——幽谷深处，笑谈风月

——In the depths of a secluded valley, chatting about the moon and the wind.

1. 8夜，二人电话私语。MM(柔情似水)：亲爱的，你想我吗GG ：想，非常想!MM(极为娇羞)：那那有多想GG ：恩我想你想到右手脱臼!

1. For 8 nights, the two had private phone conversations. MM (gentle as water): Dear, do you miss me? GG: Yes, I miss you very much! MM (extremely shy): Then how much do you miss me? GG: I miss you so much that I think my right hand has dislocated!

2. 初中有一次想去小学校园玩，门卫不让进，我和闺蜜准备从栏杆钻进去，我们都怕卡住头，当时我先试了一下，很好，顺利通过。闺蜜的头跟我差不多，所以都认为肯定没问题的啦，结果!结果她被卡住了，但不是卡住头，而是卡住胸哈哈哈!当时我笑得直不起腰了啊!多年后，现在的我才知道当年笑的太早了。

2. In junior high, I once wanted to play in an elementary school campus, but the security guard wouldn't let us in. My best friend and I were planning to crawl under the railing, and we were both afraid of getting our heads stuck. I tried first, and it went smoothly. My friend's head was about the same size as mine, so we both thought it would be fine. But guess what! She got stuck, not by her head, but by her chest哈哈哈! I laughed so hard I couldn't straighten up. Years later, I realized that I laughed too soon back then.

3. 3哈哈哈，好高兴啊，我的日历从此将被改写6月31日!

3. 3 Hahaha, so happy! My calendar will be rewritten from now on with June 31st!

4. 2CCTV版生活大爆炸主题曲歌词：那时的宇宙混沌一片;一万八千年后盘古给了它一刀，哇;女娲补天、精卫填海;后羿射日、嫦娥奔月;神农伏羲燧人、炎黄尧舜禹;发明指南针火药，还有造纸和印刷;阴阳五行与八卦，还有斧头和镰刀;都来自盘古那一劈，嘿!

4. 2CCTV Version of "The Big Bang Theory" Theme Song Lyrics: Back then, the universe was in chaos; 18,000 years later, Pangu sliced it with a swipe, wow; Nüwa patched the sky, Jingwei filled the sea; Hou Yi shot the sun, Chang'e raced to the moon; Shennong, Fu Xi, Shen Nong, Yan Huang, Yao, and Yu; Invented the compass, gunpowder, and papermaking and printing; Yinyang, the five elements, and the eight trigrams; as well as axes and sickles; all came from Pangu's one slash, hey!

5. GG：那算什么，当她们喜欢上这个后，还经常在三食堂门口留下暗红色的呢!

5. GG: That's nothing. After they get hooked on it, they often leave dark red traces at the entrance of the third canteen!

6. 早知道伤心总是难免的你又何苦一往情深。。。MD，我一往情深的时候真没想到伤心还成了难免的了。

6. If I had known that heartache is inevitable, why did I have to be so deeply in love with you... MD, when I was deeply in love, I never thought that heartache would become inevitable.

7. 1爱情暴力小说：题目《别每天纠缠着我要我负责任把孩子生下来然后结婚让你变成你老妈那样的女人》 正文："啪。"

7.1 Romance and Abuse Novel: Title - "Don't Keep Bothering Me Every Day to Take Responsibility for Having a Child and Getting Married, Making You Become a Woman Like Your Mother." Content: "Slap."

8. 老板最近想招个保镖，秘书说：“我有个朋友刚刚退伍，人不错，就是有些拘谨”。老板不屑地说：“部队里混了这么多年还这样啊，晚上叫他跟我来一趟吧! ”第二天，秘书一上班就听到老板在办公室里发飙：“到底是谁他妈说他菊紧的!谁他妈说他菊紧的!!

8. The boss recently wanted to hire a bodyguard, and the secretary said, "I have a friend who just got discharged from the military; he's a decent guy, but a bit shy." The boss scornfully replied, "After so many years in the military, and still like this? Have him come with me tonight!" The next day, as the secretary arrived at work, he heard the boss shouting in his office, "Who the hell said he was shy! Who the hell said he was shy!!"

9. 过年老婆给了我1000块压岁钱。我按照中国的传统习俗做了让步，只是一瞬间。老婆居然拿回来了，还说别忘了，明年再说你得到的钱，煮熟的鸭子

9. During the Spring Festival, my wife gave me 1000 yuan as lucky money. I made a concession according to Chinese traditional customs, just for a moment. My wife actually took it back and said, "Don't forget, let's talk about the money you get next year; it's like a cooked duck."

10. 35一女人抱着婴儿去看病，男医生看了看婴儿，摸了摸女人的rf后就说:奶水不足，婴儿营养不良。女人大怒道:你TMD不开口先问问就摸我是孩子他小姨

10. A woman holds her baby to see a doctor. The male doctor looks at the baby, feels the woman's breast, and then says: The milk supply is insufficient, and the baby is malnourished. The woman becomes extremely angry and says: You goddamn asshole! You didn't even ask me before touching me and calling me my child's auntie.

