晨曦初露，上班高峰期，拥挤的车站里，笑语声与嘈杂声交织，却掩盖不住一句令人心惊的话：“上班打卡，笑死人不偿命！”

As the morning sun begins to break, during the peak hour for commuting, the crowded station is filled with laughter and noise. Yet, they couldn't cover up the alarming phrase: "Clock in for work, laughing until you drop, and it won't pay the price!"

1. 18一大妈在公交车停站后下车，发现钥匙落在车上便一边跑向车门一边不住大喊“等一下等一下！我钥匙在你车上！我钥匙在你车上！”结果司机师傅反而迅速开走，嘴里还嘟嘟囔囔着“死哪里不好？要死在我车上！”

1. An elderly woman got off the bus after it stopped at a station, only to realize that she had left her keys on the bus. She ran towards the door while continuously shouting, "Wait, wait! My keys are on your bus! My keys are on your bus!" However, the driver quickly drove off, muttering under his breath, "Why not anywhere else? Why on my bus?"

2. 20我的想法很简单，多赚点钱，找一个因为我的钱爱上我的人，而不是单纯地看上我的善良正直和美貌。

2. My idea is quite simple, to make more money and find someone who loves me because of my money, rather than just for my kindness, integrity, and beauty.

3. 9晚上和老婆回家，突然路边跳出三个蒙面大汉，“你们俩人只能走一个！”我说：“老婆你快跑！”看着老婆跑没影了，三个人摘下面具：老天爷，现在找你打个麻将这么难吗？

3. On the evening of the 9th, my wife and I were on our way home when suddenly, three masked men jumped out from the roadside, saying, "You two can only go one of you!" I exclaimed, "Honey, run fast!" As I watched my wife vanish into the distance, the three men took off their masks: Oh my God, is it this hard to find someone to play Mahjong with these days?

4. 19生活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。

4. Half of life is being unfortunate, and the other half is about how to deal with that misfortune.

5. 24现在孩子是不是都倒着长了。小学生：“孙子，你爷爷我在这呢。”初高中生：“孩子，小心爸爸我找人打你。”大学生：“吓死本宝宝了，宝宝生气了？”

5. 24 Now, are children all growing upside down? Primary school student: "Grandson, your grandpa is right here." Junior and senior high school students: "Son, be careful, your dad is going to find someone to beat you up." College students: "Scared the baby to death, the baby is angry?"

6. 13现在AA制我都去不起了，我发明了个AAB制，就是你们AA我腆个B脸去呗。

6. 13 Now I can't afford the split payment system anymore, so I came up with an AAB system, which is, you pay for the bill and I'll just have the face of a B.

7. 工地搬砖六天，周日床上躺一天。

7. The construction site was closed for six days, and the weekly break was one day.

8. 16熬夜可以预防老年痴呆，因为熬夜可以有效地阻止你活到老年。

8. Staying up late can prevent Alzheimer's disease because staying up late can effectively prevent you from living to old age.

9. 打工人的座右铭；今天搬砖不狠，明天地位不稳。

9. The right-hand button of the construction worker; today's foundation is not firm, and the tomorrow's location is not secure.

10. 你们上班是每周几休啊，我们是不死不休。

10. You guys are a bit lazy every week, but we are never lazy.

11. 8女孩子打发时间真的很简单，只要给她一个手机一个自拍软件，她就能沉浸在我怎么这么好看的幻觉里无法自拔。

11. It's really simple for eight girls to kill time. Just give her a smartphone and a selfie app, and she'll be immersed in the illusion that she looks so beautiful, unable to pull herself away.

12. 3明明是个富二代，我却自己上班挣钱，明明可以开豪车，我却每天挤公交，明明可以靠脸吃饭，而我自己努力着，这就是我和明明的区别。

12. 3 is a second-generation rich kid, but I earn my own living by working. While I could drive a luxury car, I take the bus every day. While I could make a living off my looks, I strive for myself. This is the difference between me and 3.

