在纷繁复杂的世界中，总有一些人如同隐匿于尘烟之后的幽灵，他们不言不语，不交不流，将社会的喧嚣隔绝在心墙之外。他们是那沉寂的透明者，默默无闻，却以其独特的存在，诠释着生活的另一种可能。

In the complex and chaotic world, there are always some people who are like ghosts hidden behind the dust and smoke. They are silent and do not communicate, keeping the hustle and bustle of society outside their heart walls. They are the silent transparent ones, unknown and unnoticed, yet they interpret another possibility of life through their unique existence.

1. 刺猬法则强调的就是人际交往中的“心理距离效应”。 人和人之间需要保持一定的空间距离，没有距离的相处是一种自私的表现。在与人相处的过程中，需要给对方留出一定的心理空间。

1. The Hedgehog Principle emphasizes the "psychological distance effect" in interpersonal interactions. There needs to be a certain physical distance between people; coexisting without distance is a manifestation of selfishness. In the process of interacting with others, one should leave a certain psychological space for the other person.

2. 这样的养育者往往不接纳自己真实的孩子，而一厢情愿的爱着一个自己想象中的“完美”的孩子，并用这个所谓的完美孩子来要求自己现实中的孩子。

2. Such caregivers often do not accept their real children and instead unilaterally love an imagined "perfect" child, using this so-called perfect child to impose expectations on their real-world children.

3. 情绪失控。长期压抑情绪会导致情绪失控发作的可能性增加,一旦压力超过个人可以承受的阈值,压抑已久的情绪会展现出来,有时以过激的形式爆发。

3. Loss of emotional control. Long-term suppression of emotions can increase the likelihood of emotional outbursts. Once the pressure exceeds the threshold that an individual can bear, the long-suppressed emotions will surface, sometimes in an exaggerated or extreme form.

4. 妈妈对她受大家喜欢这件事情很是看中，自己被喜欢时妈妈会很开心，自己没有别的小朋友出色时，妈妈会焦虑。

4. Mother values the fact that she is liked by everyone very much; she is very happy when she is liked, and she becomes anxious when she feels she is not as outstanding as other children.

5. 长期被妈妈这样评判和指责，小雅与人互动沟通的能力越来越差，她变成了一个越来越在与人打交道时笨拙的人。

5. Having been constantly judged and criticized by her mother in this way, Xiao Ya's ability to interact and communicate with others has increasingly deteriorated, and she has become more and more awkward in dealing with people.

6. 01 保持距离和界限感，并不是社交恐惧

6.01 Maintaining distance and a sense of boundaries is not social anxiety.

7. 人生的本质就是百年孤独。

7. The essence of life is a century of solitude.

8. 单纯依附他人的社交，只是一场热闹的游戏。学会独处，才能让你的灵魂升华。一个人如果学不会独处，再多的社交都谈不上真正的意义。

8. Socializing merely by depending on others is just a game of热闹. Learning to be alone is the way to elevate your soul. If one cannot learn to be alone, no amount of socializing can be said to have real meaning.

9. 在这种回避性沉默背后，掩藏着的是成千上万次的失望：害怕自己说出的话，表达出的自己，像投进大海里的一粒沙子，毫无反应，没有人在意。

9. Behind this evasive silence lies the concealment of thousands upon thousands of disappointments: the fear that the words spoken and the self expressed will be like a grain of sand thrown into the sea, receiving no response, with no one taking notice.

10. 因此，很多人认为自己是社交恐惧者，但真的是这样吗？你真的是社交恐惧患者吗？未必如此。很多时候，那些所谓的社交恐惧者只是想要与人保持一定的边界和距离。

10. Therefore, many people consider themselves to be social phobics, but is that really the case? Are you truly a social phobic? Not necessarily. Often, those who are labeled as social phobics simply want to maintain a certain level of boundary and distance with others.

