1. 种草不让人去躺，不如改种仙人掌！?>

1. If people are not allowed to lie on the grass, why not change to cacti instead!?

2. 化学老师问：煤气泄漏怎么办？别慌，点根烟冷静一下。

2. The chemistry teacher asked: What should we do if there is a gas leak? Don't panic, light a cigarette to calm down.

3. 哪家的名门之后啊，你爹是天蓬元帅啊！

3. Who's the scion of an illustrious family? Your father is the Celestial General of the Horse Troops!

4. 《春晓》春眠不觉晓，处处有烦恼。夜里不开灯，盗窃真不少。

4. "Spring Dawn" Spring sleep doesn't know the dawn, everywhere there are troubles. At night, the lights are not turned on, and there are indeed many thefts.

5. 夏季天气热，提醒老年人：没事压压腿，天热多喝水，养生别喝酒，吃啥动动嘴，人到老来乐，最真乐呵呵。

5. In the hot summer weather, remind the elderly: If there's nothing to do, stretch your legs; when it's hot, drink more water; for health, don't drink alcohol; eat what you want and talk about it; when you get old, be happy, and the most genuine happiness is to be cheerful and content.

6. 我身在江湖，江湖却没有关于我的传说。

6. I am in the world of江湖, but there are no legends about me in the江湖.

7. A：此仇不报难咽下这口恶气啊。B：那怎么才能让你咽气啊？

7. A: It's hard to swallow this grudge without avenging it. B: Then how can I make you feel relieved?

8. 每个成功的奥特曼背后，都有一个默默挨打的小怪兽。

8. Behind every successful Ultraman, there's a small monster silently enduring beatings.

9. 人不可以把钱带进坟墓，但钱可以把人带进坟墓。

9. One cannot take money with them into the grave, but money can lead people into the grave.

10. 我的精神分裂好了，我和我都很好。

10. My schizophrenia is under control, and I am fine with myself and myself.

11. 说了晚安去睡的人往往半小时以后还在得瑟。

11. People who say goodnight and go to sleep often are still fidgeting half an hour later.

12. 路见不平一生吼，吼完继续往前走！

12. If I see injustice, I'll shout my lungs out once! And after that, I'll continue on my way!

13. 你是电，李四光，你是唯一的神……

13. You are the electricity, Li Shiguang, you are the only god...

14. 幸福就是每天早晨醒来一看表，竟然还能再睡半个小时。

14. Happiness is waking up every morning and looking at the clock, only to find out that you can still sleep for another half an hour.

15. 青春就像蒲公英，看似自由，却身不由己。

15. Youth is like a dandelion, seemingly free, yet not in one's own control.

16. 别以为你长着一张西门庆的脸，就可以追求姐，姐不是潘金莲。

16. Don't think that just because you have a face like Ximen Qing, you can chase after me. I'm not Pan Jinlian.

17. 挣钱是一种能力，花钱是一种技术、我能力有限，技术却很高。

17. Earning money is a skill, spending money is an art; my skills are limited, but my art is quite high.

18. 你可不可以不生我的气了，要生，生我的孩子吧！

18. Can't you stop being angry with me? If you have to be angry, be angry with my child instead!

19. 电脑玩多了，看电视都想快进。

19. Playing too much on the computer, I even want to fast-forward when watching TV.

20. 天涯何处无牛粪，何必单恋一坨屎。

20. Wherever in the world there is no cow dung, why must one be in love with just one heap of dung?

21. 问君能有几多愁，恰似一缕烦心在心头。借酒浇愁愁更愁，伤坏了身体伤坏了胃。

21. How many sorrows can one have, as if a strand of worry etched on the heart. Drinking to ease the sorrow only makes it worse, damaging the body and the stomach.

22. 宅男宅女标准：在床上以电脑为圆心，以胳膊长为半径拿取物品活动。

22. Standard for宅男宅女: To pick up items and move around with the computer as the center and the length of the arms as the radius while lying in bed.

23. 如果说烧一年的香可以与你相遇，烧三年的香可以与你相识，烧十年的香可以与你相惜，为了我下辈子的幸福，我愿意改信基督教！

23. If burning incense for a year can bring us together, burning it for three years can make us acquainted, and for ten years, it can foster a deep affection. For the happiness of my next life, I am willing to convert to Christianity!

