1. 哥在戒烟，抽烟影响哥的良民形象。

1. I'm trying to quit smoking, as smoking affects my image as a law-abiding citizen.

2. 以后谁再说爱你，上去啪就一嘴巴子，他要没还手他就是真爱你。

2. If anyone ever says they love you, just slap them in the face. If they don't fight back, then they truly love you.

3. 我的心是墓穴，怕死的都当不了主角。

3. My heart is a grave, those who fear death cannot be the protagonist.

4. 旅行有一种意义叫做发现，发现外面世界的美好，而更重要的，是发现家的美好。

4. Travel has a meaning called discovery, which is to discover the beauty of the outside world, but more importantly, it is to discover the beauty of home.

5. 不计后果做事是我风格，事后不后悔是我作风。

5. My style is to act without considering the consequences, and my attitude is not to regret after the fact.

6. 谁他二大爷的告诉我诺基亚能砸核桃，现在黑屏了。

6. Who told my second uncle that Nokia can crack walnuts, and now it's black screen.

7. 减肥这种事情，一般都是胖子喊，瘦子做。

7. When it comes to losing weight, it's usually the fat people who talk about it and the thin people who do it.

8. 你的爱情，对于我来说已经没有半毛钱关系了。

8. Your love no longer has anything to do with me.

9. 我喜欢你，比巧克力浓一点，却比咖啡淡一点。

9. I like you more than chocolate is rich, but less than coffee is light.

10. 隐身，不是为了躲避谁，只是希望有谁发现我消失了。

10. Invisibility, not to hide from anyone, but hoping that someone might notice my disappearance.

11. 等我有钱了，我就带我最讨厌的人，去最好的精神病院。

11. When I get rich, I will take the person I dislike the most to the best psychiatric hospital.

12. 别说你会改，阻碍我的步伐，浪费我的青春。

12. Don't even say you'll change, hinder my pace, waste my youth.

13. 不要试图去取悦任何人，做最真实的自己，便够了。

13. Don't try to please anyone; just be the most authentic version of yourself, that is enough.

14. 态度决定一切，实力捍卫尊严。人要经得起**耐得住寂寞。

14. Attitude determines everything, and strength upholds dignity. A person must be able to endure loneliness.

15. 我是高贵的单身，只想要和你谈一场到结婚的恋爱。

15. I am a noble singleton, desiring only to have a love affair with you that leads to marriage.

16. 每当我找到成功的钥匙的时候，他们就把锁给换了。

16. Whenever I find the key to success, they change the lock.

17. 上帝啊借我借我一棍子吧，让我一巴掌干掉他。

17. O God, lend me a stick, let me hit him with a slap.

18. 吃喝玩乐那是货，同甘共苦才是妻。

18. Enjoying food, drink, and entertainment is a commodity, but sharing both joy and hardship is what makes a wife.

19. 手拿大哥大，耳挎bb机，不要迷恋哥，个已经有老婆了。

19. Holding a big brick phone in one hand, carrying a beeper on the ear, don't be infatuated with me, I already have a wife.

20. 女人们，千万不能被我们这些花言巧语的男人骗了，特此忠告。

20. Women, you must not be deceived by us smooth-tongued men. This is a solemn warning.

21. 露出半个**不代表你性感，只能说明你内裤买小了。

21. Showing half of your buttocks doesn't mean you're sexy; it just means you bought your panties too small.

22. 因为世界，女人有了一颗男人的心。

22. Because of the world, women have developed a man's heart.

23. 小二，来碗牛肉面，只要牛不要肉。

23. Little Second, bring me a bowl of beef noodles, just with beef, no meat.

24. 两个人走到今天真的不容易，爱需要全心全意好好的去珍惜。

24. It really wasn't easy for the two of us to reach this point today, love requires wholehearted and careful cherishing.

25. 我受你旳爱茶毒太深，早就离不开了。

25. I have been poisoned so deeply by your love that I can't leave it behind, I've long since become addicted.

26. 人生重要的不是所站的位置，而是所朝的方向。

26. The important thing in life is not the position you stand in, but the direction you are facing.

27. 不喊痛，不一定没感觉。不说话，不一定没心声。不要求，不一定没期待。不落泪，不一定没伤痕。

27. Not crying out in pain doesn't necessarily mean there's no feeling. Not speaking doesn't necessarily mean there's no inner voice. Not asking for anything doesn't necessarily mean there's no expectation. Not shedding tears doesn't necessarily mean there's no scar.

28. 没有什么永远，没有什么很久，找个借口，谁都可以先走。

28. There is no forever, no long time. Find an excuse, and anyone can leave first.

29. 现在告诉你们我结婚的日子喔，它正在海选中呢。

29. Now, let me tell you about the day of my wedding, it is currently under selection.

30. 当我们胖了的时候，不要忘了我们也曾瘦过。

30. When we gain weight, don't forget that we have also been thin.

31. 你们是穿一条裤子长大的兄弟，可否借我一条。

31. You grew up as brothers in the same pants. Can you lend me one?

32. 感觉吃挂面比吃其他的都方便，因为挂了就不用吃了。

32. It feels more convenient to eat instant noodles than other foods because you don't have to eat them after they are cooked.

33. 有时候，即使变成了陌生人，只要彼此相爱，那就还是幸福的。

33. Sometimes, even when we become strangers, as long as we love each other, that still makes us happy.

34. 真希望会有一场大大大大的洪水，来把学校淹了。

34. I really wish there would be a massive, massive flood to淹掉学校.

35. 都说女人是水做的，这是最近水污染好严重啊。

35. They say women are made of water, and it seems the water pollution has become extremely serious lately.

36. 如果对方要是骂你，你可以回，请别跟我说话吐口水，我没拿钱，买不起湿巾。

36. If the other person curses you, you can respond by saying, "Please don't talk to me and spit at me; I haven't taken any money and can't afford a wet wipe."

