“一笑倾城，手机里的笑话，让清晨的阳光更加明媚。翻开一页，嘴角不自觉上扬，一天的好心情就此开启。”

"A smile can captivate the world, and a joke in my phone brightens the morning sunshine even more. Turning the page, my mouth unconsciously lifts, and a good mood for the day is thus initiated."

1. 老公和老婆晚上回家，路旁突然跳出三个持刀蒙面大汉：“绑架！你俩可以走一个，回家等消息。”

1. The husband and wife were on their way home at night when suddenly three masked men with knives jumped out from the roadside: "Kidnapping! One of you can go, and the other can wait for news at home."

2. 兄妹两人都到了爱美的年纪，每天总对着镜子自怨自艾，而我妈却经常只给妹妹买好看的衣服。弟弟为此向父亲抱怨，父亲安慰:出口的东西要特别注意包装！

2. Both the brother and sister have reached the age of loving beauty, and they would often complain to themselves in front of the mirror every day. However, my mother often only buys nice clothes for the sister. The brother complained to their father about this, and the father comforted him: Pay special attention to the packaging of what comes out of your mouth!

3. 老虎被臭虫咬了。老虎向下寻找，但是没有找到。这时，一只七星瓢虫爬了过来，老虎上去按住它:萧雅穿唐装我不认识你？

3. The tiger was bitten by a bedbug. The tiger looked downwards but couldn't find it. At this time, a ladybug with seven spots crawled over, and the tiger went up to press it: Xiao Ya, wearing a Tang suit, do I not recognize you?

4. 一母鸡跳上栅栏不下来!农夫急了说你要再不下来我就把所有的公鸡全杀光。母鸡大乐哈哈，终于可以去找鸭子了

4. A hen jumped onto the fence and wouldn't come down! The farmer was desperate and said, "If you don't come down now, I'll kill all the roosters." The hen was overjoyed and laughed heartily, finally able to go find the ducks.

5. 低调做人，你会一次比一次稳健;高调做事，你会一次比一次优秀。

5. Be modest in your demeanor, and you will become more stable with each passing day; be proactive in your actions, and you will excel even more with each passing day.

6. 昨天问一个大老板，“现在生意都不景气，大家压力都很大，你睡眠怎么样？”

6. Yesterday I asked a big boss, "Now the business is not doing well, everyone is under a lot of pressure, how is your sleep?"

7. 人病，医欲用人参，嫌其贵，又欲用熟地，亦嫌贵，医心暗怒，戏弄曰：有偏方，干狗屎拌五文钱红塘。病人精神好转说：如只服干狗屎可行否

7. The patient is ill, and the doctor wants to use ginseng, but finds it too expensive. He also wants to use prepared rehmannia, but finds that too expensive as well. Feeling annoyed in his heart, the doctor jokes: "There's a偏方 (special folk remedy), mix dried dog feces with five cents worth of red sugar." The patient's spirits improve, and he asks: "Is it possible to take only the dried dog feces?"

8. 我想了很久，但我决定从你开始。我要用刀把你切成一块一块的，看着你露出鲜红的肉，然后张嘴使劲咬，再咬一口。哇！这个西瓜太甜了！

8. I thought for a long time, but I decided to start with you. I want to cut you into pieces with a knife, watching as you expose your fresh red flesh, then open your mouth and bite hard, and bite again. Wow! This watermelon is so sweet!

9. 今天出门遇到个富二代，得意地说自己是什么集团的继承人，我都忍不住笑出声了。我是共产主义事业接班人，我都没说什么。做人要低调……，从小就知道自己是共产主义的接班人，到现在都快退休了，也没人来跟我谈让我接班的事，不过我会默默的等

9. Today, when I went out, I met a rich second-generation kid who proudly claimed to be the heir of some conglomerate, and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I am the successor to the Communist cause, but I didn't say anything. One should be modest... I've known since I was a child that I am the successor to communism, and now I'm almost retiring, and no one has come to talk to me about taking over the cause. However, I will wait silently.

