1. 思想品德不及格，总比没思想好。

1. It's better to have no thoughts than to have poor moral and intellectual character.

2. 针无两头锋利，人无两副身心。

2. A needle has no two ends that are sharp, and a person does not have two sets of body and mind.

3. 插人家洞的是插头，有洞被人家插的是插座！

3. The part that is inserted into the hole is the plug, and the hole that is inserted into is the socket!

4. 猛一看你不怎么样，仔细一看，还不如猛地一看。

4. At first glance, you don't seem very impressive, but upon closer inspection, you're actually less impressive than at first glance.

5. 有情人终成眷属，有钱人终成痛苦。

5. Those in love will eventually become a couple, while the wealthy will eventually become unhappy.

6. 待我长发及腰，遮住一身肥膘。纵然虎背熊腰，也要高冷傲娇。

6. Wait until my long hair reaches my waist, covering all my plumpness. Even with a tiger's back and bear's waist, I will still be cold and proud.

7. 不要再抑郁下去了孩子，你要像个神经病一样活泼开朗！

7. Stop being depressed, kid! You need to be lively and cheerful like a疯子!

8. 眼睁睁地看着八卦发生，不八一八，岂不是太二了！

8. Just watching the rumors unfold without chiming in, isn't that a bit too 'second-class'?

9. 时间对了，地址对了，情感对了，却缔造人物不对！

9. The time is right, the address is right, the emotions are right, but the characters are not!

10. 射人当然先射马，结婚定要先买房；话说擒贼先擒王，就要哄好丈母娘；要想女友跟你走，先陪丈人喝好酒！

10. Of course, one shoots the horse first before aiming at the man; when getting married, one must buy a house first; as the saying goes, capture the thief by capturing the leader first, so one must please the mother-in-law; if you want your girlfriend to follow you, first accompany the father-in-law to enjoy a good drink!

11. 如果有钱也是一种错，那我情愿一错再错。

11. If having money is also a mistake, then I would rather make the same mistake over and over again.

12. 我希望的座位状态是：左边好基友，右边是男神，前边是学霸，周围还有几个奇葩。

12. The seating arrangement I hope for is: a good friend on the left, a god-like man on the right, a top student in front, and several oddballs around.

13. 男人靠的住，母猪能上树。

13. A man is reliable, a sow can climb a tree.

14. 我就算是一只癞蛤蟆，我也决不娶母癞蛤蟆。

14. Even if I am a toad, I will never marry a female toad.

15. 有一种人只做两件事你成功了，他妒嫉你；你失败了，他笑话你。

15. There is a type of person who does only two things: they envy you when you succeed, and they mock you when you fail.

16. 有的人说要拿作业砸死老师了，说的好像你能搬得动作业一样。

16. Some say they want to use their homework to knock the teacher dead, as if they could actually move the homework.

17. 一日不读书，无人看得出；一周不读书，开始会爆粗；一月不读书，智商输给猪。

17. If you don't read for a day, no one can tell; if you don't read for a week, you'll start cursing; if you don't read for a month, your IQ will be lower than a pig's.

18. 洗心的不多，洗脚的满街。美德的罕见，美容的满国。

18. There are few who cleanse their hearts, but many who wash their feet on the streets. Virtue is rare, while beauty is abundant throughout the country.

19. 给我一个支点，我能撬走你女友。

19. Give me a fulcrum, and I can pry away your girlfriend.

20. 爷不是你的小浣熊，玩不出你的其乐无穷。

20. Grandpa is not your little raccoon, he can't play to your endless delight.

21. 我這個人最老實。從不說謊話。這句除外。

21. I am the most honest person. I never tell lies. This sentence is an exception.

22. 男友双手捧着我的脸，深情地看着，我默默期待，害羞的闭上了眼，听见一句：这大脸，亲一天都亲不完。

22. My boyfriend held my face in both hands, looking at me deeply, I silently anticipated, shyly closing my eyes, when I heard him say: "This big face, I couldn't kiss it all day."

23. 此次起床共用了5分钟，你已击败了全国88%学生，寝室还有一位同学起床失败，正在重起，隔壁宿舍全部死机。

23. It took a total of 5 minutes for you to get up this time, and you have defeated 88% of students nationwide. There is still a student in your dormitory who failed to wake up and is trying again, while the entire dorm next door is completely frozen.

24. 今年的一切都不正常，惟独中国足球还算正常。

24. Everything this year is abnormal, except for Chinese football, which is still normal.

25. 在床上，实践是检验功夫的唯一的标准。

25. On the bed, practice is the only criterion to test the skill.

26. 不要对我太好，让我分不清你是爱情还是友情。

26. Don't be too good to me, or I won't be able to tell if it's love or friendship.

27. 老师，我遇上强盗了，只是作业被抢了。

27. Teacher, I encountered bandits; it's just that my homework was robbed.

28. 风情万种的女人是打火机，不解风情的女人是灭火器。

28. A woman full of charm is like a lighter, while a woman without charm is like an extinguisher.

29. 《十年》唱出了每个胖纸的心声：一边想瘦，一边泪流……

29. "Ten Years" sings out the heart的声音 of every chubby person: on one hand, wanting to lose weight, on the other hand, shedding tears...

