在繁星点点的夜空下，我静静沉思。感谢那个未曾成事的自己，是它让我懂得了坚持与成长。

Under the starry sky sprinkled with countless stars, I silently contemplate. Thank you to that version of myself who never achieved anything, for it is because of it that I learned the value of perseverance and growth.

1. 庄子里面有这样一个寓言：

1. There is such an allegory in Zhuangzi:

2. 在路边有一棵非常硕大的树，木匠看不上它，说它的材质太疏松，无法制作成家具。而正因为如此，大树躲过了被人们砍伐的危险，长得葳蕤繁茂，年深日久，为大地投下一片绿荫。

2. Beside the road there was a very large tree, which the carpenter looked down upon, saying that its wood was too loose and could not be used for making furniture. Just because of this, the big tree managed to evade the danger of being cut down by humans, grew lush and vigorous, and over the years, cast a shade of green over the earth.

3. 如果这棵树有用，它早就身首异处了，因为无用，才能自由自在，延年益寿。

3. If this tree were of any use, it would have long been cut down and disposed of. It is because it is useless that it can enjoy its freedom and longevity.

4. 我们都渴望成为一个有用之人，被贵人青睐，走上更高的舞台绽放自己的光芒，殊不知，高处不胜寒，光芒万丈的地方，往往也是危机四伏的地方，稍有不慎就是万丈深渊。

4. We all long to become someone who is useful and favored by the noble, to step onto a higher stage and shine our own light. However, we fail to realize that the higher the place, the colder it is; where there is a bright light, there are often lurking dangers, and a moment's carelessness can lead to a precipice.

5. 很多人年轻有为，正是因为自己太出色，各种诱惑接踵而至。别人争着给他送钱，送物，送色，自己的欲望越来越大，越来越自以为是，沾沾自喜，结果误入歧途，越陷越深。

5. Many people are talented and promising in their youth, and it is precisely because of their own exceptional abilities that various temptations come one after another. Others vie to send him money, gifts, and favors, and his desires grow ever larger, making him more self-righteous and complacent. As a result, he mistakenly takes the wrong path and becomes more deeply ensnared.

6. 如果你去一个地方的廉政教育基地参观，就会看到很多手握风雷的大官，就是因为守不住自己的底线和欲望，不仅丧失了拥有的安稳生活，而且在监狱里痛悔余生。

6. If you visit an integrity education base in a place, you will see many high-ranking officials holding thunder and lightning in their hands. It is because they couldn't hold their own bottom line and desires that they not only lost the stable life they had, but also regretted the rest of their lives in prison.

7. 人生最重要的价值不是建功立业，出人头地，而是安安稳稳，健康快乐，无忧无虑的度过一辈子。

7. The most important value in life is not to achieve great accomplishments or to rise above others, but to live a stable, healthy, happy life without any worries throughout one's entire life.

8. 在茫茫宇宙之间，我们的角色和一只蚂蚁，一只苍蝇，一株小草，一缕灰尘，没有什么区别。对于一只蚂蚁，他是有本事的蚂蚁和没用的蚂蚁，有意思吗？对于一株小草，他是高高在上的小草还是默默无闻的小草，有意思吗？对于一个人，几十年后都进入一方坟墓，成为一把骨灰，他是有地位的人还是没有地位的人，有意思吗？

8. Among the vast expanse of the universe, there is no distinction between our role and that of an ant, a fly, a blade of grass, or a speck of dust. Is it meaningful to ask whether an ant is a capable one or an ineffective one? Is it meaningful to inquire whether a blade of grass is one that stands tall or one that remains unnoticed? For a person, after decades, they will all enter a single grave, become a heap of ashes; is it meaningful to ponder whether one is a person of status or not?

9. 楚王派出两个使臣找到庄子，想要让他到楚国做宰相。庄子说，我听说有一只乌龟，被楚王装进精美名贵的盒子里，然后供奉在太庙，享受万世香火。请问作为乌龟，它是愿意在庙堂中被供奉千年呢，还是愿意拖着尾巴在淤泥里爬。

9. The King of Chu sent two envoys to find Zhuangzi and wanted him to become the Prime Minister of Chu. Zhuangzi replied, "I have heard that there was a tortoise that the King of Chu placed in an exquisite and precious box, and then enshrined in the ancestral temple, enjoying the reverence of generations. I would like to ask, as a tortoise, would it rather be enshrined in the temple for a thousand years, or would it prefer to drag its tail in the mire?"

