1. 我能想到最浪漫的事就是你一天天变老，而我依旧青春年少。

1. The most romantic thing I can think of is that you grow older day by day, while I remain youthful.

2. 男人膝下有黄金，我把整个腿都切下来了，连块铜也没找着！

2. Men have gold beneath their knees, but I've cut off my entire leg and haven't found even a piece of copper!

3. 孩儿他娘，咱这辈子还有很多事要做呢，别耽误功夫和我玩捉迷藏了，赶紧蹦出来吧。

3. Child's mother, there are still many things we have to do in this lifetime. Don't waste time playing hide and seek with me. Come out quickly!

4. 世界上最大的悲剧就是，辐射没来，你却被盐齁死了。

4. The greatest tragedy in the world is that the radiation didn't come, but you were killed by salt instead.

5. 为了我的奥迪，你的迪奥，咱孩子的奥利奥。努力！奋斗！

5. For my Audi, your Dior, and our child's Oreo. Strive hard! Struggle on!

6. 如果名字能决定命运的话，我想改名叫钱多多。

6. If a name could determine one's destiny, I would like to change my name to Qian Duoduo.

7. 女人用丝袜征服了男人，男人用丝袜征服了银行。

7. Women conquer men with stockings, and men conquer banks with stockings.

8. 75发情的你和绝情的我怎样面对这个滥情的世界。

8. How do you, with your passion, and I, with my indifference, face this world of promiscuity?

9. 时间等于金钱，算下来我天天都赔钱，这年头时间价高，工资太少。

9. Time is money, and when you calculate it, I'm actually losing money every day. These days, time is highly valued, but the salary is too low.

10. 职员就像闪光照相机，不按一下是不会闪光的。

10. Employees are like flash cameras; they won't shine until they are pressed.

11. 人允许一个陌生人的发迹，却不能容忍一个身边人的晋升。因为同一层次的人之间存在着对比、利益的冲突，而与陌生人不存在这方面的问题。

11. People may allow a stranger to rise to prominence, but they cannot tolerate the advancement of someone close to them. This is because there is a comparison and conflict of interests among people at the same level, which does not exist with strangers.

12. 我的领带又找不到了，是不是你昨天又没有找到抹布？

12. I can't find my tie again, is it because you didn't find the rag yesterday?

13. 你长的很有创意，活着是你的勇气，丑并非是你的本意，只是上帝发点脾气。你要勇敢地生活下去，来衬托出世界的美丽。

13. You have a very creative look; living is your courage. Ugliness was not your intention; it was just God throwing a tantrum. You should bravely go on living to highlight the beauty of the world.

14. 只怪我们当初的一厢情愿，到了现在只有互相埋怨。

14. It's all because of our one-sided wishfulness in the beginning; now we only blame each other.

15. 如果美丽是一种罪，那我已经犯下了滔天大罪。

15. If beauty is a sin, then I have committed a heinous crime.

16. 暗恋是哑剧，说出来了就是悲剧！

16. Secret love is a silent drama; when it's said out loud, it becomes a tragedy!

17. 这么多年谁一直照顾你啊？我很佩服他的胆量。

17. Who has been taking care of you all these years? I am very impressed by his courage.

18. 踏遍青楼人未老，请用汇仁肾宝。

18. Having tread through all the young ladies' quarters yet not aging, please use Huiren Kidney Treasure.

19. 我以为我很颓废，今天我才知道，原来我早报废了。?>

19. I thought I was decadent, but today I realize that I was already obsolete long ago.

20. 全校停水俩天，第二天我发现班里好多女生我都不认识了。

20. The whole school had no water for two days, and on the second day, I found that I didn't recognize many girls in my class.

21. 连广告也信，读书读傻了吧？

21. Even believe in advertisements? You must be reading books and getting brainwashed, right?

22. 爷不是你的小浣熊，玩不出你的其乐无穷。

22. Grandpa is not your little raccoon, he can't play endless fun for you.

23. 一早醒来我以为我长大了，原来是被子盖横了。

23. Upon waking up early in the morning, I thought I had grown up, only to realize that it was because the blanket was covering me horizontally.

24. 喝药递瓶，上吊给绳，跳楼的挥着小手绢送行。

24. Handing over medicine and bottles, hanging with a rope, jumping off the building with a small handkerchief waving goodbye.

25. 风很大，吹拂着脸，阳光灿灿，心，安静地享受。

25. The wind is strong, blowing across the face, the sun is shining brightly, and the heart enjoys the tranquility peacefully.

