拥抱温暖，心怀所依——安全感与归属感的完美融合。

Embrace warmth, hold what you cherish close – the perfect blend of security and a sense of belonging.

1. 但事实证明，这样的交往方式往往矛盾层出不穷，甚至导致关系破裂。

1. But it turns out that such a way of interacting often leads to endless contradictions, even causing the breakdown of relationships.

2. 一群人行进时候，她们也不可能走在显著的位置，而是愿意待在安全的行列。默不作声，用行动来应和，却永不主动。

2. When a group of people are walking, they are also unlikely to position themselves prominently, preferring to stay in a safe line. They remain silent, echoing with their actions, but never take the initiative.

3. 但是，在内心的深处，她们却是最祈求真情的一类人。一旦遇到真情，她们是很容易沦陷的，她们又是有意识抗拒的。

3. However, deep down inside, they are among the most longing for true feelings. Once they encounter true love, they are easily drawn into it, yet they also have a conscious resistance.

4. ❾真正的安心，是允许自己脆弱，也有人接住你的脆弱。

4. True peace of mind is allowing oneself to be vulnerable, and having someone to catch hold of your vulnerability.

5. 所以，女人的出嫁，简直就是重生，亦或具体称作二次生命的开始。但是，身边却绝对难比父母的关爱。于是，一个无忧无虑的女孩儿，成了一个对啥都陌生的人妇。

5. Therefore, a woman's marriage is essentially a rebirth, or more specifically, the beginning of a second life. However, it is absolutely not as loving as the care from her parents. Thus, a girl who had no worries in the world has become a woman who is a stranger to everything.

6. 恋爱初期，很多情侣会步入一个误区：他们倾尽所有时间黏在一起，甚至不上班不上学，完全失去个人生活，退出社交圈子。

6. In the early stages of dating, many couples fall into a误区: they spend all their time together, even to the extent of not going to work or school, completely losing their personal lives and withdrawing from their social circles.

7. 总之，你要迅速与其他女生拉开差距，至少具备一样不可替代的个人特点。

7. In summary, you should quickly differentiate yourself from other girls, at least having one irreplaceable personal trait.

8. 而这种落差的背后，没有深厚感情和美好回忆作为支撑，就显得异常脆弱，很容易分开。

8. Behind this gap, without the support of deep affection and pleasant memories, it appears exceptionally fragile and easy to break apart.

9. 适当的抽离和冷淡，反而能给对方一个缓冲的时间，无数次让他在见不到你的时候，美化回忆，回味美好，用想念和欲望，来主动提醒自己有多爱你。

9. Appropriate detachment and indifference can actually give the other person a buffer time, countless times allowing him to beautify memories and relish the good times when he can't see you. Using longing and desire, he can proactively remind himself how much he loves you.

10. 这种体验就是关系的升温催化剂：时刻想跟对方黏在一起，一刻不见就会想念，对对方朝思暮想，感觉到归属感和安全感。

10. This experience serves as a catalyst for the warming of relationships: constantly wanting to be close to the other person, missing them when apart, yearning for them throughout the day and night, and feeling a sense of belonging and security.

11. 虽然上面描述的是比较极端的现象，但是，几乎每个女人心里都住着个敏感而胆怯的女孩儿。女人的一生，几乎就是和安全感斗争的一生。所以，男人应该理解，找个一个女人做妻子，就等同于加入了和安全感斗争的行列。

11. Although the phenomena described above are relatively extreme, almost every woman harbors a sensitive and timid girl within her heart. A woman's life is almost a constant struggle for a sense of security. Therefore, men should understand that finding a woman to be a wife is equivalent to joining the ranks of the struggle for security.

12. 不论是经济方面，还是情感方面，哪怕是人际关系方面，或者其他环境因素，都会对她产生很大的影响。因为，这里毕竟不是生她养她的那个家庭，这里是新鲜的，也是充满不可测因素的。

12. Whether it is in terms of economics, emotions, or even interpersonal relationships, or other environmental factors, they will have a significant impact on her. Because, after all, this is not the family that gave her birth and raised her; it is new and filled with unpredictable elements.

13. 不再一一阐述了，此类型原因很多，症状却有很大的共性。

13. No longer elaborating one by one, there are many reasons of this type, but the symptoms have a great commonality.

14. 如果，有好的男人懂她们，懂得怎样去爱她们，她们将是温暖而死心塌地的一种女人。但是，她们受不得伤害。否则便会固化她们对社会的原有认识。

14. If there are good men who understand them and know how to love them, they will become warm and devoted women. However, they cannot bear to be hurt, otherwise it will solidify their original understanding of society.

