笑到抽筋的搞笑句子，究竟隐藏着怎样的欢乐密码？且看本文一探究竟。

Laugh until your muscles twitch, what kind of joy code is hidden behind these humorous sentences? Let's find out in this article.

1. 借钱可以，但我得先跟我媳妇商量一下。你不是没媳妇吗是啊，所以说没得商量!

1. It's okay to borrow money, but I need to discuss it with my wife first. You don't have a wife, do you? Yeah, so there's no discussion to be had!

2. 男人真是让人捉摸不透，他们总是急切的想拥有一个家，然后不回。

2. Men are truly enigmatic, as they always eagerly desire to have a home and then never return.

3. 以前考试老师发卷子，后边的女生多拿了一张，高呼“老师，我有了，我有了”结果坐他旁边的男生说道“是我的，是我的”全班爆寒~~~ 没办法，谁让我介么喜欢上班偷懒呢

3. In the past, during exams, the teacher distributed papers, and a girl at the back took an extra one, shouting "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" Then the boy sitting next to her said, "It's mine, it's mine!" The whole class burst into laughter~~~ There's no way about it, who could blame me for liking to sneak in a bit of laziness at work?

4. 白衬衫容易发黄，一般洗衣液很难清洗，不少人为此感到头痛，不妨在洗的时候吃点头痛药。

4. White shirts tend to yellow easily, and it's usually difficult to clean them with regular laundry detergent. Many people find this a headache, so why not take some headache medicine while you're washing them.

5. 小时候冰棍雪糕的一般都是推着自行车叫卖，有一次，在屋子里听一阿姨喊：新来的雪糕，热乎的。(估计阿姨以前是卖油饼油条的

5. When we were kids, ice lollies were usually sold by pushing bicycles. Once, while inside the house, I heard an aunt喊: "New ice lollies, freshly made." (I guess the aunt used to sell oil cakes and fried dough sticks.)

6. 昨天下午，陪媳妇逛街，她突然问我：我和你前女友谁的身材好？我正思索时，忽然身后一哥们果断回答：你好！我们惊恐回头，结果是一陌生哥们。他估计被我们的表情吓坏了，颤声说：你好请问八一路怎么走

6. Yesterday afternoon, I was accompanying my wife to go shopping, and she suddenly asked me, "Whose figure is better, mine or your ex-girlfriend's?" I was pondering over this when suddenly a guy behind me answered resolutely, "Hello!" We turned around in shock, only to find a stranger. He seemed scared by our expressions and stammered, "Hello, could you please tell me how to get to Bayi Road?"

7. 为什么一看书、就困呢？因为书，是梦开始的地方

7. Why do I get sleepy as soon as I start reading a book? Because books are where dreams begin.

8. 让我说出：我喜欢你算什么本事！有本事你就对我说：我喜欢你啊

8. Let me tell you: What's the big deal about liking you! Have the guts to tell me, "I like you!"

9. 在一家神经病医院里，有两个神经病，甲对乙说；我最近写了本书，你看了吗？乙答：看了，写的挺好，就是书里的人名太多，我记不住。正在此时，院长进来了，说：你们两拿我的电话簿干什么？

9. In a psychiatric hospital, there were two patients. Patient A said to Patient B, "I've written a book recently, have you read it?" Patient B replied, "I have, it's quite good, but there are too many names in the book, I can't remember them." Just then, the hospital director walked in and said, "What are you two doing with my phone book?"

10. 考前动员的时候数学老师喝了点酒在讲台上说：教书是一场盛大的暗恋，你费劲心思去爱一群人，最后却只感动了自己。真是学生虐我千百遍，我待学生如初恋。快期未了，曾经怕自己一个人考不好，现在怕一群人考不好各位同学，你若不离不弃，我必生死相依，你若自我放弃，我也无能无力。 顿时全班掌声雷动老师你刚失恋吧！

10. During the pre-exam mobilization, the math teacher had a bit of drink and said from the podium: Teaching is a grand unrequited love, you go to great lengths to love a group of people, only to end up moving yourself in the end. It's really the students who hurt me a thousand times over, but I treat them like my first love. As the end of the term is approaching, I used to worry about not doing well in the exam alone, but now I worry about a group of people not doing well. Classmates, if you don't leave me and abandon me, I will be loyal to you to the end. If you give up on yourself, there's nothing I can do. The entire class burst into applause: Teacher, have you just broken up with your lover?