11. 5和女友谈了八年，有天她闲来无事点开我qq空间，发现有验证问题：偶老婆是__输入她的大名后提示错误，然后就开始无休止的哭闹。密码设置于六年前，我也忘了，哭丧着把生命中所有女生输了个遍还是错误，正觉跳进黄河也洗不清时，我突然意识到自己错在何处，默默地把她名字放进了火星文翻译(阿诗玛奶茶)

11. I've been dating my girlfriend for eight years, and one day, while she was bored, she opened my QQ space and found a verification question: "My wife is __." After typing her full name, an error message appeared, and she started crying and nagging endlessly. The password was set six years ago, and I had forgotten it too. I cried and tried inputting the names of all the girls in my life, but it was still incorrect. Just when I felt that jumping into the Yellow River wouldn't clear my name, I suddenly realized where I had gone wrong, and quietly typed her name into the Martian translation (A Shipu Ma tea).

12. 有一女同事穿一半透视装来上班，我就忍不住问她，有那么热吗非得穿成这样

12. A female colleague came to work wearing half-transparent clothing, and I couldn't help but ask her, "Is it that hot that you have to dress like this?"

13. 10一个年轻的父亲要去便利商店买奶嘴，因为他记得奶嘴是和tt放在一起的，所以他一进门就不自觉的问：请问tt摆在哪儿店员在众人诧异的眼光下忍住笑告诉他，他虽然发现自己失言，却仍没事般地去拿，反正待会就可以澄清了他想，不料等他拿着几个奶嘴摆到柜台上要算帐时，旁边的人群却轰地一声大笑起来

13. A young father was going to the convenience store to buy a pacifier, as he remembered that pacifiers were kept together with 'tt'. Therefore, as soon as he entered the store, he unconsciously asked, "Where are the 'tt' placed?" The store clerk, under the surprised looks of the crowd, managed to suppress a laugh and told him. Although he realized his mistake, he went on to take it as nothing happened. He thought, after all, he would be able to clarify the situation later. However, when he was holding several pacifiers and placing them on the counter to pay, the crowd next to him burst into laughter.

14. 女生宿舍楼对面是男生宿舍楼。那是一个夜晚，万籁俱寂，我听到一个男孩从男生寝室楼里喊道:“什么？Xxx，我爱你！瞬间对面楼的女人都炸了，都羡慕谁的男朋友这么浪漫。就在这时，我听到另一个哥们大喊:刚才谁叫了我的名字？！世界突然变得安静

14. Across from the girls' dormitory is the boys' dormitory. It was a night when all was quiet, and I heard a boy from the boys' dormitory shout, "What? Xxx, I love you!" Instantly, the women in the opposite building erupted in a commotion, all envying whose boyfriend was so romantic. Just then, I heard another guy shout, "Who just called my name?!" The world suddenly fell into silence.

15. 33女秘书因工作出色，在老板的撮合下，她和一名能干的职员结了婚。新郎：小声点儿，别人听到了多难为情!新娘：你说话怎么和老板一样呀!

15. The 33-year-old secretary, due to her excellent work performance, got married to a capable clerk after being matched by her boss. Groom: Keep it down, it's embarrassing if others hear! Bride: How come you talk like the boss?

16. 女生：你如果能马上给我弄到彩虹，我就和你交往!

16. Girl: If you can get me a rainbow right now, I'll date you!

17. 22五年来，猫扑最隐讳的id：赵兄托你帮我办点事。

17. In the past five years, the most secretive ID on Mopcat: Zhao Xiong asks you to help me do something.

18. 4现代四大俗：从小有个音乐梦，辞职开间咖啡馆，改变世界要创业，放下一切去旅行

18. The four modern common phrases: having a music dream since childhood, quitting a job to open a café, starting a business to change the world, and leaving everything behind for travel.

19. 她一语惊人：我不这么穿，我里面好几K的内衣给谁看啊

19. She made a stunning remark: "I wouldn't wear it like that, what's the point of showing off my several-thousand-yuan lingerie on the inside?"

20. 去女友那里，下午她特意在家陪我，小别胜新婚，就… 我那叫一个卖力呀。事后问她我还行吧，她说:“当然，108位水浒好汉中，我至少也排名老三。”当时那感激呀，就网上给她订了她想要的包。

20. Visited my girlfriend, and she deliberately stayed home to accompany me in the afternoon. The short separation is better than a new marriage, you know. I was really energetic. After the event, I asked her if I did well, and she said, "Of course, among the 108 heroes of Water Margin, I at least rank third." At that moment, I was so grateful that I ordered the bag she wanted online for her.

21. 突然，好多稀饭从空中落下来，MM对男友说：这么刺激的项目，还有人在上面吃八宝粥!真强!