15. 这和她们的处境有关系。无论因为什么样的原因，物质也好，精神也好，或者物质和精神皆而有之，女士是无论如何要出嫁为人妇的，最起码大多数如此。

15. This has to do with their situation. Regardless of the reasons, whether it be material, spiritual, or both, women are bound to get married and become wives, at least the majority of them do.

16. 这里，再没了父亲的逗趣和经济支援，也没了母亲的无微不至和温暖备加，当然，更没有大、中、小学时期学友，也没有发小闺蜜和亲戚邻居，有的，只是这个可能承担了自己的生活物质，并且信誓旦旦要一辈子待自己好的男人。

16. Here, there is no more the father's humor and financial support, nor the mother's meticulous care and warmth. Of course, there are no schoolmates from primary, middle, and high school, no childhood friends, no close friends, and no relatives and neighbors. What there is, is this man who may be responsible for his material needs and who solemnly promises to treat him well for a lifetime.

17. 人是需要付出的，在付出的过程中，我们可以感受到自己的存在感和价值感，更享受目的尚未达成时的动力满满。

17. People require dedication, and in the process of giving, we can feel our sense of existence and value, and even more so, enjoy the full of energy when the goal has not yet been achieved.

18. 主动自我表露，会增加真实性，更容易让对方放下戒备

18. Active self-disclosure increases authenticity and makes it easier for the other person to let down their guard.

19. 而女人的出嫁，纵然对男方有一万个依赖，她们总是有类似孩子的断乳期呢。在新的家里——尽管这个新家是她千挑万选出来的，或者曾经使她费尽了心力——她也总会有或多或少的不安全感。

19. And when a woman gets married, even if she depends on her husband a thousand times over, she still has a period of weaning like a child. In the new home — even though this new home was carefully chosen by her or once exhausted her energy — she will always have a certain degree of insecurity, to a greater or lesser extent.

20. ❹有人接住你的情绪，比有人接住你的成功更珍贵。

20. ❹ Having someone catch your emotions is more precious than having someone catch your success.

21. 有了感情的主观连结，同时也要建立客观依赖。

21. Establish both subjective connections with emotions and objective dependencies.

22. 说到谈婚论嫁，她们可能是紧闭心门的，不过，在忘记了自己经历的时候，她们也可能会有些真实诉求的流露。但是，她们要么是表演，做个不当回事儿的样子，要么就是不屑一顾，甚至对情感类的不值一提。

22. When it comes to discussing marriage and settling down, they may have their hearts closed off. However, when they forget about their own experiences, they might also let some genuine desires show. But they are either putting on a show, acting like it's not a big deal, or they are dismissive, even to the point of disregarding matters of the heart.

23. 敏感的天性使她们更能够时时擦肩于安全感的边缘。经济方面的安全感，情感方面的归属感，环境方面的青睐感，人际关系方面的舒适感，都使她们有所诉求。

23. Their sensitive nature makes them more prone to hover on the edge of security. The sense of security in economic matters, the sense of belonging in emotional matters, the sense of favor in environmental matters, and the sense of comfort in interpersonal relationships all lead them to have certain demands.

24. 因为，爱情的初始阶段更多是激情：双方尚未了解彼此，也没有建立起多深厚的感情连结，你们对于彼此而言，更像是某种某样充满幻想和好奇的事物——换言之，你们喜欢的，是自己幻想出的完美对象。

24. Because, in the initial stage of love, it is more about passion: neither party has fully understood each other, nor have they established a deep emotional connection. To each other, you are more like some kind of object filled with fantasy and curiosity – in other words, what you like is the perfect object that you have imagined.

25. 他们以为这是爱的表现，但殊不知，这样做，往往就是走向分手的开始。

25. They thought this was an expression of love, but little did they know that doing so often marks the beginning of the end of a relationship.

26. 可能敏感，更可能神经质，又是很容易受伤的，这样的女人最需要安全感，从而来抵消成长时期的失落和受冷漠。

26. Such a woman, who may be sensitive, more neurotic, and easily hurt, is in most need of a sense of security to counteract the loss and neglect experienced during her growth period.

27. ❷世界再大，能让我安心的，不过是一个人的怀抱。

27. No matter how vast the world is, the only thing that can make me feel at ease is a person's embrace.

28. 所以，想让双方的感情稳定升温，万万不可完全失去自我生活地黏在一起。

28. Therefore, to keep the feelings between both parties stable and gradually increase, it is absolutely crucial not to become overly attached to each other, losing one's own independent life.