11. 当金钱站起来说话时，所有的真理就都去睡觉了。

11. When money stands up to speak, all truths go to sleep.

12.

The text "12." is already in English. It appears to be a numbering or a list item marker, possibly indicating the beginning of the twelfth item in a list or sequence. If you need the translation of the content following the number "12.", please provide the additional text.

13. 一天，小芳一下班回到家，儿子小强就跑到她面前，得意洋洋地说：妈妈，我已经学会了杀价了！小芳一面不解，问道：那你怎样做呢？小强说：我拿着一些废品到回收站把它们卖掉，收废品的那个叔叔说一共六块钱，我说太贵了，他就四块给我买了

13. One day, after work, as Xiao Fang arrived home, her son Xiao Qiang ran up to her proudly and said: "Mom, I've learned how to haggle now!" Xiao Fang, puzzled, asked: "How do you do that?" Xiao Qiang replied: "I took some waste products to the recycling station and sold them. The recycling man said it was a total of six yuan, but I said it was too expensive, so he bought it from me for four yuan."

14. 很内向，坐出租车都是坐后备箱。

14. Very introverted, even when taking a taxi, I prefer to sit in the trunk.

15. 一次文艺晚会，主持人上台报幕：下面请欣赏：新疆歌舞，掀起你的头盖骨！毛骨悚然！！！！！

15. At a cultural and art evening, the host stepped onto the stage to announce: "Next, please enjoy: Xinjiang Dance and Music, lift up your skull cap! Horrifying!!!!!!!

16. 我有次去买羊肉串，伸出4个手指对老板说“来3根羊肉串”老板蒙了“几根？”我又伸出3个手指说“4根”……

16. On one occasion, I went to buy lamb skewers and extended four fingers to the owner, saying, "Give me three lamb skewers." The owner was confused and asked, "How many skewers?" I then extended three fingers and said, "Four skewers..."

17. 小学耗铅笔，中学耗本子，高中耗脑子，大学耗流量。

17. Primary school kids waste pencils, middle school students waste notebooks, high school students waste their brains, and university students waste data traffic.

18. 男人不穿衣服是禽兽，穿了衣服就是衣冠禽兽。

18. A man without clothes is an animal, and with clothes on, he is a beast in disguise.

19. 学校组织春游，老师说到：这次春游大家要集体活动，不能象上次，二个二个的在一起，我都不好意思说你们，这次要至少十个人一起行动！春游那天大家表现很好，突然看到张三捂着肚子叫：谁还去厕所，我们已经组织九个人了啊！！

19. The school organized a spring outing, and the teacher said: This time, everyone should participate in group activities, not like last time, where you were all in pairs. I'm ashamed to say this, but this time, at least ten people should act together! On the day of the spring outing, everyone performed well. Suddenly, Zhang San, covering his stomach, called out: Who else wants to go to the bathroom? We've already organized nine people!!

20. 小时候我妈教我用筷子，半天学不会她就打我，现在长大了我教我妈用手机，半天她学不会她还是打我。

20. When I was a child, my mother taught me to use chopsticks, and after half a day she would hit me if I couldn't learn. Now that I've grown up, I teach my mother how to use a smartphone, and if she can't learn after half a day, she still hits me.