21. Suddenly, a lot of porridge fell from the sky, and MM said to her boyfriend: "This is such an exciting project, and there are still people eating congee up there! That's really strong!"

22. 女朋友回家后发现家里用啥啥坏，嫌我太穷，现在非要和我分手。。。

22. My girlfriend found out that everything was broken at home when she came back, and she thinks I'm too poor, so she insists on breaking up with me now.

23. 男生笑着抓起女生的左手按在地上，用力的踩红了。。。

23. The boy smiled, grabbed the girl's left hand and pressed it down on the ground, stepping on it fiercely until it turned red...

24. 在外面吃面，街对面有一个萝莉和她爸爸，共用一个碗。她爸爸先喂她，然后在她的要求下去买奶茶。只见这个小女孩拿起勺子往自己脸上放辣椒，还不停的嘟囔着:我让你吃，我让你吃。如果你不能再吃了，你就这么热热死

24. Eating noodles outside, across the street there was a loli and her father, sharing a bowl. Her father fed her first, then went to buy bubble tea at her request. The little girl picked up a spoon and put chili on her face, muttering all the while: "Let you eat, let you eat." If you can't eat anymore, you'll just die of heat like this.

25. 2记者听说邓紫棋模仿金鱼很厉害，就请她表演一下，邓紫棋说：「好啊好啊!不过你得先借我一百块!」记者掏出一百块递给她说：「好吧，表演完记得还我哦!」邓紫棋疑惑地问：「还什么」(Ruler54)

25.2 The reporters heard that邓紫棋 was very good at imitating goldfish, so they asked her to perform.邓紫棋 said, "Alright, alright! But you need to lend me 100 yuan first!" The reporter took out 100 yuan and handed it to her, saying, "Alright, remember to return it after the performance!" 邓紫棋 puzzledly asked, "Return what?" (Ruler54)

26. 女友∶“如果我穿着比基尼泳衣出去的话，大家会有什么反应呢” 男友∶“那样别人会以为我是看上你的钱财而跟你在一起的。”

26. Girlfriend: "What would people's reactions be if I went out wearing a bikini?" Boyfriend: "People might think that I'm with you for your money."

27. 28有个男孩在体育场上锻炼，碰到一个女孩也在跑步，男孩心生好感，遂观察，第一个星期女孩跑了一圈，第二个星期跑了两圈，第三个星期跑了三圈。。。男孩忍不住上前，搭讪道：你下个礼拜是不是要跑四圈女孩羞涩地摇摇头：下个礼拜我不跑了

27. 28 There was a boy exercising on the sports field when he encountered a girl who was also running. The boy developed a liking for her, so he started to observe her. The first week, the girl ran one lap, the second week two laps, and the third week three laps. Unable to contain himself, the boy approached and said, "Are you planning to run four laps next week?" The girl shyly shook her head: "I'm not running next week."

28. 14小狼追到小兔屋门外。小兔：小狼，你要不要进来小狼：要!小蘑菇跳出来说：我也要!!

28. The young wolves chased to the door of the little rabbit's house. Little Rabbit: Little Wolf, do you want to come in? Little Wolf: Yes! Little Mushroom jumped out and said: Me too!!!

29. “大爷，你结婚60年了还管你老伴叫亲爱的，恩爱这么多年有什么秘诀吗”“没办法，20年前就忘记我老伴叫什么了，又不敢问她，只能这么叫了。”

29. "Grandpa, you've been married for 60 years and still call your spouse 'dear'. Do you have any secrets to such enduring love?" "Well, I can't say. Twenty years ago, I forgot what my wife's name was, and I dared not ask her, so I've just kept calling her that."

30. 每月工资5000，一个月工作22天，一天就是228，一天工作8小时，一小时就是285，一分钟就是0475，折合到秒，一分没赚，又白上了一个月班!

30. With a monthly salary of 5,000 yuan, working 22 days a month, that's 228 yuan per day. If you work 8 hours a day, that's 285 yuan per hour, and 47.5 yuan per minute. When converted to seconds, you haven't earned a single cent, and you've just wasted another month of work!

31. 情人节那天，我准备了老公最爱吃的榴莲，放在床下。老公提前下班回家，手里拿着花冲进卧室，看到我穿性感内衣就傻眼了！我只是害羞:老公床下有惊喜。老公迫不及待的冲进厨房，拿起菜刀。这不是默契。什么是默契？

31. On Valentine's Day, I prepared my husband's favorite durian and placed it under the bed. My husband came home from work early, holding a bouquet and rushing into the bedroom. When he saw me wearing sexy lingerie, he was utterly speechless! I was just shy: "Dear, there's a surprise under the bed." My husband couldn't wait and rushed into the kitchen, grabbing a kitchen knife. This wasn't a默契. What is默契?