10. 使臣回答：当然愿意在淤泥里爬。

10. The envoy replied: Of course, I am willing to crawl in the mud.

11. 庄子说，我的选择和淤泥里的乌龟一样，你们请回吧！

11. Chuang Tzu said, "My choice is like that of a turtle in the mud; please return!"

12. 有些人坐拥荣华富贵，非常抢眼，但为了守住富贵和地位，他们必须明争暗斗，选班站队，互相算计，不断应对敌人和潜在的敌人，迟早会出事。

12. Some people enjoy wealth and status that are very eye-catching, but in order to maintain their wealth and position, they must engage in fierce competition, form alliances, plot against each other, and continuously deal with enemies and potential enemies, which will eventually lead to trouble.

13. 就像红楼梦的贾府，就算不倒在忠顺王府手里，也会倒在其他的势力之下。而田间老农刘姥姥，虽然日子平平淡淡，人生一事无成，但平安顺遂，云淡风轻，自由自在。

13. Just like the Jia family in "Dream of the Red Chamber," even if they were not defeated by the Zhengshun王府, they would have fallen under the control of other powers. And the elderly farmer Liu Laolao from the countryside, though leading a plain and uneventful life and not having achieved anything significant in his life, lived in peace and contentment, with the sky as light and the wind as gentle, free and easy.

14. 人到中年，应该感谢一事无成的自己。

14. At middle age, one should be grateful to oneself for having achieved nothing.

15. 看看一些同龄人，包括自己的同学、朋友，有的身居高位，却因为一着不慎锒铛入狱，有的生意兴隆，却因为盲目扩张而债台高筑，有的是互联网大厂的高级白领，却因为熬夜加班和无规律作息身患重病。他们的确有地位，有钱了，但被人性的欲望吞噬。

15. Look at some peers, including classmates and friends, some of whom hold high positions but ended up in prison due to a single misstep, some of whom have thriving businesses but are burdened with debt due to blind expansion, and some who are senior white-collar workers in internet giants but suffer from serious illnesses due to overtime work and irregular lifestyles. They indeed have status and wealth, but are consumed by human desires.

16. 而自己虽然一事无成，但正因为如此，把时间花在了家庭上，夫妻关系和谐，儿女孝顺懂事，学业顺利，把精力花在锻炼上，身体健康，活力四射。安于平凡的样子，才是一个人最真实，也是最生动的样子。

16. Although I have achieved nothing significant myself, it is precisely because of this that I have devoted my time to the family. The relationship between my spouse and me is harmonious, our children are filial and sensible, their studies are going smoothly, and I have focused my energy on exercise, resulting in good health and abundant vitality. Being content with the ordinary is the most authentic and vivid aspect of a person.

17. 感谢一事无成的自己吧！如果你早早成功了，说不定此刻你就是家破人亡，妻离子散，或者在监狱里忏悔呢！

17. Be grateful for the self who has achieved nothing! If you had succeeded early on, perhaps by now you might be experiencing the ruination of your family, with your wife and children scattered, or perhaps you would be repenting in prison!

18. 1人生的三次成长：第一是发现自己不是世界中心的时候；第二是发现即使再怎么努力终究还是有些事令人无能为力的时候；第三是明知有些事可能会无能为力，但还是会尽力争取的时候。

18. The three stages of growth in life: The first is when you realize that you are not the center of the world; the second is when you find that no matter how hard you try, there are still some things that are beyond your control; the third is when you know that there are some things that may be beyond your control, but you still strive to achieve them.

19. 2我们在放弃，涂白了记忆，以为就可以伪装无邪的美丽。

19. 2 We abandon ourselves, erase our memories, thinking that we can camouflage our innocent beauty.

20. 3是不是命运弄人，总是有始无终。掏心掏肺换来的总是深夜里默默的泪流。

20. 3 is a cruel twist of fate, always leaving things unfinished. The heart poured out in exchange is often a silent stream of tears in the dead of night.

