欲+索取欲。

13. When emotions are fine, there's no need to ponder every day on how to make him love and depend on you more. This is very easy to fall into the script mindset, where even the slightest breeze or grass movement leads to a major confrontation, emotional turmoil, suspicion of the other person's love, and more desire for control and to take more.

14. 与此同时，他反而更加重视你，追着你跑了，因为你是在以自己为中心不断自我增值，而不是以他为中心不断抬高他的价值。

14. At the same time, he has become even more attached to you, chasing after you, because you are constantly enhancing yourself with a focus on yourself, rather than constantly boosting his value with a focus on him.

15. “永远记住人际交往的最强大秘诀就是，不要害怕任何关系的破裂，很多关系没有你想象的那么重要，凡是让你讨好的关系都是错的，面对关系的破裂，不必追，不必问，允许关系破裂你会过的更好。”

15. "Always remember that the most powerful secret of interpersonal relationships is not to fear any breakdown in relationships, as many relationships are not as important as you imagine. Any relationship that requires you to pander is wrong. When facing the breakdown of a relationship, do not chase after it, do not ask about it, and allowing the relationship to break will make you live better."

16. 电视剧《我是余欢水》曾火爆全网，让人印象深刻：

16. The TV series "I Am Yu Huanshui" once became a sensation across the entire internet, leaving a deep impression on everyone.

17. 如果一段关系不能滋养你，支持你，成全你，对你就没有价值，不值得花费时间和精力维护。

17. If a relationship cannot nourish you, support you, and fulfill you, it holds no value for you and is not worth spending time and energy on maintaining.

18. 简单来说，就是把自己的事情放到优 先级处理，再用多余精力处理恋爱关系中的男人。久而久之，你会发现你不再患得患失、整天拿着放大镜琢磨他爱不爱了，也能够理解他为什么忙起来做不到秒回消息。与此同时，他反而更加重视你，追着你跑了，因为你在不断自我增值，而不是以他为中心不断抬高他的价值。

18. In simple terms, it means prioritizing your own affairs and then using any leftover energy to deal with the man in your romantic relationship. Over time, you'll find that you no longer worry excessively, constantly using a magnifying glass to ponder whether he loves you or not, and you can also understand why he can't respond to messages immediately when he's busy. At the same time, he will反而 pay more attention to you, chasing after you, because you are constantly improving yourself, rather than constantly抬高 his value centered around him.

19. 还有恋爱中遇到矛盾，之前说过的受害者思维小作文，把自己的痛处长篇大论剖出给对方看，一遍遍煽情。总觉得这样男人就会心疼并深刻改变，现实是这并不能让他记住你真 正的要求，清楚你的底线，只能让他看穿你的脆弱,拿捏你的弱点。

19. There are also conflicts encountered in love. As mentioned before, the essay about the victim mentality talks extensively about one's own pain and shows it to the other person, repeatedly playing on emotions. It is always thought that this would make the man feel sorry and deeply change, but the reality is that it does not allow him to remember your real requirements or understand your bottom line; it can only make him see through your fragility and manipulate your weaknesses.

20. 什么是小事，就是情绪上的问题。比如男人忘记说晚安：信息没秒回这些细节。细节可贵，但长期相处中有太多比这些细节重要的事情了。

20. What is a trivial matter, it is an emotional issue. For example, a man forgets to say goodnight; not replying to messages in seconds, these details. Details are valuable, but in the long-term relationship, there are too many things that are more important than these details.

21. 让男人又爱又怕的女生怎么谈恋爱？一个原则：小事不恋战，大事不手软，敢于提要求。

21. How do girls who are both loved and feared by men date? One principle: don't engage in disputes over trivial matters, don't show leniency in major issues, and be courageous in making demands.

22. 恋爱中“倾诉欲过强”是去除女性魅力的一大利器。很多女生动不动就爱说一些掏心窝子的话，比如:暧昧期刚接触，就开始长段表达自己的感受、情绪、经历，把底交代的清清楚楚，你交心的前提是对方也在主动表达。

22. In a relationship, "overly strong desire to confide" is a major tool to eliminate a woman's charm. Many girls are prone to saying heartfelt words, such as: during the ambiguous period of initial contact, they start to express their feelings, emotions, and experiences in long sentences, revealing everything to the fullest. The premise for you to open your heart is that the other person is also actively expressing themselves.