13. 上辈子作恶多端，这辈子早起搬砖。

13. The son-in-law is a troublemaker, and this son-in-law starts early in the morning to build a fence.

14. 7这年头，谁还没有一个拿得出手的乐器啊？比如说我，我退堂鼓打的就挺好的。

14.7 Nowadays, who doesn't have a playable instrument? Like me, I play the drum set quite well.

15. 当一天和尚，撞一天钟，打一天破工，发一天疯。

15. From one day to the next, chop one day, beat one day, hammer one day, forge one day, and develop one day.

16. 1上帝是公平的，赐给别人幸福的同时也要让你瞎了眼，怕你看了心里难受。

16. 1 God is fair; while granting others happiness, He also blinds you, fearing that you might feel heartache upon seeing it.

17. 12当我说“随便”的时候，我的意思是：我懒得去想，也想不出好的，虽然是让你看着办，但你一定要想出我满意的才行。

17. 12 When I say "up to you" or "anything goes," what I mean is: I'm too lazy to think or can't come up with anything good. Although I'm leaving it up to you, you must come up with something that meets my satisfaction.

18. 22单身至今的原因：熟人不好下手，生人不好开口。

18. The reason for being single until now: It's hard to approach acquaintances, and it's awkward to speak up to strangers.

19. 11朋友事业上获得突破，生活提升了档次，真替他高兴。不过要是能换成我，我会更高兴。

19. 11 My friend has made a breakthrough in his career and improved his lifestyle, and I am truly happy for him. However, if it were me, I would be even happier.

20. 5人生不如意事十有八九，剩下的十之一二，超级不如意。

20. In life, nine out of ten things are not as one wishes, and the remaining one-tenth are extremely unsatisfactory.

21. 工位的我平时辛苦无人问，一朝摸鱼天下知。

21. At my workplace, I am not troubled by anyone during my leisure time, and one day I know it under the sky.

22. 上班不是为了赚钱，是为了让自己不那么闲。

22. It's not for the sake of making money; it's to keep myself from being idle.

23. 4每个宿舍都有一个磨牙的一个打呼噜的一个说梦话的，还有一个睡得最迟，却纵观全场的。

23. 4 In each dormitory, there's one who grinds their teeth, one who snores, one who talks in their sleep, and one who sleeps the latest yet observes everything from the sidelines.

24. 上班如渡劫，渡完一劫又一劫。

24. As the saying goes, after one calamity, another follows.

25. 15烟瘾犯了，随手点上一根烟，吸了两口，突然有人跟我说公办室里是禁止吸烟的，我当时就庆幸自己是在工地搬砖。

25. I suddenly had a craving for a cigarette and lit one up, took a couple of puffs, when suddenly someone told me that smoking is prohibited in the office. I was relieved to realize that I was actually working on a construction site.

26. 23和大家认识也挺久的了，也没给过大家什么福利。不如这样吧，评论里留下你最想要的东西，然后你们自己攒钱。

26. I've known everyone from group 23 for quite a while now, and I haven't given you all any benefits. How about this: leave the thing you most want in the comments, and then you all pool your money together.

27. 爱情不是生活的全部，上班才是才是，加油打工人!

27. Love is not the whole of life, the upper grades are the ones that truly are, the ones that add fuel to the fire!

28. 曾经是梦想家，现在没了梦，只剩下想家。

28. The past is a dream, the present no longer has dreams, only the remains of dreams.

29. 14以前，我虽然没钱，但是每天都很快乐。现在不一样了！不但没钱，还不快乐，还胖了，黑了！

29. Before the age of 14, although I had no money, I was always happy every day. Now it's different! Not only do I have no money, but I'm also not happy, and I've gained weight and become darker!

30. 21“想念过去的年代，那时候，天很蓝，水很清，女人坐在自行车后座也会笑。”神回复：“因为那时候大部分人买不起自行车。”

30. 21 "Thinking of the past years, when the sky was blue, the water was clear, and women would also laugh sitting on the back of a bicycle." Divine reply: "Because back then, most people couldn't afford a bicycle."

31. 17在日常生活中，我们要经常说：对不起，请，谢谢。这样能增进感情。举例说明：对不起今天我没有带钱，这顿你请，谢谢。

31. In our daily lives, we should often say: "Sorry," "Please," and "Thank you." This can enhance our relationships. For example: "Sorry, I didn't bring any money today, so let's have you pay for this meal, thank you."