21. 我总在幻想我是人，可事实告诉我说我只是凹凸曼。

21. I always fantasize that I am a human, but the facts tell me that I am just a Mysterious Man.

22. 女人混得好，衣服穿得少。男人混得好，头发向后倒。

22. A woman who does well in life dresses less. A man who does well in life has his hair combed back.

23. 金属探测仪不仅仅是用于安检的，有人拿它来捡垃圾。

23. Metal detectors are not only used for security checks; some people use them to pick up trash.

24. 播音稿原文：两歹徒打伤我110干警后逃窜，播音员读成：两歹徒打伤我一百一十名干警后逃窜。（黄飞鸿转世？？！）

24. Script original: Two ruffians injured 110 police officers and then fled; the announcer read it as: Two ruffians injured 110 of our police officers and then fled. (Is this the reincarnation of Wong Fei-hung??!)

25. 上一次末日恐龙都死光了；所以这次我很担心你啊

25. The last time at the end of the world, all the dinosaurs died out; so I'm really worried about you this time.

26. 有个人逗一小孩：你是你爹还是我是你爹？小孩说：你是你爹！那人急忙道：错了！你想想。小孩歪头想了半天，疑惑地问：难道我是你爹？

26. Someone teased a child: Are you your father or am I your father? The child said: You are your father! The person hurriedly said: That's wrong! Think about it. The child tilted its head and thought for a long time, suspiciously asking: Am I your father?

27. 我们真的不合适，我前男友两个人，你前女友两个群。

27. We really aren't a good match; I have two ex-boyfriends, and you have two ex-girlfriend groups.

28. 当你觉得一个人孤独的时候，就打开电脑放一部鬼片，一会你就觉得厕所有人，厨房有人，房间也有人。

28. When you feel lonely, turn on the computer and watch a horror movie, and soon you'll feel like there's someone in the bathroom, someone in the kitchen, and someone in the room.

29. 一日上课，一学生开小差，老师见了，想刁难该生。老师：你说地球是什么形状的？学生：圆的。老师不甘心，又问：为什么地球是方的呢？学生：老师我听你的！你说了算！你说方的就方的。

29. One day, during a class, a student was distracted. The teacher noticed and wanted to make fun of the student. Teacher: What shape do you think the Earth is? Student: Round. The teacher was not satisfied and asked again: Why is the Earth square? Student: Teacher, I'll listen to you! You decide! If you say it's square, then it's square!

30. 俄告诉你，只要俄的小宇宙爆发，耶稣再生也没办法゛。

30. Russia tells you that as long as Russia's little universe explodes, even the rebirth of Jesus won't be able to stop it.

31. 梦想不能用金钱来计量，否则你的梦想会贬值的。

31. Dreams cannot be measured in terms of money; otherwise, your dreams will lose value.

32. 新世纪的男性：上得了厅堂，下得了厨房。养得起老婆，记得住亲娘，同时还会讨好丈母娘

32. The Men of the New Century: Capable of shining in the parlor, skilled in the kitchen. Able to support a wife, remember one's mother, and also please the mother-in-law.

33. 给老公发短信：你知道银行卡放哪了吗我着急用，速回!老公回道：知道!

33. Sent a text message to the husband: Do you know where the bank card is? I need it urgently, please reply quickly! The husband replied: Know!

34. 妈妈出门打麻将之前，跟我说：“你把衣服都放到冰箱里，把菜都捡到洗衣机里 面

34. Before Mom went out to play Mahjong, she told me, "You put all the clothes in the refrigerator and gather all the vegetables in the washing machine."

35. 我以后生个儿子名字要叫“好帅”，那别人看到我就会说“好帅的爸爸”。

35. I want to name my son "Hao Shuai" in the future, so when others see me, they will say "Hao Shuai's father."

36. 老师将考卷发给学生后，要求家长签字。学生小蒙问道：老师，是让爸爸妈妈签字，还是让爷爷奶奶签字？老师说：你家里谁说话算数，就让谁签。小蒙听罢，喃喃自语道:这么说，只能让我来签字了。

36. After the teacher distributed the exam papers to the students, they asked the parents to sign them. Student Xiao Meng asked, "Teacher, do we need our parents or grandparents to sign?" The teacher replied, "Let the person in your family who makes the final decision sign." Upon hearing this, Xiao Meng murmured to himself, "So, it seems like I'll have to sign it myself."