32. MM ：#@!#%$GG：那你想我吗MM：当然～GG：多想MM：我我我想你想的都手机进水了～

32. MM: #@!#%$GG: Do you miss me? MM: Of course. GG: How much? MM: I... I miss you so much that my phone has even got waterlogged.

33. 女孩欲言又止，沉默数秒，突然问：你说我是长发好看还是剪短发好看

33. The girl wanted to speak but stopped herself, remaining silent for several seconds, and then suddenly asked: Do you think long hair looks better on me or short hair?

34. 夜深，男孩和女孩手牵手的漫步街上，男孩突然鼓起勇气对女孩说：要不今晚就别回家了吧!

34. Late at night, the boy and the girl stroll down the street hand in hand, when the boy suddenly musters up the courage to say to the girl: "Why don't we not go home tonight?"

35. 女孩默默垂头不说话，男孩突然摸摸口袋，然后很失望的说：算了!我也没带身份证。

35. The girl silently hung her head and didn't speak, and the boy suddenly patted his pocket, then said with a look of disappointment, "Never mind! I didn't bring my ID card either."

36. 9刚才跟一mm视频聊天，她说要看我表演的钢管舞，我拿出双节棍刚想开始，mm突然奇道：咦，怎么你也有这个

36.9 Just had a video chat with a MM, she said she wanted to watch me perform a pole dance. I was about to start with the double sticks when the MM suddenly exclaimed: Huh, how come you have this too?

37. 宠物店门口挂了一只鹦鹉，有个胖女人路过看了看它，鹦鹉说：“你长得真磕碜。”女人没理走了，第二天女人故意路过，鹦鹉又说：“你长得真磕碜。”女人挺生气的去找店主，店主承诺以后不会发生。第三天女人又路过，鹦鹉看了看女人说：“我要说啥你知道!”

37. A parrot was hanging at the entrance of a pet store. A chubby woman passed by and took a look at it, and the parrot said, "You look really ugly." The woman ignored it and walked away. The next day, the woman deliberately passed by again, and the parrot said, "You look really ugly" again. The woman was quite angry and went to find the store owner, who promised that it wouldn't happen again. On the third day, when the woman passed by again, the parrot looked at the woman and said, "I know what I'm going to say!"

38. 一夫一妻是保障穷屌丝还有机会娶到妹子的优良国策。如果是一夫多妻，有身价的妹子是人家的妻，有长相的妹子是人家的妾，再次一点的妹子是人家的婢女，你连母鸡都分不到一只。只能去搞基，而且好看的男人，还是人家的男宠。你只能找和你差不多的互撸一下了!

38. Monogamy is an excellent national policy that ensures that poor guys still have a chance to marry a girl. If it were polygamy, girls with status would be someone else's wife, girls with good looks would be someone else's concubine, and those who are not so good-looking would be someone else's maid. You wouldn't even get a chicken. You would only be able to engage in same-sex relationships, and even then, the handsome guys would be someone else's favorite male. You would only be able to find someone similar to yourself and masturbate together!

39. 3屌丝追美女圣经要是个上海穷家美女，你仅仅只要谈钱和房子，丈母娘穷了一辈子，就指着这个女儿翻身 ;要是富家美女，你就谈理想，越高大越好，千万不要谈钱。要是不穷不富，你主要是谈钱和房子，再编点故事，搞点低调的小浪漫，例如西欧七国游，你出钱。 (菜场经济学家)

39. If the girl is from a poor Shanghai family, you should only talk about money and houses. The mother-in-law has been poor all her life and is counting on this daughter to turn things around; if she's from a wealthy family, talk about ideals, the grander the better, and never mention money. If she's neither poor nor wealthy, you should mainly talk about money and houses, add some stories, and create some low-key romance, like a trip to the seven Western European countries, and you pay for it. (Market Economist)

40. 女孩这时从包里拿出身份证，指着上面的照片说：你看!你看!

40. At this moment, the girl took out her ID card from her bag and pointed to the photo on it, saying: "Look! Look!"

41. 1东北女人写照：冬天皮裤小白貂，夏天露脐秀蛮腰;臀翘腰细胸不小，能说会唠懂撒娇;能上酒桌把人撂，能下厨房把菜烧;迪奥芬迪范思哲，你敢说我腿干折。东北男人写照：尖皮鞋小碎步，大金链子小脚裤; 左青龙右白虎，中间纹个米老鼠;要提臀要束腰，有事没事夹个包;爱马仕阿玛尼，谁他妈瞅我跟谁急

41.1 Portrait of Northeastern Women: In winter, they wear leather pants and a white mink, in summer, they show off their midriff and slender waists; their buttocks are round, their waists are thin, and their chests are not small; they can talk and chatter, and they know how to be cute; they can drink at the table and make people fall, and they can cook in the kitchen; Dior, Fendi, Versace, dare to say my legs are crooked. Portrait of Northeastern Men: Pointy leather shoes and small steps, a big gold chain and small trousers; left with the dragon, right with the tiger, in the middle, a Mickey Mouse is tattooed; they want to lift their buttocks and tighten their waists, and they always carry a bag, whether they have something to do or not; Hermès, Armani, if anyone dares to look at me, I'll be angry.