29. 她们更愿意双保险，情感的安全性不足，必须外加金钱的安全阀。最好是现金，眼看着真金白银存到了银行，把那银行卡牢劳放在她的手里，她才会心安理得否则，是万万睡不好的。

29. They prefer a double guarantee, as they feel that the emotional security is insufficient, and an additional safety valve in the form of money is needed. The best would be in cash, with the real gold and silver seen being deposited into the bank, and having the credit card securely in her hand, she would feel at ease. Otherwise, she would be unable to sleep well.

30. ❻安全感不是永不离开，而是离开时依然相信会回来。

30. ③ Security is not about never leaving, but about believing it will return when you do.

31. 于是，女生以为自己投入得越多，对男生越好，对方就会越爱自己；男生以为自己只要能为讲道理解决问题，女生就能感觉到安心。

31. So, the girl thought that the more she invested, the better she would be to the boy, and the more he would love her in return; the boy thought that as long as he could reason and solve problems, the girl would feel at ease.

32. 在跟喜欢的人产生肢体接触时，双方都会产生心动和温暖的感觉。更有研究发现，跟喜欢的人拥抱，有助于消除痛感和疲惫感，同时双方大脑中大量释放催产素，会产生一种身处云端，不愿放手的美好体验。

32. When there is physical contact with someone liked, both parties will experience a sense of excitement and warmth. Further research has found that hugging someone liked can help alleviate pain and fatigue, while a large amount of oxytocin is released in both parties' brains, creating a wonderful experience of feeling like being on a cloud and not wanting to let go.

33. 谈婚论嫁的女人也好，走入婚姻的女人也好，她们常爱把安全感挂在嘴上。那么，到底什么是女人想要的安全感呢？实质上讲，安全感是一种源于内心的要求情感满足和物质保障的求安无虞的心理。它是对身体和心理的危险或风险的预感，表现在为人处世的有力感或无力感上面。

33. Whether they are talking about marriage or already in marriage, women often like to talk about a sense of security. So, what exactly is the sense of security that women want? Essentially, a sense of security is a psychological desire for a state of peace and tranquility, stemming from the inner need for emotional satisfaction and material security. It is the anticipation of physical and psychological dangers or risks, and it manifests itself as a feeling of strength or weakness in dealing with people and situations.

34. 男人来自火星，女人来自水星。生理的构造决定了她们的包容和隐忍，她们虽不至于出去独当一面，事业有成，可能她们在有所收入的同时，却也更加细腻于生活和家庭。

34. Men come from Mars, and women come from Venus. Their physiological structure determines their tolerance and patience. While they may not necessarily excel in independent careers and achieve success, they might be more delicate and attentive to life and the family when they have an income.

35. 即使说有多少多少钱，多少多少家产，不如叫她死死攥在手里。她不动，别人也别动。否则会越动越少呢，就怕那个，否则，她真的睡不好呢。

35. It's not as good to talk about how much money or property she has; it's better to let her hold onto it tightly. If she doesn't move it, no one else should either. Otherwise, the more it moves, the less there will be, and I'm afraid of that. Otherwise, she really won't sleep well.

36. ❺生活再动荡，总有一个角落让你卸下所有防备。

36. No matter how tumultuous life may be, there's always a corner where you can let down all your defenses.

37. 首先是父母离异的女人。她们的成长，几乎就在孤独寂寞当中过来的。所以，她们很容易封闭了自己，朋友少，和社会接触不多。当然，也有融入社会的愿望，却不可能做到多么好，所以，往往在她们貌似坚强的身影背后，有一颗孤寂而敏感的心灵。

37. Firstly, there are women whose parents have divorced. Their growth has been almost entirely through loneliness and solitude. Therefore, they tend to封闭 themselves, have few friends, and have limited contact with society. Of course, they also have the desire to integrate into society, but they cannot do it very well, so often, behind the seemingly strong figures they present, there lies a lonely and sensitive heart.

38. 所以，提供给对方真正需要的，才更容易准确抓住对方的心。

38. Therefore, providing what the other party truly needs is more likely to accurately capture their heart.

39. 从生物学上来说，能让一个人对另一个人产生持久之爱的生物基础，来源于体内的两种激素：

39. Biologically speaking, the basis for the biological basis of a person's enduring love for another person comes from two hormones within the body:

40. 换言之，你既要欣然接受他对你的付出，又要回馈同样价值的回报给他。一来二去，双方的关系就会在这种给予和收获之中愈加深厚。

40. In other words, you should both happily accept each other's efforts and reciprocate with the same value. Over time, the relationship between the two parties will grow deeper through this cycle of giving and receiving.