37. 本人姓朱，管理单位机房。有次有人打我手机：“鸡科长，你在猪房吗？”当时狂骂那家伙一顿！

37. I am Zhu, and I manage the computer room of my unit. Once, someone called my mobile phone and asked, "Comrade Ji, are you in the pig house?" At that time, I scolded that guy a great deal!

38. 卧室里传出杰克的尖叫声，妈妈赶快跑进去一看，原来2岁的妹妹正扯他的头发。妈妈轻轻地将小女儿的手扒开，向小杰克安慰道：她还小，她不知道那样会弄疼你。妈妈刚走出卧室，里面又传来小女儿的尖叫声。怎么啦？妈妈扭头冲进去问道。现在她知道了。杰克答道。

38. The sound of Jack's scream came from the bedroom, and the mother hurried in to see what was wrong. It turned out that his 2-year-old sister was pulling his hair. The mother gently pried her little daughter's hand away and comforted little Jack, "She's still young, she doesn't know that it will hurt you." Just as the mother stepped out of the bedroom, the sound of her little daughter's scream came again. "What's wrong?" the mother turned around and asked. "Now she knows," Jack replied.

39. 两只公海龟打架，最狠的招术是把对方翻个身。

39. When two male sea turtles fight, the nastiest move is to flip the other turtle over.

40. 原来想见一个人说走就能走，现在不行了，要48小时内核酸报告了。

40. Originally, one could meet someone and just go away, but now it's not possible anymore; a nucleic acid test report within 48 hours is required.

41. 我一不高兴就一直吃，吃多了就胖，胖了我就不高兴。

41. Whenever I'm not in a good mood, I keep eating, and eating too much makes me gain weight, which in turn makes me even more unhappy.

42. 笑吧，也许你不知，叹吧，随它去吧。无法挽留。只因时间带走。

42. Laugh, perhaps you don't know, sigh, let it be. It can't be held back. Just because time takes it away.

43. 觉得身体哪里有点小毛病，最好还是别去网上搜索，每次我搜索完之后，都向着先拟好遗嘱。

43. If you feel a bit of a minor discomfort in your body, it's best not to search online. Every time I search, I feel inclined to draft a will first.

44. 一般长得丑的人，照片都比本人好看；长得好看的人，照片还没有本人十分之一好看。

44. Generally speaking, people who are not very good-looking tend to look better in photos; those who are good-looking don't look as good in photos as they do in person by a factor of ten.

45. 老子是儿子的通行证， 儿子是老子的墓志铭。

45. Laozi is the pass for the son, and the son is the epitaph for the father.

46. 这篇笑话太好笑了，我得看一场悲剧才能平复心情。

46. This joke was so hilarious that I need to watch a tragedy to calm my nerves.

47. 世界末日了怎么办？自杀。为什么？先下去占个位置

47. What to do when the world is ending? Suicide. Why? To secure a spot first.

48. 暗恋一个女生很久，可是不知道怎么让她注意到我，只能默默努力赚钱，然后在她结婚的时候随了好多份子，终于成功的引起了她的注意。

48. I've been secretly in love with a girl for a long time, but I didn't know how to get her attention. I could only silently work hard to make money, and then gave a lot of red envelopes at her wedding, finally successfully attracting her attention.

49. 小亮很淘气，跑到邻居家的果园偷吃草莓，结果被发现了。邻居阿姨问：你叫什么名字？我要告诉你的家长！小亮神情自若地说：不用了，我的爸爸妈妈都知道我叫什么名字。

49. Little Liang was very mischievous, and he ran to his neighbor's orchard to steal strawberries, only to be caught. The neighbor's aunt asked, "What is your name? I want to tell your parents!" Little Liang calmly said, "No need, my parents know what my name is."