21. 4无能为力时，不要羡慕别人，继续努力，别人做得到的，你也一样做得到，别人拥有的，你不一定就要拥有。

21. When you are at a loss, don't envy others. Keep striving, and remember that what others can do, you can do too. What others possess, you don't necessarily have to have.

22. 6我会发着呆然后忘记你，接着紧紧闭上眼，想着那一天会有人代替，让我不再想念你。

22.6 I would then just stand there, lost in thought, and forget about you. Next, I would tightly close my eyes, imagining that someone would take your place, making me stop missing you.

23. 7面对你的痛苦，我无能为力，我只能痛恨自己的无能为力。

23. 7 Faced with your suffering, I am powerless, and I can only hate my own powerlessness.

24. 10怀表里那张陈旧的照片上，有一个说要在天堂和我见面的女人。我把她的笑容放在离时间最近的地方。我只想让我的时光中有她的笑容，一直都有。

24. In the worn-out photo in the 10-hour watch, there is a woman who said she would meet me in heaven. I place her smile as close to time as possible. I just want her smile to be a part of my time, always.

25. 12在我看来，顺其自然，便是束手无策。难听点，则是无能为力。

25. 12 In my view, going with the flow is akin to being at a loss. More bluntly, it's a sign of being helpless.

26. 14一个人的存在往往在消失很久以后才体现得出来

26. 14 A person's existence often manifests itself long after it has disappeared.

27. 15总有一天、你的棱角会被这个世界磨平、你会拔掉身上的刺、你会学着对你讨厌的人微笑、你会变成一个不动声色的人。

27. 15 Someday, the edges of your character will be worn down by this world, you will pull out the thorns on your body, you will learn to smile at the people you dislike, and you will become a person who remains expressionless.

28. 16此刻的我好无能为力，好伤心遇见这样的事，只能让眼泪夺眶而出的时候仰着头憋回去，难受，想哭，恨自己不能赶紧真正长大，恨自己不能自立，恨自己没有能力。

28. At this moment, I feel so helpless and deeply heartbroken by what has happened. All I can do is suppress the tears that are welling up in my eyes by tilting my head, feeling难受 and wanting to cry. I hate that I can't grow up quickly and truly, I hate that I can't stand on my own two feet, and I hate that I lack the ability.

29. 17分手后不可以做朋友，因为彼此伤害过；不可以做敌人，因为彼此深爱过。所以我们变成了最熟悉的陌生人。

29. After breaking up, we cannot be friends because we have hurt each other; we cannot be enemies because we have deeply loved each other. Therefore, we have become the most familiar strangers.

30. 18走不到一起的人，不是不爱，是无法再爱。

30. People who cannot be together are not because they do not love, but because they can no longer love.

31. 19为什么我们深爱着对方，却有撕心裂肺的痛。

31. Why do we deeply love each other yet feel a heart-wrenching pain?

32. 21突然明白了很多，没有哭，没有闹，只是苦涩一笑，心不是没有痛，也不是无所谓，只是我认命了，还是不甘吗，不甘又怎样，只恨自己的无能为力。

32. 21 Suddenly, I understood a lot. I didn't cry, nor did I make a fuss; I just gave a bitter smile. My heart didn't stop hurting, nor was I indifferent. It's just that I've come to terms with it. Am I not dissatisfied? What's the point of being dissatisfied? I only regret my own helplessness.

33. 22当我已经不能离开你的时候，你已经离开我。

33. When I can no longer leave you, you have already left me.

34. 23喜欢一个人是种感觉，不喜欢一个人却是事实。事实容易解释，感觉却难以言喻。

34. Liking someone is a feeling, while not liking someone is a fact. Facts are easy to explain, but feelings are hard to describe.

35. 24你知道无能为力是什么感觉么？”“什么感觉？”“就是当你牙缝里塞着东西，你的舌头明知道在哪里，而你的手却怎么都抠不出来

35. "Do you know what it feels like to be helpless?" "What kind of feeling?" "It's like when something is stuck between your teeth, and your tongue knows exactly where it is, but your hands can't seem to dig it out no matter how hard you try."