23. 一个典型的思维就是:“只有百分百确定他爱我，我才去爱他，不然我就不爱了。”于是乎每天重点全在磨“他爱不爱你”这件事。听起来似乎很有框架和原则？但实际上完全不是，她与其说不爱，不如说不敢爱，嘴上说是因为”怕受伤”，实际上呢？是内心的极度不自信+低配得感。

23. A typical thought is: "I will only love him if I am 100% sure he loves me; otherwise, I won't love him at all." As a result, every day is focused on the issue of "Does he love you or not." It sounds like it has a clear framework and principle, doesn't it? But in reality, it's quite the opposite. She is more afraid of loving than not loving; she claims it's because she "is afraid of getting hurt," but in reality, it's due to extreme self-doubt and low self-worth.

24. 很多姑娘在感情里又卑又亢又拧巴，归根结底是她们根本就没有把爱情掌控在自己手里，也就无法判断男人对她的感情。于是每天都在求证，都在猜谜。如果一段感情到了你需要ta不停给你回应，需要向别人去求证，才能确定他爱你的话，你就会在这段恋爱里充满委屈。

24. Many girls are both humble, aggressive, and twisted in their emotions, ultimately because they have never really controlled love in their own hands, and thus cannot judge a man's feelings for them. As a result, they are constantly seeking confirmation and guessing. If a relationship reaches a point where you need them to keep responding to you, and you have to seek confirmation from others to determine if they love you, you will be filled with grievances in this love affair.

25. 《增广贤文》说：“人善被人欺，马善被人骑。”

25. The "Expanded Collection of Famous Sayings" says: "A good person is taken advantage of, and a good horse is ridden."

26. 什么是大事，就是原则上的事情。比如男人异性边界感不清;吵架时逃避冷暴力：言语上打压不尊重你。这些是需要你有强硬态度、哪怕爆发大的争吵也要立好规矩的事情。

26. What are big matters, they are things of principle. For example, a man having unclear boundaries with the opposite sex; avoiding cold violence during an argument; using words to belittle and not respect you. These are situations where you need to take a strong stance, even if it leads to a big fight, and set clear rules.

27. 感情里总是患得患失，围着男人转怎么办蕞直接有效的一个方法，硬性规定两件事情必须排在男人之前。比如你的工作、比如自我提升(健身/爱好/学习)。当这两件事情和男人同时来临时，强制自己先去处理其他两件，然后再管他。

27. Always feeling insecure and revolving around the man, what's the most direct and effective method? A strict rule that two things must be prioritized over the man. For example, your job, or self-improvement (fitness/hobbies/study). When these two things arrive at the same time as the man, force yourself to handle the other two first, and then deal with him.

28. 每个人都是有攻击性的。

28. Everyone is aggressive.

29. 所有的关系都是为你服务的，而不是你为某个关系服务。

29. All relationships are for your service, not the other way around where you serve a particular relationship.

30. 余欢水是一个公司小职员，在家被老婆欺负，在公司被领导欺负，朋友跟他借钱不还，还对他咄咄逼人，出言不逊。不管在哪里，余欢水都是一个受气包，窝囊废，软柿子。

30. Yu Huan Shui is a low-level employee in a company, who is bullied by his wife at home and by his supervisor at work. His friends borrow money from him and don't repay it, and they also treat him with an overbearing manner and speak rudely to him. No matter where he is, Yu Huan Shui is always a victim, a wimp, and a pushover.

31. 一个有脾气有本事的人，别人不敢对你轻举妄动。即便看不惯你，也只是夹着尾巴绕路走开。

31. A person with temper and ability is not one that others dare to lightly provoke. Even if they dislike you, they would only slink away by taking a detour.

32. 这就是我们的世界表面上运行的道德规范。也是这种道德规范塑造了老实人。通常是通过老实人的父母。

32. This is the moral norm that governs the surface operation of our world. It is this moral norm that shapes the honest people, usually through the parents of the honest people.

