1. 除了娶你和转账，说喜欢你和想念你都是假的，嘘寒问暖不如打笔巨款。

1. Besides marrying you and making a transfer, saying you like you and miss you is all false. It's better to send a big sum of money than to ask about your well-being.

2. 七夕了，大家有什么好的男朋友推荐吗？

2. The Qixi Festival is here, does anyone have any good boyfriends to recommend?

3. 我对我的穷又有了新一步的了解。

3. I have a new understanding of my poverty.

4. 懂得太多，看的太透，就会变成世界的孤儿。要知道：世上有两样东西不可直视，一是太阳，二是人心。

4. Knowing too much and seeing too deeply will make one become an orphan in the world. One should know that there are two things in the world that should not be directly gazed upon: one is the sun, and the other is the human heart.

5. 本想住进先生的心里，没想到挺多邻居。

5. I had thought to dwell in the master's heart, but didn't expect there to be quite a few neighbors.

6. 我一个月2000感觉已经到了人生巅峰，我现在还是单身，我不敢交女朋友，因为我怕女朋友图我的钱。

6. I feel like I've reached the peak of my life with a monthly income of 2000 yuan. I'm still single, and I'm afraid to date a girlfriend because I'm worried that she might be attracted to my money.

7. 因为牛郎和织女一直处于分居状态，牛郎和他的牛好上了，所以七夕节不过了，请大家互相转告！

7. Because the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl have been separated for a long time, the Cowherd has become intimate with his cow, so they won't be celebrating the Qixi Festival this year. Please pass this message on to everyone!

8. 只因为在人群中多看了你几眼，从此便瞎了眼。

8. Just because I looked at you a few more times in the crowd, I've gone blind ever since.

9. 做了5分钟作业，手机就吃醋了，哄了她2小时。

9. After 5 minutes of doing homework, my phone started feeling jealous, and I had to soothe it for 2 hours.

10. 怎么把脑子的钱转到银行卡里，在线等，急！

How to transfer money from my brain to the bank card, waiting online, urgent!

11. 真正的勇士，敢于正视自己的身份证，敢于发自拍不p图，敢于大热天不涂防晒霜。

11. True heroes dare to face their identity cards, dare to post unretouched selfies, and dare to go out on a hot day without sunscreen.

12. 为什么大家都在过情人节，而我家在过劳动节呢。

12. Why is everyone celebrating Valentine's Day while my family is celebrating Labor Day?

13. 三观不合真的很难做朋友，因为思想、经历、感官，全都不一样，就像我说大海很漂亮，你却说淹死过很多人。

13. It's really hard to be friends with someone who has a different set of values because our thoughts, experiences, and senses are all different. For example, if I say the ocean is beautiful, you might say that many people have drowned in it.

14. 昨天有人问我七夕一个人吗，废话不是一个人，难道是一条狗吗？现在想想还真是的。

14. Yesterday someone asked me if I was alone on the Qixi Festival. What a load of nonsense, of course I wasn't alone, would I be a dog? Now that I think about it, I guess I was.

15. 我要给未来对象的妈一个差评，发货太慢，到现在还没收到人儿。

15. I want to give a bad review for the mother of my future partner, the shipping is too slow, and I still haven't received the person yet.

16. 叫了个保洁来打扫房子，阿姨进门要穿鞋套。我赶紧说：不用不用可以直接踩进来！保洁阿姨：不是，我怕把我鞋弄脏了。?>

16. I called a cleaning lady to clean the house, and the auntie wanted to wear shoe covers upon entering. I quickly said: No, no, you can just come in without them! Cleaning auntie: No, I'm afraid I'll dirty my shoes.

17. 只有单身狗才会觉得，第二杯半价是孤独，单身猪就不会，单身猪一个人就能喝两杯。

17. Only single dogs would think that a second drink at half price is lonely; single pigs wouldn't, as a single pig can drink two drinks by themselves.