11. 长时间压抑自己的情绪和不与他人交流,会对一个人的身心状态产生比较负面的影响:

11. Long-term suppression of one's emotions and failure to communicate with others can have a relatively negative impact on a person's physical and mental well-being.

12. 一个人如果学不会和自己独处，那么再多的社交都谈不上有真正意义。就像你整天忙来忙去，在别人眼里却是无所事事的样子。

12. If a person cannot learn to be alone with themselves, then no amount of socializing can be said to have any real meaning. It's like you're busy all day long, but in others' eyes, you seem to be doing nothing.

13. 有一段话说的很好：“请尽量减少你的分享欲，别人不问，你就不说，人前守嘴人后守心，不要过份热情，少说多看谨言慎行，你并不需要与所有人都走的很近，交浅言深是交往大忌，降低分享欲，克制表达欲，你会过得更轻松。”

13. There is a saying that goes very well: "Try to minimize your desire to share. If others don't ask, don't say. Keep your mouth shut in public and your heart in private. Don't be overly enthusiastic. Talk less, observe more, be cautious in your speech and actions. You don't need to be very close to everyone. Excessive sharing and deep conversation with someone you barely know is a big taboo in social interactions. Lower your desire to share and control your urge to express yourself, and you will live a more relaxed life."

14. 这一切都被妈妈看在眼里，焦虑的的妈妈每次在客人走后，都要对小雅进行一番教育。

14. All of this was noticed by the mother, who was anxious. After each guest left, the anxious mother would give Xiao Ya a lecture.

15. 总而言之，表达不重要，表达背后能否获取掌声、赞美和认可很重要。

15. In summary, the expression itself is not important, what matters is whether it can gain applause, praise, and recognition behind it.

16. 在心理学上，有一个法则叫做刺猬法则。 两只困倦的刺猬因寒冷拥在一起，可因为各自身上都长着刺，它们离开了一段距离，但又冷得受不了，又凑到一起。几经折腾，两只刺猬终于找到一个合适的距离：既能互相获得对方的温暖而又不至于被扎。

16. In psychology, there is a law known as the hedgehog law. Two tired hedgehogs huddle together due to the cold, but because they both have spines, they move apart. Yet, they can't stand the cold and come together again. After several attempts, the two hedgehogs finally find an appropriate distance: it allows them to share each other's warmth without getting pricked.

17. 先说说反面的例子：每天与你家长里短的大叔大婶、主动关心你婚姻大事的“媒婆”、每天对你“嘘寒问暖”的推销员……他们都在一段时间内非常主动地联系你，如果说用“主动”来衡量感情的深厚，那这些人岂不是与你感情最深厚的，可是事实吗？

17. Let's start with the negative examples: those uncles and aunts who talk endlessly about trivial matters with you, the "matchmakers" who show excessive concern for your marriage, and the salespeople who constantly ask about your well-being... They all make very proactive contact with you for a period of time. If "proactivity" is used to measure the depth of affection, wouldn't these people be the ones with the deepest affection for you? But is that the case in reality?

18. 渴望表达是人类天生的一种能力和需要，而不敢表达的人往往意味着——在他们早年与养育者的互动中，遭遇过表达创伤：

18. The desire to express oneself is an innate ability and need for humans, and those who dare not express themselves often mean that they have encountered expression trauma in their early interactions with their caregivers.

19. 在《越简单，越美好》书中，作者举了一个例子。海莲娜曾经周旋于各种社交圈，交各种朋友，希冀会对自己的事业有帮助。

19. In the book "The Simpler, the Better," the author cited an example. Helena had once navigated through various social circles, making friends of all sorts, hoping it would be beneficial to her career.

20. 每个人都有自己的生活方式，无论你与别人的关系多亲密，都应该保持适当的距离，不要过多的介入别人的生活。

20. Everyone has their own way of life. No matter how close your relationship is with others, you should maintain an appropriate distance and do not overly interfere in other people's lives.