36. 25即便是流泪，也是一种纪念。就算是流泪，也回不到童年。

36. Even if it's tears, it is also a form of remembrance. Even if it's tears, it can't bring back childhood.

37. 26我恨这世界的所有，更恨自己的无能为力。

37. 26 I hate everything in this world, and I hate my own powerlessness even more.

38. 27其实好多事我都无能为力，却还奢望你能理解我。

38. 27 In fact, there are many things I am unable to do, yet I still hope that you can understand me.

39. 28关于你的一切都只字不提，我愿你好，即使后来你与我全然无关。

39. Not a single word about you is mentioned, and I wish you well, even though later you have nothing to do with me.

40. 31据说人的第一次成长，是在发现自己即使再怎么努力，终究还是有些事令人无能为力的时侯。而自卑的人认识到这点总要到很晚以后。

40. It is said that the first growth of a person comes when they realize that no matter how hard they try, there are still some things they are powerless to change. And for people with low self-esteem, this realization often comes much later.

41. 33没有快乐，微笑还在。没有童话，童年还在。

41. Without joy, the smile still remains. Without fairy tales, childhood still exists.

42. 34以前希望他能回来，现在希望自己能走出来。你把我删了吧，不然我老想找你聊天，你又不回，独留我一人尴尬。你假装不懂，我也故作轻松，错过就错过了吧。

42. I used to hope he would come back, but now I hope I can get over it. Delete me, please, because I always want to chat with you, but you never reply, leaving me alone in an embarrassing situation. You pretend you don't understand, and I act casual. If we've missed each other, let it be.

43. 35我就在彼岸与你相隔甚远了，余音未散也许是我们的年华未央。

43. 35 I am far away from you on the other shore, the lingering echoes perhaps indicating that our youth has not yet ended.

44. 36我们长大之后连哭泣都变得小心翼翼，我们到底是变得更加坚强还是更加懦弱？

44. After we grow up, even crying becomes cautious. Are we becoming stronger or more cowardly?

45. 37有时候，面对着身边的人，突然觉得说不出话。有时候，曾经一直坚持的东西一夜间面目全非。

45. Sometimes, when faced with the people around me, I suddenly find myself at a loss for words. Sometimes, what I have been steadfastly holding on to can change beyond recognition overnight.

46. 38很多事都被慢慢拆下来拼凑在心里然后物是人非

46. 38 Many things are slowly taken apart and pieced together in the heart, only to find that people have changed while things remain the same.

47. 39我总是心疼着爱你的自己，那么真那么傻那么贱！可我却对自己无能为力。

47. 39 I always feel sorry for the loving myself, so sincere, so foolish, so despicable! But I am helpless towards myself.

48. 40岁月从指间流淌着，我感觉到自己的星宿从轨迹中缓缓陨落……

48. The years of 40 slip through my fingers, and I feel my constellations slowly descending from their orbits...

49. 有些事，在历经沧桑后，开始不着痕迹的更改。曾经，不管握得有多紧，最终都会失去。而我们，正在逐渐的老去。原来，谁也不会是谁的，永远!人生是一场寂寞的旅行，谁也不能陪你走到最后。此刻的自己，无能为力。也许，我一直都无能为力。

49. Some things, after enduring the vicissitudes of life, begin to change without leaving a trace. Once, no matter how tightly we hold on, we will eventually lose it. And we are all gradually growing old. It turns out that no one belongs to anyone forever! Life is a lonely journey, and no one can accompany you to the end. At this moment, I am helpless. Perhaps, I have always been helpless.

50. 我希望是个女孩，我想把她养大，使她不会犯我曾经犯过的错误。当我回首我是个什么样的女孩时，我非常恨我自己，但是我无能为力。我要把女儿养大，让她成为一个自由的自立的人。我把她带到这个世界上来，爱她，养育她，不是为了让她将来和哪个男人睡觉，从此把这辈子依附于他。我希望她是个无畏、坦率的人，是个自制的人，不会依赖别人。

50. I hope it's a girl, I want to raise her so that she won't make the mistakes I used to make. When I look back at the kind of girl I was, I hate myself very much, but I am helpless. I want to raise my daughter to be an independent and free person. I brought her into this world, loved her, and raised her, not for her to sleep with some man in the future and depend on him for the rest of her life. I hope she will be fearless, straightforward, self-disciplined, and not dependent on others.