18. 爱我者必定暴富，不爱我者必搬砖。

18. Those who love me will become rich overnight, and those who don't love me will have to carry bricks.

19. 我经常跟一同学逃课，老师每次都让叫家长。后来我同学他爸对他说：孩子啊，这学咱不上了，这一学期我来学校的天数都比你多。

19. I often skipped classes with a classmate, and the teacher would always ask for a parent to be called each time. Later, my classmate's dad told him: "Son, we're not going to school anymore. This semester, I've been to school more days than you have."

20. 我这个人立场很不坚定，谁胸大我就跟谁玩，没办法，我就是这么一个随波逐流的人。

20. I am very indecisive in my stance; I follow whoever has a big chest. There's nothing I can do about it; I am just that kind of person who goes with the flow.

21. 我只佩服过三个男人，一个董永，一个许仙，一个宁采臣，一个日了仙，一个日了妖，还有一个连鬼都不放过。

21. I have admired only three men: Dong Yong, Xu Xian, Ning Cai Shen, one who lived with a fairy, one who lived with a monster, and another who wouldn't spare even ghosts.

22. 如果七夕脱单，我赌50瓶旺仔。

22. If I get a date on the Qixi Festival, I'll bet 50 bottles of Wangzai candy.

23. 追星你又得不到他，不如追我，我三两下就到手了。

23. You're chasing a star and you'll never get him. Why not chase me instead? I can get you in a few moves.

24. 我就像一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇，前途一片光明，却找不到出路。

24. I am like a fly stuck on glass, with a bright future ahead but unable to find a way out.

25. 其实长相不重要，爱情最重要的是感觉，我对丑的没感觉。

25. In fact, appearance is not important; what matters most in love is the feeling. I have no feelings for the ugly.

26. 钱不是问题，问题是我没钱。

26. The issue isn't money; the problem is that I don't have any money.

27. 入秋了，打开衣柜一看，我该逛街了，打开钱包一看，我还年轻，不冷。

27. It's autumn now, and when I opened my wardrobe, I realized I should go shopping. But when I looked at my wallet, I still feel young and not cold.

28. 和前任分手的时候，白天倒还好，可一到晚上就抑制不住内心的感情，一个人蒙在被子里面偷偷的笑了起来。

28. When breaking up with the ex, it was fine during the day, but as soon as night fell, I couldn't control my emotions, and I would hide under the blanket, alone, and secretly laugh.

29. 我要好好调整，我学习时的状态，写作业屌屌的，睡觉早早的，上课冷冷的，没错，我去年也是这么想的。

29. I need to really adjust my state when I study. I'm awesome at doing homework, I go to bed early, I'm cold in class, that's right, I thought the same last year.

30. 七夕想和对象去看电影，有什么好的对象推荐一下。

30. I want to go to the movies with my partner on the Qixi Festival, could you recommend some good movie options?

31. 一个男人拼命挣钱却不注意健康，等于是在给另一个男人打工！一个女人拼命省钱却不注意修养，是在给另一个女人腾地方。

31. A man who拼命 earns money but pays no attention to his health is essentially working for another man! A woman who拼命 saves money but neglects her修养 is making room for another woman.

32. 如果你不跟我谈恋爱，请把我推荐给身边的人吧，万一遇见一个眼瞎的，对我好的没话说的人呢。

32. If you're not going to date me, please recommend me to the people around you. Who knows, you might run into someone who's blind in the eyes but has nothing but good things to say about me.

33. 别人都去撞南墙了，我去修南墙一定很赚钱。

33. Everyone else is crashing into the south wall, so I'm sure it will be very profitable for me to repair the south wall.

34. 人没钱不如鬼，汤没盐不如水，你会慢慢发现，一颗好心，永远比不上一张好嘴。

34. It's better to be a ghost than have no money, and it's better to have water than soup without salt. You'll gradually find out that a kind heart is never as good as a sweet tongue.