42. 27一个老太太临死前，拉着老伴的手忏悔：老头子，我跟你讲实话吧，我们那三个儿子，都不是你的。 老头子听罢宽慰老伴说：没事，虽然三个儿子不是我的，但三个孙子肯定是我的

42. Before a grandmother's death, she held her husband's hand and confessed: Old man, let me tell you the truth, those three sons of ours are not yours. Upon hearing this, the old man comforted his wife by saying: It's fine, even though the three sons are not mine, but the three grandsons are definitely mine.

43. 早上刚出小区大门，一个五六岁的小女孩抱着我的大腿哭着说:叔叔，嫁给我吧！！！我正在乱七八糟的时候，突然听到身后有个声音说，就算你结婚了，今天也要去上学！！！！

43. Just outside the community gate in the morning, a little girl of about five or six years old held my leg and cried, "Uncle, marry me!!! While I was in a mess, suddenly I heard a voice behind me say, Even if you're married, you still have to go to school today!!!!!

44. 引导语：世界上有许多经典内涵的东西，笑话也不例外。一个经典内涵的笑话，能让你在瞬间了悟，开怀大笑，愉悦身心。

44. Introduction: There are many things with classic connotations in the world, and jokes are no exception. A classic joke with deep connotations can enlighten you instantly, make you laugh heartily, and bring joy to your mind and body.

45. 6mm叹口气道：终于见血了，这灾是不是就算躲过了

45. 6mm heaved a sigh and said: "Finally, we've seen blood. Does this disaster mean it's dodged now?"

46. 11关了五年的囚犯要出狱了，他的太太带着孩子来接他。刚一见面，囚犯对太太说：FF，太太回答说：EF临上车时，囚犯又说：FF，太太还是回答：EF!到了家门口，囚犯拉着太太的手非常恳切地说： FF～，太太还是回答：EF!!!这时，孩子不解地问父亲：一路上你和妈妈到底在说什么啊，我怎么都听不懂呀囚犯咬着牙恨恨说：说先吃饭!!

46. A prisoner who has been locked up for five years is about to be released, and his wife comes to pick him up with their child. As soon as they meet, the prisoner says to his wife, "FF," and the wife replies, "EF." Right before getting on the bus, the prisoner says "FF" again, and the wife still answers, "EF!" When they arrive at the doorstep, the prisoner takes his wife's hand and says very earnestly, "FF～," and the wife still answers, "EF!!!." At this point, the child, puzzled, asks his father, "What have you and Mom been talking about all this time? I can't understand anything at all!" The prisoner, gritting his teeth, replies, "We were just saying to eat first!!"

47. 4大学时，我和几个同学成立个秋昆社，后来学校说这是非法组织，给取缔了

47. During my fourth year in college, several classmates and I founded a society called "Autumn Kun Society." Later, the school declared it an illegal organization and shut it down.

48. 10有一个朋友，长相一般，初次见面给人的印象绝对是丑的那种，跟他相处后发现，从他的谈吐、穿着，待人接物等各方面都非常的好，慢慢地你会发现长得丑，优点再多也没用。

48. 10 had a friend who looked ordinary and gave the impression of being ugly on first meeting. But after spending time with him, you find that in terms of his conversation, dressing, and how he treats people, he is very good. Slowly, you realize that even if someone is ugly, having many virtues is not useful.

49. 13今年数学系GG送MM的情人节礼物：r=b+sinx!

49. This year, the Department of Mathematics' GG sent MM a Valentine's Day gift: r = b + sin(x)!

50. 3我在戴尔工作时，曾听说有位女员工，每次有大老板演讲时，就举手问：“请问您成功的三个秘诀是什么。”后来她升职比较快，大家都恨恨认为和她的问题有关系，羡慕嫉妒恨，但又做不到如此地不要脸。如今读了MBA，我终于能自然而然地问这个问题了，钱花得真值! (鸽子蛋99)

50.3 When I worked at Dell, I heard about a female employee who would always raise her hand during the CEO's speeches and ask, "May I know what are the three secrets to your success?" Later, she was promoted rather quickly, and everyone bitterly believed that her question had something to do with it, feeling a mix of envy, jealousy, and resentment, yet couldn't bring themselves to be so shameless. Now that I've completed my MBA, I can naturally ask this question, and it's truly worth every penny! (Pigeon Egg 99)

51. 17幸福掌握在自己的手里，而不是在别人的嘴里!

51. 17 Happiness is in your own hands, not in someone else's mouth!

52. 男友抬头看了看，爆笑道：你看仔细了，是上面有人吐了!