33. 一个人太过善良，脾气温和，和风细雨，很容易被人拿捏和霸凌。别人欺负你，未必是因为你动了谁的奶酪，纯粹是为了刷存在感，或者把你当情绪垃圾桶。

33. If a person is too kind, with a mild temperament and a gentle demeanor, they are easily manipulated and bullied. If someone bullies you, it may not necessarily be because you have stepped on someone's toes, but purely to boost their own presence, or to use you as an emotional trash can.

34. 强是内核强，在大事上知道自己要什么，敢于制定规则而不是总在小事上释放攻击性，消耗彼此耐心，将来一定会在大事上失去主动权。

34. Strongness lies in the core strength, knowing what one wants in big matters, and daring to establish rules instead of always releasing aggression over trivial matters, consuming each other's patience. In the future, one is sure to lose the initiative in big matters.

35. 久而久之，你会发现你不再患得患失、整天拿着放大镜琢磨他爱不爱了;也能够理解他为什么忙起来做不到秒回消息。

35. Over time, you'll find that you no longer worry about gaining or losing, and spend all day with a magnifying glass analyzing whether he loves you or not; you can also understand why he can't reply to messages immediately when he's busy.

36. 人很多姑娘在感情里又卑又亢又拧巴，归根结底是她们根本就没有把爱情掌控在自己手里，无法判断男人对她的感情。

36. Many young women are humble,亢奋, and twisted in their love affairs. In the end, it's because they have never really mastered love in their own hands and are unable to judge a man's feelings towards them.

37. 为什么有些人的感情永远不顺利，受害者心理是关键原因。比如:吵架时男生对你发了脾气，你的“受害者心理”开始产生，觉得他竟然吼你，觉得自己好可怜，好惨。比如:面对感情失败，受害者心理:男人果然没有好东西，结果下次还是跳进同个坑。受益者心理:这段感情让我吸收了什么教训，下次要怎么避免再次发生，毕竟让自己进步强大才是硬道理。

37. Why do some people's emotions always go awry? The key reason is their "victim psychology." For example: when a boy gets angry with you during an argument, your "victim psychology" starts to kick in, feeling that he dared to shout at you, feeling sorry for yourself, feeling pitiful. For example: in the face of romantic failure, victim psychology: men really aren't any good, and the next time you still fall into the same trap. Beneficiary psychology: What lessons have I learned from this relationship, and how can I avoid repeating them next time? After all, making yourself progress and strong is the real deal.

38. 这样的姑娘通常是嘴硬心软的典型，内心极度拧巴而非她嘴上说得那么洒脱，怕这怕那，总担心付出一点惯坏男人，一是不自信、二是缺乏主场意识，根本就没有把爱情主动权掌控在自己手里。

38. Such girls are typically hard on the outside but soft on the inside. Their hearts are twisted to an extreme, rather than as carefree as they may speak. They are afraid of this and that, always worrying that by giving a little too much, they might spoil the man. This stems from a lack of confidence and a sense of home-field advantage; they never truly grasp the initiative in their own hands when it comes to love.

39. 当你不害怕撕破脸皮，勇于捍卫自己的利益、立场和尊严，别人反而会尊重你，欣赏你。而如果你总是畏畏缩缩，瞻前顾后，唯唯诺头，什么事都是唯别人马首是瞻，那必然会被人看不起。

39. When you are not afraid to show your true colors, dare to defend your own interests, positions, and dignity, others will actually respect and admire you. However, if you are always timorous, hesitating, and nodding in agreement, always following others' lead in everything, then you will inevitably be looked down upon by others.

40. 于是每天都在求证，都在猜迷。如果一段感情到了，你需要男人不停给你回应需要不断向别人去求证，才能确定他爱你的话，你就会在这段恋爱里充满委屈感。

40. As a result, every day is spent in verification and guessing. If a relationship has reached a point where you need a man to continuously respond to you and constantly seek confirmation from others to be sure he loves you, you will be filled with a sense of injustice in this romance.