10. 俩农夫吹牛，俺们农场的鸡，吃的都是茶叶，下的全是茶叶蛋有嘛啊，咱农场给鸡吃钱包，让它下荷包蛋

10. Two farmers boast, "Our farm chickens eat tea leaves, and they lay tea egg shells. What do you say? At our farm, we feed the chickens wallets, making them lay egg purses."

11. 雨村出生后何新春的四大喜事:一窗飘着明亮闪亮的雪花；大鸡蛋和土豆收集在一个仓库里；酸的老陈醋酿造成坛子；俊男靓女情侣挤一个炕。

11. The four major joys of He Xin Chun after the birth of the rain village: a window with bright, sparkling snowflakes; large eggs and potatoes collected in a warehouse; the sour old Chen vinegar brewed into jars; handsome men and beautiful women couples crowded on a kang.

12. 人生没有彩排，每天都是直播，不仅收视率低，而且工资不高

12. Life has no rehearsal, every day is live, not only with a low viewership rating, but also with a low salary.

13. 他是个德鲁伊，他喜欢大自然，他喜欢一切花草树木他最后因为车祸，成了一名植物人。

13. He was a Druid, who loved nature and everything about flowers, plants, and trees. In the end, due to a car accident, he became a vegetable person.

14. 车祸！司机昏迷，宠物狗安全。交警问狗:你家主人出事前在干什么？小狗在喝水，摇摇晃晃。交警:哦，喝酒。那你在做什么？小狗坐起来，双手握住方向盘。

14. Car accident! The driver is unconscious, but the pet dog is safe. The traffic police officer asked the dog, "What was your owner doing before the accident?" The little dog was drinking water and摇晃ing. Traffic police officer: Oh, drinking. What were you doing? The little dog sat up and held the steering wheel with both hands.

15. 天气有点闷热，我怕你心里堵得难受，就送你五颜六色的冰棍给你降温；散发水果的清香，传递清凉，让你的暑气彻底消失，享受一个清爽的夏天。你还在等什么？赶快藏起你的心！

15. The weather is a bit muggy, and I'm afraid it's making you feel uncomfortable in your heart, so I'm giving you colorful popsicles to cool you down; they release the fragrance of fruit, convey coolness, and make your summer heat completely disappear, allowing you to enjoy a refreshing summer. What are you waiting for? Quickly hide your heart!

16. 河南人哈哈大笑说：你们山西好，有个妈吧，还是后妈（侯马）； 有只羊吧，还是瘦羊（寿阳）； 有条鱼吧，还尽鱼刺（榆次）； 有点事吧，还是烦事（繁峙）； 有个病吧，还得长治； 买个东西吧，还得进城（晋城）； 出个门吧，还太远（太原）； 考个试吧，还是零分（临汾）

16. A Henan person laughed heartily and said: "Your Shanxi province is good, do you have a mother, or is it a stepmother (Houma); do you have a sheep, or is it a thin sheep (Shouyang); do you have a fish, or are there lots of fish bones (Yuzhi); do you have something to deal with, or is it a nuisance (Fanzhi); do you have an illness, then you need to go to Changzhi; do you need to buy something, then you have to go to the city (Jincheng); do you need to go out, then it's too far (Taiyuan); do you need to take an exam, then you get a zero score (Linfen)."

17. 如果想造船，先不要雇人去收集木头，也不要给他们分配任何任务，而是去激发他们对海洋的渴望。

17. If you want to build a ship, don't hire people to gather wood, and don't assign them any tasks. Instead, ignite their desire for the sea.

18. 我牵着马，你挑着担子，我走在前面，你看着后面，我吃水果，你抱怨，我看着你一脸无奈给你一个，你一边吃一边笑，你说:猴子，这水果真好吃！

18. I lead the horse, you carry the load, I walk in front, you watch from behind. I eat fruit, you complain. I see your face full of helplessness and give you one, you eat while laughing, and you say: Monkey, this fruit is really delicious!

19. 学了点国语的老外。早晨和女秘书打招呼你吗好**瞪了他一眼，他一楞，马上又对她说：妈，你好!

19. Foreigners who have learned a bit of Mandarin. In the morning, when you greet the female secretary, he gives you a stern look, then hesitates for a moment before saying to her: Mom, how are you?