35. 学了那么久的武功，终于盼到丢人现眼的机会了。

35. After so long of practicing martial arts, finally the chance to make a fool of myself has come.

36. 你抢我老婆就算了，还给我开了一年绿钻是什么意思。

36. You stole my wife, but what does it mean that you gave me a green diamond for a year?

37. 道理我都懂，可是听到别人喊美女的时候还是忍不住要回头。

37. I understand the logic, but when I hear someone call someone "beauty," I can't help but turn around.

38. 胖的原因大概就是，瘦小的身躯，容不下我伟大的人格。

38. The reason for being fat is probably that my slender body cannot accommodate my great personality.

39. 没有人会关心你付出过多少努力，撑得累不累，摔得痛不痛，他们只会看你最后站在什么位置，然后羡慕或鄙夷。

39. No one will care about how much effort you have put in, how tired you are, or how painful the falls are. They will only look at where you end up standing, then either envy or look down upon you.

40. 我有个心病：不敢请假，因为怕一请假，公司就会知道有我没我都一样。

40. I have a heartache: I am afraid to take a leave of absence because I fear that once I do, the company will realize that it doesn't matter whether I am there or not.

41. 七夕要到了，是时候回天上跟月老谈谈心了。

41. The Qixi Festival is approaching, it's time to go back to heaven to have a heart-to-heart talk with the Matchmaker.

42. 有人说我不要脸，这简直胡扯，这么美我哪舍得不要。

42. Someone said I have no shame, that's just nonsense. Such beauty, how could I bear to give it up.

43. 别人都是想情人节的时候一起浪漫的约个会，而我是想清明节的时候一起去拜访一下你的祖祖辈辈。

43. While others are thinking of having a romantic date on Valentine's Day, I'd like to visit your ancestors together during Qingming Festival.

44. 比你优秀的人比你更努力，这个你可以接受。但是比你优秀的人，比你更不努力，你就懵了，凭啥呀？就凭你蠢。

44. People who are better than you work harder than you, which you can accept. But if people who are better than you work even less hard than you, you get confused. Why? Just because you are stupid.

45. 这世上没有过不去的坎，只有过不完的坎。

45. There are no insurmountable obstacles in this world; there are only endless obstacles.

46. 非让现实给你一巴掌，你才知道社会有多虚伪；非让所谓的朋友把你伤的什么都不是，你才知道人心可畏。

46. It's not until reality slaps you in the face that you realize how insincere society can be; it's not until your so-called friends hurt you to the point of nothingness that you come to understand the fear that lies within the human heart.

47. 一直对发型和身材不满意的人，有一个共同点：不肯承认这是脸的问题。

47. People who are always dissatisfied with their hairstyles and body have a commonality: they are unwilling to admit that this is a problem with their face.

48. 如果不能一夜暴富，两夜我也可以接受，半个月也行。

48. If I can't get rich overnight, I can accept two nights, or even a month.

49. 今天的我你爱理不理，明天的我还来找你。

49. You may ignore me today, but I'll still come back to see you tomorrow.

50. 下雨天就适合在家睡觉，晴天就适合出门走走，漫长岁月，居然没有一天适合上班。

50. On rainy days, it's perfect to sleep at home, and on sunny days, it's ideal to go for a walk outside. Over the years, it turns out there hasn't been a single day that's been suitable for going to work.

51. 不必对每个人都好，他们又不给你打钱。

51. You don't have to be nice to everyone; they're not going to send you money.

52. 身边没撕破脸的人太多了，明明看透了很多人却不能轻易翻脸，对讨厌的人和事露出微笑，是我们必须要学会的恶心。

52. There are too many people around me who haven't torn their faces apart. It's as if we see through many people but can't easily turn our backs on them. Smiling at people and things we dislike is a form of恶心 that we must learn to deal with.

53. 春困，夏倦，秋乏，冬眠，四季如梦。

53. Spring drowsiness, summer fatigue, autumn laziness, winter hibernation, all seasons like a dream.

54. 这天真的是太热了，想找个人冷战几天。

54. It was really too hot that day, I wanted to find someone to have a cold war for a few days.

55. 我和女友一起把我哥们和她闺蜜介绍到了一起，后来他俩吵架分手了，女友替她闺蜜打抱不平，我就为我哥们极力辩护。嗯，你没猜错，现在我俩也分手了。

55. I introduced my friend and my girlfriend's best friend to each other, and later, they fought and broke up. My girlfriend stood up for her best friend, and I fiercely defended my friend. Yeah, you guessed it right, we've also broken up now.