41. 首先她们不会轻易被男人掌控情绪，其次她们敢于主动对男人好。她们不会去问男人"爱不爱”的想法，因为心里有数。她们认为:我喜欢你，是我自己的事。你有吸引我的魅力、我就乐意主动付出。

41. Firstly, they are not easily controlled by men's emotions; secondly, they dare to be proactive in treating men well. They wouldn't ask men if they "love" them, as they have a clear understanding in their hearts. They believe: "I like you is my own matter. If you have the charm that attracts me, I am willing to make the proactive effort."

42. “如果善良得不到尊重，那么解决问题最直接的办法，就是翻脸。你若学不会翻脸，就要忍受别人的不要脸 。”

42. "If goodness does not receive respect, the most direct way to solve the problem is to turn your back. If you can't learn to turn your back, you have to endure others' shamelessness."

43. 如果我们丢掉了攻击性，烂人烂事就会折磨你，牛鬼蛇神就会纠缠你，魑魅魍魉就会算计你。

43. If we lose our aggressive nature, bad people and things will trouble you, evil spirits will纠缠 you, and ghosts and monsters will plot against you.

44. 而不是在小事上动不动发脾气，没完没了；在大事上，又是男人做什么都原谅。一再妥协。最 后，敢于提要求。你在感情中任何合理需求，都可以不卑不亢的传达比如你希望在重要日子收到男朋友的礼物；你希望遇到矛盾两个人当天解决不逃避；你希望每周保证一次约会，不惧失去的心态去大方表达。

44. Instead of losing patience and getting angry over trivial matters without end, and forgiving men for everything they do in significant matters, they repeatedly compromise. Finally, they dare to make demands. Any reasonable need in a relationship can be conveyed with neither humility nor arrogance, such as hoping to receive a gift from your boyfriend on important days; hoping to resolve conflicts between the two of you on the same day without evading; and hoping to have a date at least once a week, expressing generously with no fear of losing.

45. 和朋友撕破脸，要回了欠款。和领导大吵一架，让全公司对他肃然起敬。对于楼上蛮不讲理，五大三粗的装修大汉，他直接和他们硬干，让对方赔礼道歉。

45. Had a falling out with a friend and收回了欠款. Had a big argument with the leader, earning the respect of the entire company. Regarding the unreasonable and burly装修 worker on the floor, he directly confronted them, making the worker apologize and offer compensation.

46. 善良是一种熠熠生辉的品质，但你的善良，必须自带锋芒。

46. Kindness is a radiant quality, but your kindness must have its own edge.

47. 很多时候，你不开心，是因为把自己活成了一只小绵羊，谁都可以欺负你，并且肆无忌惮，洋洋得意。

47. Many times, you are unhappy because you have turned yourself into a little lamb, who can be bullied by anyone and do so with abandon and pride.

48. 言简意贱去提要求，才能让对方最快Get你真正的需求。

48. Use simple and straightforward language to make requests, so that the other person can quickly understand your real needs.

49. 让男人又爱又怕的女生怎么谈态爱一个原则:小事不恋战，大事不手软，敢于提要求。什么是小事，就是情绪上的问题。比如男人忘记说晚安、信息没秒回这些细节。细节可贵，但长期相处中有太多比这些细节重要的事情了。的什么是大事，就是原则上的事情。比如男人异性边界感不清、吵架时逃避冷暴力、言语上打压不尊重你。这些是需要你有强硬态度、哪怕爆发大的争吵也要立好规矩的事情。

49. How to date a girl who men both love and fear: A principle is to not get into a war over trivial matters, not to be lenient on major issues, and to dare to make demands. What are trivial matters? They are emotional issues, such as a man forgetting to say goodnight or not replying to messages immediately. Details are valuable, but in long-term relationships, there are many things more important than these details. What are major issues? They are matters of principle, such as a man not having clear boundaries with the opposite sex, avoiding cold violence during arguments, or using language to belittle and disrespect you. These are situations where you need to take a firm stance, even if it leads to a major争吵, and set clear rules.

50. 她会让对方感觉跟她在一起的时候轻松，她有这个能力提供，也能在对方做得不够好，让她纠结不爽的时候，立刻撤回这些付出。那些感情运很好、永远有魅力的女人，都是爱得起、放得下的王者。

50. She can make the other person feel relaxed when they are with her, and she has the ability to provide this. She can also quickly withdraw these efforts when the other person is not doing well, causing her to be纠结 and uncomfortable. Those women with good love luck and eternal charm are all kings who can love and let go.

