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1. 刚才我佯装生气，老公在一旁喝牛奶。老公跑过来“叭”亲了我一下，得意地说：“奶味吻。还想要什么口味的跟哥说！”我：“屎味的。”老公凌乱了……

1. Just now, I pretended to be angry, and my husband was sipping milk beside me. He ran over and gave me a "pop" kiss, boasting, "A milk kiss. Do you want any other flavors, just tell brother!" I said, "Shit flavor." My husband was utterly confused...

2. 11你是我见过的男孩中最文学、最理性的人。这也是我认为我们最相似的事情。

2.11 You are the most literary and rational boy I have ever seen. This is also the thing I think we are most similar on.

3. 男友问我：你喜欢哪个包我看了看：红色的那个吧。男朋友笑了笑：傻瓜，那个不是名牌。别怕，挑你喜欢的就好。多贵都没关系。我心中一暖，指了指路过的女人背着的LV：就她吧。男友给我了一个吻，然后发动摩托车，向那个女人冲了过去。

3. My boyfriend asked me, "Which bag do you like?" I looked and said, "The red one." He smiled, "Silly, that's not a brand-name bag. Don't worry, just pick the one you like. It doesn't matter how expensive it is." I felt a warmth in my heart, pointed at a woman passing by who was carrying an LV, and said, "Let's take that one." My boyfriend gave me a kiss, then started the motorcycle and chased after that woman.

4. 幽默者最有人情味，与幽默者相处、每个人都会感到快乐。下面我为你收集了一些逗女孩子开心幽默笑话，一起来看看吧。

4. Humorists are the most compassionate, and spending time with humorists can bring joy to everyone. Below, I have collected some humorous jokes to make girls happy. Let's take a look together.

5. 支付宝想做社交简单的，只要做个“附近的有钱人”功能就行。

5. Alipay wants to make socializing simple, just by adding a "Rich People Nearby" feature.

6. 父亲对女儿的男友严厉地说：年轻人，你每天只带我的女儿看**，坐咖啡厅，难道不能做点其它事情吗年轻人惊喜地说：您是说可以做其它的事儿了吗!

6. The father sternly said to his daughter's boyfriend, "Young man, you only take my daughter to **, sit in cafes, can't you do something else?" The young man was surprised and exclaimed, "You mean we can do something else?"

7. 我不想理你的时候，你哄我也没用，这时候你得给我发红包。

7. When I don't want to pay attention to you, no amount of flattering will work. In this case, you need to send me a red envelope.

8. 女：我要正式警告你，我丈夫一小时后就会回来。男：可我并没有做什么无礼的事呀。女：我知道，如果你想做点什么的话，时间只剩下不到一小时了

8. Woman: I'm giving you a formal warning, my husband will be back in an hour. Man: But I haven't done anything rude. Woman: I know, but if you're going to do something, you have less than an hour left.

9. 排球场地南北双方打得热火朝天，一外来观球者大喊:南方加油 !南方加油!一胖妞不服，大声叫到:女方加油!女方加油!

9. The volleyball teams from the north and south were playing fiercely. A visitor from outside shouted: "South, come on! South, come on!" A chubby girl不服， loudly exclaimed: "Girls, come on! Girls, come on!"

10. 43生命中有了你，终于让我体会到了日以继夜时时刻刻思念一个人的感受。我很想你，想到无法自拔想到黯然神伤，这种感觉只有爱过的人才能体会！

10. 43 With you in my life, I have finally experienced the feeling of constantly missing someone day and night. I miss you so much, it's like I can't pull myself away, and it's so heart-wrenching. This feeling can only be understood by those who have been in love!

11. 昨天梦见上帝他说可以满足我一个愿望我拿出地球仪说要世界和平他说太难了换一个吧，我拿出你的照片说要这人变漂亮他沉思了一下说把地球仪拿来我在看看

11. Yesterday, I had a dream where God said He could grant me one wish. I took out a globe and said for world peace, but He said it was too difficult and asked me to choose another one. I took out your photo and said for this person to be beautiful. He thought for a moment and then said, "Bring the globe over, let me take another look."

12. 59我若是玫瑰将奉献芳芬：我若是太阳将奉献温馨：我若是钻石将奉献永恒…可我什么也不是，只能说声：我爱你！

12. 59 If I were a rose, I would offer my fragrance; if I were the sun, I would offer warmth; if I were a diamond, I would offer eternity... But I am nothing, I can only say: I love you!

