1. 十六、方便面的确很方便，但煮它还是要用电。

1. Sixteen, instant noodles are indeed very convenient, but boiling them still requires electricity.

2. 三十八、无聊对着电脑唱忐忑，唱完之后，电脑突然死机了。

2. Thirty-eight, bored and singing "Tentative" to the computer, the computer suddenly froze after I finished singing.

3. 二十四、请问一下，你的棺材是翻盖的还是滑盖的。

3. Twenty-fourth, may I ask, is your coffin a flip-top or a sliding lid one?

4. 二、你若安好，便是晴天霹雳。

4. Secondly, if you are well, it is a bolt from the blue.

5. 四、俺从不写措字，但俺写通假字！

5. Fourth, I never write incorrect characters, but I write characters with similar sounds!

6. 三十五、我最不擅长做的事情就是挽留，而一个个偏要走。

6. Thirty-five, the thing I am most not good at doing is trying to hold onto people, yet one by one they stubbornly choose to leave.

7. 三十一、在一起是梦，分开叫痛，是不是没做完的梦最痛

7. Thirty-first, together is a dream, apart is pain, isn't it the uncompleted dream that is the most painful?

8. 六十一、铁杵能磨成针，但木杵只能磨成牙签，材料不对，再努力也没用。

8. Sixty-first, an iron rod can be ground into a needle, but a wooden rod can only be ground into a toothpick. If the material is not right, no amount of effort will do any good.

9. 五十九、如果有一天，你选择放弃我，我不会在哭泣，而是更坚强的微笑。

9. Fifty-nine, if one day you choose to abandon me, I will not cry, but will instead smile even stronger.

10. 二十八、这世界上妖怪越来越多了，唐僧越来越少了。

10. Twenty-eighth, there are more monsters in this world, and fewer Tangsang (the main character from the classic Chinese novel "Journey to the West").

11. 十五、按猪的审美观，我基本算得上是个帅哥。

11. Fifteenth, by the aesthetic standards of pigs, I can be considered a handsome guy.

12. 四十二、原想给世界一个温暖的拥抱，却迎来四面八方的耳光。

12. 42. Originally wanted to give the world a warm embrace, but instead received slaps from all directions.

13. 五十二、你解释就是掩饰，掩饰的就是事实，事实就是罪恶的开始。

13. 52. You explain it, but it's just a cover-up; what's covered up is the truth, and the truth is the beginning of sin.

14. 五十五、单身并不难，难的是应付那些千方百计想让你结束单身的人。

14. 55. Being single is not hard, but the difficulty lies in dealing with those who try every means to get you to end your single status.

15. 二十五、只要瘦，什么都百搭，要是胖，什么都白搭。

15. Twenty-five, as long as you're thin, everything matches; if you're overweight, nothing matches.

16. 七十三、据说，人只有两个选择，忙着死或是忙着活，我想我有了第三种选择：忙着等死。

16. 73. It is said that people only have two choices: either busy dying or busy living. I think I have found a third choice: busy waiting to die.

17. 十、听说你傍大款了，认二郎神当主人了。

17. Ten, I heard that you've hooked up with a big spender and have recognized the God of the Second Son as your master.

18. 十二、我那么钟爱你，你钟爱我一下会死啊。

18. Twelve, I love you so much, will you die if you love me back?

19. 十四、我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。?>

19. Fourteen, I'm not familiar with Wu Bai, but his younger brother, Er Bai Wu, is very familiar with me. ?>

20. 七十八、明月几时有，把酒问青天青天说：滚***的，我这么忙，哪有时间理你，自己看天气预报去！

20. 78. When will the bright moon appear? Raise my wine cup and ask the clear sky: F**k off, I'm so busy, where do I have time to care about you? Go check the weather forecast yourself!

21. 二十九、上帝说：出门不要忘记带伞，一会儿我要浇花。

21. Twenty-nine, God says: Don't forget to bring an umbrella when you go out, I will water the flowers in a while.

22. 八十二、拾到两角钱很高兴，拿起来一看是一九九二年的钱，这钱过期了

22. Eighty-two, I was very happy to find twenty cents, but when I picked it up and looked at it, it turned out to be from 1992, which is expired.

23. 四十八、锄禾日当午，读书真辛苦，开学第一天，罚站一上午。

23. The forty-eighth: At noon, when the sun is high, to till the fields is truly toil; to study is truly hard. On the first day of school, I was made to stand in punishment for the whole morning.

24. 十七、谁说豆腐拍不死人，下次换冻豆腐试试。

24. 17. Who says tofu can't kill a person? Next time, try frozen tofu instead.

