Certainly, please provide the text you would like translated to English.

1. 55老师总是喜欢在上课的时候说∶同学们，请看着我。

1. Teacher 55 always likes to say during class: "Classmates, please look at me."

2. 我不怕喝敌敌畏，但我怕打开盖子会有惊喜。多享受一瓶应该和谁分享？

2. I'm not afraid to drink DDT, but I'm scared of the surprise that might come with opening the lid. With an extra bottle, who should I share it with to enjoy it more?

3. 我把所有的记忆串联成一部**,却发现是个悲剧

3. I strung all my memories together into a *, only to find it was a tragedy.

4. 人生如梦，我总失眠;人生如戏，我总穿帮;人生如歌，我总跑调;人生如战场，我总走火。

4. Life is like a dream, I always have insomnia; life is like a play, I always make mistakes; life is like a song, I always sing off-key; life is like a battlefield, I always go astray.

5. 被溶解的华丽，都沉淀在繁华和现实的阴影里。

5. The dissolved brilliance all settles in the shadows of prosperity and reality.

6. 别人是我们眼里的一道风景，我们也是别人眼里的风景。但每个人之于他自己都不成其为风景，相反，那可能只是一堆废墟。远处的废墟被我们看成风景，这就是距离产生出来的错觉。

6. Others are a scenery in our eyes, and we are also a scenery in others' eyes. However, to ourselves, each one is not a scenery but rather a heap of ruins. Ruins in the distance are perceived as scenery by us, and this is the illusion produced by distance.

7. 25哎呦，您这么忙还亲自上厕所啊不怕鸡蛋里挑骨头的，就怕他非要在骨头里找鸡蛋。

7. 25 Oh my, you're so busy yet you still go to the bathroom personally? I'm not afraid of finding bones in the egg, but I'm afraid he insists on finding an egg in the bones.

8. 嫉妒是把刀，不是插别人身上，就是插自己身上

8. Jealousy is a knife, which either stabs into others or into oneself.

9. 10如果心胸不似海，又怎能有海一样的事业。

9.10 If one's bosom is not as vast as the sea, how can one have an undertaking as vast as the sea?

10. 你对别人有一点点好我都有想瞬间掐死你的冲动。

10. If you're a little nice to someone, I have a sudden urge to strangle you.

11. 53五毛和五毛是最幸福的，因为他们凑成了一块。

11. 53 cents and 5 cents are the happiest, because they make up a whole.

12. 多年之后，你若嫁了，我若没娶。叫你女儿放学路上小心点

12. Years later, if you get married and I haven't, be careful for your daughter on her way home from school.

13. 34始终没有沦为一名优秀的大学生，靠的就是坚强品质天上掉钞票我不会弯腰，因为天上连馅饼都不会掉，更别说掉钞票了。

13. I have never become an outstanding university student solely by relying on my strong character. I would not stoop to pick up money that falls from the sky, because even bread from the sky is a myth, let alone money.

14. 检票入站的时候，车站人员说，带小孩子的去另一个区排队。一个多岁的小伙子对我说，叔叔我装你孩子。我们去那边快一些。岁月啊。你他妈给了我的脸多少沧桑。

14. At the ticket checking entrance, the station staff said, "Take the children to another queue." A young man of a few years older than me told me, "Uncle, I'll pretend to be your child. We can go there faster." Oh, years. How much wear and tear have you put on my face?

15. 再逼我。 我就喂你喝三鹿。

15. Push me further, and I'll give you a dose of Sanlu.

16. 为什么帅哥都在理发店，而美女却都在红灯区？

16. Why are all the handsome guys at the barbershop and all the beautiful women in the red-light district?

17. 你会玩炫舞吗不会!你会玩CS吗不会!会玩DNF吗不会。那去死吧!那是什么游戏

17. Do you play Xuanwu? No! Do you play CS? No! Do you play DNF? No. Then go to hell! What kind of game is that?

18. 我喜欢你，你却喜欢着她，我就是个天大的笑话

18. I like you, but you like her, and I'm the biggest joke in the world.

19. 听说女人如衣服，兄弟如手足。回想起来，我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了年!