20. 童年的无知可爱，少年的无知可笑;青年的无知可怜;中年的无知可叹，老年的无知可悲。

20. The innocence of childhood is adorable, the ignorance of youth is laughable; the ignorance of youth is pitiable; the ignorance of middle age is regrettable, and the ignorance of old age is tragic.

21. 这个小女孩爱哭。奶奶哄着她说，好孩子，别哭！当一个女孩哭的时候，她的脸会变得很难看。小女孩真的不哭了，看了奶奶很久，问:奶奶，你从小到大哭过几次？

21. This little girl loves to cry. Her grandmother comforted her, saying, "Good girl, don't cry! When a girl cries, her face becomes very ugly." The little girl really stopped crying, looked at her grandmother for a long time, and asked, "Grandma, how many times have you cried since you were little?"

22. 吹桃花红，吹杨柳绿，吹走心中堆积的疲惫，吹醒青蛙，吹回燕子，吹走快乐的心情。春天，祝你健康平安。

22. Blowing the peach blossoms red, blowing the willows green, blowing away the accumulated fatigue in the heart, waking up the frogs, bringing back the swallows, and blowing away the cheerful mood. Spring, I wish you health and safety.

23. 你习惯向左走我习惯向右走,缘分让你我擦肩,向右走很偶然,但相遇是必然,四目交汇时,我欣喜你激动,众目暌暌下你单膝下跪大声对我说:老板,擦鞋

23. You are used to walking to the left, and I am used to walking to the right. Fate lets us pass each other by. Walking to the right is accidental, but our encounter is inevitable. When our eyes meet, I am overjoyed and you are excited. Under the gaze of everyone present, you kneel down on one knee and shout to me, "Boss, shine my shoes."

24. 某男女友单名一春字，某日在女生公寓楼下叫春,春楼上女生探头问道楼下谁叫春哪男生答曰我

24. A couple had a single name each, "Chun". One day, the man called out "Chun" under the girls' dormitory. The girls on the upper floors peeked out and asked, "Who is calling out 'Chun' down below?" The boy replied, "It's me."

25. 有两只小鸟看见一个猎人正在瞄准它们，一只说，你保护现场我去叫警察!

25. Two little birds saw a hunter aiming at them, and one said, "You protect the scene, and I'll call the police!"

26. 太TMD深奥了 没文化真可怕！

26. Too f*cking profound! It's terrifying how much culture one lacks!

27. 酒席上，电视台美女主持人提出，在她方便的时候会安排老外做专访。老外愕然：怎么能在你方便的时候？美女主持人说，那在你方便时，我请你吃饭。老外晕倒！

27. At the banquet, the beautiful TV host suggested that she would arrange for a foreigner to do an exclusive interview when it is convenient for her. The foreigner was taken aback: How can it be convenient for you? The beautiful host replied, "Then, I'll treat you to a meal when it's convenient for you." The foreigner was completely flabbergasted!

28. 太想太想拨通你的电话，好想好想听到你的废话，可惜可惜你不幸超资啦，还好还好短信能接呀，给傻瓜发条温馨短信，但愿不会把他气炸。更别选择英勇自杀

28. I so much want to call you, so much want to hear your nonsense. Unfortunately, you're overcharged, but at least I can receive text messages. Send a warm text message to this fool, hoping it won't drive him crazy. And for heaven's sake, don't choose to commit heroic suicide.

29. 老公一把将老婆推开：“老婆快走！”待老婆走远后，三个蒙面人摘下面具：“尼玛现在找你打个麻将这么费劲？”

29. The husband pushed his wife away with one hand: "Honey, run away quickly!" After the wife had walked away, the three masked men took off their masks: "Nima, is it so difficult to find you to play Mahjong now?"