52. The boyfriend looked up and burst into laughter: "Look closely, someone puked up there!"

53. 16昨天从一个老外那儿听来的原装A笑话，绝对地道的英语表达!to open a door, you push/pull so is it to open a girl

53. 16 A joke I heard from a foreigner yesterday, an absolutely authentic English expression! To open a door, you push/pull, so is it to open a girl?

54. 7和老婆离婚了，白天有忙碌的工作充实倒是还好，可一到了晚上就再也抑制不住内心的情感，一个人蒙在被子里偷偷地笑了起来。

54. He got a divorce with his wife. While the busy work during the day fills his time quite well, at night, he can no longer contain his emotions, and he secretly laughs to himself while covered up in the blanket.

55. 37动物园工作人员死了，墓碑上刻着：熊出，没注意

55. 37 Zoo staff member died, the epitaph on the tombstone reads: Bear out, did not pay attention.

56. 24月下，一对情侣在操场上锻炼。女(含情)：平时走起来觉得很长，现在和你一起跑步却觉得很短，感觉时间过得好快呀 ～男(脸红)：是啊，平时走起来觉得很短，现在和你一起跑步却觉得很长，感觉女 (愤怒)：你流氓!!!

56. On the 24th day of the month, a couple is exercising on the playground. Woman (affectionately): Usually, I feel the walk is long, but now, running with you feels short, and the time flies by so quickly! Man (blushing): Yes, usually, the walk feels short, but now, running with you feels long, and... Woman (angry): You流氓!!!

57. 男人的那个剩下9cm) (男人心想：再让它说一次『不要』就成功) 男人又再说一次：嫁给我嘛～好不好 小青蛙：不要! (9-3=

57. The man's part is left with 9cm (The man thinks: If she says "No" one more time, I'll succeed) The man says again: Will you marry me? Isn't that good? Little Frog: No! (9-3=)

58. 3每次被人骂完了之后都是晚上躺在床上的时候才想起来该怎么还嘴。

58. 3 After being cursed at each time, it's only when lying in bed at night that I remember how to retaliate.

59. 5伏尔泰咖啡瘾很大，一生中喝了数量惊人的咖啡。有个好心人曾告诫他说：“别再喝这种饮料了，这是一种，你是在慢性自杀!”“你说得很对，我想它一定是慢性的。”这位年迈的哲学家说，“要不然，为什么我已经喝了65年还没有死呢”

59. Voltaire was extremely addicted to coffee, having consumed an astonishing amount of coffee throughout his life. A kind-hearted person once warned him, "Stop drinking this beverage; it is a poison, and you are committing suicide slowly!" "You are right," said the elderly philosopher, "I suppose it must be a slow poison." Otherwise, why haven't I died after drinking it for 65 years?"

60. 8正确的泡妞方式：穷追不舍，得花钱;错误的泡妞方式：穷追，不舍得花钱。 (这梦真他妈噩)

60. The correct way to chase after a girl: to persist and spend money; the wrong way to chase after a girl: to persist but not be willing to spend money. (What a f*cking nightmare this dream is)

61. 今天中午，室友去学校旁边的小餐馆炒了一份红烧薯片打包。老板给她打包了两箱，一般是一箱菜一箱饭。当我拿回宿舍的时候，我发现那是一个薯片和一个碎茄子。。。我想知道另一个学生回去打开两盒包装好的大米时是什么表情。。

61. Today at noon, my roommate went to the small restaurant next to the school to order some braised potato chips for takeout. The boss packed it into two boxes for her, usually with one box of vegetables and one box of rice. When I returned to the dormitory, I found that it was one potato chip and a broken eggplant... I wonder what expression the other student had when they opened two boxes of packaged rice.

62. 7现在父母们都非常担心两件事情：儿子从网上下载了什么，还有女儿上传了什么到网上

62. 7 Now, parents are extremely worried about two things: what their sons download from the internet, and what their daughters upload to the internet.

63. 9我是名交警，昨天看到一个小姑娘死活没能把车停进路边的车位，我便上前指挥，可最后还是刮到了别的车，我很生气，质问她：“我让你左打轮三圈，右打轮两圈，你为什么非要左右各打三圈把驾照拿出来!” 小姑娘委屈的哭了，看到驾照后我才发现，原来小姑娘是9月初生人。。。(杰克波比)

63.9 I am a traffic police officer. Yesterday, I saw a young girl struggling to park her car into a parking space on the roadside. I went up to give her instructions, but in the end, her car still scratched another car. I was very angry and asked her, "I told you to turn the steering wheel left three times and right two times, why did you have to turn it three times on each side to take out your driver's license!" The girl cried in frustration. It was only after seeing the driver's license that I realized the girl was born in early September.... (Jack Bob)

64. 舞会上，一男子问一MM说：你用的唇膏是不是叫红色闪电那种

64. At a dance party, a man asked a girl, "Is the lip gloss you're using the kind called Red Lightning?"

65. 40有一个男人，他的那个长15cm，她老婆的深度6cm。 那个男人听说有一只有灵性的青蛙，只要让那只青蛙说不要就可以让那个少3cm。 然后他就去找那只青蛙。 男人：小青蛙，跟我结婚好不好啊 小青蛙：不要! (15-3=

65. There was a man whose length was 15cm, and his wife's depth was 6cm. He heard about a spiritual frog that could make it 3cm shorter if it said "no." So he went to look for that frog. Man: Little frog, would you like to marry me? Little frog: No! (15 - 3 = ...)