51. 不爱你的女人和你聊天有时候总会用一些攻击性的需要来刺激你。当然我认为这种女人并不是坏女人，毕竟她不喜欢你，她希望快刀斩乱麻，不能让你觉得有任何机会，那是在耽误你的时间，耽误你的感情。所以为了不让你白白浪费感情她们会特别直接的跟你说她根本不喜欢你，用刺激你的话让你知难而退。

51. A woman who doesn't like you will sometimes use aggressive needs to stimulate you in conversations. Of course, I don't think such women are bad, as they don't like you. They want to cut through the mess quickly and not give you any chance, which would be a waste of your time and emotions. So, in order not to let you waste your feelings, they will be especially direct with you, telling you that they don't like you at all, using刺激性的话语让你知难而退.

52. 为什么有些人的感情永远不顺利，受害者心理是关键原因。比如吵架时男生对你发了脾气，你的“受害者心理”开始产生，觉得他竟然吼你，竟然对你发火，觉得自己好可怜，好惨，竟然被这样对待，哪怕你也对他发了脾气。

52. Why do some people's emotions never go smoothly? The key reason is the "victim mentality." For example, when a boy gets angry at you during a fight, your "victim mentality" starts to kick in, feeling that he actually shouted at you, actually lost his temper with you, feeling sorry for yourself, feeling so pitiful, being treated like this, even if you also got angry at him.

53. 后来在一次体检中，余欢水因为拿错报告单，以为自己得了胰腺癌，身心陷入痛苦之中。他想反正自己活不长了，不如硬气一回，想怎么着就怎么着。

53. Later, during a physical examination, Yu Huanshui mistakenly believed he had pancreatic cancer after picking up the wrong report, and he was thrown into a state of extreme physical and mental suffering. He thought, since he thought he didn't have much time left, why not make a stand and do as he pleased.

54. 感情里总患得患失，围着男人转怎么办？最直接有效的方法，硬性规定两件事情排在男人之前。比如你的工作、比如自我提升(健身/美容/爱好/学习)。当这两件事情和男人同时来临时，强制自己先去处理其他两件，然后再管他。

54. Always worrying about relationships and constantly revolving around a man? The most direct and effective method is to strictly prioritize two things over the man. For example, your job, or self-improvement (exercise/beauty/hobbies/study). When both these things come at the same time, force yourself to deal with the other two first, and then attend to him.

55. 如果你是一只老虎，谁多么不高兴，多么暴躁，也不敢来耍弄你。

55. If you were a tiger, no one, no matter how unhappy or irritable, would dare to tease you.

56. 一个典型的思维就是:“只有百分之100确定他爱我，我才去爱他，不然我就不爱了。"于是乎每天重点全在琢磨“他爱不爱你”这件事。听起来似乎很有框架和原则但实际上完全不是。与其说不爱，不如说不敢爱，嘴上说是因为“怕受伤”实际上呢是内心的非常不自信加低配得感。

56. A typical way of thinking is: "I will only love him if I am 100% sure that he loves me; otherwise, I won't love him." As a result, every day is focused on contemplating whether "he loves you or not." It may sound like it has a framework and principles, but in fact, it is not. It's not that one doesn't love, but rather that one dares not to love. On the surface, the excuse is "fear of being hurt," but in reality, it is deeply rooted in a lack of self-confidence and a sense of low self-worth.

57. 但他不会轻易把对你的衡量给说出口。他会默默考察，继续衡量，直至放手。等他权衡到一定程度，觉得“确实不合适”或者有了新的目标，就会决绝果断地离开你。你这边还沉浸在“他很爱我”，“我们很好”的幻象里，他那边其实早已抽离。

57. But he will not easily express his judgment of you. He will silently observe, continue to measure, until he lets go. Once he reaches a certain level of weighing, feeling "it is indeed not suitable" or having a new goal, he will leave you resolutely and decisively. While you are still immersed in the illusion of "he loves me very much," "we are doing well," on his side, he has already distanced himself long ago.