13. 58我想和你在一起，和你一起看日出日落，和你一起收集浪漫的气息。

13. 58 I want to be with you, to watch the sunrise and sunset with you, and to collect the romantic atmosphere with you.

14. 儿子问爸爸，欲火焚身是什么意思，老狼便委婉地告诉他是某人想要什么东西的意思。在一次，语文课上没有粉笔，年轻的女老师刚好自己要去取时，老黄的儿子就立刻站起来说;老师，我知道你是欲火焚身，还是让我满足你吧~

14. The son asked his father what "being consumed by desire" meant, and the old wolf politely explained that it was about someone wanting something. On one occasion, during a Chinese language class when there were no chalks, the young female teacher was about to go fetch some when her son suddenly stood up and said, "Teacher, I know you're consumed by desire, let me satisfy you instead~"

15. 49我的爱一直伴随着你，我说，对你的爱，像沙漏一样，反复流动，一直蔓延。

15. 49 My love has always accompanied you, I say, my love for you flows back and forth like an hourglass, ever-continuing and spreading.

16. 希望你往后有酒有肉有姑娘，姑娘也丑的没眼看

16. I hope you have wine, meat, and girls in the future, and the girls are so ugly that they're almost unwatchable.

17. 向美术教师交作业时,一位学生之交了一张白纸

17. When handing in assignments to the art teacher, a student submitted a blank piece of paper.

18. 和我一个死党去抗夜，回家的路上买了两瓶可乐喝，这二货估计是上网上迷糊了，拿着可乐可劲摇，摇玩后拧开盖就用嘴包着，眼看嘴越来越鼓，这二货死活不松口，然后，然后我就看着他的鼻孔开始冒沫

18. I went out with a close friend to fight the night, and on the way home we bought two bottles of cola to drink. This guy must have been confused while browsing the internet, as he vigorously shook the cola bottle. After shaking, he unscrewed the cap and took a sip, his mouth looking increasingly bloated. This guy refused to let go, and then, then I watched as bubbles started to come out of his nostrils.

19. 喝到一半，他觉得内急，想上洗手间。但是又怕酒被别人喝掉。

19. Halfway through drinking, he felt the urgent need to use the restroom. But he was also afraid that someone might drink the rest of the alcohol.

20. 大家都是“情不知所起，一往而深”，我不一样，我是“钱不知所去，一贫如洗”。

20. Everyone is "in love without knowing where it comes from, and it goes deep after one's heart has been involved." But I'm different, I'm "in poverty without knowing where the money has gone, and now I'm as poor as a church mouse."

21. 主动约你出去吃饭的陌生女性，100%是酒托。

21. A female stranger who主动 invites you out to dinner is 100% a bar girl.

22. 我本善良 奈何生活 逼良为娼。

22. I was originally good-hearted, but life forced me into becoming a prostitute.

23. 女生变成女人一次就可以成功，而男生变成男人需要反复的磨练！

23. Girls can become women successfully with just one attempt, while boys need repeated refining to become men!

24. 老婆：我漂不漂亮老公脱口而出：非常漂亮。过了十分钟，老婆问道：你说我漂亮是不是怕伤害我啊老公微笑摇头：不，我是怕你伤害我。

24. Wife: Am I beautiful? Hubby replied without hesitation: You are very beautiful. Ten minutes later, the wife asked again: Did you say I was beautiful because you were afraid to hurt me? The husband smiled and shook his head: No, I was afraid you would hurt me.

25. 男人：我老婆失踪了，请帮助寻找一下吧!警察：她有什么特征男人：个不高挺胖，有些秃顶，鼻子特别大。警察：那你还找她干嘛

25. Man: My wife has gone missing, please help me find her! Policeman: What are her distinctive features? Man: She's not very tall, quite chubby, slightly balding, and has a particularly large nose. Policeman: Why do you still want to find her?

26. 妻子：“你办公室有谁啊？”丈夫：“就我和女秘书。”妻子：“那就有的唠嗑。”丈夫：“哪有时间唠嗑。”妻子：“有很多事情忙吗？”丈夫：“事倒是没有，就是腾不出嘴。”

26. Wife: "Who's in your office?" Husband: "Just me and the female secretary." Wife: "Then there's plenty to chatter about." Husband: "There's no time for chatter." Wife: "Are you busy with a lot of things?" Husband: "There aren't many things, but I just can't find the time to talk."