66. 5外科老师说，所谓无菌和干净的区别，就是你把一砣屎放高压锅里蒸一个点，它就是无菌的了，但是你说它干不干净呢老师真是太机智了!

66. The surgery teacher said, the difference between aseptic and clean is that if you put a pile of feces in a pressure pot and steam it a little, it becomes aseptic. But do you say it's clean? Teacher, you're too smart!

67. 31小明一岁时，他第一次喊爷爷，于是爷爷死了。没多久他第一次喊妈妈，于是妈妈死了。再后来，他喊爸爸，于是隔壁的王木匠死了一位清华博士指出，这个笑话有bug，喊爷爷时应该是隔壁王木匠的爹死掉。而一位交大的同学指出：隔壁木匠的母亲知道这不是个bug。

67. When Xiao Ming was one year old, it was the first time he called out "grandpa," and grandpa passed away. Not long after, it was the first time he called out "mom," and mom passed away. Later on, he called out "dad," and the neighbor's carpenter lost a Qinghua University Ph.D. A Tsinghua student pointed out that there was a bug in the joke; when calling out "grandpa," it should have been the neighbor's carpenter's father who died. Meanwhile, a student from Tongji University said that the neighbor's carpenter's mother knew this was not a bug.

68. 45有三个男人在天堂的入口相遇一个天使就问啦你们三个人是怎麽死的啊第一个人就哭丧的说那天我起床太晚了就急忙下楼衣服不整的教了一部计程车可是好死不死的天空就掉下来一台冰箱於是我就翘翘了呜第二个就说啦我那天出差而提早回来想给老婆一个惊喜没想到听到房间有男人的声音我就很生气的走了进去没想到没看到人我就去窗外看了一下呵呵有个衣服不整的人急忙要叫计程车逃了我就把冰箱给砸下去了就被判刑枪弊了呜第三个就说啦我才冤咧我正在和新泡上的妹妹温存好死不死她老公回来了 一时情急之下我就躲到冰箱中可是碰的一声我啥也不知道就来了

68. At the entrance to heaven, three men met an angel, who asked, "How did the three of you die?" The first one lamented, "I woke up too late that day and hurried downstairs, dressed in disarray, and hailed a taxi. But unfortunately, a refrigerator fell from the sky, and I fell over and died. Aww." The second one said, "I was on a business trip and came back early to surprise my wife, but I heard a man's voice in the room and got very angry, so I went in. I didn't see anyone, so I looked out the window. Haha, there was someone dressed in disarray trying to hail a taxi and run away, so I threw the refrigerator down and was sentenced to a gun-related crime. Aww." The third one said, "I'm so innocent. I was enjoying intimate moments with a new girl I met, and unfortunately, her husband came back. In a moment of panic, I hid in the refrigerator, but then there was a loud thud and I didn't know what happened until I came to."

69. 10“商场里你最想打折的是什么”“女朋友的腿” (然后下面就没了)

69. "What do you most want to be discounted at the mall?" "My girlfriend's legs" (Then the text ends)

70. 26女人最喜欢的日子：1月31日;最讨厌的日子：12月1日

70. The most favorite day for 26 women: January 31st; the most disliked day: December 1st.

71. 有内涵的笑话大全，生活中总会发生一些让你不开心的事情，我们可能会为此感到难过，但是看几个笑话就能变得开心啦。

71. A collection of humorous jokes with depth. In life, there are always things that may not make you happy, and we might feel sad about them. However, watching a few jokes can quickly lift your spirits.

72. cm。 抱著姑且一试的心情，告别老婆，跋山涉水寻找，终於在一处深山找到神犬。 他拿出预先准备的肉，供奉给神犬，说明来意。 神犬很卖力，汪!汪!两声后，便开始安静吃肉。 这个男人一看，那个果然变成他的理想尺寸，高兴的大叫欢呼，转身就要跑回家与老婆happy! 神犬被他突来的举动吓一跳，本著狗狗的天性， 立刻对正在奔跑回家的男人狂吠直追： 汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!这个男人被神犬一路追赶回家，和老婆两人合力终於把神犬制服，给神犬戴上口罩，关在笼子里。 但此时他的那个已变成一大捆，长得可以放风筝了。 只好由他老婆去把灵蛙带回来，试著把那个变回正常。 这一次他们很小心，终於把那个变成理想尺寸。 夫妇两人心中大喜，再也按耐不住这久来的欲望，便把灵蛙也关到笼子里， 夫妇两人高兴得做了起来 神犬看见灵蛙，好奇得追逐起来，挣脱口罩，汪!汪!乱叫灵蛙也被神犬吓得直叫：不要过来!不要过来! 过一会儿，老婆传来微弱无力的声音：快叫～你们～安静～～我～不～行～了～～～