19. I've heard that women are like clothes and brothers are like arms and legs. Looking back, I can't believe I've been running around half-naked for a whole year!

20. 61我望天空，渴望掉块馅饼，但是等了很久等来了一陀鸟屎。

20. 61 I looked up at the sky, hoping for a slice of cake to fall, but after waiting for a long time, I got a pile of bird dung instead.

21. 早上叫醒我的不是闹钟，而是十米开外一只小蚂蚁的叹息

21. It was not the alarm clock that woke me up in the morning, but the sigh of a small ant ten meters away.

22. 女人拥有无数个QQ号只为了调戏一个男人，男人常用一个QQ号上面加满各种各样的女人。

22. A woman has countless QQ numbers just to tease one man, while a man often uses one QQ number to add countless women of all kinds.

23. 分手之后，我不奢求什么。只希望你以后的女人一个不如一个。

23. After the breakup, I don't have any expectations. I just hope that the women you have in the future are all worse than the last one.

24. 前几天看了一个新闻，一个张姓男子因为长时间熬夜，在家猝死。这告诉我们千万不要姓张。

24. A few days ago, I saw a news report about a man surnamed Zhang who died suddenly at home after staying up late for a long time. This reminds us that we should never have the surname Zhang.

25. 50其实我一点也不喜欢寂寞，为什么寂寞，老是来找我。

25.50: Actually, I don't like loneliness at all, why does loneliness always come to find me.

26. 7我一直拿着丘比特的箭追啊追然而你却穿着防弹背心飞啊飞。

26. 7 I've been chasing after Cupid's arrow all this time, but you've been flying away with an bulletproof vest on.

27. 我的优点是：我很帅；但是我的缺点是：我帅的不明显。

27. My strengths are: I am handsome; but my weaknesses are: I am not very noticeable in my handsomeness.

28. 22奥巴马。 切~~， im克林顿！

28. 22 Obama. Che~, it's Clinton!

29. 老天请让我再长高五厘米，我愿意以瘦十斤的代价来交换。。。

29. Oh, God, let me grow another 5 centimeters, I'm willing to trade off for losing 10 pounds...

30. 1爆笑经典媳妇搞笑笑话，和媳妇吵了一架，晚饭时没喊我也没给我拿碗筷，我只好自己默默的去厨房拿，可一不小心弄掉了几个盘子，没想到那虎娘们听见盘子摔碎的声音后站起来抱起电饭锅就扔了出去，还吼道：我看你还有多大的脾气……唉何苦糟蹋粮食嘞，不吃给我啊，我一天没吃东西了……

30.1 A Hilarious Classic Wife Joke: Had a fight with my wife, and she didn't call me or bring me chopsticks for dinner. I had to quietly go to the kitchen to get them, but accidentally dropped a few plates. I didn't expect that the fierce woman heard the sound of the plates shattering, got up, picked up the rice pot, and threw it out, roaring: "I wonder how much of a temper you have left... Alas, why waste grain? Don't eat it; I haven't eaten anything today..."

31. 所谓的对与错，只是建立一个人的角度上。其实这个世界没有对与错

31. So-called right and wrong are merely based on an individual's perspective. In fact, there is no right or wrong in this world.

32. 你是我的优乐美这样我喝完就可以把你扔掉咯。

32. You are my Uramye (a candy), so after I've finished drinking, I can throw you away, right?

33. 后的你有着一颗80后的心和一张70后的脸。

33. The you that follows has a heart of an 80s person and a face of a 70s person.

34. 63不是说良药苦口，怎么没见有效过病毒爱上我的电脑，我只能成全他们有的人眼睛总盯着自己，所以长不高看不远天没降大任于我，为何苦我心志，劳我筋骨，饿我体肤别以为遇见我是你的缘，没准就是你的坎儿。

34. It's not that good medicine tastes bitter, but how come I haven't seen it work against the virus that has fallen in love with my computer? I can only fulfill their desires. Some people always have their eyes on themselves, which is why they don't grow tall or see far. If heaven hasn't given me a great responsibility, why should it trouble my will, weary my bones, and starve my flesh? Don't think that meeting me is your destiny; it might just be a hurdle for you.