58. 还有恋爱中遇到矛盾，把自己的痛处长篇大论剖出给对方看一遍遍煽情。

58. There are also conflicts encountered in love, where one repeatedly goes on and on about their own pain, excessively emotionalizing the situation for the other person to see.

59. 当你从受害者思维向受益者的思维模式开始转变，把“这件事情为什么会发生在我身上？”替换成“这件事情是想教会我什么？”你才能在每种经历中真正得到成长(尤其在遇到渣男后)。当你是受益者思维，你就会不断向前，越来越强。

59. When you begin to shift from a mindset of the victim to that of the beneficiary, replacing "Why did this happen to me?" with "What is this event trying to teach me?", you can truly grow from every experience (especially after encountering a渣男). When you adopt a mindset of the beneficiary, you will continuously move forward, becoming stronger and stronger.

60. 我们不做活阎王，不去主动欺负别人，但也绝不做软面团，让别人想怎么捏就怎么捏。

60. We are not the living King of Hell, going around bullying others proactively, but we also will not be a soft dough, allowing others to shape us however they wish.

61. 当你感受很好的时候，对方不一定感受很好:当对方作出爱你的假象时，他也未必是开心的。女生的弱点就是--永远高估自己在男人心目中的分量，他对你的爱，并没有你想象得那么深刻。

61. When you feel good, it doesn't necessarily mean the other person feels the same: when the other person pretends to love you, they may not be happy either. The weakness of women is that they always overestimate their importance in a man's heart; the love he has for you is not as deep as you imagine.

62. 而在这个世界的真实规则中，信奉这种道德规范简直就等于是在邀请这个世界欺负你。

62. In the true rules of this world, adhering to such a moral code is almost like inviting the world to bully you.

63. 总觉得这样男人就会心疼并深刻改变，现实是这并不能让他记住你真正的要求，清楚你的底线只能让他看穿你的脆弱，拿捏你的弱点。

63. You always feel that such a man will feel sorry and deeply change, but the reality is that this will not make him remember your true demands, and only by understanding your bottom line can he see through your fragility and exploit your weaknesses.

64. 强是内核强，在大事上知道自已要什么，敢于制定规则，而不是总在小事上释放攻击性，消耗彼此耐心，将来一定会在大事上失去主动权。

64. Strength lies in the core strength, knowing what one wants in major matters, and being daring to set rules, rather than always releasing aggression in trivial matters, wearing out each other's patience. In the future, one is sure to lose the initiative in major matters.

65. 你交心的前提是对方也积极表达。很多女生动不动就爱说一些掏心窝子的话，比如暖味期，就开始长段表达自己的经历，把自己透露的清清楚楚，把底交代的清清楚楚。

65. The premise of sharing your heart is that the other person is also proactive in expressing themselves. Many girls tend to say revealing things all the time, such as during the ambiguous period, they start to express their experiences in long stretches, revealing themselves clearly and explaining their background clearly.

66. 打个比方：如果你是一只蚂蚁，谁不高兴了，都可以踩你一脚。谁无聊了，都可以玩弄你一番。

66. To put it metaphorically: If you were an ant, anyone who was unhappy could step on you, and anyone who was bored could play with you for fun.

67. 你强硬一些，敢拒绝，敢翻脸，敢斗争，就没有人敢欺负你，为难你。

67. Be more assertive, dare to refuse, dare to turn your back, dare to fight, and no one will dare to bully you or trouble you.

68. 但要有一天你把我对你的喜欢消耗光了，让我觉得你不值得我继续付出，我会立刻打住，转身拜拜比不爱自己，她们更在平“这男人对她有没有吸引”，嘴甜心硬+拎得清，强者爱的起。

68. But if one day I exhaust my affection for you, and I feel you are not worth my continued effort, I will stop immediately and turn around to say goodbye. They say that not loving oneself is worse than not loving others; those who are sweet-tongued but hard-hearted, and clear-headed, are capable of loving a strong person.

69. 所以，当感情并没有真正的问题出现时，去掉中间"揣摩心思"这一步，完全就是多此一举，你只需要根据"已经发生的问题"去应对。

69. Therefore, when there is no real issue at hand, skipping the step of "guessing the other person's thoughts" is entirely unnecessary. You only need to respond based on the "problems that have already occurred."