25. 七十一、房价越来越高，所以，好男人越来越少……

25. 71. As house prices keep rising, therefore, good men are becoming fewer and fewer...

26. 三、清水出芙蓉，蠢猪各不同！

26. Thirdly, pure water yields lotus flowers; every fool is different!

27. 四十六、试金可以用火，试女人可以用金，试男人可以用女人。

27. Forty-sixth, gold can be tested with fire, women can be tested with gold, and men can be tested with women.

28. 六十七、每个人都有脾气，为你忍下所有的怒气，仅仅因为那个人比你更心疼你。

28. Sixty-seven, everyone has their temper, but they hold back all their anger just because that person cares about you more than you do.

29. 六十八、每天叫醒我的不是梦想，是宿舍老师……

29. Sixty-eight, it's not dreams that wake me up every day, but the dormitory teacher...

30. 四十一、阿妹坐船头，阿哥水粗鄙，快游快游，沙鱼在背面。

30. Forty-first, Sister sits at the bow of the boat, Brother's water is coarse, swim fast, swim fast, sharks are behind.

31. 四十九、喝白酒一斤，我绝对没感觉，因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。

31. At forty-nine, drinking a pound of white liquor doesn't make me feel anything, because drinking half a pound already kills me.

32. 二十七、每次考完试我都安慰自己，没事，重在参与。

32. Twenty-seven, after each exam, I comfort myself by saying, "It's fine, the important thing is to participate."

33. 三十六、我宁可要骑着猪的王子，也不要骑着白马的王子猪。

33. Thirty-sixth, I would rather have a prince riding a pig than a pig riding a white horse prince.

34. 六十五、其实我不会讲笑话，可是总有人让我讲一个，我还没讲呢，你们就笑了。

34. Sixty-five, actually, I'm not very good at telling jokes, but there are always people who ask me to tell one, and by the time I haven't started yet, you all are laughing.

35. 九、钱乃一味良药，有明目张胆之功效。

35. The ninth point: Money is a good medicine, with the effect of making one's eyes bright and bold.

36. 十八、全国上有那么多人生指南，我却一路向北。

36. 18. With so many life guides in the country, I have been heading north all along.

37. 五十八、《春晓》春眠不觉晓，处处有烦恼。夜里不开灯，盗窃真不少。

37. "Spring Dawn" As spring sleepers don't know dawn, troubles are everywhere. No lights on at night, thefts are indeed numerous.

38. 四十、考试的时候，两边的同学都不会，真让我左右为难。

38. When it comes to exams, neither of my classmates knows the answer, and it really puts me in a difficult situation.

39. 三十七、我自己考的分数再烂都是我亲生的！我！不！嫌弃！

39. Thirty-seven, even if I score poorly in the exam, it's still because I'm my own child! Me! I! Don't! Despise!

40. 五十六、扔硬币：正面就去上网、反面就去睡觉，立起来就去写作业。

40. Fifty-six: If the coin lands on heads, go online; if it lands on tails, go to sleep; if it stands up, do your homework.

41. 七十五、朋友说：长得好看又喜欢吃的才是吃货，长得不咋滴还喜欢吃的叫饭桶！啊多么痛的领悟。

41. 75. A friend said: Those who are good-looking and love to eat are true foodies, while those who are not so good-looking but still love to eat are called "food buckets"! Alas, what a painful realization.

42. 八、老娘变天鹅的时候，你还是个蛋呢。

42. Eight, when I was transformed into a swan, you were still an egg.

43. 七十七、你认为男生什么时候最迷人？--大便的时候最迷人！熏迷死你！

43. 77. When do you think men are most charming? -- The most charming when they are defecating! It will mesmerize you!

44. 十三、犯贱是普遍真理，你我只是其中之一。

44. Thirteen, being a贱 is a universal truth, and you and I are just among those.

45. 七、男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱。

45. VII. Men become bad when they have money, and women have money when they become bad.

46. 六十三、现在有人追你吗？--有，我欠她块钱。

46. 63. Is there anyone chasing you now? -- Yes, I owe her some money.

47. 四十五、宁可让中国没有一个处男，也不能让日本有一个**。

47. 45. It is better for China to have no virgins than for Japan to have one.

48. 五十一、连贝克汉姆都不知道，你丫还有什么资格敢跟我谈篮球！

48. Fifty-one, even Beckham doesn't know, what qualifications do you have to dare talk to me about basketball!

49. 三十九、老师，你看上哪个家长就直接说，不要老开家长会。

49. Thirty-nine, teacher, if you like any parent, just say so directly. Don't keep holding parent-teacher meetings.

50. 五十三、奈何桥上的老婆婆都卖上百事可乐了，你叫我怎么忘记你？

50. 53. All the old ladies on the奈何桥 are selling Sprite, how can I forget you?