26. 生活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。

26. Half of life is misfortune, and the other half is how to deal with misfortune.

27. 分手后的思念不叫思念，叫犯贱。

27. The longing after a breakup is not called longing; it's called贱 (jìan), meaning being a贱人 (a jerk).

28. 早知道找个女朋友这么难，我就定娃娃亲了。

28. If I had known that finding a girlfriend was so difficult, I would have arranged a match from a young age.

29. 按猪的审美观，我基本算得上是个帅哥。

29. By the standards of pig aesthetics, I can be considered a handsome guy.

30. 你不能让所有的人满意，因为不一定所有的都是人。

30. You cannot please everyone, because not all are necessarily human.

31. 我渴望自由，但人的身躯不知道怎么才能从狗洞里爬出！

31. I long for freedom, but the human body doesn't know how to crawl out of the dog hole!

32. 多读幽默的人生格言能够让你整个人变得更加幽默哦，

32. Reading humorous life maxims can make your whole person more humorous.

33. 员工喜欢中午外出用餐，因为那是他们唯一能开口挑剔的时候。

33. Employees like to go out for lunch because that is the only time they can openly complain.

34. 经典搞笑的人生格言

35. 即使爬到最高的山上，一次也只能脚踏实地地迈一步。

34. Classic humorous life mottos 35. Even if you climb to the highest mountain, you can only take one step at a time with both feet firmly on the ground.

36. 爱情投资无非就是血本无归和赚翻了。

36. Love investment is either all for naught or hits the jackpot.

37. 行动是治愈恐惧的良药，而犹豫、拖延将不断滋养恐惧。

37. Action is the best medicine for curing fear, while hesitation and procrastination will continuously nourish fear.

38. 你让我滚，我滚了。你让我回来，对不起，滚远了。

38. You told me to leave, so I left. When you asked me to come back, sorry, I've rolled too far.

39. 一个人越在意的地方，就是最令他自卑的地方。

39. The more someone cares about it, the more it becomes a source of their self-doubt.

40. 医院男护士使用的针头将会变粗，打针将变得难以忍受。

40. The needles used by male nurses in the hospital will become thicker, making injections extremely painful to endure.

41. 谁是谁老公？都***临时工！

41. Who is whose husband? They are all temporary workers!

42. 眼睁睁地看着八卦发生，不八一八，岂不是太二了！

42. Just watching the八卦 happen without participating, isn't that too passive?

43. 有钱的时候说，钱是挣出来的。没钱的时候说，钱是省出来的。

43. When you have money, you say that money is earned. When you don't have money, you say that money is saved.

44. 一打开电视总是会碰到广告，一打起瞌睡总是遇到主管，这就是人生。

44. Whenever I turn on the TV, I always encounter advertisements; whenever I feel like dozing off, I always meet the supervisor. This is life.

45. 在事实面前，我们的想像力越发达，后果就越不堪设想。

45. The more developed our imagination is in the face of facts, the more unimaginable the consequences become.

46. 个头大就一定厉害吗？恐龙不是照样灭绝了！

46. Does being big necessarily make you powerful? Dinosaurs still went extinct!

47. 长得真有创意，活得真有勇气！

47. She's really creative in her appearance and lives with true courage!

48. 如果你借太多的钱给一个人，你会令此人变成坏人。

48. If you lend too much money to someone, you will make that person into a bad one.

49. 31人总要犯错误的，否则正确之路人满为患。

49. Everyone makes mistakes, otherwise the path to the truth would be crowded.

50. 念了十几年书，想起来还是幼儿园比较好混！

50. Having studied for over a decade, I realize that kindergarten was actually easier to navigate!

51. 人生之所以短暂，是因为活的时候忘了，死的时候才恍然大悟。

51. The reason why life is short is that we forget it when we are alive and only realize it when we are dead.

52. 很多人说婚姻是爱情的坟墓，但是能够入土为安的爱情总比暴尸街头要好。

52. Many people say that marriage is the grave of love, but love that finds peace in the earth is always better than love left exposed on the streets.

53. 成功的人是跟别人学习经验，失败的人只跟自己学习经验。

53. Successful people learn experience from others, while failures only learn from themselves.

54. 回忆翻涌着，我说我不爱了，却在黑夜最想你。

54. Memories surge, and I say I don't love anymore, but in the darkest of nights, I miss you the most.

55. 每个成功的男人背后，都会有一个吃饱了没事做的女人。

55. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who has nothing to do and is well-fed.

56. 哥只不过是个局，而你却入了迷。不是哥迷恋传说，只是传说太美了。

56. I'm just a setup, but you've become obsessed with it. It's not that I'm infatuated with the legend, it's just that the legend is too beautiful.

57. 经典搞笑的人生格言，让你能够在笑完放松之余，多一份对人生的深思考。

57. Classic humorous life proverbs that allow you to gain deeper insights into life while relaxing and laughing.

58. 干柴遇烈火，那叫明骚；湿柴遇小火苗，那才是闷骚。

58. When dry wood encounters fierce flames, that's called "open boldness"; when damp wood meets a small flame, that's what is known as "hidden boldness."