30. 打死你我也不会说。

30. I won't say a word even if I beat you to death.

31. 我家的电脑跟我有了共同语言，我对它壹温柔，它就很知趣的死机。让我万分激动。

31. My computer and I have developed a common language, and when I treat it gently, it conveniently crashes. This makes me extremely excited.

32. 想着怎么合理征税，老板想着怎么合理避税，而我想着怎么合理多睡！

32. While the boss is thinking about how to impose taxes reasonably, the owner is contemplating how to avoid taxes legally, and I'm wondering how to get more sleep reasonably!

33. 你看天上的月亮，好圆的。对了，你有近视眼，你看水里好了。

33. Look at the moon in the sky, it's so round. By the way, you have myopia, you'd better look at the water.

34. ldquo;过儿，你的手臂怎么断了？姑姑，我是写作业写断的……

34. "Over-son, how did your arm break? Auntie, I broke it while doing my homework..."

35. 如果我的人生是一部电视剧，那你就是半路杀出来的广告。

35. If my life is a TV show, then you are an advertisement that appeared halfway through.

36. 物价之高，引无数英雄竞折腰。存款太少，女友向金钱倒。没车没房，幸福日子如何乐逍遥。

36. The high prices have caused countless heroes to bow. With too little savings, my girlfriend turns to money. Without a car or a house, how can one enjoy the days of happiness?

37. 英雄一怒为红颜，红颜一笑为了钱。

37. A hero's anger is for the sake of beauty, and a beauty's smile is for money.

38. 小学上了十年，中学十二年，我被评为全校最熟悉的面孔，新老师来了都跟我打听学校内幕…

38. Having attended elementary school for ten years and middle school for twelve years, I have been recognized as the most familiar face in the entire school. New teachers always come to me to inquire about the inside secrets of the school...

39. 宁可让中国没有一个处男，也不能让日本有一个**。

39. It would be better for China to have no virgins than for Japan to have one.

40. 有个女的长的好可爱好萌好呆让我好想泡她，才刚想走过去，才想起劳资是女的。

40. There's a girl who's so cute, adorable, and adorable that I want to hit on her. Just as I was about to go over, I suddenly remembered that I'm a woman myself.

41. 我的人生有A面也有B面，你的人生有S面也有B面。

41. My life has both an A side and a B side, and your life has both an S side and a B side.

42. 出八分力，做十分成绩，留两分余地不至于那般身心疲倦。

42. Put in 80% effort and achieve 100% results, leaving 20% room to avoid being overly exhausted physically and mentally.

43. 如果我告诉你步步高女孩和天山童姥是同一个人，别喷饭！

43. If I tell you that the girl from步步高 and the child of Tian Shan are the same person, don't spit out your food!

44. 老师，作业在手里攒一寒假了，有感情了，咱不交了成吗。

44. Teacher, the homework has been accumulating in my hand for the whole winter vacation, and I've developed a sense of attachment to it. Can we not submit it now?

45. 爱情就象鬼，相信的人多，见到的人少。

45. Love is like a ghost; there are many who believe in it, but few who have seen it.

46. 世间几十亿人，我唯独讨厌你，不得不说，这也是一种缘分！

46. Among the billions of people in the world, I particularly dislike you. It has to be said, this is also a kind of destiny!

47. 用完的牙签放回牙签罐里，摇一摇。后来去餐馆吃饭，发现很多人都有相同的习惯。

47. Put the used toothpicks back into the toothpick jar and give it a shake. Later, when dining at a restaurant, I noticed that many people have the same habit.

48. 我的领带又找不到了，是不是你昨天又没有找到抹布？

48. I can't find my tie again, have you not found the rag again yesterday?

49. 如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，烧三年的香可以与你相识，烧十年的香可以与你相惜，为了我下辈子的幸福，我愿意改信基督教！

49. If burning incense for a year can lead to your encounter, burning it for three years can bring us to know each other, and burning it for ten years can foster a sense of camaraderie, for the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christianity!

50. 黑丝泛滥的季节，让我们这些粗腿情何以堪？

50. In the season of excessive black stockings, how can we, with our thick legs, bear it?

51. 别管我要安全感，你以为我是专门杀毒的软件啊。

51. Don't ask me for a sense of security, do you think I'm a specialized antivirus software?

52. 每个人都是囚犯，电话号码就是编号。?>

52. Everyone is a prisoner, and the phone number is the number assigned to them.

53. 都快毕业了，那些暗恋我的人啊，怎么都呢么沉得住气啊？

53. It's almost graduation time, and those who have been secretly in love with me, how can they all keep such a cool head?