51. 七十四、你最学习雷锋的一件事是什么？--抱着大嫂送孩子回家。

51. 74. What is the one thing you have learned most from Lei Feng? -- Carrying the big sister to take her child home.

52. 二十二、有的人，做面膜的时候，比真人好看多了。

52. Twenty-second, some people look much better in a face mask than in real life.

53. 六十四、自卑有多种档次。最高档次的自卑的表现是吹嘘自己干什么都是天才。

53. Sixty-four, there are many levels of inferiority. The highest level of inferiority manifests as boasting that one is a genius at everything.

54. 二十一、我要做一个、知法、懂法、然后犯法的人。

54. Twenty-one, I want to be a person who knows the law, understands the law, and then breaks the law.

55. 二十三、舌头比牙齿更长寿，软件比硬件更加长久。

55. Twenty-third, the tongue outlives the teeth, and software outlives hardware.

56. 七十六、老婆涉嫌使用假钞被抓了，这都怪我，为了展示自己的修图技术，我把家里的钱去水印了。

56. Number seventy-six: My wife was caught using counterfeit money, and this is all my fault. I used the money at home to remove the watermark to showcase my photo editing skills.

57. 五十四、本想进你空间后再删除我的记录，谁想到我没有访问权限。

57. Fifty-four, I had intended to delete my records after entering your space, but to my surprise, I do not have access privileges.

58. 十一、我不是骨头，不能让每条狗都追着跑。

58. Eleventh, I am not a bone, I cannot let every dog chase after me.

59. 十九、即使世界末日了，你也不会回来我身边了。

59. Even if the world is ending, you won't come back to my side.

60. 四十四、大多数人想要改造这个世界，但却罕有人想改造自己。

60. Forty-fourth: Most people want to transform this world, but few want to transform themselves.

61. 三十三、世界上本没有胖子，瘦的人多了，也就有了胖子！

61. Thirty-three, there is no such thing as fat people in the world; with so many slim people around, fat people naturally emerge!

62. 八十、若有来世，我要生在国庆节，死在清明节。我生的时候，普天同庆。我死的时候，全世界都在悲伤。

62. If there is a next life, I want to be born on National Day and die on Tomb-Sweeping Day. When I am born, the whole world celebrates. When I die, the whole world is in mourning.

63. 五、其实，我不是胖，只是懒得瘦。

63. Five, actually, I'm not fat; I just lack the motivation to lose weight.

64. 三十、人世间最蛋疼的事儿，正在做美梦呢被尿憋醒。

64. Thirty, the most irritating thing in the world is to be woken up from a beautiful dream by the urgent need to urinate.

65. 六十、对于那些在我背后乱嚼舌根子的人，我真想亲口管他爷爷叫声爹。

65. Sixty-five, for those who are gossiping behind my back, I really want to call his grandfather "dad" personally.

66. 二十六、开玩笑可以。一别越人底线，二别戳人痛处。

66. Twenty-six, it's okay to play jokes. Just don't cross someone's bottom line, and don't stab at their sore spots.

67. 七十九、我本善良、纯洁、可爱、阳光、有爱心、不宅不腐不基、是什么祸害了我的年华、使我如此屌丝？

67. 79. I was originally kind, pure, lovable, sunny, loving, not reclusive, not corrupt, not base. What disaster has befallen my youth, making me so loser?

68. 一、勇于认错，坚决不改。

68. First, be courageous in admitting mistakes but resolute in not making changes.

69. 五十、我深信，会有一个男人是为受我的折磨而来到这世上的。

69. Fiftieth, I firmly believe that there is a man who has come into this world to endure my tortures.

70. 六十九、蚊子咬你之后真的很气愤，但是更气愤的是，它咬了你，你却找不到它！

70. Sixty-nine, you really get mad after a mosquito bites you, but even more so is the fact that it bites you and you can't find it!

71. 七十二、今天心情不好.我只有四句话想说.包括这句和前面的两句.我的话说完了。

71. 72. I am not in a good mood today. I only have four sentences to say, including this one and the two previous ones. That's all I have to say.

72. 八十一、如果有一天你突然消失，你觉得会有人疯狂地找你吗？--如果我还欠着银行的房贷和车贷。

72. Eighty-one, if you suddenly disappeared one day, do you think someone would go crazy trying to find you? --If I still owe the bank a mortgage for a house and a car loan.

73. 六、永远有多远？你小子就给我滚多远！

73. Six, how far is forever? You little rascal, just run as far as you can!