27. 我觉得世界上最厉害的人 就是说睡觉就睡觉 说起床就起床 说写作业就写作业。

27. I think the most formidable person in the world is someone who sleeps when they should sleep, gets up when they should get up, and does their homework when they should.

28. 今天打扫宿舍，我居然在厕所里发现了一些老鼠屎。

28. Today while cleaning the dormitory, I actually found some rat feces in the toilet.

29. 6一直想做一朵开在你手心里的花，吸取你源源不断的温暖。

29.6 I have always wanted to be a flower that blooms in the palm of your hand, absorbing your endless warmth.

30. 一位女子，开出的征婚条件有两点：要帅要有车，电脑帮她搜寻的结果：象棋。一位男的，开出的征婚条件有两点：美丽的会做饭的，电脑帮她搜寻的结果：美的电饭锅

30. A woman sets two conditions for her marriage: to be handsome and to have a car. The computer's search result for her: chess. A man sets two conditions for his marriage: beautiful and good at cooking. The computer's search result for her: an electric rice pot.

31. 在我眼里你特别好看，从眼睫毛到头皮屑都好看的那种好看。

31. In my eyes, you are especially beautiful, a beauty that extends from your eyelashes to the dandruff on your scalp.

32. 农村小保姆嗓门大，男主人提醒她今晚来客都是有身份的人，说话要小声。晚饭后客人玩牌，保姆想早点休息，凑近男主人耳边轻声道：我先睡了啊

32. The village babysitter has a loud voice. The male host reminds her that the guests coming tonight are all people of status, and she should speak softly. After dinner, the guests are playing cards, and the babysitter wants to rest early. She leans in close to the male host's ear and whispers: I'm going to sleep first.

33. 阿爽死了，家人送葬，痛哭流涕地呼唤着他的名字：爽啊爽爽啊爽路人听到不解，便问：你们到底在爽什么呢爽的家人顿时泣不成声：爽死了啊

33. A Shuang died, and his family attended the funeral, crying out in tears, calling out his name: Shuang, Shuang, Shuang. The passersby, confused, asked: What are you all so happy about? The family of A Shuang burst into tears: A Shuang is dead!

34. 60我心怀天地，只因天地间有你惑人的笑：醉人的眼：天籁般的音：动人的身影：如光之精灵在清晨的柔光下轻歌曼舞。

34. 60 In my heart, there is the vastness of the heavens and the earth, all because in the midst of them, there is your captivating smile: enchanting eyes: ethereal voice: moving figure: a light elf dancing gracefully under the gentle morning light.

35. 等你以后结婚了，结婚对象不是我，我就搬到你家隔壁住，做一个安静的老王。

35. When you get married in the future and your spouse is not me, I will move to live next door to you, becoming a quiet old Wang.

36. 47只要你愿意，我会永远陪着你，地老天荒，依然如故。不受外界干扰，不受欲望驱使，不受情绪左右，就这样自性清净地爱你。

36. 47 As long as you are willing, I will be with you forever, through thick and thin, just as I am. Unaffected by external disturbances, driven by desires, or swayed by emotions, I will love you in this inherent purity.

37. 都说城市套路深 想要回农村 却不知农村路泥泞 路也不好走。

37. They all say the city is full of tricks, and I want to return to the countryside, but I don't know that the roads in the countryside are muddy and not easy to walk on.

38. 但是，他又发现纸条上多了几个字：我也吐了一口

38. However, he also noticed a few more words on the note: I also vomited.

39. 母亲再一次叫儿子起床:"雅克,好孩子,该起床了你听公鸡叫了好几遍了"

39. The mother called her son to wake up again: "Jacques, good child, it's time to get up, you've heard the rooster crow several times already."

40. 10你在我心中是那么重要，没有你我会很不自在，不要折磨我好吗？

40. 10 You are so important to me that without you, I feel very uncomfortable. Please don't torture me, okay?

