1. 我真地爱你，不想离开你，心痛你让我套的那么深。如果你真地不想让我难过，请快一点涨起来股市。

1. I truly love you, I don't want to leave you, the pain in my heart has drawn me so deeply. If you truly don't want me to be sad, please let the stock market recover faster.

2. “你比以前坚强多了”“那是因为我学过数学”

2. "You are much stronger than before" "That's because I've studied mathematics"

3. 把胸罩穿在外面的不只是女屌，还有可能是蜡笔小新。

3. Not only slutty women wear bras on the outside, but it could also be Crayon Shin-chan.

4. 有个3岁的女儿，晚上9点孩子已经睡了，媳妇敷着面膜坐床上，我在打游戏。女儿醒了，媳妇要低头哄她，女儿突然大叫一声一巴掌甩媳妇脸上哇哇的大哭起来:爸爸，有鬼……

4. There is a 3-year-old daughter. At 9 PM, the child is already asleep, and my wife is lying on the bed applying a facial mask while I am playing video games. The daughter wakes up, and my wife bends down to comfort her, but suddenly the daughter screams and slaps her mother's face, then starts crying loudly: Dad, there's a ghost...

5. 不以结婚为目地的谈恋爱，都是在替别人养老婆。

5. Falling in love without the intention of getting married is essentially raising someone else's wife.

6. 找到一张忘了核对的发票，上面有你的电话号码。

6. Found an invoice that you forgot to check, which has your phone number on it.

7. 歌声形成的空间,任凭年华来去,所以依然保护着的人的容颜不曾改和一场庞大而没有落幕的恨。

7. The space formed by the songs, regardless of the passage of time, still preserves the unchanging appearance of the people who are protected, and an immense and endless resentment.

8. 我们也曾紧紧相拥，说着永远相爱的情话。

8. We also held each other tightly, whispering words of eternal love.

9. 小孩说：“爷比，你会唱小星星嘛”爷爷：“会呀”小孩：“你唱给我听吧”爷爷：“天上的星星参北斗哇！”

9. The child said, "Grandpa, can you sing the Little Star?" Grandpa replied, "Yes, I can." The child said, "Then please sing it for me." Grandpa sang, "The stars in the sky point to the North Star!"

10. 回忆就如我们依旧一起跑在那操场上，没有停。

10. The memory is like us still running together on that playground without stopping.

11. 不撞南墙不回头，撞了南墙吧，抢到又被众人推。

11. It's not until you hit a dead end that you turn back; once you've hit it, you grab hold but are pushed by everyone else.

12. 唉，明明就已经过了从自我介绍开始摸索的年纪。

12. Alas, I'm clearly past the age of figuring myself out through self-introductions.

13. 老师说一个错题就是一种财富，我看了看我的卷子，才发现原来我是土豪。

13. The teacher said that a wrong question is a kind of wealth. Only when I looked at my test paper did I realize that I was actually a rich person.

14. 幼时想成为与父亲不一样的人，却模仿着他长大。

14. In childhood, I wanted to be different from my father, but as I grew up, I imitated him.

15. 离别时的我爱你，没有任何意义。

15. "I love you" at the time of departure has no meaning.

16. 你把缄默定格在半空，我的有关紧要该怎样描述。

16. You have frozen silence halfway up, how should I describe my pressing matter?

17. 你知道吗？我天天都在想你，夜夜都在念你。吃饭时想、睡觉时想、工作时想，很想对你说快点还钱。

17. Do you know? I think of you every day and every night. I think of you while eating, while sleeping, while working. I really want to tell you to pay back the money soon.

18. 小时候吵架真单纯： “你是猪” “你才是猪” “反弹” “反弹无效”

18. When we argued as kids, it was so simple: "You are a pig" "You are the pig" "Retaliate" "Retaliation is ineffective"

19. 最近读了一本教人遗忘的书，受益匪浅，书名忘了，内容也忘了。

19. I recently read a book that teaches people how to forget, and it was very beneficial. I've forgotten both the title and the content of the book.

20. 每天都在纠结着三件事：晚上睡不着，早上起不来，后悔昨天睡太晚。

20. Every day is troubled by three things: can't sleep at night, can't get up in the morning, and regretting sleeping too late last night.

21. 长的好看又能吃的才叫吃货，长得丑又能吃的那叫饭桶。

21. Only those who are good-looking and can eat are called "foodies." Those who are ugly but can eat are called "food pots."

22. 希望，圣诞老人能在圣诞夜里，把各科期末考试答案塞到我床头的袜子里。

22. Hope that Santa Claus can stuff the answers to the final exams of all subjects into the sock at the head of my bed on Christmas Eve.

23. 看着你又一次心碎，我又一次当黏着剂试图挽回你的心情。

23. Watching you break your heart again, I once again act as the glue to try and cheer you up.

24. 梦见对象死了，我哭的很厉害，醒来发现压根没对象，我哭的更厉害了。

24. In the dream, the person I'm seeing died, and I cried so hard. Upon waking up, I found out that there was no one in the first place, and I cried even harder.