24. 人不可以把钱带进坟墓。但钱可以把人带进坟墓。

24. People cannot take money with them into the grave. However, money can lead people into the grave.

25. 师太，你就从了老衲吧！…很久很久以后…师太，你就饶了老衲吧！

25. Venerable, please submit to me! ... A long, long time later ... Venerable, please spare me!

26. 人生重要的不是所站的位置，而是所朝的方向。

26. What matters in life is not where you stand, but the direction in which you are facing.

27. 都说字如其人。我看了病历本。都不敢想象医生的样子了。

27. They say that one's handwriting is a reflection of their character. I've seen the medical record, and I dare not even imagine what the doctor looks like.

28. 有个女的长的好可爱好萌好呆让我好想泡她，才刚想走过去，才想起劳资是女的。

28. There's a girl who's really cute and adorable, and she's so adorable and clumsy that I want to flirt with her. Just as I was about to walk over, I suddenly remembered that I'm a girl myself.

29. 上帝没有特别眷顾我，也没抛弃我，只是在耍我。

29. God has neither specially favored me nor abandoned me; He is just playing with me.

30. 你想过**吗？--我想***宰了你！

30. Have you ever thought about it? -- I want to kill you!

31. 来人，拖出去，jj切片炒青椒！

31. Come here, drag him out, slice and stir-fry with green peppers!

32. 地理老师问：四大洋分别是？我回答：喜洋洋美羊羊懒羊羊费洋洋……站了一节课。

32. The geography teacher asked: What are the four oceans? I replied: Happy Ocean, Beautiful Ocean, Lazy Ocean, and Expensive Ocean... and stood there for an entire class period.

33. 先吃苦瓜，后吃蜜糖，这就是先苦后甜。

33. Eat bitter melon first, then eat honey; this is known as experiencing bitterness before sweetness.

34. 你快回来，我一人忽悠不来！

34. Hurry back, I can't fool people on my own!

35. 把你的铁石心肠含在我的樱桃小口中。

35. Bury your hard-heartedness in my cherry-like mouth.

36. 人生有时候像电脑，说死机就死机，没得商量。

36. Sometimes life is like a computer, it just crashes without any negotiation.

37. 如果没有内力，只有外力的话，外星人看地球，就是一个被拨皮的鸡蛋。

37. If there were no internal forces but only external forces, the aliens would see Earth as an egg with its shell peeled off.

38. 只是因为在人群中多看了你一眼，后来便瞎了眼。

38. It was just that I gave you one more glance among the crowd, and later, I went blind.

39. 皇帝死了叫驾崩，平民死了叫去世，**死了叫哦耶。

39. The death of the emperor is called "the emperor passed away," the death of the common people is called "passed away," and the death of others is called "oh ya."

40. 上帝会把我们身边最好的东西拿走，以提醒我们不要得到的太多。

40. God will take away the best things around us to remind us not to have too much.

41. 打雷的时候，站在大树底下，对老天爷说，我也要穿越！

41. When thunder is roaring, standing under the boughs of a large tree, saying to the heavens, "I too want to cross over!"

42. 你追我，让我放弃了成亲的动机，有了还俗的企图。

42. You pursued me, causing me to abandon the motivation to get married and develop a desire to renounce the monkhood.

43. 结婚必备条件：有车有房，父母双亡。

43. Necessary conditions for marriage: own a car and a house, and both parents are deceased.

44. 佛曰：苦海无边，回头是岸。我说：边都没有，回头哪来的岸？

44. The Buddha said: The sea of suffering is boundless, and turning back is the shore. I say: If there is no edge, where does the shore come from when you turn back?

45. 左边脑袋是面粉，右边脑袋是水，一想问题，就满脑袋糨糊。

45. On the left side of the head is flour, on the right side is water, and when you think about a problem, your head is full of paste.

46. ldquo;电脑的中文怎么说你傻阿，computer都不知道唉，也不知道谁傻。

46. "How do you say 'computer' in Chinese? You're an idiot, you don't even know what 'computer' is. Also, I don't know who's an idiot."

47. 世态炎凉鸡最懂，人情冷暖鸭先知。

47. The rooster best understands the vicissitudes of life, while the duck is the first to sense the changes in human feelings.