50. 爱情就像一座坟墓，明知道是死还一点一点往上堆土。

50. Love is like a tomb, knowing it's a dead end yet piling up the earth bit by bit.

51. 女孩羞涩地答道:“还没有”，他狂喜:“那你可不可以当我的男朋友？”

51. The girl shyly replied, "Not yet," and he was overjoyed, "Then can you be my boyfriend?"

52. 真正的爱情需要等待，谁都可以说爱你，但不是人人都能等你。

52. True love requires patience, anyone can say they love you, but not everyone can wait for you.

53. 再过几十年，我们来相会，送到火葬场，全部烧成灰，你一堆我一堆，谁也不认识谁，全部送到农村做化肥。

53. In a few decades, let's meet again, and be sent to the crematorium, all turned to ashes, with you and me piles upon piles, none recognizing the other, all sent to the countryside to be used as fertilizer.

54. 谈了个对象，大晚上非要跟我聊前任，聊到第十个就生气了，真玩不起，我还没说完呢，真是翻脸比翻书还要快。

54. I was talking to my partner late at night, and they insisted on discussing my exes. By the tenth one, they got angry, really can't handle this game, I still haven't finished my part, it's like turning the page faster than flipping a book.

55. 递给我一根冰糕，我咬一口大叫：“烫死我了！”

55. Hand me an ice lolly, I take a bite and exclaim, "It's too hot for me!"

56. 当钞票站起来说话时，所有的真理就都去睡觉了。

56. When the notes stand up to speak, all truth goes to sleep.

57. 我表舅的女儿是个研究生在上海工作，今年已经31了还单身。老家一媒婆给她介绍一小伙说特帅，而且是搞音乐的。然后表姐请假回来相亲一看，是个农村里红白喜事吹唢呐的老光棍，气的脸都青了

57. My cousin's daughter is a graduate student working in Shanghai and is already 31 years old and still single. A matchmaker from her hometown introduced her to a young man who was said to be very handsome and involved in music. However, when my cousin took a leave to go back for the blind date, she found out that he was an old bachelor from the countryside who played suona (a Chinese double-reeded horn) at red and white weddings and funerals, and she was so angry that her face turned pale.

58. 小明一直为他的爸爸是一个伟大工程师感到骄傲某日,他遇到小华于是和小华聊了起来小明对小华说:你知道喜马拉雅山吗？小华说:知道啊小明说:那是我爸爸建成的嘿嘿。当时小华就无语了他想了一会说:你知道死海吗？那是我爸爸杀死的

58. Xiao Ming has always been proud that his father is a great engineer. One day, he met Xiao Hua and started chatting with him. Xiao Ming said to Xiao Hua, "Do you know Mount Everest?" Xiao Hua replied, "Yes, I do." Xiao Ming then said, "That's what my dad built. Haha." At that moment, Xiao Hua was speechless. After thinking for a while, he said, "Do you know the Dead Sea? That's what my dad killed."

59. 一次ktv,点歌，一mm大声喊：给我点一首周截棍的“双杰伦”

59. At a KTV, while selecting songs, a young woman loudly shouted: "Play Zhou Jie's song 'Shuang Jilin' for me."

60. 老师：我们学校由下学期起，转用全英文授课。甲同学：哗！我们会听不懂的。老师：不要担心听不懂，学语言就是要多听,你们每天听我说英语，时间久了自然就会明白。乙同学：可是我每天听家里的小狗叫，也不知道它在说甚么呢。

60. Teacher: Starting from next semester, our school will switch to full English teaching. Student A: Wow! We might not understand. Teacher: Don't worry about not understanding, learning a language is about listening more, and you will naturally understand after listening to me speak English every day. Student B: But I listen to my little dog at home every day, and I don't know what it's saying either.

61. 昨晚做梦，梦到被一群人打，被吓醒了，之后又继续睡着了，又碰到那群人，对我说，你还敢回来啊

61. Last night, I had a dream where I was beaten by a group of people. I was scared awake, then fell back asleep and ran into that group again, who said to me, "Do you dare come back?"