51. 每每听到默，和想到不恨相见的，我的心里极其难过。有时候真希望对你的执着与思念能击垮自己，让自己变一个人，或者恢复正常也好，极其讨厌现在的自己。无能为力，束手无策。

51. Whenever I hear "Mu" and think of not hating to see you, I feel extremely sad. Sometimes I truly wish that my obsession and longing for you could break me down, turning me into a different person, or at least restore me to normalcy. I absolutely dislike myself right now. Feeling helpless and at a loss for solutions.

52. 谁能想到过了这么多年伤害还是伤害是没办法忘记的时间并不能解决什么曾经恨过的现在依然清晰可见我也无能为力只能躲在自己的世界里假装美好。

52. Who would have thought that after all these years, the hurt still lingers, and time cannot erase what was once deeply resented. The memories are still vividly clear, and I am powerless, only able to hide in my own world, pretending everything is beautiful.

53. 真的是有太多的无能为力，几个月来总以为会舍得，可是突然发现是自己一直在逃避，没有勇气去面对，该恨的是自己的软弱。

53. There's truly too much powerlessness, for months I always thought I would be able to let go, but suddenly I realized that I have been avoiding all along, without the courage to face it, and what I should hate is my own weakness.

54. 你的坏心情在我看来是那么明显，我却只有枯燥乏味的文字与千篇一律的语言。恨自己无能为力，气得想把那些琐事连同公司一起炸掉，想把自己打进包里一股脑扔回连云港，想给自己来一拳

54. Your bad mood is so apparent to me, yet I only have the boring and monotonous words and the same-old language at my disposal. I hate feeling helpless, and I'm so angry that I want to blow up all those trivial matters along with the company, to stuff myself into a bag and throw myself all at once back to Lianyungang, or to give myself a punch.

55. 长这么大以来第一次觉得自己这么这么这么无能，可能人生最大的悲哀也莫过于，无能为力。恨，苍天无眼。

55. For the first time in my life, I feel so, so, so incompetent. Perhaps the greatest sorrow in life is also the feeling of powerlessness. Hatred, heaven has no eyes.

56. 才发现长大是一件多么恶心的事，小时侯愿望可以独立去做自己想做的事，现在能完成了，但这成长的过程把自己打磨的没了原来的样子。才发现永远也变不回那个有血有肉敢爱敢恨的豆**了，只是一个女战士而已！这是竟然成为了我的无能为力！讨厌自己，讨厌这样说话的方式，对人对事的态度，目的性太强。回到那些无脑的生活好不好

56. Just realized how gross growing up is. When I was little, I had dreams of doing whatever I wanted independently, but now that I can, the process of growing up has worn me down and changed me completely. I've just realized that I'll never be able to go back to that flesh-and-blood, fearless person who loved and hated with abandon; I'm just a warrior woman! This has even become something beyond my control! I hate myself, I hate this way of speaking, my attitudes towards people and things, they are too goal-oriented. Would it be good to go back to those brainless days?

57. 已经两年多了，我时常梦见你，梦见身体健康的你，生病的你，梦里我到处去找你，可是我总找不到你。我们相互陪伴，但我代替不了你的病痛，看着你被病痛的折磨，我恨不得能去替你去承受。我怕你担心从不在你面前流泪，而你从没有在我面前滴过泪，你的坚强让我更加的心疼，更恨我自己无能为力。其实我们都知道你的生命到了尽头，可是我们都不愿意去相信，我们没有做任何的道别，你就这样安静的走了，我甚至没有勇气送你离开

57. It's been over two years, and I often dream of you, dreaming of a healthy you, and a sick you. In my dreams, I search for you everywhere, but I can never find you. We have each other's company, but I can't replace your pain. Watching you suffer from illness, I wish I could take it on for you. I'm afraid you'll worry, so I never cry in front of you. You've never shed a tear in front of me either. Your strength makes me even more heartbroken and I hate myself for being unable to help. In fact, we all know that your life is coming to an end, but none of us wants to believe it. We haven't said any goodbyes, and you've left so quietly that I even lacked the courage to see you off.