70. 老实人之所以被欺负，是因为他们给予外界试探信号的反馈就是我好欺负，我没有攻击性，我愿意放弃很多利益来避免冲突，我很随和，我不想让任何人不高兴，我对任何人都绝对无害，我希望用无害换取安全，我认为这个世界一定会因为我无害而不好意思欺负我。

70. The reason why honest people are bullied is because the feedback they give to the outside world is that they are easy to bully, they are non-aggressive, they are willing to give up many interests to avoid conflict, they are very accommodating, they don't want to make anyone unhappy, they are absolutely harmless to anyone, they hope to exchange harmlessness for safety, and they believe that the world will feel ashamed to bully them because of their harmlessness.

71. 还是就是保持松弛感，多放松下来去享受关系，而不是刻意用力的经营关系。如此也更容易营造出轻松舒 适的相处氛围，当一个人和你相处的体验足够愉快，那其实反而更容易达到你想要的结果。

71. It is still about maintaining a sense of relaxation, enjoying the relationship more by letting go, rather than deliberately working hard to manage the relationship. This way, it's also easier to create a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere for coexistence. When someone has a sufficiently pleasant experience of spending time with you, it actually becomes easier to achieve the results you desire.

72. 如果一段关系反而消耗你，折磨你，伤害你，那你必须翻脸，让别人知道你的脾气，顾忌伤害你的成本。

72. If a relationship is instead draining you, torturing you, and hurting you, you must stand up for yourself, let others know about your temper, and consider the cost of being hurt.

73. 所以不要在任何关系中，随随便便把自己亮出来、剖出来给人看，一眼看不透的才珍贵。暖昧期一上来不要交底，保留神秘，少点情绪流露，多展示直观魅力。吵架时不要反复诉说情绪。言简意赅去提要求，才能让对方快速Get你真 正的需求。

73. Therefore, do not casually expose or dissect yourself in any relationship, for what is not easily seen is precious. During the ambiguous period, do not reveal your cards, maintain mystery, show less emotion, and display more direct charm. Do not repeatedly express emotions during a fight. Be concise when making requests so that the other person can quickly grasp your real needs.

74. 当你习惯陷入受害者心理，你会很容易认为都是对方的错误都是他如何如何伤害了你，而你作为受害者，怎么可能有错；而受益者心态的人第一时间会总结自己哪里出了问题给了别人伤害自己的机会，以后可以怎么让结果变得更好。

74. When you get used to falling into the victim mindset, you are likely to easily think that everything is the other person's fault and that it's all about how they have hurt you. As a victim, how could you possibly be at fault; whereas someone with a beneficial mindset would immediately reflect on where they went wrong, giving others the chance to hurt them, and think about how to make the outcome better in the future.

75. 真正厉害占据爱情高位的女人，就是一条必胜心法：爱得起、放得下。

75. The truly formidable women who occupy the peak of love are governed by a winning principle: to love freely and to let go easily.

76. 女人谈恋爱很容易进入一个误区;就是会把“一直对我好”当成是“他持续爱我”的证明。殊不知其实有些男人只是在惯性付出。可能他内心已经觉得这段感情不合适了，也许是因为付出没有得到同等回报。也许是热恋期，过后慢慢倦怠了，也许单纯就是你太作他不想哄了。

76. It's easy for women to fall into a误区 when dating; they tend to take "always being good to me" as proof that "he continues to love me." Little do they know that some men are just acting out of habit. It's possible that he has already felt that this relationship is not suitable, perhaps because his efforts have not been met with equal returns. Maybe it's because of the honeymoon period, which eventually wears off, or perhaps it's simply that you're too much for him to want to appease.

77. 莫言说：

77. Mo Yan said:

78. 简单来说，就是把自己的事情放到优先级处理，再用多余精力处理恋爱关系中的男人。

78. In simple terms, it means putting your own affairs first and then using any remaining energy to deal with the men in your romantic relationships.