41. 25我喜欢抱你，嗅你淡淡的发香，心与心贴的那么近，彼此的心跳都同样的节奏，你中有我，我中有你，厮守相依，爱你无期。

41. 25 I like to hold you, to sniff the faint scent of your hair, our hearts so close together, our heartbeats in the same rhythm, you in me, me in you, holding each other through thick and thin, loving you without end.

42. 15相信爱情，更相信你，我对你的爱就像耀眼的阳光可以照耀在天涯海角，你却失明了。

42. 15 believes in love, but believes in you even more. My love for you is like the dazzling sun that can shine across the ends of the earth, yet you are blind.

43. 有一种忧伤叫，我回你是秒回，你回我是轮回。

43. There's a kind of sorrow called, I respond to you immediately, but you respond to me in a cycle.

44. 当初那个可爱的我早已不见，取而代之的是更可爱的我。

44. The adorable me of yesteryears has long disappeared, and in its place is an even more adorable me.

45. 大海上有一艘很大的舰艇，它本来的定员是60人，结果，只载了59个人，它居然就沉进海里了!这是为什么答案:这是一艘潜水艇。

45. There was a large ship on the ocean, which had a capacity of 60 people. However, it only carried 59 people, and it actually sank into the sea! Why? Answer: It was a submarine.

46. 28我心归处几载，人生磨砺万千，似是而非莫入心，此生长拌却成真！知否，爱人！

46. Over the years, I have returned to where my heart belongs, and life has seasoned me with thousands of trials. What seems right should not be taken to heart, and what is true for this life is truly so! Do you know, my love!

47. 20让我以世纪为单位，陪你到世界的尽头。1。以骄傲的态度仰望未来。

47. 20 Let me accompany you to the end of the world, measured in centuries. 1. Look to the future with a proud attitude.

48. 乞丐不会嫉妒百万富翁，但他们会嫉妒比自己混的好的乞丐。

48. Beggars will not envy millionaires, but they will envy other beggars who are doing better than themselves.

49. 梦想还是要有的，不然哪天喝多了你跟人聊啥。

49. Dreams should still be had; otherwise, what will you talk about with others when you've had too much to drink one day.

50. 老婆：“隔壁小两口吵架，别人都不管，你去瞎搅和什么？”老公：“我怎能不管？以后我们打起架来，没人来劝架，我招架得住吗？”

50. Wife: "The couple next door are fighting, and no one else is interfering, why do you have to get involved?" Husband: "How can I not care? If we ever fight, who will come to mediate? Can I handle it on my own?"

51. 有人喂了一只鹦鹉，很聪明。一天朋友来找他，按一下门铃后，听到里面有人讲：“再按再按。”客人又按：“里面又讲：“再按再按。”客人按后门果然开了。开后客人讲，为什么让我按那么多下门铃？主人讲：是鹦鹉叫你按的。我这鹦鹉很聪明，你摸它的左脚，它会说你好，摸右脚会说再见。客人摸后果然见效。客人很高兴，问：如果两个脚都摸如何？主人说没试过。客人便去摸鹦鹉的两脚，没想鹦鹉大叫：“你想把我扳倒啊，有没有搞错。”客人瞠目。

51. Someone fed a parrot, which was very smart. One day, a friend came to visit him. After ringing the doorbell once, he heard someone inside say, "Ring again, ring again." The guest rang the bell again, and the person inside said, "Ring again, ring again." After the guest rang the bell, the door indeed opened. After opening the door, the guest asked, "Why did you make me ring the doorbell so many times?" The host replied, "It was the parrot that told you to do so. My parrot is very smart; if you touch its left foot, it will say 'hello,' and if you touch its right foot, it will say 'goodbye.'" The guest touched the parrot and it worked as described. The guest was very happy and asked, "What if I touch both feet?" The host said he had never tried it. The guest then touched both feet of the parrot, and to his surprise, the parrot screamed, "Do you want to tip me over, are you out of your mind?" The guest was startled.

52. 深夜布什看到拉登站立在自己床前，批头散发，布什大惊说：你好大胆，敢夜闯白宫!拉登甩了甩齐胸的胡子，阴森地笑了笑，说：飘柔，就是这样自信!

52. Late at night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed, with disheveled hair and a beard down to his chest. Bush was greatly startled and exclaimed: How dare you, to dare to break into the White House at night! Bin Laden flicked his chest-length beard and gave a sinister smile, saying: P&G, that's how confident I am!