56. 我不喜欢你，像吃了花椒的邻居，麻了隔壁。

56. I don't like you, like a neighbor who has eaten Sichuan pepper, numbing the neighbors.

57. 终于知道为什么我的脚总是冰冷的了，因为腿长，供血不足，俗称高冷。

57. Finally know why my feet are always cold, because of the long legs and insufficient blood supply, commonly known as "high and cold."

58. 出售本人，不想要了，虽然很可爱，但太累了，养不起。

58. Selling myself, I no longer want it. Although it's very cute, it's too tiring and I can't afford to keep it.

59. 找男朋友的要求不高，跟女孩子讲过话的不要。

59. The requirements for finding a boyfriend are not high, but don't talk to guys who have talked to girls.

60. 虽然你有老公了，但是多我一个怎么了。

60. Although you already have a husband, what's wrong with me adding to the count?

61. 放假了我每天的状态都挺有规律的，上午，一副没睡醒的样子，下午，一副睡不醒的样子，晚上，一副打了鸡血的样子。

61. During my holidays, my daily routine is quite consistent. In the morning, I look like I haven't woken up yet, in the afternoon, I look like I can't wake up, and at night, I look like I've been shot up with adrenaline.

62. 我找对象只有一个要求：能跟我其他对象和睦相处。

62. My only requirement for a partner is that they can get along well with my other partners.

63. 喜欢我就眨一下眼睛，不喜欢我就把左脚放到右边的肩膀上。

63. If you like me, blink your eyes. If you don't like me, put your left foot on your right shoulder.

64. 小时候，爸爸经常给我讲他10来岁便外出打工，挑起一家重担的故事，我听了在心里暗暗发誓，长大了也要象爸爸一样，成为一个很会吹牛逼的人。

64. When I was young, my dad often told me about how he started working outside the home at around 10 years old, shouldering the heavy burden of the family. After hearing this, I secretly vowed in my heart that when I grew up, I would become just like my dad, a very good bragger.

65. 我以为生活就是猫吃鱼，狗吃肉，奥特曼打小怪兽。现实却是鼠整猫，羊耍狼，两熊玩死光头强。不是我们不坚强，只是世界太疯狂！

65. I thought life was about cats eating fish, dogs eating meat, and Ultraman fighting monsters. Reality, however, is rats tricking cats, sheep playing tricks on wolves, and two bears playing to death the bald strongman. It's not that we're not strong, it's just that the world is too crazy!

66. 英雄不问出处，恋爱找我速度。

66. A hero does not inquire about origin, seek love with me quickly.

67. 如果你容不下我，说明不是你的心胸太狭小，就是我的人格太伟大。

67. If you cannot tolerate me, it either means your mind is too narrow or my character is too great.

68. 你该安心胖下去，瘦是别人的事情。

68. You should be content to gain weight; being slim is up to others.

69. 做我女朋友，我会保护好你，不会让我其他女朋友发现你。

69. Be my girlfriend, I will protect you, and I won't let my other girlfriends find out about you.

70. 我在英语的翻译里大血纷飞，你在数学的等式里乌漆麻黑。

70. I am in a blood-soaked chaos in the translation of English, and you are in a dark, grimy mess in the mathematical equations.

71. 现在的地下停车场设计得跟迷宫一样，每次都要找好久才能发现自己没有车。

71. The current underground parking lots are designed like mazes, and it takes a long time to find out that I don't have a car each time.

72. 容易被激怒的人，要么太弱小，要么太敏感，所以，要么自己强大，要么学会无视。

72. People who are easily angered are either too weak or too sensitive, so either become strong yourself or learn to ignore it.