21. 生理健康受损。长期压力和负面情绪可以对生理健康造成损害,如免疫功能下降、消化系统问题、睡眠质量差等。严重时可能诱发疾病。

21. Impaired physical health. Long-term stress and negative emotions can damage physical health, such as decreased immune function, digestive system problems, poor sleep quality, and so on. In severe cases, they may trigger diseases.

22. 于是，他们会对现实中的孩子充满了否定和批判，造成孩子对真实的自己充满羞耻和不自信，认为真实的自己是不好的，不合格的。

22. As a result, they are filled with denial and criticism towards children in reality, leading the children to feel ashamed and lack confidence in their true selves, believing that their true selves are not good or adequate.

23. 对于小雅来说，如果要去表达自己，她会过度关注周围环境对自己的评价和对于自己表达后的反馈。

23. For Xiao Ya, if she wants to express herself, she will overly focus on the evaluations of her surroundings and the feedback she receives after expressing herself.

24. 因为过于关注评价和结果，小雅反倒不知道怎么表达自己了。

24. Because she was too focused on evaluations and outcomes, Xiao Ya actually didn't know how to express herself.

25. 关起门来过日子，不踮起脚尖仰望别人的幸福，不受别人的影响，在自己的世界里独善其身，自得其乐。

25. Live with closed doors, not peeking enviously at others' happiness, unaffected by others, cultivating oneself in one's own world, and finding joy in solitude.

26. 在某次酒会上，她和同领域的一位知名人物相谈甚欢，互留了****。后来有一天，她精心准备好之后，再给这位大咖打电话时，大咖竟然忘了她是谁。

26. At a wine party, she had a delightful conversation with a well-known figure in the same field and exchanged contact information. Later on, after she had prepared herself carefully, when she called this big shot again, the big shot had actually forgotten who she was.

27. 久而久之，她就变成了一个“无法张开嘴表达自己”的唯唯诺诺的沉默的人。

27. Over time, she turned into a silent, meek person who couldn't open her mouth to express herself.

28. 沉默寡言，从不社交动态的人，也可以拥有自己的社交圈子，最直接而又有效的方式，就是以自己最擅长的方面，去聊天交友，虽然交到的朋友不会很多，但是，只要能成为朋友的，那么，以后的关系一定很坚固。每个人的圈子大小都不一样，不用与别人攀比，经营好自己的圈子，过好自己的生活就可以了。沉默寡言的人，他们的社交圈子多数都是志同道合的人。因为沉默寡言的人多数都不会耍心眼，而那些口若悬河的人， 口中说的话没有多少是真的。但是沉默的人，他们是属于实干的人。所以，我认为沉默寡言的人组成的社交圈子，能做出更多的有价值的事。沉默寡言的人只不过是在言语表达上有些弱势，但是在比起技能和做事儿方面，他们绝对是一个能手。在社交圈子里需要表达自己情感的，是一个情感交流的圈子，如果沉默寡言，不表达自己的态度和情感，会被别人认为不好交往，会导致和别人产生距离，别人也不愿意接近这样的人，因为觉得与沉默的人交往特别的累。但是，上帝从不会偏袒任何一个人，有的人能言善辩，但是做起事来却很差，有的人虽然表达的不多，但是却能做很多专业的事儿。所以说，每个人都有优点，每个人都有弱点，人不是完美的。沉默寡言的人想要拥有自己的社交圈子，最好多去与解自己，懂得自己内心的人去交往。这样的人不需要太多，有几个就足够了。性格外向的人，觉得与沉默寡言的人交往特别累，那是因为他们很少用心去了解沉默寡言的人，也很少能懂得他们的内心。可是当一群沉默寡言的人在一起的时候，他们能互相了解彼此的性格，懂得他们的内心，所以能很快的成为挚友。