37. 人生自古谁无死，坏人先死好人后死。

37. Since ancient times, who among us does not die? The bad die first, and the good die later.

38. 哪怕我是个失败者，但只要心态好什么都不是问题。

38. Even if I am a loser, as long as I have a positive attitude, nothing is a problem.

39. 别人手牵手，我手牵狗，看谁讨厌咬他几口。

39. Others hold hands, I hold a dog's hand, to see who dislikes it enough to bite him a few times.

40. 老娘不发嗲，当我纯爷们啊你！

40. Old woman, don't act cute, treat me as a real man!

41. 做最原始的自己，比做任何人的复制品都好。

41. Being the most authentic version of yourself is better than being a copy of anyone else.

42. 所谓情话，就是你说了一些连自己都不相信的话，却希望对方相信。

42. So-called love talk refers to the things you say that you don't even believe yourself, yet you hope the other person will believe them.

43. 全世界只有那么一个你，能够让我爱的死去活来。

43. There is only one you in the whole world who can make me love you to the point of life and death.

44. 五五六六'五种生活方式。六种生活态度。

44. Five-five-five-six 'Five lifestyles. Six attitudes towards life.

45. 我不能让所有的人都满意，因为不是所有的人都是人。

45. I cannot please everyone, because not everyone is a human being.

46. 牛儿天上飞，因为你在地上吹。

46. The cows are flying in the sky because you're blowing on the ground.

47. 世界女人，还是中国女人最美。

47. The women of the world are still the most beautiful, or perhaps the Chinese women are.

48. 等你结婚那天、我会送你两条狗、成全我们这对狗男女。

48. On the day of your wedding, I will gift you two dogs, to complete our pair of dog people.

49. 你长的丑不是你的错，但是出来吓唬人就是你的不对了。

49. It's not your fault that you're ugly, but it's wrong of you to come out and scare people.

50. 其实人生不过就是一个大市场，人在里面都是买这卖那。

50. In fact, life is just a big market, where people buy and sell all sorts of things.

51. 谁把谁的明媚尽收眼底，谁把谁的难过感同身受。

51. Who captures whose radiant brightness with their eyes, who feels whose sadness as if it were their own.

52. 神啊！如果没有办法把我变瘦的话，就把我的朋友们变胖吧。

52. Oh God! If there's no way to make me slim, then please make my friends fat.

53. 思念不能自已，痛苦不能自理，结果不能自取，幸福不能自予。

53. Love cannot be self-controlled, pain cannot be self-managed, results cannot be self-achieved, and happiness cannot be self-bestowed.

54. 情侣间最矛盾的地方就是幻想彼此的未来，却惦记着对方的过去。

54. The most contradictory aspect of a couple is the fantasy of their future together, yet the lingering thoughts of each other's past.

55. 你是我的！听说现在结婚证很便宜，块钱搞定，我请你吧！

55. You are mine! I heard that marriage certificates are quite cheap now, just a few yuan can get it done, I'll treat you to it!

56. 兔子不吃窝边草，好马不吃回头草，老牛时兴吃嫩草，天涯何处无芳草。

56. Rabbits do not eat grass near their nests, good horses do not eat the grass they turned back on, old oxen are fond of eating tender grass, and there is always fragrant grass somewhere in the world.

57. 所谓门槛，过去了便是门，过不去就成了槛。

57. The so-called threshold: if you pass it, it becomes a door; if you can't pass it, it becomes a barrier.

58. 你过得好，我替你高兴，你过得不好，我替全世界高兴。

58. I am happy for you if you're doing well, and if you're not, I am happy for the whole world.

59. 我从来就美被人伤害过，因为伤害过我的都不是人。

59. I have never been hurt by beauty, because those who have hurt me are not human beings.

60. 过去所有的感动，全部都被你谋杀了。

60. All the past emotions have been murdered by you.

61. 原来外表骄傲的人，骨子里埋得是深深的自卑。

61. It turns out that those who appear proud on the outside have deeply rooted feelings of inferiority.

62. 有些人明知道是不该爱的，但还是不愿放手。?>

62. Some people know full well that they shouldn't be in love, but they still can't let go.

63. 岁月不饶人，首先饶不了女人；机会不等人，首先等不了男人。

63. Time is relentless, and it first takes its toll on women; opportunities do not wait for anyone, but men are the first to miss out.

64. 你把鼠标移到我的头像，右键，取消屏蔽此人发言。

64. Move your mouse over my avatar, right-click, and unblock this person's posts.

65. 我只想带着这与任何人任何事无关的爱情，走去一个人的天荒地老。

65. I only want to walk into an endless love, unrelated to anyone or anything, with this love.

66. 有时候你不得不笑，表现得好像一切OK，然后，忍着眼泪走开。

66. Sometimes you have to laugh, act like everything is okay, and then, hold back the tears as you walk away.

67. 我很丑但是我敢在街上走，谁TM敢拦我。

67. I'm ugly, but I dare to walk on the streets, who dares to stop me?

68. 渐渐知道了，现实如此无奈，自己真的长大了。

68. Gradually realized that reality is so无奈, and I have truly grown up.

69. 如果你有种的话，裸奔追我两公里，我要是回头我就是流氓。

69. If you have the guts, run naked after me for two kilometers, and if I turn back, I'm a流氓 (a vulgar term for a despicable person).