25. “暗恋一个人是什么感觉？”“感觉他身上有wifi”

25. "What does it feel like to have a secret crush on someone?" "It feels like they have a wifi signal on them."

26. 生活就像是满满一梭子AK47子弹，你永远不知道下一发能否爆头。

26. Life is like a full magazine of AK47 bullets; you never know if the next shot will hit the head.

27. 看着爸妈头上日益增长的白发，我真的会害怕。

27. Watching the increasing amount of white hair on my parents' heads, I really get scared.

28. 这年头，工资如果翻四倍可以打美国，翻三倍可以打日本，翻两倍可以打台湾，翻一倍可以回家打老婆，目前的工资回家只能被老婆打，当然，如果没有钱回家，只有被老婆打。。。。。

28. These days, if your salary quadruples, you can beat the United States; if it triples, you can beat Japan; if it doubles, you can beat Taiwan; if it doubles, you can go home and beat your wife; currently, with the current salary, you can only be beaten by your wife at home. Of course, if you have no money to go home, you will only be beaten by your wife......

29. 和女友谈了四个月了，他爸不太乐意我，前天发现女友怀孕了，就想正好趁此机会让他爸同意我俩吧。胆战心惊的找准岳父人谈话：叔叔您看，您闺女也怀了，要不就让我俩结婚吧。准岳父幽幽的看了我一眼，说：哎，报应啊，连说4的话都和我当年一模一样！

29. I've been dating my girlfriend for four months, and her father isn't too keen on me. The other day, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant, so I thought it would be a perfect opportunity to get her father to agree to us. I nervously approached my future father-in-law for a talk: Uncle, you see, your daughter is pregnant too, why don't we get married? My future father-in-law gave me a long, thoughtful look and said: Ah, retribution, even the words you spoke are just like the ones I used back in the day!

30. 我不认为我是秃子，我只是长得比头发高而已。

30. I don't think I'm bald; I'm just taller than my hair.

31. 买方便面总是喜欢卤蛋红牛面，因为同是方便面，最起码人家还多了一个蛋的尊严。

31. I always prefer to buy "Hao Liang Noodles" with egg and Red Bull flavor because, among instant noodles, at least they offer the dignity of an extra egg.

32. 看着你那流线的躯体，我欲火焚身，拨开你那尚未开启的封盖，插入我自备的小棍，吸取你晶莹的液体，爽！雪碧。

32. Gazing at your sleek body, I am consumed by desire. I peel off the unopened seal, insert my own stick, and savor your glistening liquid. So satisfying! Sprite.

33. 已经习惯疲惫的昏厥式睡法，忘记如何辗转入眠。

33. Having grown accustomed to a weary, fainting type of sleep, I've forgotten how to transition into sleep properly.

34. 有时候很累，不想说话也不想动，不需要安慰和陪伴，只想要一个人呆着。

34. Sometimes I'm very tired, don't want to talk or move, don't need comfort or company, just want to be alone.

35. 叫你滚就滚啊，不知道过来抱紧就没事了嘛。

35. If they tell you to leave, then just leave. Don't you know that if you come over and hug them, there's no problem?

36. "你老看我干嘛！" "因为我感觉你简直美如画。" "哎呦，讨厌啦，什么画啊！" "暴走漫画"

36. "Why are you always staring at me?" "Because I feel you are just as beautiful as a painting." "Oh my,讨厌啦，说什么画啊!" "Crazy Comic"

37. 如果你想我了，就给我打个电话，发条信息。别憋着，其实我也在想你。

37. If you miss me, give me a call or send a message. Don't hold back, I'm also thinking of you.

38. 如果有下辈子，我一定要做你的心脏因为我不跳，你就得死。

38. If there is a next life, I must be your heart because if I don't beat, you will die.

39. 进了考场就得了健忘症，出了考场就得了妄想症!

39. Once inside the exam hall, you suffer from amnesia; once out, you develop delusions!

40. 悲伤的音乐回荡在耳边，寂寞的只剩下灵魂。

40. Sad music echoes in the ears, leaving only the soul in solitude.

41. 我要立志做个有气质的流氓，做个有品位的色狼，做个有知识的文盲！

41. I resolve to be a gentlemanly rascal, a tasteful lecher, and an intellectual illiterate!

42. 什么事幸福？幸福就是猫吃鱼，狗吃肉，奥特曼打小怪兽！

42. What is happiness? Happiness is cats eating fish, dogs eating meat, and Ultraman fighting little monsters!

43. 人生就是不断地接受冲击，直到开始冲击别人。

43. Life is a continuous process of being impacted until one starts impacting others.

44. 看着荧幕全黑时的反射，映出毫无伪装的自己。

44. Watching the reflection on the completely black screen, revealing myself without any disguise.

45. 曾经试着用微笑细数你给的伤，无奈最后泪却随微笑流出眼眶。

45. Once tried to count the injuries you gave with a smile, but unfortunately, in the end, tears flowed from the eyes along with the smile.