41. 其次是打小不受重视的女人。社会是滚滚向前的，它的向前，不会考虑更多人的感受，包括各种人的感受。

41. Next are women who were not valued when they were young. Society moves forward with momentum, and its progress does not take into account the feelings of more people, including the feelings of various individuals.

42. 人的本性就是需要被认同的，越被认同，才越会觉得前方有光，认真投入。

42. Human nature is to seek recognition, and the more recognition one receives, the more one feels there is light ahead and is willing to immerse oneself sincerely.

43. 男女双方在亲密关系中的底层需求本就不同：男生需要支持和理解，女生则更需要重视和关心。

43. The fundamental needs of both men and women in intimate relationships are inherently different: men need support and understanding, while women need more attention and care.

44. 她们憧憬的安全感是一种让她们可以放心、能够舒心、足以依赖、毫不怀疑可以随时随地都相信的靠实感觉。也就是说，不管她是不是随时用，是否能意识，但是，只要随时随地需要，总在那里等候她尽情使用的感觉。

44. The security they long for is a reliable feeling that allows them to feel at ease, to be content, and to depend on it without a shadow of doubt, a feeling that they can trust at any time and in any place. In other words, whether or not she uses it at any given moment, whether or not she is aware of it, there is always a sense that it is there waiting for her to use it whenever she needs it.

45. 而这两种激素最直接的激发方式，就是肢体接触。

45. The most direct way to stimulate these two hormones is through physical contact.

46. 想让对方对你有好感，投其所好才能事半功倍。

46. To win someone's favor, catering to their tastes can make twice the effort for half the result.

47. 就情感和环境的因素来说，她们是非常没有安全感的。尽管她们是一天天长大了的女人，却心里依然住着一个小女孩儿呢。

47. In terms of emotional and environmental factors, they are extremely lacking in a sense of security. Despite growing up day by day into women, there is still a little girl living in their hearts.

48. 所以，和缺乏安全感的女人在一起，得分外操心。

48. Therefore, being with a woman who lacks a sense of security requires extra care and concern.

49. 你真的爱她吗？那就给她莫大的安全感吧？需要多大？她能有多大危机，你就做到多大的抵抗。否则，她是永远对你不满意的。

49. Do you really love her? Then give her the utmost sense of security. How much is needed? You should offer as much resistance as the potential crisis she might face. Otherwise, she will never be satisfied with you.

50. ❽世界或许不可靠，但你的温柔让我愿意相信一切。

50. The world may be unreliable, but your gentleness makes me willing to believe in everything.

51. 她们更愿意选择死心塌地对自己好的男人，却不能对别的女人都表示友好。你可以表示礼貌，却不能表达友谊。你可以做事儿落落大方，却得把我摆在最显著、最重要的地位。

51. They prefer to choose men who are completely devoted to taking good care of them, but they cannot show friendliness to other women. You can show politeness, but you cannot express friendship. You can be generous in your actions, but you must put me in the most prominent and important position.

52. 自我表露会快速拉近两人的关系，因为你的坦诚代表着信任和真实，更容易让对方放下戒备，同样以真实的自己跟你坦诚相待。

52. Self-disclosure can quickly draw the two people closer together, because your honesty represents trust and authenticity, making it easier for the other person to let down their guard and reciprocate with sincerity and honesty towards you.

53. ❸安全感不是拥有很多，而是确信自己值得被爱。

53. ❸ Security is not about having a lot, but about being convinced that one is worthy of love.

54. ❶真正的安全感，不是被保护，而是知道自己可以面对一切。

54. ❶ True security is not being protected, but knowing that you can face everything.

55. 但这种自我表露并不是让你自报家门，而是主动展露一些个人弱点或童年糗事，当然，你要确定这些弱点或糗事是可爱的，起码不会让对方对你敬而远之。

55. However, this self-disclosure is not about boasting about your background, but about actively revealing some personal flaws or embarrassing childhood stories. Of course, you must ensure that these flaws or embarrassing stories are adorable, at least not enough to make the other person keep their distance from you.

56. 人是意识和激素的产物，人的感情同样由此决定。

56. Humans are the product of consciousness and hormones, and their emotions are similarly determined by this.

57. 这不是讨好，而是底气——当你具备某种不可替代性，源源不断地为对方提供某种价值时，对方就会情不自禁地对你产生精神依赖，从而，你才更容易掌握感情中的主动权。

57. This is not flattery, but confidence — when you possess an irreplaceable quality and continuously provide a certain value to the other party, the other party will involuntarily develop a spiritual dependence on you. Consequently, it becomes easier for you to take the initiative in matters of the heart.

