1. 我的优点是：我很帅；但是我的缺点是：我帅的不明显。

1. My strengths are: I am handsome; but my weaknesses are: I am not particularly striking in my handsomeness.

2. 如果考试用QB做奖励，那么国家马上就会富强的。

2. If the exam uses QB as a reward, then the country will become prosperous immediately.

3. 生活就像拉屎，有时候你很努力，出来的也不过是个屁。

3. Life is like shitting; sometimes you put in a lot of effort, and all you get out is a fart.

4. 其实我没离开过江湖，我只是长期在江湖底下潜水。

4. Actually, I haven't left the江湖 at all; I've just been lying low beneath the江湖 for a long time.

5. 脑袋大，脖子粗，行动笨得像头猪！

5. A big head, a thick neck, moves笨 like a pig!

6. 烧香的不一定是和尚，还可能是熊猫！

6. Not necessarily a monk burns incense; it could also be a panda!

7. 男人口袋有点钱，腰部以下不会闲！

7. A man with a bit of money in his pocket won't have idle time below his waist!

8. 借朋友的车开，朋友说还的时候要给车加油。还车时，我冲车鼓了鼓掌。

8. Borrowed a friend's car to drive, and the friend said that I should refuel the car when I return it. When I returned the car, I clapped for the car.

9. 最近很多人跳楼，大家小心别被砸到了。?>

9. Lately, many people have jumped off buildings. Everyone be careful not to be hit by falling debris.

10. 在这个和谐的社会，小学生们过情人节，中学生们过光棍节，大学生们过儿童节。

10. In this harmonious society, elementary school students celebrate Valentine's Day, middle school students celebrate Single's Day, and college students celebrate Children's Day.

11. 你纯？那世上没臭水沟了，都成特仑苏了。

11. Are you pure? Then there would be no slums in the world, they would all become Terlunso.

12. 有一根火柴，几天不洗头，头皮痒，抓着抓着就被烧死了。

12. There was a matchstick, and after not washing his hair for several days, his scalp itched. He scratched and scratched until he was burned to death.

13. 其实，我以前个子挺高的，只不过后来经常洗澡，就缩水了。

13. In fact, I used to be quite tall, but after frequently taking showers, I shrank.

14. 亲爱的，死没？死的话抱紧我，好让收尸的知道我们是一对儿！

14. Darling, are you dead? If you are, hold me tight so that the undertakers know we are a couple!

15. 喝醉了我谁也不服，我只扶墙。

15. When I'm drunk, I don't服从anyone; I only lean on the wall.

16. 以前少爷和小姐都是被人伺候的，现在变成专门伺候别人的。

16. In the past, both the master and the miss were attended to by others, but now they have become those who serve others exclusively.

17. 出来混，老婆迟早是要换的！

17. When you're out there dealing with the world, you'll eventually have to change your wife!

18. 女人用丝袜征服男人。男人用丝袜征服银行。

18. Women conquer men with silk stockings. Men conquer banks with silk stockings.

19. 手拿菜刀砍电线，一路火花带闪电。

19. Holding a knife, slicing through the electricity wires, sparks fly like lightning along the way.

20. 如果有一天我变成了流氓，请告诉他们我曾经单纯过。

20. If one day I become a hooligan, please tell them that I was once innocent.

21. 对不起，小姐，请把你的胸部从我手上移开好吗？

21. Sorry, miss, could you please move your chest away from my hand?

22. 现在的梦想决定着你的将来，还是再睡一会吧！

22. The dreams you have now determine your future, or should you just take another nap?

23. 那个谁，回去撒包尿漱漱口再来吧！

23. Hey, go back, take a leak and gargle, and then come back!

24. 人生短短几十年，全都是为了逼和钱。

24. Life is but a few decades long, and it's all about pressure and money.

25. 一女人对一男人说：来我家吧，我下面给你吃。

25. A woman said to a man: "Come to my house, I will make noodles for you."

26. 听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年！

26. I heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like limbs. When I think back on it, I can't believe I ran around stark naked for 20 years with all my limbs in disarray!

27. 参加选美的那些女人，都找不到好男人，因为好男人都结婚了，比如我。

27. The women who participate in beauty contests can't find good men, because all the good men are already married, like me.

28. 在美人面前：有危险要救，没有危险制造危险也要救。

28. In the presence of a beautiful person: one must save from danger, and even create danger to save if there is none.

29. 在猪圈里，你不必讲究人类的礼仪。

29. In the pigsty, you don't have to adhere to human etiquette.

30. 老衲曾经回眸一笑，迷得师太神魂颠倒。

30. Old me once turned back with a smile, captivating the teacher so much that she was spellbound.

31. 我恨秦始皇，他烧书，居然没有烧完。

31. I hate Qin Shi Huang, he burned books, and he didn't burn them all out.

32. 人生就像卫生纸，没事尽量少扯。

32. Life is like toilet paper, don't pull it unnecessarily when there's no need.

33. 只有假货是真的，别的都是假的！

33. Only the counterfeit is real; everything else is fake!

34. 工资就像例假，一月不来你就傻眼。

34. Salary is like a period, if it doesn't come every month, you're in trouble.

35. 在傻瓜眼里，聪明人的聪明一文不值。

35. In the eyes of fools, the wisdom of the wise is worth nothing.

36. 在最美好的年纪遇到你，算我倒霉。

36. Meeting you in the best years of my life, it's my misfortune.

37. 混娱乐圈就像打麻将，想做大牌，就得舍得一筒和么鸡！

37. Entering the entertainment industry is like playing Mahjong; if you want to play big cards, you've got to be willing to discard a 'One' and a 'Little Bird'!