35. 班主任，别白费心机的换座位了，我坐哪都和周围的人聊得来。

35. Teacher, please don't waste your effort changing the seats. I can get along with the people around me no matter where I sit.

36. 26我很穷，我家的佣人也很穷，我家的园丁也很穷，我家的司机也很穷。

36. 26 I am poor, the maids in my home are poor, the gardeners in my home are poor, and the drivers in my home are poor.

37. 新闻教程一老太太在路上摔跤磕掉了牙，记者怎样报道香港记者会问责市政道路施工是否留有隐患!台湾记者会追踪医疗保险谁来出这笔补牙钱美国记者会关注老年社会问题边缘化的老年人怎样生活在中国大陆则是《一人掉牙众人相助》《马路无情人有情》《老人摔掉牙扶还是不扶》

37. In the first news tutorial, an elderly woman fell and chipped her tooth on the road. How did the reporter cover the question of whether there were hidden dangers in the municipal road construction at the Hong Kong press conference! The Taiwan press conference followed up on who should pay for the tooth repair under medical insurance. The US press conference focused on the issues of marginalized elderly people in an aging society. In mainland China, it was "When One Falls Out a Tooth, Many Help," "The Road Has No Heart, But People Do," and "Should You Help an Elderly Person Who Has Fallen and Chipped a Tooth?"

38. 在超市买完东西结账，看见前面一老太太消费元，她拿出递给了收银员。收银员看你一下抽屉发现没有零钱，于是问她阿姨，您有吗老太太笑得合不拢嘴，乐呵呵的回答说还呢，我儿子都多啦。

38. After paying for the items at the supermarket, you saw an elderly woman in front of you who had spent a certain amount of yuan. She took out the money and handed it to the cashier. The cashier looked at you and then into the drawer, realizing there was no change. So, he asked the woman, "Auntie, do you have any change?" The elderly woman smiled broadly, happily replying, "Oh, I have plenty; my son has given me so much."

39. 74是不是我这么光芒四射，才晃得你胡说八道握着一支中华铅笔,蓦地看到你的影子,仔细一看^噢我需要增肥，这样才有力气承担你给的伤痛。

39. Is it because I'm so radiant that you're blabbering? Holding a Zhonghua pencil, I suddenly saw your shadow, and upon closer inspection... oh, I need to gain weight, so I have the strength to bear the pain you've given me.

40. 早上收拾衣服看到老公有两条内裤都破洞了，挺心疼的，我天天逛街做美容打麻将，真是忽略了他，赶紧把内裤给他扔进了垃圾桶，回头必须多给他买两条好点的内裤刚刚打麻将回家，我默默的把垃圾桶里老公的内裤捡了出来

40. This morning, while sorting my clothes, I noticed that my husband had two pairs of underwear with holes in them. I felt quite sad about it. I've been busy shopping, getting beauty treatments, and playing Mahjong every day, completely overlooking him. I quickly threw the underwear in the trash can, thinking I need to buy him two better pairs of underwear. Just as I returned from playing Mahjong, I silently picked up the husband's underwear from the trash can.

41. 长得丑的女孩子我一般不甩她，但你是个例外。

41. I usually don't pay any attention to girls who are ugly, but you're an exception.

42. 国产人生--下课啦放学啦放假啦毕业啦混够啦老啦后悔啦死啦-

42. National Life -- Class is over, school is over, holiday is over, graduation is over, enough is enough, too old, regretted, died.

43. 各国运动员抵达里约奥运村后，别国代表团都是严防丢失东西，只有朝鲜代表团是严防丢失远动员及工作人员。

43. After the athletes from various countries arrived at the Rio Olympic Village, the delegations from other countries were strictly preventing the loss of items, but only the North Korean delegation was strictly preventing the loss of athletes and staff members.

44. 去见你想见的人吧。趁阳光正好。趁微风不噪。趁繁花还未开至荼蘼。

44. Go and meet the people you want to see. While the sunlight is just right. While the gentle breeze is not too loud. While the blooming flowers have not yet reached their fullest bloom.