46. 多希望每次喝酒的时候都有个人在旁边拉着我的手，深情的看着我，温柔的说少喝点、伤身体！可现实却总有一些鳖孙在旁边喊着：你弄啥了，养鱼嘞？喝完～～～

46. How I wish that every time I drink, there's someone holding my hand, gazing at me deeply with affection, and gently saying, "Less, please, it's bad for your health!" But reality is always filled with those bastards shouting beside me, "What are you doing, raising fish? Let's finish drinking!"

47. 人生路上，当你努力向上爬时，总有几个狗日的拼命把你往下扯。

47. On the journey of life, when you are striving to climb upwards, there are always a few bastards who are desperately trying to pull you down.

48. 最近网上可火的一段话：如果我消失了，谁会满世界找我，麻痹！我真特么想说一句：还会有谁，黑白无常啊！

48. A recently viral phrase online: "If I disappear, who would go around the world looking for me, f*ck! I really want to say one thing: Who else, the judges of life and death!"

49. 公主的纯情写在脸上，巫婆的深情种在心里。

49. The princess's innocence is written on her face, while the witch's deep affection is planted in her heart.

50. 女人累了回家撒撒娇，男人累了回家唯有撒泡尿。

50. When a woman is tired, she goes home to be a brat. When a man is tired, he goes home to just urinate.

51. 不是把对方留在自己身边才叫爱，能放手让所爱的人离开，也是爱的一种。

51. It is not only about keeping the other person by your side that counts as love; the ability to let go and allow the loved one to leave is also a form of love.

52. 我不是你后宫里的妃，不稀罕你偶尔的宠幸。

52. I am not a concubine in your harem, and I don't care for your occasional favor.

53. 爱真的需要勇气，可是你最后的伤害让我连爱你的勇气都没有了。

53. True love does require courage, but your final hurt has left me without the courage to love you.

54. 姐混到现在，拿得起，放得下的只有筷子。

54. Having mixed it up for so long, the only thing she can hold up and put down is chopsticks.

55. 我今天开始剃个光头，就再也不用决定睡姿了。

55. I start shaving my head today, and I'll never have to decide my sleeping position again.

56. 死去的人常被人思念，活着的人常被人遗忘。

56. The departed are often remembered, but the living are often forgotten.

57. 我曾经昧着良心说过一句最假的话，不好意思你们都被我骗了。

57. I once said the most false thing against my conscience, and I apologize for having deceived all of you.

58. 兔子不吃窝边草，何况质量又不好，何必非在身边找。

58. Rabbits do not eat the grass around their nests, let alone if it's of poor quality. Why must one seek it so close to oneself?

59. 曾经我也怀疑为何家中如此沉默，直到我也沉默。

59. I used to wonder why the house was so silent, until I myself fell silent.

60. 思想与行动背道而驰，在迷失的道路上走向终点。

60. The thoughts and actions run counter to each other, heading towards the end on a lost path.

61. 以前我们了解的打劫是“此路是我开此树是我栽，要想此路过留下买路财！”现在时代变迁变成了：前方500米收费站，请减速慢行！

61. The hijacking we used to know was, "This road is mine, and this tree is mine. If you want to pass this road, leave behind the toll!" Now, with the changes in the times, it has become: "500 meters ahead, toll booth, please slow down!"

62. 今天女神问我有什么特长，我略微想了想，便对她说：“下面。”只见她红着脸骂我流氓。我就不明白了，大学四年我学会了一百多种方便面的吃法，这不算特长么？现在的女生是怎么了？

62. Today, the goddess asked me about my special skills, and after a moment's thought, I replied to her, "Below." To my surprise, she blushed and cursed me as a流氓 (vulgar person). I couldn't understand it; during my four years in college, I've learned over a hundred different ways to eat instant noodles. Isn't that a special skill? What's wrong with girls these days?

63. 也许我们想念的，是曾经那么想念一个人的滋味。

63. Perhaps what we miss is the taste of missing someone so much in the past.

64. 前面的路还很远，你可能会哭，但是一定要走下去，一定不能停。

64. There is still a long way to go ahead, you might cry, but you must keep going, you must never stop.

65. 生死轮回两茫茫，且看今朝谁癫狂。天下唯我论侠义，醉生梦死乐逍遥。

65. The cycle of life and death is vast and blurred, let's see who goes mad today. In the world, only I advocate for righteousness, living a carefree life in a dreamlike state.

66. 当面怕您的人，背后一定恨您。只有当一个朋友，才能得一个朋友。

66. If someone fears you in your presence, they must hate you in your absence. Only as a friend can one gain a friend.

67. 哼得五音不全，能用有限的文字去描述的感情太少。

67. Having an untrained sense of pitch, there is a limited amount of emotions that can be described with a finite number of characters.