28. A reserved and quiet person who rarely engages in social activities can also have their own social circle. The most direct and effective way is to chat and make friends using their strengths. Although the number of friends they make may not be many, as long as they can establish friendships, the relationships will surely be strong in the future. The size of each person's circle is different, and there is no need to compete with others. Just manage your own circle and live your own life. For reserved and quiet individuals, their social circles are often composed of like-minded people. This is because reserved individuals generally do not resort to cunning tactics, while those who speak freely may not have much truth in their words. However, the silent ones are those who are practical. Therefore, I believe that a social circle made up of reserved and quiet people can accomplish more valuable things. The reserved and quiet people may have a disadvantage in verbal expression, but when it comes to skills and doing things, they are absolutely proficient. In a social circle, expressing one's emotions is a matter of emotional exchange. If one is reserved and does not express their attitude or emotions, they may be considered unapproachable, leading to a distance with others and making them unwilling to get close. However, God does not favor anyone, and some people may be eloquent but poor at doing things, while others may not express much but can do many professional things. Therefore, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect. For reserved and quiet individuals who want to have their own social circle, it is best to interact more with those who understand them and their inner selves. Such people do not need to be many; a few are enough. Outgoing individuals may find it tiring to interact with reserved and quiet people because they rarely put in the effort to understand them or comprehend their inner selves. However, when a group of reserved and quiet people come together, they can understand each other's personalities and inner thoughts, allowing them to quickly become close friends.

29. 大多数人有过这样的体验：在公开场合讲话、与陌生人交流……社交场景中感到不适。这些都是正常的，在心理学上将其称之为“社交恐惧”。

29. Most people have had such an experience: feeling uncomfortable in social situations such as public speaking, communicating with strangers... These are all normal, and in psychology, they are referred to as "social anxiety."

30. 和小雅相似的人有很多，这部分人从小在自我表达上受过的这些伤害，会让自己形成一些如下的心理误区，最后把自己推向沉默的固定角色：

30. There are many people similar to Xiao Ya. Due to the injuries they have suffered in self-expression from a young age, they may develop some of the following psychological misconceptions, eventually pushing themselves into a fixed role of silence:

31. 过了一个多月，小米对我说，舍友只是把以前自己的行为当成了亲密关系的表现。小米和舍友沟通后，舍友也意识到了自己的方式给小米带来了困扰，逐渐改变了交往方式。现在两人相处的方式让对方都感到很舒服。

31. More than a month later, Xiaomi told me that the roommate had merely regarded their previous behavior as an expression of intimacy. After communicating with Xiaomi, the roommate also realized that their way of interacting had caused discomfort to Xiaomi and gradually changed their approach. Now, both of them find the way they are getting along very comfortable.

32. 其实没有人喜欢你的分享，所谓喜欢分享的人，无非是打着分享的名义窥探你的生活。

32. In fact, no one likes your sharing. So-called people who enjoy sharing are just using the guise of sharing to peep into your life.

33. 言多必失。一个嘴不把门的人，总会因为一些言辞得罪别人，轻则让人际关系渐行渐远，重则给自己埋下隐患和灾难。

33. The more words one speaks, the more likely they are to make mistakes. A person who does not keep their mouth shut will always offend others with their words, which may, at best, lead to strained relationships and, at worst, plant hidden dangers and disasters for themselves.

34. 自这次事件后，她意识到交朋友也要讲究精神上、实力上的门当户对。 我们蹲下身聆听花的语言，也强过忽略自我，与人做无谓的社交。 于是，她开始有意识地减少社交，由外求转向求己。

34. After this incident, she realized that making friends also requires a spiritual and strength-based match. Bowing down to listen to the language of flowers is also better than ignoring oneself and engaging in futile socializing. Therefore, she began to consciously reduce her social activities, shifting from seeking outside to seeking within.