48. 我要是不背书包，我能跟你打个平手。

48. If I didn't carry my backpack, I could fight you to a draw.

49. 一边说真理往往掌握在少数人手中，一边又告诉我们少数服从多数

49. On one hand, it is said that the truth often lies in the hands of a few, and on the other hand, it is told that the few should submit to the majority.

50. 生活里的选择题比试卷上的难多了，试卷上能保证肯定有一个是对的。

50. The multiple-choice questions in life are much harder than those on the exam papers, as you can be sure there is at least one correct answer on the exam papers.

51. 这么多年谁一直照顾你啊？我很佩服他的胆量。

51. Who has been taking care of you all these years? I am very impressed by his courage.

52. 其实我不会讲笑话，可是总有人让我讲一个，我还没讲呢，你们就笑了。

52. Actually, I'm not good at telling jokes, but whenever someone asks me to tell one, you all start laughing before I even get a word out.

53. 所谓成功女人就是：白天很牛B，晚上B很牛。

53. The so-called successful woman is: very cool during the day, and very cool at night.

54. 春天，你在后山种下一个女朋友，到了秋天，结出那漫山遍野的绿帽子！

54. In spring, you plant a girlfriend on the back mountain, and by autumn, she has produced a sea of green hats all over the mountains!

55. 瑕疵多了，竟然也会觉得一个缺角也是完美。

55. With too many flaws, one might even find a missing corner to be perfect.

56. 衣冠禽兽，做人做得惟妙惟肖。行尸走肉，活人活得栩栩如生。

56. A beast in human form, acting out human behavior with lifelike precision. A walking corpse, living a life as vivid as life itself.

57. 做个有气质的地痞，做个有层次的色狼，做个有知识的文盲！

57. Be a gentlemanly hoodlum, a layered slut, and an educated illiterate!

58. 不怕虎一样的敌人，就怕猪一样的队友。

58. I'm not afraid of enemies as fierce as tigers, but I'm afraid of teammates as useless as pigs.

59. 呀！我不小心把我爱你误发给你了。如果你接受那就储存起来，如果你不接受，就把这三个字返发给我。

59. Oh! I accidentally sent "I love you" to you by mistake. If you accept it, please save it. If you don't accept it, please send these three words back to me.

60. 大家都装明白了，但就是有那么个别的笨蛋还是不装明白。

60. Everyone gets it, but there are always a few idiots who just don't get it.

61. 每个成功男人的电脑桌面上，总有一个叫快播的图标

61. On the desktop of every successful man, there is always an icon called Kuaibo.

62. 平时骂你就算了，非要等我打你，才知道我文武双全。

62. You can骂me all you want in ordinary times, but it's only when I hit you that you realize I am both literate and martial.

63. 问世间情为何物，只叫人死不瞑目。

63. Ask the world what love is, it only makes people die with their eyes wide open.

64. 几十万人齐上阵，只为下乡把钱挣。大学毕业不值钱，人人都爱做村官。从小家务做不惯，如今要做父母官。管你啥都不会干，只要你能填考卷！

64. Hundreds of thousands of people mobilize, all just to earn money by going to the countryside. A college degree is not valuable, and everyone loves to be a village official. Unaccustomed to doing domestic chores since childhood, now I have to be a parent official. No matter what you can't do, as long as you can fill out the exam papers!

65. 祖国的花朵，开一朵我踩一朵。

65. The flowers of the motherland, bloom one, trample one.

66. 再过一百年，我也会长成参天大葱。

66. In another hundred years, I will also grow into a towering leek.

67. 生活就像新闻联播，不是换台就能逃避的了的。

67. Life is like the evening news, you can't just change the channel to escape it.

68. 就算是believe中间也藏了一个lie！

68. Even within "believe," there is a "lie" hidden!

69. 我以为我很颓废，今天我才知道，原来我早报废了。

69. I thought I was decadent, but today I realized that I was already obsolete.

70. 我跟你说过多少次了，晚上早点睡不要出门，你就是不听。这不，昨天晚上又跑到我梦里来了，害得我不愿醒来！

70. I've told you how many times to go to bed early at night and not go out, but you just won't listen. See, last night you came to my dreams again, and it made me not want to wake up!

71. 缘分让我认识了你，就象在茫茫大海中捞到了一枚绣花针，更象在动物园里发现了一只不会爬树的母猴子。

71. Fate led me to meet you, it's like finding a needle with embroidery in the boundless sea, or even more like discovering a female monkey that can't climb trees in a zoo.