30. 走得最急的是最美的风筝，伤得最痛的是最真的感情。

30. The most beautiful kite is the one that flies the fastest, and the most painful injury is from the truest feelings.

31. 如果她(他)对你说：忘了我吧。你就告诉对方：对不起，我一直没记住。

31. If she (he) tells you: Forget about me. You should tell the other person: Sorry, I've never been able to remember.

32. 一新兵在树上练习潜伏两只松鼠顺着他的裤管爬了上来,其中一只对另只说道:老大,这有两个大核桃,咱俩把它嗑了吧

32. A new recruit was practicing hiding in a tree. Two squirrels climbed up his pants legs, and one said to the other, "Big brother, there are two large walnuts here, let's crack them open together."

33. 某女说：找丈夫一定要找当兵的。某男说：为何女说：当兵的会自己缝纫，当兵的身体强壮，当兵的勤俭，最重要的一点，习惯于服从命令。

33. A woman said: "One must find a husband who is a soldier." A man replied: "Why?" The woman said: "Soldiers know how to sew for themselves, soldiers have strong bodies, soldiers are thrifty, and most importantly, they are accustomed to obeying orders."

34. 有个人第一次在集市上卖冰棍，不好意思叫卖，旁边有一个人正高声喊：卖冰棍，他只好喊道：我也是。

34. There was a person who was selling popsicles for the first time at a market. Ashamed to shout out to sell them, there was someone next to him shouting loudly: "Selling popsicles!" So he had to shout: "Me too."

35. 一哥们跟媳妇离婚了，媳妇给了他一张纸条，上面写着：

35. A guy got a divorce from his wife, and she gave him a note that read:

36. 中国人美国人犹太人一起喝饮料，三只苍蝇飞入他们饮料中美国人重要了一杯，中国人没理会就喝下，犹太人一把抓出苍蝇大喊道：吐出来!你丫把喝下去的饮料吐出来!

36. Chinese, Americans, and Jews were drinking together, and three flies flew into their drinks. The Americans demanded a new cup, but the Chinese ignored it and drank it down. The Jew quickly caught out the flies and shouted: Spew it out! You bastard, spit out the drink you just drank!

37. 大多数乘客在飞行中睡着了。一个调皮的男孩在飞机的走廊里拍球，大声喊叫。有一个人被吵醒了，大声骂那个男生:喂！孩子，你为什么不出去玩！

37. Most of the passengers fell asleep during the flight. A mischievous boy was kicking a ball in the aisle of the plane and shouting loudly. Someone was woken up by the noise and shouted at the boy: Hey! Kid, why don't you go play outside!

38. 语文老师有点文学素养，点名道：万马奔腾到了没？

38. The Chinese teacher, with a bit of literary knowledge, called out, "Has the 'Ten Thousand Horses Galloping' arrived yet?"

39. 历史老师对这个名字很不感冒：五马分尸到了没？

39. The history teacher was not interested in this name at all: Isn't it time to stop splitting a five-horse body into pieces?

40. 我家有爸爸妈妈和我，每天早上我们三人就分道扬镳，各奔前程，晚上又殊途同归。

40. There are my parents and me in my family, and every morning the three of us go our separate ways, pursuing our own paths, and at night we converge from different directions.

41. 每当我错过一个女孩，我就在地上放一块砖，于是便有了长城。

41. Every time I miss a girl, I place a brick on the ground, and thus the Great Wall was formed.

42. 我骑车带你去游玩，下山的时候我才发现自行车没有刹车。你告诉我你都不感睁眼看。告诉你，我也是!

42. I rode my bike to take you for a tour, and it wasn't until we were going down the mountain that I realized the bicycle didn't have a brake. You told me you didn't dare even open your eyes. Let me tell you, I felt the same!

43. 体育老师则直截了当叫 : 一群马到了没？

43. The physical education teacher said directly: Has a group of horses arrived yet?

44. 从明天开始，市政府决定淘汰所有长得丑有损市容的智障青年！收拾好东西，出去避难，别说是我通知你的，记住！

44. Starting tomorrow, the city government has decided to eliminate all the ugly and mentally handicapped youth who are detrimental to the city's appearance! Pack up your things, go into hiding, and remember, it's not me who informed you of this!