58. 好恨自己的无能为力！妈妈病了，想请假回家尽尽孝道，可自己的身体却不适合回家！父母把我们拉扯大只求平安健康，不求回报。关键时刻连自己的问题都处理不好，我们又能为他们做什么？想想好羞愧

58. How hateful it is to feel so powerless! My mother is sick, and I want to take a leave to go home and show filial piety, but my own body is not fit for the journey! Our parents raised us up with nothing but the wish for our safety and health, never asking for anything in return. At critical times, I can't even handle my own problems, so what can I do for them? Thinking about it makes me feel so ashamed.

59. 此刻的我好无能为力，好伤心遇见这样的事，只能让眼泪夺眶而出的时候仰着头憋回去，难受，想哭，恨自己不能赶紧真正长大，恨自己不能自立，恨自己没有能力。

59. At this moment, I feel completely helpless and deeply saddened by what I have encountered. I can only suppress the tears that want to overflow by tilting my head, feeling uncomfortable and wanting to cry. I hate that I can't grow up truly soon, I hate that I can't be self-reliant, and I hate that I lack the ability.

60. 讨厌现在这种感觉，莫名的烦躁，很烦很烦，我到底怎么了！恨自己，感觉现在就是一个矛盾体，受别人的情绪影响太大，我控制不住又无能为力。爱你们。

60. I hate this feeling right now, an unexplained irritability, so very annoying, what's wrong with me! I hate myself, feeling like a contradiction at this moment, too greatly affected by others' emotions, unable to control it and feeling powerless. I love you all.

61. 当我回首起，我自己是个什么样的女孩时，我非常恨我自己，但我无能为力。

61. When I look back and think about what kind of girl I was, I hate myself very much, but I am helpless.

62. 怪自己还无能为力，想把你们都带到身边。心疼你们，也恨你们的心软。很爱你们，很多话想对你们说，不知道怎么说，也只会对你们说我感冒了，很想你们，真的太想你们了

62. Blaming myself for being unable to do anything, I want to bring all of you close to me. I feel both pain and恨 for your soft-heartedness. I love you very much and have many things I want to say to you, but I don't know how to express it, and I can only tell you that I have a cold and miss you all so much.

63. 有时候会恨自己无能为力但是又想想自己也在很努力的去做就算失败了也没有遗憾了对吧？

63. Sometimes you might hate yourself for feeling helpless, but then you think, you're also doing your best, and even if you fail, there's no regret, right?

64. 面对许多事情的无能为力，无法辩驳只是因为此时的自己太过于无能无知，以前总觉得别人做的不够现在只恨自己，安置好分内的事，一定要好好努力过上自己自信且有尊严的生活！至此！！！

64. Faced with the powerlessness to deal with many things, the inability to argue is simply because I am too incompetent and ignorant at this moment. I used to always think others were not doing enough, but now I only blame myself. After settling the things within my responsibility, I must work hard to live a confident and dignified life! Until now!!!

65. 我是猪呀！损害自己去成全别人！明明是伤害，却无能为力！恨呀！

65. I am a pig! I harm myself to benefit others! It's obviously hurtful, yet I'm powerless to stop it! I hate it!

66. 我深恨自己是因为自己无能为力。可人皆无力，我操心个什么劲。

66. I deeply hate myself because I am unable to do anything. But everyone is unable, what am I worried about then?

67. 爱恨。所有的经历、都无所谓、是你必须要路过的驿站，有些人与事、别太为难自己，才选择顺其自然，别等到无能为力。

67. Love and hate. All experiences are just stations you have to pass through. Some people and things, don't be too hard on yourself, just go with the flow. Don't wait until you're powerless.

68. 在最糟糕的年龄遇上了一生想照顾的人，恨自己的无能为力。在知道了都不能照顾你，陪在你身边。

68. Met the person I want to take care of at the worst age, feeling helpless and regretful for my inability to do so. Knowing that I can't take care of you or be by your side.