45. 12不要害怕诱惑，你抵制了它，说明你是个好人;抵制失败了，说明你曾经是个好人一颗心，只能装一个人，如果你装两个人，那么你就不是人别和我抢东西，虽然我不会撒娇，但我会玩摔跤。

45. Do not fear temptation; if you resist it, it shows you are a good person; if you fail to resist, it shows you once had a good heart. One heart can only contain one person; if you try to fit two, then you are not a person. Don't fight me for things, even though I won't act cute, I can play wrestling.

46. 30生活的一半是倒霉，另一半是如何处理倒霉。

46. Half of life is misfortune, and the other half is how to deal with misfortune.

47. 27网络就像是监狱，本来是偷了个钱包进来的，等出去的时候就什么都学会了。

47. The internet is like a prison; originally you come in for stealing a wallet, and by the time you go out, you've learned everything.

48. 玩电脑时,父母在旁边看着,我一般会刷新桌面,QQ有消息也不点开,淡定的听歌,

48. When playing on the computer and my parents are watching beside me, I usually refresh the desktop, and if there are messages on QQ, I won't open them. I calmly listen to music.

49. 姑娘失恋算什么，我们女人可是流血一周都不会死的动物。

49. What's a broken heart for a girl? We women are animals that won't die even if we bleed for a week.

50. 别用你的脾气挑战我的耐性，否则你会死的很漂亮

50. Don't use your temper to challenge my patience, or you'll die a beautiful death.

51. 当我最想说些什么的时候，往往也是我最沉默的时候

51. When I most want to say something, I am often the most silent.

52. 七月我一定好好学习天天向上，绝对不玩手机不谈恋爱。如果做不到，那我八月再发一遍。

52. In July, I will definitely study hard every day and make progress. I will absolutely not play with my phone or have a romance. If I can't do it, then I will post this again in August.

53. 遍寻不着，犹叹当年小蛮腰。空余恨，一身五花膘。

53. Searching in vain, still sighing for the slender waist of yesteryears. Left with regret, a body adorned with five-color blubber.

54. 68正因为我的低调，所以才成就了你的高调。

54. 68 It is precisely because of my modesty that your showiness has been achieved.

55. 人生只有三天，活在昨天的人迷惑;活在明天的人等待;活在今天的人最踏实。

55. There are only three days in life: those who live in the past are confused; those who live in the future are waiting; and those who live in the present are the most grounded.

56. 什么是勇气？但我知道这顿饭会让我发胖，所以我要迎头而上

56. What is courage? But I know that this meal will make me gain weight, so I must face it head-on.

57. 23说吧，你是想死呢还是不想活了这种烈女型女流氓，真是世所罕见揭开自己本性的面纱，来面对天定的现实。

57. 23, speak up! Are you looking to die or not care to live? Such a fierce and rebellious woman is truly a rarity in the world. Lifting the veil of her true nature to face the predetermined reality.

58. 一个像铁塔结实的男士，每次都没瘦弱的媳妇打骂，从来没动手，还过嘴。每当受气了，就去火车站，故意把钱露在外面，让贼偷，打的贼那是一个惨呀!久而久之，火车站的贼都知道了，一看他来了都说，这孙子在家又受气了，又尼玛出来找人出气了!

58. A man as sturdy as the Eiffel Tower, who had never beaten or cursed his frail wife, never laid a hand on her, and always retaliated with words. Whenever he was mistreated, he would go to the train station, deliberately showing his money, inviting thieves to steal it. The thieves he dealt with were truly可怜! Over time, the thieves at the train station all knew him, and when he came, they would say, "This guy's been mistreated at home again and is now out here looking for someone to vent his anger on!"

59. 我建议，把日本的女人抓起来，放到我们的男监狱

59. I suggest apprehending Japanese women and placing them in our male prisons.

60. 合久必分，分久必合；喝酒会让你发疯，每一杯酒你都会喝。

60. What's together will eventually separate, and what's separated will eventually come together; drinking will make you crazy, and you'll drink every glass of alcohol.

61. oゞ传说中情场上剩下来的有两种人没有钱的男子不会包装的女子ゞo

61. o☆In the legends of the dating world, there are two types of people left: men without money and women who can't package themselves.☆o