54. 你说过的话，我都听不懂，不是我不想听，是因为你说的话实在太难懂。

54. I can't understand the words you've said. It's not that I don't want to listen, but because what you say is just too hard to understand.

55. 不懂的最高境界，是两个字：装懂！

55. The highest level of not understanding is encapsulated in two characters: "pretend to understand!"

56. 没钱的时候，在家里吃野菜；有钱的时候，在酒店吃野菜。

56. When there's no money, they eat wild vegetables at home; when there's money, they eat wild vegetables at hotels.

57. 电脑，你别这样，让我走，我是一个有作业的人…

57. Computer, please don't do this, let me go, I am someone with homework...

58. 某人宗旨：一个臭皮匠，弄死三个诸葛亮。

58. Someone's purpose: A poor planner can defeat three wise men.

59. 别老说自己没事儿，没事儿不是事儿啊。

59. Don't keep saying you're fine all the time, being fine isn't a problem, you know?

60. 这也不会，那也不会，是我一生不会的两件事。

60. Neither this nor that are the two things I will never experience in my entire life.

61. 今天忘了吃药，吓坏了小伙伴。

61. Today, I forgot to take my medicine and scared my little friend.

62. mdash;-师父，我也想去西天取经。--别闹，不是谁在路上都能遇到那么多性感的女妖精的。

62. mdash;- Master, I also want to go to the West to obtain the sacred scriptures. -- Stop fooling around, not everyone on the road can encounter so many sexy demonesses.

63. 丫的！有种往人脑里安芯片啊！（fantasyz）

63.他妈的！有种就把芯片植入人脑啊！（fantasyz）

64. 泼妇总是出此刻公共场所耍二百五。

64. Shrews are always seen playing the fool in public places.

65. 不愿做奴隶的人民，愿做人民币的奴隶。

65. A people unwilling to be slaves prefer to be enslaved by the Chinese yuan.

66. 天热呼呼吹风扇，蚊子嗡嗡惹人烦；正愁没有下酒菜，把你做我盘中餐；苍蝇也来凑热闹，一网打尽饱肚腩！

66. The hot weather blows fans, mosquitoes buzz annoyingly; Just worried there's no side dish to accompany the wine, you become the dish on my plate; Flies also come to join in the fun, catch them all in one net to satisfy my belly!

67. 只是因为在人群中多看了你一眼，后来便瞎了眼。

67. It's just that I took a second glance at you in the crowd, and afterward, I went blind.

68. 我说我要做男生，同学们就上来群殴我；我说我要剪短发，闺蜜们上来群殴我！

68. I said I wanted to be a boy, and my classmates gang up on me; I said I wanted to cut my hair short, and my best friends gang up on me!

69. 高考成绩出来了，老师长出一口气对我说其实没考上，对你和大学都是一种幸福。

69. The college entrance examination results are out, and the teacher let out a sigh of relief and told me that I didn't pass. It's actually a blessing for both you and the university.

70. 没有访问权的空间我这辈子都不会再进…

70. I will never set foot in a space without access privileges again in my lifetime...

71. 作为一个怪兽，我的愿望是至少消灭一个奥特曼。

71. As a monster, my wish is to at least defeat one Ultraman.

72. 凡我放不下的，必是因为我拥有不了的。

72. Whatever I cannot let go of, it is because I do not possess it.

73. ldquo;医生，我得了什么病？颈部以上瘫痪…啊，那是什么病？脑残。

73. "Doctor, what disease do I have? Paralysis above the neck... Oh, what kind of disease is that? Brain damage."

74. 下辈子我还找你，因为除了我，你是最傻的。

74. I will find you in my next life, because apart from me, you are the dumbest.

75. 敢诅咒我吃方便面没有调料包，我诅咒你吃方便面只有调料包。

75. Dared to curse me for eating instant noodles without the seasoning packet, I curse you for eating instant noodles with only the seasoning packet.

76. 世界骗子太多，明显傻子不够用。

76. There are too many swindlers in the world, and it's obvious that there aren't enough fools to go around.

77. 马在松软的土地上易失蹄，人在甜言蜜语中易摔跤。

77. Horses are prone to lose their footing on soft ground, and people are likely to trip over sweet words and honeyed speeches.

78. 有人嫩得一掐就出水，我却怂得一掐就出鼻涕泡儿。

78. Some people are so tender that a pinch would make them ooze water, but I'm so cowardly that a pinch would make me bubble with snot.

79. 你的牙如同天上的繁星，色泽鲜艳，相距甚远。

79. Your teeth are like the stars in the sky, bright and vivid, scattered far apart.

80. 我当年也是个痴情的种子，结果下了场雨……淹死了。

80. I used to be a loyal seed, but then it rained... and I drowned.