35. 我们要学会自己与自己社交，也就是独处，并且这种自我社交的时间不能太短。坐下来，喝一杯咖啡，读一本喜欢的书，看好看的**，享受窝在沙发上的静谧时光。

35. We need to learn to socialize with ourselves, which is to say, to be alone, and the time spent on this self-socializing should not be too short. Sit down, have a cup of coffee, read a favorite book, watch something enjoyable, and enjoy the tranquil moments curled up on the sofa.

36. 她回忆起自己小时候的一些难过的记忆：每当自己表达一个观点或意见，妈妈要么不理睬，要么总是会否定她或者露出不屑的眼神。

36. She recalled some painful memories from her childhood: whenever she expressed an opinion or view, her mother would either ignore her or always否定 her, or show a look of disdain.

37. 如果自己只是一个普通人，没有命运的眷顾，也没有过高的情商，那就不要妄想什么人脉和圈子，安安稳稳过好自己的小日子，如果可以遇到情投意合的二三知己，已经是人生幸事，如果遇不到，也要努力把一个人的生活经营的活色生香，如诗如画。

37. If you are just an ordinary person, without the favor of fate and without an overly high emotional quotient, don't daydream about having connections or a circle of friends. Live a peaceful and stable life in your own small world. If you can meet a couple of close friends with whom you have a genuine affinity, it is already a fortunate event in life. If you can't, strive to make your solitary life vibrant and full of color, like a poem or a painting.

38. 美国作家海明威说，我们用两年的时间学说话，却要用一生的时间学闭嘴。

38. The American writer Hemingway once said, "We spend two years learning to speak, but a lifetime learning to be silent."

39. 她接受了妈妈的这些批判和克制，从小就觉得自己是个表达自己的能力很差的人，于是每次表达都没有自信，会很紧张，害怕表达不好会出丑。

39. She accepted her mother's criticisms and restraints, and since childhood, she has felt that she is very poor at expressing herself. As a result, every time she expresses herself, she lacks confidence, gets very nervous, and is afraid of making a fool of herself if she expresses herself poorly.

40. 喜欢独处、内向腼腆、“文明而冷漠”被视为芬兰人的标签，芬兰也被称为“社恐者的天堂”。

40. Being fond of solitude, introverted and shy, and being labeled as "civilized yet indifferent" are seen as stereotypes of Finns, and Finland is also known as the "paradise for social phobics."

41. 最顶级的通透，就是不分享，不说话，不社交，自娱自乐，悠然独处。

41. The highest level of clarity is to not share, not talk, not socialize, to entertain oneself, and to be at ease in solitude.

42. 这些“被动沉默者”也会特别关注别人表达后的效果，也特别喜欢在心里对别人说过的话、做过的举动进行一番评论，排出个优劣好坏，对她认为表现好的无比羡慕，对表现差的暗暗嘲笑。

42. These "passive silent ones" also pay special attention to the effect of others' expressions, and they particularly like to comment on what others have said or done in their hearts, making a list of their strengths, weaknesses, good and bad. They are incredibly envious of those they think perform well, and they secretly mock those who perform poorly.

43. 综上,长期压抑情绪和社交隔离,会对一个人的心理健康、生理健康、人际关系、认知结构和自我控制力等产生比较负面和潜在危险的影响。要避免这些影响,关键是要学会适度表达自己,与身边的人保持良好的交流互动。在生活中寻找适当的情绪宣泄途径,同时避免过度依赖一个或几个人。养成健康的人际互动模式,对个人来说至关重要。

43. In summary, long-term suppression of emotions and social isolation can have relatively negative and potentially harmful effects on a person's mental health, physical health, interpersonal relationships, cognitive structure, and self-control. To avoid these effects, the key is to learn to express oneself moderately and maintain good communication and interaction with those around you. Seek appropriate emotional outlets in life while avoiding over-reliance on one or a few individuals. Cultivating a healthy pattern of interpersonal interaction is crucial for individuals.