72. cm. With a spirit of trying something new, he bid farewell to his wife, braving mountains and rivers in search, and finally found the divine dog in a deep mountain. He took out the meat he had prepared beforehand, offered it to the divine dog, and explained his intentions. The divine dog was very diligent, barking twice! and then began to eat the meat quietly. This man, seeing that it indeed transformed into his desired size, shouted with joy and turned to run home to be happy with his wife! The divine dog was startled by his sudden action and, in accordance with the nature of dogs, immediately chased after the man running home with a loud bark:汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪!汪! This man was chased home by the divine dog, and together with his wife, they managed to subdue the divine dog, put a mask on it, and locked it in a cage. But at this moment, what he had turned into had become a large bundle, large enough to fly a kite. It was only then that his wife had to go and bring back the spiritual frog, trying to turn that back into its normal state. This time, they were very careful and finally transformed it into the ideal size. Overjoyed, the couple could no longer contain their long-simmering desires and decided to lock the spiritual frog in the cage as well. The couple, excited, started to get busy. The divine dog saw the spiritual frog and out of curiosity, chased after it, pulled off the mask, and barked frantically. The spiritual frog was also frightened by the divine dog and cried out: "Don't come over! Don't come over!" After a while, the wife sent over a faint, weak voice: "Quickly, call out ~ you two ~ be quiet ~ I ~ can't ~ keep up anymore ~ ~ ~ "

73. 9我跟老公去逛超市，买完东西结账的时候我才想起来我忘记买水果了。因为我特别爱吃水果。然后我就说“老公，我们不买水果了吗” “嗯。” “那我晚上吃什么呀!” “吃大香蕉～” “呃家里有香蕉嘛” “……” 然后收银台附近的人就在偷偷的笑。 笑什么呀，回家一看，真的有香蕉啊!

73.9 I went shopping at the supermarket with my husband. When we were paying for the items, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to buy fruit. I particularly love eating fruits. So I said, "Husband, shouldn't we buy some fruit?" "Huh." "Then what will I eat for dinner?" "How about some big bananas~" "Uhm, do we have bananas at home?" "..." Then, people nearby at the checkout were secretly laughing. What are they laughing at? When I got home, I actually found there were bananas after all!

74. 2老婆：老公，今天这么早就下班了老公：CEO叫我陪他打兵乓球，一不注意赢了他几个，他对我说：“你回家吧，明天也不用来了，你应该去专业兵乓球球队上班。于是我就回家了。”

74. 2 Wife: Honey, you're off work so early today. Husband: The CEO asked me to accompany him to play table tennis. Without paying attention, I won a few games from him, and he said to me, "You can go home now. You don't need to come tomorrow. You should consider working for a professional table tennis team." So, I went home.

75. 6问：东北人斗殴69%的原因是啥 A：你瞅啥 B：瞅你咋的 总结：只是因为在人群中多看了你一眼。

75. Question 6: What are the reasons for 69% of the fights among people from Northeast China? A: What are you looking at? B: What do you want by looking at me? Summary: It's just because you gave me an extra glance in the crowd.

76. 偶然间听到一对男女对话，男：媳妇儿，我刚才看见一女的，长得好看，腿还长，一看就空姐。女：是吗我再给你一次机会，你重新说。男：啊，对，媳妇儿，我刚才见一老娘们儿，打扮妖艳，腿还长，一看就是出来拉活儿的。女：恩，下次说话注意点儿……

76. By chance, I overheard a conversation between a man and a woman. The man: Honey, I saw a woman just now, she's beautiful and has long legs. She looks like an air hostess. The woman: Really? Well, I'll give you another chance, just rephrase it. The man: Oh, yes, honey, I saw an old woman just now, dressed up in a slutty way, with long legs too. She looked like she was out to pick up some work. The woman: Okay, just be more careful with your words next time...

77. 15A同学刚交了一位女友，于是第二天请假说牙疼(实际想带她出去玩)。B冷笑道：莫不是你这位女友有糖尿病吧到了周末， B同学回家相亲，周一早晨B打电话让A帮他请病假，说是拉肚子

77. Student 15A just got a girlfriend, so the next day he took a sick leave, saying he had a toothache (actually, he wanted to take her out to play). B coldly smiled and said, "Could it be that your girlfriend has diabetes?" On the weekend, B went home for a blind date. On Monday morning, B called A to ask him to take a sick leave for him, saying he had diarrhea.