53. 要命的夏天来了，谁要是能给我们班教室装台空调，我们就把班主任嫁给他。

53. The dreaded summer is here, and if anyone can install an air conditioner in our classroom, we will marry the class teacher to him.

54. 湖南作文题目《走过》，我觉得一口气就能写800字：走过！路过！不要错过！本商店商品一律2元，2元一件件件2元，要啥啥便宜买啥啥实惠，机不可失时 不再来，全场清仓处理，赔钱甩卖！挑啥，拿啥买啥都是2块！原价都是10块8块的，现在全场2块。2块钱你买不了吃亏，2块钱你买不了上当…

54. Hunan essay topic "Woguo" (Walked Through), I think I can write 800 words in one breath: Walked! Passed by! Don't miss it! All items in this store are 2 yuan, 2 yuan per item, 2 yuan for every item, whatever you want is cheap, whatever you buy is a good deal, the opportunity comes but once, the whole store is on clearance, selling at a loss! Pick whatever you like, take whatever you want, and it's all 2 yuan! The original price was 10 yuan or 8 yuan, but now the whole store is 2 yuan. You can't lose with 2 yuan, and you can't be deceived with 2 yuan...

55. 小男孩看了看医生,转过头很严肃的对妈妈说:"妈妈,我们需要换一个医生了"

55. The little boy looked at the doctor and then turned to his mother with a serious expression, saying, "Mom, we need to switch doctors."

56. 老师听了之后,差点没气的吐血,便没好气的说道:"你怎么不说是路易七乘路易二呢"

56. After hearing this, the teacher was almost so angry that she could have spat blood, and she said in a bad mood, "Why didn't you say it as Louis VII times Louis II?"

57. 于是，他向服务生借了笔和纸。在纸上写了：我在杯里吐了一口痰。

57. So, he borrowed a pen and paper from the waiter. He wrote on the paper: I spat in the cup.

58. 夏天父母不能理解的三件事:盖空调的被子。二:开着电脑玩手机。三:一边写作业一边听歌。

58. Three things that parents cannot understand during the summer: one, using a quilt over the air conditioner; two, using a computer while playing with a smartphone; three, doing homework while listening to music.

59. 55你是我的天堂。在你转身说你真的爱我之前，不要抹去我对你的热情。

59. 55 You are my heaven. Do not erase my passion for you before you turn around and tell me you really love me.

60. 妈妈和2岁的宝宝在看电视，宝宝围着电视直转圈。妈妈:宝宝，你在找什么宝宝:我在找电视里的人，他们在哪呢

60. The mother and her 2-year-old baby are watching TV, and the baby is spinning around the television. Mother: Baby, what are you looking for? Baby: I'm looking for the people on the TV, where are they?

61. 昨天朋友和女朋友分手了，女朋友想分享一下。朋友说:“你信不信我捅死你？"他女朋友更生气了:“你能捅死我，我就不跟你分手！"

61. Yesterday, a friend and his girlfriend broke up, and the girlfriend wanted to share about it. The friend said, "Do you believe I'd stab you?" His girlfriend got even more angry: "If you could stab me, I wouldn't break up with you!"

62. 妻子：有人说，年轻人在迷人的月色下会失去理智，你认为这话对吗丈夫：可能有点道理，你记得吗我是在月色下向你求婚的

62. Wife: Some say that young people lose their senses under the enchanting moonlight. Do you think this is true? Husband: There might be some truth to that. Remember, it was under the moonlight that I proposed to you.

63. 阿呆：好久不见，最近忙些什么阿瓜：从去年开始我就专职写作。阿呆：不错嘛，到目前为止卖了多少呢阿瓜：我卖了车子，房子也卖了!

63. Dumb: Long time no see, what have you been busy with recently? Aqua: Since last year, I've been writing full-time. Dumb: Not bad, how much have you sold so far? Aqua: I've sold my car, and the house too!

64. 13我是属猫头鹰的，但我可不想第二天有一个‘熊猫眼’的男朋友！

64. 13 I belong to the owl tribe, but I don't want to have a 'panda-eyed' boyfriend the next day!