44. 一个常常自我探索和反省的人，才有专注做事的能力。所有，多给自己留点空间，呼应自己的需求，构建自己心中的时光静好。

44. Only a person who often engages in self-exploration and self-reflection has the ability to focus on tasks. Therefore, give yourself more space, respond to your own needs, and build a peaceful and tranquil time in your heart.

45. 听了妈妈的这些话，幼小的小雅感到异常羞耻，恨不得把刚才在公共场合说的话统统都收回来，然后找个地洞钻进去。

45. After hearing her mother's words, the young and small Ya felt extremely ashamed, wishing she could take back everything she had said in public and then hide in a hole somewhere.

46. “你看你支支吾吾了老半天，看看人家美美，说得多利落。”

46. "Look at you, you've been stammering for so long. Look at her, she talks so smoothly."

47. 比如马蒂一路狂奔才赶上巴士，结果巴士上没有空的双人座位了，他会觉得不知所措，不知该坐在哪里。马蒂遇到一个认识的人，可关系还不太熟，他不知道该怎么跟对方打招呼。

47. For example, if Marti had to run all the way to catch the bus and found that there were no available double seats left on the bus, he would feel at a loss, not knowing where to sit. If Marti encountered someone he knew but had not established a close relationship with, he wouldn't know how to greet them properly.

48. 持有这种信念的人不在少数，案例中的小雅就是如此。这往往是由于早年养育者不当的养育理念造成的。

48. There are not a few people who hold this belief, Xiao Ya in the case mentioned is one such example. This is often caused by inappropriate parenting ideas from early caregivers.

49. 罗振宇曾经说过， 我们在保持自己独立的人格尊严和人格空间的前提下，尽可能对他人释放善意。 这里有个前提，就是独立的人格空间，也就是一种界限感和自我空间。

49. Luo Zhenyu once said, "Under the premise of maintaining our independent personality dignity and personal space, we should try our best to release kindness towards others." There is a premise here, which is the independent personal space, that is, a sense of boundaries and personal space.

50. 一个活的通透的人，明白大家都是无法兼容的个体，都需要拥有一个独立而且真实的灵魂，与其对别人抱有心存幻想的期待和不切实际的妄想，不如把全部的精神聚焦在自己身上，活出一个人的浪漫和美好。

50. A living, perceptive person understands that everyone is an incompatible individual who needs to possess an independent and authentic soul. It's better to focus all one's spirit on oneself and live out the romance and beauty of a person, rather than harboring unrealistic expectations and delusions about others.

51. 当我们在咨询室里跟小雅探讨起她人生中对于“表达自己”的最原始的记忆和感受时，这个姑娘突然变得很生气。

51. When we discussed with Xiao Ya in the consultation room about her earliest memories and feelings regarding "expressing herself" in her life, the girl suddenly became very angry.

52. 所以，在社交中最重要的是不勉强自己，融入那些不属于自己的社交圈子。这样做既痛苦，也没什么收获。 不要每天忙于呼应别人的需求，忙于构建别人眼中的自己，却忘了留点时间和空间。

52. Therefore, the most important thing in social interactions is not to force yourself to fit into social circles that do not belong to you. This approach is both painful and yields nothing. Do not busy yourself every day in responding to others' needs, in building the image of yourself in others' eyes, while forgetting to allocate some time and space for yourself.

53. 可是在行为上她却越来越不知道怎么做才好的，因此言语和行为常常显得笨拙。

53. However, she is increasingly unsure of how to behave, and as a result, her speech and actions often appear clumsy.

54. 抑郁和焦虑。压抑情绪和社交孤立都会增加抑郁焦虑等心理问题的风险。这可能表现为长期性抑郁症、社交焦虑症等心理疾病。

54. Depression and anxiety. Suppressed emotions and social isolation both increase the risk of psychological problems such as depression and anxiety. This may manifest as chronic depression, social anxiety disorder, and other mental illnesses.

