日积月累，笑点翻倍，半月变身，默认人！在这纷繁的世界里，且看一介书生如何笑傲江湖！

Accumulated day by day, the fun doubles; in half a month, a transformation, becoming the default person! In this complex world, let's see how a scholar can laugh his way through the martial world!

1. ❹我的减肥理念非常先进：白天靠光合作用，晚上靠自我反省。

1. My weight loss philosophy is very advanced: during the day through photosynthesis, and at night through self-reflection.

2. 以前我立升职加薪的flag，现在我只立“今天12点前睡觉”的flag。看，人成熟了，目标就具体了。

2. Previously, I set the goal of getting a promotion and salary increase, but now I only set the goal of "going to bed before 12 o'clock today." See, as a person matures, the goals become more specific.

3. 我：在床上完成了一场为期两天的“人体实验”，课题是《论静止与睡眠的深度关系》。

3. Me: I completed a two-day "human experiment" on the bed, the topic being "On the Relationship Between Stillness and the Depth of Sleep."

4. ❿别人：搞钱，搞事业，搞对象。

4. Others: Making money, pursuing a career, finding a partner.

5. 我的钱包和我的肚子，总有一个是空的。但我的烦恼，却是实实在在的“重量级”。

5. Either my wallet or my belly is always empty. But my worries are genuinely "weighty."

6. 我这不是胖，是可爱到膨胀。我这不是懒，是优雅地在节能。

6. This isn't fatness, it's cuteness that's bursting. This isn't laziness, it's elegantly conserving energy.

7. 跟我谈恋爱吗？我跟你赌，保你天天开心，输了也开心，因为你会发现我比你还菜。

7. Will you date with me? I bet you that I can ensure you're happy every day, even if I lose, because you'll find out that I'm even worse than you.

8. 我：搞笑了。

8. Me: That's hilarious.

9. “幽默王”的皇冠我戴好了，现在请叫我冷场救援队·行走的段子手·废话输出机”。

9. "I've put on the crown of the 'King of Humor' now, so please call me the 'Emergency Team for Cold Patches'·The Walking Joke Master·The Machine for Spewing Nonsense."

10. ❽我的优点：勇于认错。我的缺点：死活不改。

10. My strengths: Bravery in admitting mistakes. My weaknesses: Stubbornness in not changing.

11. ❺运动是一种享受，但我不太爱享受。不是我懒，是自律的范围有限，我得用在呼吸上。

11.运动 is a form of enjoyment, but I'm not much of an enjoyer. It's not that I'm lazy; it's just that my scope for self-discipline is limited, and I need to use it for breathing.

12. ❸别人：周末去爬山、看展、充实自己。

12. ⑧ Others: go hiking, visit exhibitions, and enrich myself on weekends.

13. 我谈恋爱：你到底什么意思？你为什么不回信息？哦，原来是没网。

13. I'm dating: What do you mean? Why don't you reply to my messages? Oh, it's because there's no internet connection.

14. ❷刚在电梯里放了個闷屁，为缓解尴尬我立刻捂住了鼻子。现在全电梯的人都用一种“抓到凶手”的眼神看着我。

14. Just farted in the elevator, and to ease the embarrassment, I immediately covered my nose. Now everyone in the elevator is looking at me with a "caught the culprit" gaze.

15. ❶判断一个菜是不是家乡菜，就看你吃完后是想发朋友圈，还是想家了。前者是美食，后者是乡愁。

15. ①To determine whether a dish is a hometown specialty, just look at whether you want to share it on WeChat Moments after eating it or whether you miss home. The former is culinary delight, and the latter is homesickness.

16. ❼我的人生状态：间歇性踌躇满志，持续性……诶，手机好像挺好玩的。

16. My state of life: intermittent ambition, persistent... Eh, the phone seems pretty fun.

17. ❻别人谈恋爱：保护你，照顾你，珍惜你。

17. ③When others are in a relationship: protect you, care for you, cherish you.