62. 刚上大学，军训，连长不知道是哪里的口音，喊口令——“向左钻！”“向右钻！”

62. Just started college, undergoing military training, the company commander, not knowing where the accent was from, barked out commands – "Turn left!" "Turn right!"

63. 你觉得你喜欢的人也喜欢你的时候，一般是你想多了。

63. When you think the person you like also likes you, it's usually a case of overthinking.

64. 这个月我一定要好好存钱，早睡早起，没事跑跑步，对了，还得改改我这臭脾气，如果做不到，我就下个月再发。

64. This month, I must definitely save money well, go to bed early and wake up early, and run around whenever I have the time. By the way, I also need to change my bad temper. If I can't do it, I'll wait until next month to post.

65. 蓝精灵对着阿凡达唱：“长大后，我就成了你”。

65. The Smurfs sang to Avatar, "When I grow up, I'll be like you."

66. 列车员那补票，列车员问：补到哪里？郑州！有孩子没？有一个。多大啊？四岁半。身高超过一米二了吗？好像没有吧。在哪里过来看看超了没有。啊？我孩子在老家！在老老 家？ 列车员愣了好几秒，感情这妹子天然呆啊！

66. The conductor collected the fare, and the conductor asked, "To where? Zhengzhou! Do you have any children? Yes, one. How old is he? Four and a half. Has he exceeded one meter and two centimeters in height? I think not. Why don't you come and see if he has? Ah? My child is back home! Back home? The conductor was stunned for several seconds, feeling that this girl was naturally naive!

67. 有一个傻子，竟然要用苹果换我的中兴手机，我立刻答应了。然后，我把手机给了他，他从包里拿出一个又圆又大的红富士给了我！

67. There was a fool who wanted to trade an apple for my ZTE phone, and I immediately agreed. Then, I gave him the phone, and he took out a round and large red Fuji apple from his bag and gave it to me!

68. 上学的时候有一天一个电话找我,同学接完递给我说：“你妈找你。”我一边接过电话一便随口说到：“男的女的” 大家狂笑 我被笑了4年 美女也愁嫁，哥们，看我中不中

68. While I was in school, one day, a phone call found me. A classmate answered and handed the phone to me, saying, "Your mom is calling you." As I took the phone, I casually said, "Is it a man or a woman?" Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for four years. Even beautiful girls worry about getting married, my friends, do you think I'll get lucky?

69. 如果你容不下我，说明不是你的心胸太狭小，就是我的人格太伟大。

69. If you can't tolerate me, it means either your heart is too narrow-minded or my personality is too great.

70. 长得好看是可以当饭吃的，所以你应该知道我为什么这么胖了吧。

70. Looking good can be eaten for a meal, so you should know why I am so fat, right?

71. 一位女同事怀孕七个月了，不知道为什么吃不下肉类，连炒个鸡蛋吃都觉得腥。去医院复检时又被医生提醒说要多吃肉，不然以后小孩生下来营养不良很麻烦，然后医生停顿了几秒后小声的对她说：是不是婆婆不太待见你。。。闺蜜如实说：不是，就是吃不了肉，一吃就犯恶心。。医生听完楞了一下，然后对她说：你这怀的该不会是那唐三藏吧。

71. A female colleague is seven months pregnant and for some unknown reason, she can't eat meat. Even the smell of fried eggs makes her feel queasy. When she went to the hospital for a re-examination, the doctor reminded her again to eat more meat, or it would be麻烦 for the child to be undernourished after birth. After pausing for a few seconds, the doctor whispered to her: "Is it that your mother-in-law doesn't like you much?" Her close friend truthfully replied: "No, it's just that I can't eat meat; I get queasy whenever I do." Upon hearing this, the doctor was taken aback and then said to her: "You must not be carrying that Tang Sanzang, are you?"