65. 哥哥说哪一个岛最冷爸爸说冰岛哥哥说错爸爸说公布答案哥哥说A：宝岛有冷气吹

65. Brother said which island is the coldest, Dad said Iceland. Brother said he was wrong, Dad said to announce the answer. Brother said A: The Treasure Island has cold air blowing.

66. 一个男人在酒吧里，看见一个胸部很漂亮的美女进来。男:你好，小姐，我能问你一个问题吗？女:这是什么？男:我给你1000美元。我能摸摸你的胸部吗？女:1000美元？那好吧。美女然后脱了衣服。这个人盯着它看了几分钟，但是他没有动手。女:你为什么不碰它？男的说，因为没钱，哈哈！

66. A man is in a bar when he sees a beautiful woman with a very attractive chest come in. Man: Hello, miss, may I ask you a question? Woman: What is this? Man: I'll give you $1000. Can I touch your chest? Woman: $1000? Alright then. The beautiful woman then took off her clothes. The man stared at it for several minutes, but he did not touch it. Woman: Why don't you touch it? The man says, because I have no money, hahaha!

67. 你错过了我这么可爱善良温柔漂亮性感聪明活好的女朋友 我要是你 我就选择自杀。

67. You missed out on such a cute, kind, gentle, beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and lively girlfriend. If I were you, I would choose suicide.

68. 醉汉走到野外，看见一个小箱子。这箱子里装满了珍贵的宝贝，宝贝上面放了一面镜子。这人非常高兴地把箱盖打开，却一眼看见镜子里面有一个人。他非常惊讶害怕，连忙拱手道：“我还以为是一只空箱子，不知道有你在箱子里，请莫生气！ ”

68. The drunkard walked into the countryside and saw a small box. The box was filled with precious treasures, and on top of the treasures was a mirror. Overjoyed, he opened the lid of the box, only to see a person in the mirror. He was extremely surprised and scared, so he hurriedly kowtowed and said, "I thought it was an empty box, I didn't know you were in it. Please don't be angry!"

69. 美术学校规定男生不准和女模特谈恋爱。小强不但谈还使模特怀孕。被学校知道了。几天后学校宣布:小强因破坏道具被开除。

69. The art school has a rule that male students are not allowed to date female models. Xiao Qiang not only dated one but also got her pregnant. The school found out. A few days later, the school announced: Xiao Qiang was expelled for destroying props.

70. 然后旁边的室友说，毕竟他是大学鼠。他有很多素质，知道怎么在厕所拉屎！！

70. Then the roommate next to him said, "After all, he's a university rat. He has many qualities and knows how to defecate in the toilet!"

71. 我绞尽脑汁想写首赞美你的诗，但我失败了，因为即使全世界最美的言辞集中起来，也不能形容你美丽的万分之一呀!

71. I strained every nerve to write a poem in praise of you, but I failed, for even if all the most beautiful words in the world were to be gathered together, they could not describe a fraction of your beauty!

72. 寻猪启事:本人丢纯种小白猪一只。特征:聪明伶俐，善解人意，身上带一部手机并在查阅短信。速回信息!主人现在好想你!

72. Lost Pig Announcement: I have lost a purebred white pig. Features: smart and clever, good at understanding people's feelings, carrying a mobile phone and checking text messages. Please reply immediately! The owner is missing you so much right now!

73. 19你不是谁，你是我唯一的，我不喜欢等待，你是我唯一的例外。

73. 19 You are not who you are, you are the only one to me, I don't like to wait, you are the only exception.

74. 一个人问他非常害怕老婆的朋友说：“圣经上说：丈夫是妻子的头，你的情形是这样吗？”那朋友的妻子抢着答道：“怎么不是？我只是他的喉舌而已。我负责开口说话，他负责点头。”丈夫在旁点头表示赞同。

74. A person asked his friend, who was very afraid of his wife, "The Bible says: The husband is the head of the wife, is that the case with you?" The friend's wife eagerly replied, "How could it not be? I am just his mouthpiece. I am responsible for speaking, and he is responsible for nodding." The husband nodded beside him in agreement.

75. 35昨夜听雨，今夜听心，明天陪你看夜，如果你愿意我来陪你一生风雨。

75. Last night I listened to the rain, tonight I listen to my heart, tomorrow I will accompany you to watch the night. If you are willing, I will accompany you through all the storms and challenges of life.

