Certainly, please provide the text in a language other than English that you would like translated into English, and I will assist you with the translation.

1. 握住你的手，把它拖走。儿子说不行，那好，关上门放狗！

1. Grab your hand and drag you away. The son said no, okay, then, close the door and let the dog out!

2. 上天没有给我很大的责任，但还是让我心痛，让我筋骨疲惫。

2. The heavens have not given me a great responsibility, but it still causes me pain and leaves me weary in body and spirit.

3. 蚂蚁的快乐是什么？饭量小，不贪！

3. What is the happiness of ants? Eating sparingly, not greedy!

4. 你明明是蜗牛，还要背乌龟壳，严重超载。你不太累。

4. You're clearly a snail, yet you're carrying a turtle shell, heavily overloading yourself. You're not that tired, are you?

5. 雷锋做了一件好事，没有留名，但每一件事都记在日记里。

5. Lei Feng did a good deed without leaving his name, but every single thing was recorded in his diary.

6. 铁杵可以磨成针，木杵只能磨成牙签。材料不对，再努力也没用。

6. An iron rod can be ground into a needle, but a wooden rod can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is wrong, no amount of effort will do any good.

7. 没有才华的女人是美德。我一定是太邪恶了。

7. A woman without talent is virtue. I must be too wicked.

8. 不想做奴隶的人，愿意做人民币的奴隶。

8. People who do not want to be slaves are willing to become slaves to the Chinese yuan.

9. 我这辈子只有两件事做不到，就是这个做不到，那个做不到。

9. In my entire life, there are only two things I cannot do, this one and that one.

10. 前途是光明的，但是没有路。

10. The future is bright, but there is no path.

11. 间歇性抑郁症发病期间，陌生人勿打扰，熟人勿发现。

11. During the onset of intermittent depression, please do not disturb strangers, and do not let acquaintances discover it.

12. 我最近体重增加了。当我在电话里微笑时，我的脸会碰到挂断键。

12. I have gained weight recently. When I smile on the phone, my face touches the hang-up button.

13. 作为一个怪物，我的愿望是至少消灭一个奥特曼。

13. As a monster, my wish is to at least defeat one Ultraman.

14. 我当时很年轻。你呢？你老了吗？

14. I was very young back then. And you? Have you gotten old?

15. 红豆不在南方长，长在我脸上。我真的很想他们！

15. The bean is not grown in the south, but on my face. I really miss them!

16. 如果心没有地方住，它就到处流浪！

16. If the heart has no place to dwell, it wanders everywhere!

17. 我们的目标:看钱，多赚。

17. Our goal: look at money, make more.

18. 牵着孩子的手，才知道孩子长得丑，泪流满面，孩子不离我而去。

18. Holding the child's hand, I realized how ugly the child had become, tears streaming down my face, but the child did not leave me.

19. 据说人只有两种选择:要么忙着死，要么忙着活。我想我还有第三种选择:忙着等死。

19. It is said that people only have two choices: either to be busy dying or to be busy living. I think I have a third choice: to be busy waiting to die.

20. 我不是人民币。怎么才能让所有人都喜欢我？

20. I am not Renminbi (the Chinese currency). How can I make everyone like me?

21. 活了20多年，没为祖国和人民做过一点事。每次想到这些，我都心痛。

21. Having lived for over 20 years, I haven't done anything for my country and people. Every time I think about this, it causes me great pain.

22. 现实社会并不是我们想象中的乌托邦，机会甚至比大熊猫还稀少。

22. The real world is not the utopia we imagine, and opportunities are even rarer than pandas.

23. 我以为我颓废了，直到今天才知道我的晨报报废了。

23. I thought I was decadent, until today I found out that my morning newspaper has been discarded.

24. 他们说我BT，让我做CT。结果我被ET了。

24. They said I was "BT" and asked me to do a "CT." In the end, I was "ET"ed.

25. 一个真正的勇士敢于素颜面对自己的脸。

25. A true warrior dares to face his own face without makeup.

26. 我想我太久没吃鸡了要不你昨天怎么看到鸡毛掸子了-有点兴奋？

26. I think I haven't eaten chicken for too long, otherwise why did you see a feather duster yesterday - a bit excited?

27. 我的优点是:我长得帅；但是我的缺点是我不帅。

27. My advantage is: I am handsome; but my disadvantage is that I am not handsome.

28. 树越安静，我越爱它，他不在那里。

28. The quieter the tree, the more I love it; he is not there.

29. 如果你注定不能给我预期的回应，那就保持安全距离。

29. If you are destined not to give me the expected response, then maintain a safe distance.

30. 世界上有两种人，一种懂二进制，一种不懂。

30. There are two kinds of people in the world, one who understands binary and one who doesn't.

31. 申请归来:为了保护我的心灵，请不要问细节！

31. Request for Return: Please do not ask for details to protect my heart!

32. 喝药递瓶子，绳子上吊，跳楼挥舞小手帕送行。

32. Take the medicine, hand over the bottle, hang from the rope, wave a small handkerchief from the window to say goodbye.

33. 学了十几年，我觉得还是混幼儿园好！

33. After studying for more than a decade, I think it's still better to stay in kindergarten!

34. 每个人都说我很丑，但事实上我就是很美。

34. Everyone says I am ugly, but in fact, I am very beautiful.

35. 我允许你走进我的世界，但不允许你在我的世界里走来走去。

35. I allow you to step into my world, but not to wander around in it.