38. 别人都以为在我低头沉思，其事我看着地上这一毛该不该捡。

38. Everyone else thought I was lost in thought, but I was actually looking at the ground, contemplating whether or not to pick up this penny.

39. 你这个孩子怎么不懂事啊？舅舅正在这里，你怎么还会想到要去动物园看狗熊？

39. How come you're so thoughtless, kid? Uncle is here, and yet you still think of going to the zoo to see the bear?

40. 大学四年没有一个女生问过我路，今天开宝马回母校办点事，结果一会功夫就有五个女生来问路……

40. Throughout my four years at university, no girl ever asked me for directions. Today, as I drove back to my alma mater in a BMW to take care of some matters, within a short while, five girls came up to ask for directions...

41. 人世间最蛋疼的事儿，睡的好好的被尿憋醒。

41. The most frustrating thing in the world is to be woken up from a sound sleep by the need to urinate.

42. 念了十几年书，还是幼儿园比较好混。

42. Having studied for over a decade, it's still easier to get by in kindergarten.

43. 在包间和一个妹妹开玩笑，说我真想太阳你！妹妹说太阳是什么意思。我说太阳就是日！妹妹笑了笑：你想日我就明说啊！你们这些知识份子啊！

43. In the private room, I made a joke with a younger sister, saying, "I really want to 'sun you'!" The sister asked what "sun" meant. I said, "Sun is just 'ri'!" The sister smiled: "You could have just said 'ri' directly! You all intellectuals!"

44. 我宁愿你抱着别的女人想我，也不愿你抱着我想别的女人。

44. I would rather you think of me while holding another woman than think of another woman while holding me.

45. 人生的悲惨在于：辛辛苦苦的作了一晚上内容香艳的美梦，第二天早上醒来居然全都记不起来了！

45. The tragedy of life is that after toiling all night with vivid and sensual dreams, upon waking up the next morning, one can't remember a single one of them!

46. 能用钱解决的问题都不是问题，可问题是我是穷人。

46. Problems that can be solved with money are not real problems, but the problem is that I am poor.

47. 别得意，只有小人才懂玩阴的，不要那么快就承认你自己是那个身份！

47. Don't be so smug, only small-minded people know how to play dirty. Don't admit so quickly that you are that kind of person!

48. 算完工资的涨幅后再算算猪肉的，就会发现自己连猪都不如！

48. After calculating the increase in wages, then calculate the price of pork, and you'll find out that you're even worse than a pig!

49. 要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。

49. Love your neighbor with all your heart, but don't let her husband know.

50. 我都不泡你了，你又何苦泡我。

50. If I'm not even chasing you, what's the point of you chasing me?

51. 林妹妹不是病死的，其实是从天上掉下来摔死的。

51. Lin Meiren did not die of illness; in fact, she died after falling from the sky and hitting the ground.

52. 做男人，还是顶比较舒服！

52. It's more comfortable to be a man, I guess!

53. 做梦，一切皆有可能。

53. Dreaming, anything is possible.

54. 我不早恋是因为我告诉自己，早恋就是给别人养老婆。

54. I don't start dating early because I tell myself that early dating is like raising someone else's wife.

55. 昨天去市里参加放鸽子比赛，结果就我一个人去了。

55. Yesterday, I went to the city to participate in a pigeon release competition, but it turned out that I was the only one who went.

56. 傻子偷乞丐的钱包，被瞎子看到了，哑巴大吼一声，把聋子吓了一跳，驼子挺身而出，瘸子飞起一脚，通辑犯要拉他去公共安全专家局，麻子说，看我的面子算了。

56. A fool steals a beggar's wallet, and a blind person sees it. A mute shouts loudly, startling a deaf person. A hunchback steps forward, and a cripple kicks him hard. A wanted criminal tries to drag the hunchback to the Public Security Bureau. A person with a facial birthmark says, "Just do it for my sake."

57. 大姨妈是吐血鬼，卫生巾是吸血鬼。

57. Auntie's period is a vampire, and sanitary napkins are also vampires.

58. 你多愁善感的大腿，拦截了我的一切去路！

58. Your melancholic and sensitive thigh, blocking all my paths!

59. 今天天气很好，在房间里宅久了，准备去客厅散散心。

59. The weather is nice today. Having stayed in the room for too long, I'm planning to go to the living room to unwind.

60. 学问之美，在于使人一头雾水；诗歌之美，在于煽动男女出轨；女人之美，在于蠢得无怨无悔；男人之美，在于说谎说得白日见鬼。

60. The beauty of knowledge lies in its ability to confuse people; the beauty of poetry lies in its power to incite affairs; the beauty of women lies in their naive and unwavering foolishness; the beauty of men lies in their ability to lie so convincingly that it appears as if the devil himself is witnessing it.

61. 喝药递瓶，上吊给绳，跳楼的挥着小手绢送行。

61. Offering medicine, handing over the bottle; providing a rope for hanging; waving a small handkerchief to bid farewell to someone jumping off a building.

62. 年轻的时候，我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸；年老的时候，镜子算是扯平了。

62. In our youth, we often make鬼 faces in front of the mirror; in our old age, the mirror has evened things out.

63. 令人不能自拔的，除了牙齿还有爱情。

63. The irresistible, aside from teeth, is love.

64. 天没降大任于我，照样苦我心智，劳我筋骨。

64. If heaven has not bestowed great responsibilities upon me, it still tests my mind and strains my body.

65. 为中华而努力读书！一包中华好多钱啊！

65. Study hard for China! A pack of Zhonghua cigarettes is so expensive!