1. 脑袋空不要紧，关键是不进水。

1. It's okay to have an empty head, but the key is not to let water in.

2. 有的人，做面膜的时候，比真人好看多了。

2. Some people look much better when wearing a face mask than they do in real life.

3. 执子之手，方知子丑，泪流满面，子不走我走。

3. Holding your hand, I learn of your ugliness; tears streaming down, you do not leave, so I walk away.

4. 每个女人都在寻找一个爷们，最后发现最爷们的原来是自己。

4. Every woman is looking for a manly man, only to find out in the end that the most manly person is herself.

5. 如果我死了，别忘了在我的棺材里面安个空调，格力的。

5. If I die, don't forget to put an air conditioner in my coffin, a Gree one.

6. 听说你要结婚，我脑海里浮现好多，最重要的就是，你妹呀，不要请我，我没钱。

6. I heard you're getting married, and it brought a lot of thoughts to my mind. The most important one is, my sister, please don't invite me, I don't have any money.

7. 外遇和艳遇的区别在于，前者搞上了后者没有。

7. The difference between an affair and a romantic encounter is that the former involves a relationship that the latter does not.

8. 我也想做一个优雅的淑女，是生活把老娘逼成了泼妇。?>

8. I also want to be an elegant lady, but life has turned me into a shrew. ?>

9. 用嘻哈的蓝调精神来过二胡一样的生活。

9. Live a life like the erhu, with the blues spirit of hip-hop.

10. 你有没有拿着红酒杯子倒点可乐，然后装的很优雅的喝掉。

10. Have you ever poured some cola into a wine glass and then pretended to drink it elegantly?

11. 我想，当年掉在牛顿老师面前的应该是个烂苹果，不然他绝对没心思想别的。

11. I think that the rotten apple that fell in front of Professor Newton's feet must have been what occupied his thoughts, otherwise he wouldn't have been distracted by anything else.

12. 女友和老妈同时掉进河里，你先救谁？答：你们两个活，让我***。

12. Your girlfriend and your mother fall into a river at the same time; whom would you save first? Answer: Let both of you survive, let me ***.

13. 现在心情不好，除了吃得下饭，什么都不想干。

13. Now feeling down, except for eating, I don't want to do anything else.

14. 不要对我放电，因为我这里有来电显示。

14. Don't send me any electric sparks, because I have an electricity display here.

15. 不要以为你身上插一个鸟毛，就是天使。

15. Don't think that just because you have a feather on you, you are an angel.

16. 电脑已和我有共同语言了，我每次温柔地看它一眼，它就下意识的死机一次。

16. The computer and I have a common language now; every time I look at it gently, it has an unconscious freeze.

17. 宁可胖的精致，也不要瘦的雷同。

17. It's better to be chubby with elegance than to be slim with sameness.

18. 屁，就是你吃下去的食物们不屈的灵魂。

18. Fart is the unyielding spirit of the food you consume.

19. 你要是不记得我，我就给你大耳瓜子。让你永远记住我。

19. If you can't remember me, I'll give you a good slap on the ear. Let you remember me forever.

20. 两人若在长久时，大眼瞪小眼也是浪漫事。

20. If two people are together for a long time, staring into each other's eyes can also be a romantic thing.

21. 看过水浒传吗？唐僧师徒四人被贾宝玉逼上梁山的故事。

21. Have you read "Water Margin"? The story of Tang Sanzang and his three disciples being forced onto the Liangshan by Jia Baoyu.

22. 每天把牢骚拿出来晒晒太阳，心情就不会缺钙。

22. Take your complaints out to bask in the sun every day, and your mood won't lack calcium.

23. 我对着镜子说；镜子，镜子，我是不是这个世界上最美丽的，镜子碎了。

23. I said to myself in front of the mirror; Mirror, mirror, am I the most beautiful person in the world? The mirror broke.

24. 女人喜欢坏坏的男生，而不是长坏的男生。

24. Women like bad boys rather than boys who are turning bad.

25. 我爱我自己，情敌多点好吗？

25. I love myself, isn't having more rivals good?

26. 你问我想干什么？我想找一个小四来破坏你和**的的生活。

26. You ask what I want to do? I want to find a 'small four' to disrupt the lives of you and **.**

27. 有人考试靠实力、有人考试靠视力、我考试完全靠想象力。

27. Some people rely on their skills for exams, some depend on their eyesight, while I completely rely on my imagination for exams.

28. 喜欢我的人都是好人。不喜欢我的人都是坏人。讨厌我的都不是人。

28. People who like me are all good. People who don't like me are all bad. Those who dislike me are not human.

29. 淡定是因为你不怕死，我比你淡定是因为我不怕你死。

29. Calmness comes from not fearing death; I am more calm than you because I don't fear your death.

30. 对男人来说有奶就是娘。对女人来说有钱就是郎。

30. For men, a woman with milk is like a mother. For women, a man with money is like a husband.

31. 树欲静而风不止，我欲恋而她不在。

31. The tree desires to be still, but the wind does not cease; I desire to cherish, but she is not there.

32. 单身很痛苦，单身久了更痛苦，前几天我看见一头母猪，都觉得它眉清目秀的。

32. Being single is painful, and the longer one is single, the more painful it becomes. Just a few days ago, I even thought a sow looked clear-eyed and comely.

33. 我其实是个天使，之所以留在人间，是因为体重的关系。

33. In fact, I am an angel, and the reason I stay on Earth is due to my weight.

34. 猪傻有人杀，人傻没办法。要死要活说一声。

34. If a pig is stupid, someone will kill it; if a person is stupid, there's no way to fix it. If you're going to die or live, just say something.

35. 你以为别人叫你优乐美，你就美了？知道优乐美是一次性用具不？

35. Do you think that being called "Youlemei" by others will make you beautiful? Do you know that "Youlemei" is a disposable item?

36. 你的废话怎么比湖南卫视的广告还多啊！

36. How come your nonsense is more than the advertisements on Hunan TV?

37. 最有魅力的人是康师傅，每天都有成千上万的人泡。

37. The most charming person is Kangshifu, with thousands upon thousands of people brewing it every day.

38. 如果太阳不出来了，我就不去学校了；如果出来了，我就继续睡觉！

38. If the sun doesn't come out, I won't go to school; if it does, I'll keep on sleeping!

39. 人间最痛苦的不是生与死的离别而是就要考试了，别人正在复习而我正在预习。

39. The greatest pain in human life is not the separation of life and death, but the upcoming exam. While others are reviewing, I am still preparing.

40. 小时候家里没钱，总拉着一根绳子后面系着一个塑料袋在放风筝。

40. When I was young, our family was poor, and I always flew a kite by holding a rope tied to a plastic bag.

41. 骗子多了、傻子都明显不够用了。所以现在的你很珍贵。

41. There are too many cheaters, and even the idiots are in short supply. That's why you are very precious now.

42. 生活就像忐忑，没有准确的歌词，却惊心动魄的可怕。

42. Life is like a trembling, without accurate lyrics, yet terrifyingly intense.