69. 有那么好多次，我挺无能为力，甚至很恨自己，我希望给爸妈好的生活，我从小到大为这个目标努力，虽然有好多次有点忘了初衷，但在内心最柔软的地方，依然那么清晰。老爸这个支柱倒了，要强却又没有任何特长，没有任何文化的老妈想着法的去节省，想着法的赚钱，每天早上炖菜吃一天；去给别人做针线活，每天做到晚上11点挣了5块钱，甚至今天竟然给我说去黄河边捡了20多个瓶子卖钱。老妈呀，我好佩服你的坚强，但是为什么心却像心扎一样心痛。作为研究生的我，快点毕业吧，工作赚钱，给他们很好的生活。只愿他们活的久一点，有时间过点不再为钱发愁的日子。20xx-4-26于长沙到北京的火车上。

69. So many times, I felt completely helpless, even hating myself. I wish to give my parents a good life, and since I was a child, I have strived for this goal. Although I sometimes forgot my original intention, in the softest corner of my heart, it remained as clear as ever. Dad, the pillar of our family, has fallen. Mom, who is strong yet has no special skills or education, is thinking of ways to save money and earn a living. She cooks a stew every morning to last the whole day; she does embroidery work for others, working until 11 PM every night to earn 5 yuan; and even today, she told me she picked up 20 or more bottles by the Yellow River to sell for money. Mom, I admire your strength greatly, but why does my heart ache as if it's being pierced? As a graduate student, I just want to graduate as soon as possible, earn a living, and provide them with a good life. I only wish they live longer so they can have some time to enjoy days without worrying about money. April 26, 20xx, on the train from Changsha to Beijing.

70. 慢慢的，我也学着放下了。不是我变了，是我真的无能为力了，我认输了，我折腾不动了。

70. Slowly, I also learned to let go. It's not that I have changed, but that I truly have no power left, I have admitted defeat, I can no longer struggle.

71. 好多事情都不顺，压力大、心情烦；恨自己三十岁了一事无成，怨自己三十岁了无能为力现实中的一切都没能如自己所愿，所以这才是现实！

71. Many things aren't going well, the pressure is high and the mood is烦躁；hate myself for being thirty years old and having achieved nothing, blame myself for being thirty years old and being unable to do anything about the reality of life; everything in the real world hasn't turned out as I wished, so this is the reality!

72. 今天跑步发现我挺喜欢的，真的，自从健身之后，觉得自己过得很充实很健康，很多东西学会慢慢的看开。发现自己好的很快，但又为自己好的快而担忧。对你任有爱意，对自己却无能为力。如果明天就要分离，让我抱着你哭出声来。纵然记忆抹不去，爱和恨还在心底。真的要断了过去，让明天好好继续。

72. I found that I quite like running today, really. Since I started exercising, I feel that I live a fulfilling and healthy life, and I have learned to slowly let go of many things. I am discovering myself improving quickly, but I am also worried about improving too fast. I have feelings for you, but I am helpless towards myself. If we were to part tomorrow, let me cry out while holding you. Even though memories can't be erased, love and hate still linger in the bottom of my heart. It's really time to let go of the past and let tomorrow continue well.

73. 看到妈妈两鬓斑白，我又忍不住给姐姐抱怨起来，我真的忍无可忍，可是我却无能为力，我真的恨自己，年少时发誓让爸妈过上幸福的生活，长大后才明白，感情用事毁了一切，多么想一切都只是开始，而我还有权利去选择余下的一生，可这一切，我只是一个人在无休止的尽力，结果又岂能尽如人意，听天由命我却又不甘心。我只是在心中默念，我的心愿待我30岁有个突破，感谢。。。。

73. Seeing my mother's temples turn white, I couldn't help but complain to my sister again. I really can't bear it anymore, but I am powerless. I really hate myself. I vowed in my youth to give my parents a happy life, but only later in life did I realize that emotional decisions have ruined everything. How I wish it was just the beginning, and I still had the right to choose the rest of my life. But all this, I am struggling alone, tirelessly. Can the result ever be as I wish? I have to rely on fate, but I am not willing to accept it. I am just silently praying in my heart, hoping for a breakthrough by the time I am 30 years old. Thank you...