55. 2018年，芬兰设计师科尔·霍宁的漫画《芬兰人的噩梦：另类芬兰社交指南》在中国出版。这本漫画描述了社恐者马蒂的内心戏和无数让人会心一笑的日常小困境。

55. In 2018, the comic book "The Finnish People's Nightmares: An Alternative Finnish Social Guide" by Finnish designer Kari Hurring was published in China. This comic book describes the inner thoughts of social anxiety sufferer Matti and countless heartwarming daily little dilemmas.

56. 这样的两种性格，前者天天与你联系密切，可是当你到了证明感情的时候，他却退缩了。因为你只是千千万万个他“主动”中的一个。而后者，虽然平常不曾主动联系，可是你的每一次交流，他都会用心倾听，内心期盼着你的联系。当你遇到任何困难时，他不说二话，尽己所能。

56. Such two characters, the former maintains close contact with you every day, but when it comes to proving affection, he withdraws. Because you are just one of the countless "initiators" of his. While the latter, although he never initiates contact in ordinary times, he listens intently to every conversation you have, longing for your contact. When you encounter any difficulties, he does not hesitate, and does everything within his power.

57. 每次想到这些标准和以往的经历，小雅觉得既然达不到标准，那就只好掩饰自己，尽量少表达或者不表达，以免出丑，让自己陷入羞愧之地。

57. Every time Xiao Ya thinks of these standards and past experiences, she feels that since she cannot meet the standards, she has no choice but to conceal herself, trying to express herself as little as possible or not at all, in order to avoid embarrassment and falling into a place of shame.

58. 而这种尴尬的状态又增加了她对于表达的羞耻感和恐惧，使下一次的表达难度加大。

58. This embarrassing state further increased her sense of shame and fear of expression, making it more difficult for her to express herself the next time.

59. 正如在上文所说，连每个人都有需要被关注、被看见的需求和渴望。

59. As mentioned above, just like everyone else, there is a need and desire for individuals to be noticed and seen.

60. 我们曾经非常渴望人脉和圈子，以便在自己需要的时候，有人可以给自己捧场，后来才发现，如果你本身没有足够的实力和价值，无论你如何周旋，如何社交，如何低三下四迎合他人，他人都不会在关键的时候助你一臂之力。

60. We used to be very eager for connections and circles, so that when we needed help, someone would support us. Later on, we realized that if you don't have enough strength and value in yourself, no matter how you maneuver, how you socialize, or how you humbly cater to others, they will not lend you a helping hand at critical moments.

61. “在人际场合说话要注意分寸，不要想到什么就说什么。”

61. "When speaking in social settings, one should be mindful of one's words and not just say whatever comes to mind."

62. 这种不被满足和看见的渴望会塑造一种“求而不得”的羞耻感，为了避免这种羞耻，我们会逐渐压抑我们的渴望或需求，甚至用不再发出渴望和需求来避免失望，这就造成了回避关系的一类人。

62. This unsatisfied and unseen longing will shape a sense of shame about "yearning in vain," and to avoid this shame, we gradually suppress our desires or needs, even ceasing to express them to avoid disappointment, thus creating a category of people who avoid relationships.

63. 主人公马蒂是一个典型的芬兰人，低调内敛、喜欢安静，重视私人空间，同时尊重他人的空间，不用无聊的闲扯烦扰别人。

63. The protagonist, Martti, is a typical Finn, reserved and introverted, preferring quietness, valuing personal space, and respecting others' space without bothering them with idle chatter.

64. 她经常在发言或表达时，会过度的盯着对方的反馈或周围环境的反应，结果大脑容易变得一片空白，前言不搭后语，超级紧张、结结巴巴，有时甚至忘了自己要表达什么。

64. She often tends to overfocus on the feedback from the other person or the reactions of the surrounding environment while speaking or expressing herself, which leads to her brain going blank, her thoughts becoming disjointed, and her feeling extremely nervous and stuttering. Sometimes, she even forgets what she wants to express.