79. 女人谈恋爱真的很容易进入一个误区：就是会把“一直对我好”当成是“他持续爱我”的证明。殊不知其实有些男人只是在惯性付出。可能他内心已经觉得这段感情不合适了。

79. It's really easy for women to fall into a误区 when dating: they tend to take "always being nice to me" as proof of "he continues to love me." Little do they know that some men might just be acting out of habit. It's possible that he has already felt that this relationship is not suitable in his heart.

80. 所以，当感情并没有真正的问题出现时，去掉中间“揣摩心思”这一步，完全就是多此一举，你只需要根据“已经发生的问题”去应对。当感情没问题的时候，更不需要每天琢磨着怎么让他更爱更离不开你，这样就非常容易陷到剧本思维里去“抓小”，一点风吹草动就大动干戈，情绪失控，怀疑对方的爱，产生更多控制欲加索取欲。

80. Therefore, when there is no real problem in the relationship, eliminating the step of "guessing the other person's thoughts" is entirely unnecessary. You simply need to deal with the "existing problems." When everything is fine in the relationship, there is no need to constantly think about how to make them love you more and be more dependent on you every day. This can easily lead to falling into the script mindset of "grasping at straws," where any minor change can trigger a major reaction, emotional turmoil, suspicion of the other person's love, and the emergence of more controlling and greedy desires.

81. 如果这个女生不爱你，那么你跟她说话时她经常会不耐烦，经常情绪化，不愿意跟你聊太多。其实很多人在这个社会上活得都很压抑，不开心，有情绪，都想找个出口宣泄一下。那么这个男生那成了她们的出气筒。你喜欢她，她绝对是可以感受到的，就是因为你的喜欢会让她对你肆无忌惮，因为不喜欢你所以她根本不在乎你对她的看法，因此就是会对你态度不好。

81. If this girl doesn't love you, she will often be impatient and emotional when talking to you, and she doesn't want to chat with you for too long. In fact, many people in this society live under great pressure, are unhappy, and have emotions, all wanting to find an outlet to vent. So, this boy becomes their venting target. You like her, and she can definitely feel it. It's because your affection makes her feel free to act without restraint towards you. Since she doesn't like you, she doesn't care about what you think of her at all, so she will inevitably treat you poorly.

82. 当你感受很好的时候，对方不一定感受很好，当对方作出爱你的假象时，他也未必是开心的。女生的弱点就是永远高估自己在男人心目中的分量。他们对你的爱，并没有你想象得那么深刻。

82. When you feel good, the other person may not necessarily feel good. When the other person pretends to love you, he may not be happy either. A woman's weakness is to always overestimate her importance in a man's heart. Their love for you is not as deep as you imagine.

83. 所有的人都是会权衡利弊的，每时每刻都是在权衡利弊的，无论是好人还是坏人，是强者还是弱者。而且这种权衡利弊时时刻刻都是在动态调整的。

83. All people weigh the pros and cons, doing so at every moment, whether they are good or bad, strong or weak. Moreover, this weighing of pros and cons is constantly adjusting dynamically.

84. 如果没有获得足够的爱和安全感，她连付出的勇气都没有，只有得到别人强烈回应后，才敢付出。

84. If she hasn't received enough love and security, she doesn't even have the courage to give, and she dares to give only after receiving a strong response from others.

85. 当你习惯陷入受害者心理，你会很容易认为都是对方的错误而受益者心态的人第一时间会总结自己哪里处理，出了问题给了别人伤害自己的机会，以后可以怎么让结果变得更好。当你从受害者思维向受益者的思维模式开始转变，把“这件事情为什么会发生在我身上"替换成“这件事情是想教会我什么”之后，你才能在每种经历中真 正得到成长。当你是受益者思维，你就会不断向前，越来越强。

85. When you get accustomed to falling into the victim mindset, you tend to easily attribute all the blame to the other person, while those with a beneficial mindset would first reflect on what they could have handled better, where the problem occurred, giving others the chance to hurt them, and how they can make the outcome better in the future. As you begin to shift from a victim mindset to a beneficial mindset, replacing "Why did this happen to me?" with "What is this event trying to teach me?" you can truly grow from every experience. When you adopt a beneficial mindset, you will continuously move forward and grow stronger.