74. 无能为力了就靠你自己吧感觉自己几乎要累到崩溃能怎么办说恨不恨有用吗现在除了累就是没有希望我为什么要这么疲惫每天徘徊在不想死和不这么活着之中上辈子我到底怎么了你住的城市下雨了，很想问你有没有带伞。可是我忍住了，因为我怕你说没带，而我又无能为力，就像是我爱你，却给不到你想要的陪伴。

74. Now that I'm at my wit's end, I have to rely on myself. I feel like I'm on the brink of collapse from exhaustion. What good does it do to feel or not feel hatred? All I have now is exhaustion and no hope. Why do I have to be so tired, constantly wavering between wanting to die and not living like this? What did I do to you in a past life? It's raining in the city where you live, and I really want to ask you if you have an umbrella. But I held back because I'm afraid you'll say you don't, and I'll be powerless to help, just like how I love you but can't give you the companionship you need.

75. 心情不爽就拼命让自己动起来！一切不过是硬撑！我恨自己的无能为力！恨自己的被迫接受！恨被人活生生的剥夺了一年多的情感！不知你过得好不好，也会想我吗豆？

75. When I'm not in the mood, I force myself to get moving! Everything is just a facade! I hate my powerlessness! I hate being forced to accept! I hate being robbed of over a year of emotions! I don't know if you're doing well, will you also miss me, Dou?

76. 这个世界怎么了，怨恨别人的同时，也在恨自己无能为力。明明不想把别人的错加到自己头上却还是看不开，下一刻世界灭亡好了，所有的人就都不在了。

76. What's wrong with this world? While hating others, I also hate my own helplessness. Clearly, I don't want to take others' faults upon myself, but I still can't let it go. The next moment, if the world were to end, then everyone would just be gone.

77. 如今在朋友圈装X已经成为一种生活刚需，有的人一天不装就感觉身体被掏空。每次看朋友圈各种羡慕嫉妒恨而自己却无能为力。国庆小长假7天，正是朋友圈刷屏惯犯们集中出没的时间。准备好反击这群人类公敌了吗？

77. Now, showing off on social media has become a necessity of life, and some people feel as if their bodies are being drained if they don't do it for a day. Each time you see the various envy and resentment in your friends' circles, you feel helpless. During the seven-day National Day holiday, it's the peak time for those who are惯犯 (habitual offenders) of social media to be active. Are you ready to fight back against this group of human enemies?

78. 突然发现对未来的东西越来越没有信心了，遇到了自己喜欢的又觉得比较合适的，却感觉距离遥远，又担心走不到一起！到了这个年纪，却发现自己对很多事依然无能为力，也许这时候才恨现在的自己！

78. Suddenly found that I am becoming less and less confident about the future. I've encountered something I like and think is quite suitable, but it feels distant, and I'm worried that we won't be able to be together. At this age, I've found that I am still helpless in many things, and maybe it is only now that I truly hate the present me!

79. 就这么躺着，看着天花板，眼泪哗哗哗止不住，好像下一秒就会流干，对身边的一切都好无力，会恨自己的无能为力。

79. Just lying here, looking at the ceiling, tears pouring out uncontrollably, as if they would dry up the next second, feeling completely powerless about everything around, hating oneself for being unable to help.

80. 这一分钟真的好恨自己为什么要选择学医，为什么不是一个男生，恨自己的无能与无能为力，让年幼的你们在不该承受压力的年纪承受着和我一样的一切

80. This minute, I really hate myself for choosing to study medicine, for not being a boy, for my own helplessness and powerlessness, allowing the young yous to bear the same things as me at an age when you should not be subjected to such pressure.

81. 每每在读到医治临危病人医案时，我的脑海里总是浮现出外公去世时的场景。外公弥留之际我一直伴其左右，当他清醒的时候总是痛苦地挣扎着想要抓住什么，但我们却不知道他想要的是什么。他已经被病魔折磨的不成人样，不能言语不能吃喝，全身溃烂不堪，想到这些总会泪流不止，恨自己的无知和无能为力！

81. Whenever I read medical cases of treating critically ill patients, the scene of my grandfather's death always comes to mind. I always stayed by his side in his final moments. When he was conscious, he would struggle in pain, trying to grasp something, but we didn't know what he wanted. He had been tormented by the illness to the point of looking unrecognizable, unable to speak or eat or drink, his whole body oozing pus. Thinking about it always brings tears to my eyes, regretting my ignorance and helplessness!