76. 别人一学期换一次女朋友，我一周换一次暗恋对象。

76. While others change girlfriends every semester, I switch my secret crushes every week.

77. 告诉你，像我这么可爱的女孩子你还拒绝真是好傻

77. Telling you, it's really silly for you to refuse such a cute girl like me.

78. 偷懒这事，干得好就叫享受；死皮赖脸这事，干得好就叫执着；装傻这事，如果干得好，那叫大智若愚？别对我用美人计，否则我会将计就计。

78. Slacking off is called enjoyment when done well; being relentless is called perseverance when done well; and if pretending to be foolish is done well, it's called "the wise appear foolish"? Don't use the seductive charm on me, otherwise I will play along with the trick.

79. 3忍把浮名，换了浅斟低唱。因了缘，与你恬静相伴。因了你，不再去葬窗外的落红。

79. 3 bear the burden of fleeting fame, exchanging it for gentle sipping and low singing. Because of fate, I accompany you in tranquility. Because of you, I no longer go to bury the fallen petals outside the window.

80. 老婆是个cosplay爱好者，有次她骗我出差了，然后我下班了就带爸妈上来吃饭。一开门看到她穿着月野兔的衣服，两条**辫子，用魔杖指着我们说：我要代表月亮消灭你~~你~~啊！ ！（愈来愈高音) 然后砰一声把门关上……当我们吓呆了，然后她一秒变正常 装没事开门给我们。我爸妈都笑疯了……

80. My wife is a cosplay enthusiast. One time, she tricked me into thinking she was on a business trip, and then after I got off work, I brought my parents up to have dinner. As I opened the door, I saw her dressed as Usagi Tsukino, with two ponytails, pointing a magic wand at us and saying, "I will represent the moon to eliminate you... you... ah!" (The voice got louder and louder) Then, she slammed the door shut... When we were completely startled, she turned normal in a second and opened the door for us as if nothing had happened. My parents laughed so hard...

81. 16亲爱的过去，谢谢你给我的教训。亲爱的未来，我已经准备好了。

81. 16 Dear past, thank you for the lessons you have given me. Dear future, I am ready.

82. 轻轻解开你的腰带，慢慢脱掉你的外套，露出你洁白的肌肤，散发出幽幽的体香，忍不住咬你一口，别瞎想了~吃粽子。

82. Gently unfasten your belt, slowly take off your coat, revealing your fair skin that emits a subtle body fragrance. I can't help but want to take a bite of you... Stop overthinking~ Eat the zongzi (sticky rice dumplings).

83. 医院的树阴下，一对情人在拥抱接 吻。一个医生看见了，过去对那男的说：你真糊涂，施行人工呼吸，应该把她平放在地上才行，走开,让我来，我是医生

83. Under the shade of the hospital trees, a couple is embracing and kissing. A doctor saw them and went over to the man, saying: You are really foolish. When performing artificial respiration, you should place her flat on the ground. Move aside, let me handle it, I am a doctor.

84. 46如果我是问号，那你就是感叹号。我是问题，你是我唯一的答案。

84. 46 If I am a question mark, then you are an exclamation mark. I am the question, and you are my only answer.

85. 小明一岁时，他第一次喊爷爷，于是爷爷死了。没多久他第一次喊妈妈，于是妈妈死了。再后来，他喊爸爸，于是隔壁的王木匠死了。一位清华博士指出：这个笑话有bug（漏洞），喊爷爷时应该是隔壁王木匠的爹死掉。而一位交大的同学指出：隔壁木匠的母亲知道这不是个bug（漏洞）

85. Xiao Ming was one year old when he first called out "grandpa," and as a result, grandpa passed away. Not long after, he first called out to his mother, and she died. Later on, he called out to his dad, and the neighbor's carpenter died. A Tsinghua University Ph.D. pointed out that there's a bug in this joke; it should be the neighbor's carpenter's father who dies when Xiao Ming calls out "grandpa." Meanwhile, a student from Tongji University noted that the neighbor's carpenter's mother knows this is not a bug.

86. 26因为爱，是舍不得曾经付出的爱：所以等待，是舍不得曾经付出的等待：这些爱，这些等待，最终都不是自己的！

86. 26 Because of love, one clings to the love that has been given: so waiting is a reluctance to let go of the waiting that has been given: these loves, these waiting, are ultimately not of one's own!