58. 因为毛头小子的男人不一定可能设身处地，更没多少男人能够懂得女人的细腻微妙心理，所以，多于女人耿耿于怀的安全感，男人往往会皱眉头、并且以无病呻吟等闲视之。

58. Since men of little experience may not always be able to put themselves in a woman's shoes, and even fewer men can truly understand the delicate and subtle psychology of women, men often frown and casually dismiss things like whining as trivial, in comparison to the sense of security that women tend to hold onto.

59. 正是因为这份幻想和好奇，他才能对你产生源源不断地探索欲和新鲜感，热恋的感觉才得以维持。一旦双方过度透支，完全将真实的自己暴露在对方面前，失去神秘感和新鲜感，或多或少都会引起对方的情感落差。

59. It is precisely because of this fantasy and curiosity that he can continually feel a desire to explore and a sense of novelty towards you, which allows the passion of love to be maintained. Once both parties overindulge and completely expose their true selves to each other, losing the sense of mystery and novelty, it will inevitably cause a certain degree of emotional落差 (落差) in each other.

60. 她可能买了很多保险，她对意想不到的事儿分外留心，她想把好多事儿都安排妥当，她更愿意有健康的身体，更愿意把以后的可能的危险和灾害都用足够的钱来抵挡。

60. She might have bought a lot of insurance, she is particularly cautious about unexpected things, she wants to arrange many things properly, she prefers to have a healthy body, and she is more willing to use enough money to resist possible dangers and disasters in the future.

61. 没有安全感的女人，尤其和她的社会阅历相关，还有她的知识素养相关。越是社会阅历浅的女人，越是知识水平低的女人，能力更差，越需要安全感。所以，她的男人的情感压力和赚钱压力也更重。

61. Women who lack a sense of security, especially those with less social experience and lower educational attainment, tend to have poorer abilities and need more security. Therefore, their men face greater emotional and financial pressures.

62. 之所以这样，因为环境可以变换，人际关系方面的不稳定，她可以尽量把与人交往减到最少。但是，她需要定心丸，她更需要一生笃定的爱，她更需要实打实的抵抗一切意外和可能的金钱。

62. The reason for this is that the environment can change, and interpersonal relationships are unstable, so she tries to minimize her interactions with others. However, she needs a reassurance, but she needs a lifelong steadfast love even more, and she needs a solid foundation against all unforeseen and possible financial challenges.

63. ❼最踏实的依靠，是知道有人愿意听你说废话。

63. The most solid依靠 is knowing that there is someone willing to listen to you blabber.

64. 你要让他知道，他为你做的一切你都看在眼里，记在心上，并为此感动。如此，他能感觉到前所未有的价值感，并萌生出一种继续努力的决心。

64. You need to let him know that everything he has done for you is noticed by you, remembered in your heart, and for which you feel touched. In this way, he can feel a sense of value like never before, and be inspired to develop a determination to continue to strive.

65. 其实，一个女人的安全感，源于根深蒂固的不受重视。他们始终是徘徊于人群的边缘的，你就看聚餐或集会时候人们选择座位的样子，没有安全感的人，往往处在一群人座位的内部的角落。她们更愿意处于不起波澜的地方，却永远不愿意显山露水。

65. In fact, a woman's sense of security comes from a deeply rooted feeling of being undervalued. They are always hovering on the edge of the crowd. Just observe how people choose their seats during meals or gatherings. Those who lack security often find themselves in the corner of the seating area within a group. They prefer to stay in places without ripples, yet they are never willing to stand out.

66. ❿安全感不是没有风浪，而是有人陪你一起面对风浪。

66. Security is not the absence of storms and waves, but having someone with you to face them together.

67. 你最好能提供给对方某种价值：情绪价值也好生活价值也罢，甚至是他对你的迷恋之情，身边很难再看到比你优秀的女生。

67. It's best if you can provide some value to the other person: emotional value, life value, or even the infatuation he has for you, as it's hard to find a girl who is more outstanding than you around him.

68. 女人在婚恋当中，最是寻求安全感的时候。她们选择人高马大的人，最起码选择强壮的男人。却绝对不能对自己也造成威胁。

68. Women are most in need of a sense of security in marriage and romance. They tend to choose tall and strong men, at least strong men. But they must absolutely not choose someone who poses a threat to themselves.

69. 这也是很多人在关系中产生争吵的源头——两人总是以己推人，用自己的标准去为对方做无效付出。

69. This is also the source of conflict for many in relationships—both individuals always project their own perspectives onto each other, making ineffective sacrifices based on their own standards.

70. 前者维持人类的忠诚和专情，后者产生与伴侣的依恋和亲密。

70. The former maintains human loyalty and fidelity, while the latter generates attachment and intimacy with a partner.