45. 公司的小王结婚后自带午餐，早餐的剩菜都是他带的。一个好同事问:为什么总带剩菜？小王摇摇头，叹了口气说，唉，谁让我们娶剩女呢？

45. Xiao Wang, the employee from the company, brings his own lunch after getting married, and the leftover breakfast is all carried by him. A good colleague asked: Why do you always bring leftovers? Xiao Wang shook his head and sighed, "Alas, who would have thought we would marry leftover women?"

46. 用地平线织一件毛衣，送给你。无论你在哪里，你都不能离开我的视线。我会用眼睛给你织一件毛衣，无论你在哪里，我都会看到你。

46. Knit a sweater with the horizon, and give it to you. No matter where you are, you cannot leave my sight. I will knit a sweater with my eyes for you, and no matter where you are, I will see you.

47. 早上出门上班的时候，老婆说:今天要和姐妹们去逛街，没钱。我抱怨我轻蔑的眼神，掏出钱包，拿出20块钱问，可以吗？我老婆点点头，然后，然后她拿着我的钱包就走了。

47. When I left for work in the morning, my wife said: "Today I'm going to go shopping with my sisters, but I don't have any money." I complained about her disdainful gaze, took out my wallet, and asked with 20 yuan, "Is that okay?" My wife nodded, and then, then she took my wallet and left.

48. 亲爱的:你在天上飞，我在地上追！你在水里游啊游，我在岸上看啊看。虽然我是黑人，但是我的魅力大放异彩！

48. Dear: You soar in the sky, and I chase on the ground! You swim in the water, and I watch from the shore. Although I am black, my charm shines brightly!

49. 动物园里有只猩猩奇丑无比，有一天我去看了，我吐了，你去看了，猩猩吐了，我就呐闷，人和人的差别怎么就这么大呢。

49. There was a gorilla in the zoo that was incredibly ugly. One day, I went to see it and I felt sick to my stomach. When you went to see it, the gorilla felt sick. I was bewildered, how can the difference between humans be so great?

50. 品牌和性:一个20岁的男人冲向日立的一个30岁的男人和一个40岁的男人。郑达！五十岁的男人微软！六十岁老人松下！七十岁的联想

50. Brand and Age: A 20-year-old man rushes towards a 30-year-old man at Hitachi and a 40-year-old man. Zheng Da! A 50-year-old man at Microsoft! A 60-year-old man at Panasonic! A 70-year-old man at Lenovo.

51. 一个农夫的女儿实在太丑了，他只好让她去玉米地当稻草人吓唬乌鸦。结果她不仅吓走了乌鸦，甚至有三只乌鸦吓得把一些玉米送了回来。

51. The farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had no choice but to let her go to the cornfield to act as a scarecrow to frighten away the crows. As a result, not only did she scare away the crows, but even three crows were so scared that they brought back some corn.

52. 温柔的问候汇成了我所有的祝福，淡淡的祝福倾注了我无限的真诚。一条安静的短信悄悄的充斥屏幕，永远快乐。

52. Greetings of tenderness weave together all my blessings, and these gentle wishes are imbued with my boundless sincerity. A quiet text message quietly fills the screen, forever bringing happiness.

53. 气温高了，蝉叫了，聚会少了，日子淡了，沟通好了，恋爱方便了，铃声响了，祝福来了，借着夏天的口祝你一切都好。

53. The temperature rises, the cicadas sing, fewer gatherings, days become bland, communication is better, love becomes convenient, the bell rings, blessings come, wishing you all the best through the summer's mouth.

54. 山西人开玩笑说：你们河南多好，有座山吧还是平顶的山；开个店吧还是个驻马的店；娶个媳妇吧还是开封的；交个女友吧还是济源（妓院）的；找个女婿吧还商丘（伤球）了；生个孩吧还是难养(南阳)的。

54. The people from Shanxi joke: "How great it is in Henan, you have a mountain, or a flat-topped mountain; you open a shop, it's a shop in Zhima; you get married, it's a wife from Kaifeng; you date a girlfriend, it's from Jiyuan (a brothel); you find a son-in-law, it's Shangqiu (hurt the ball); have a child, it's a hard-to-nurture one from Nanyang."

55. 现代意义上的笑话指的是一些简短的口头故事,这些故事内容各异,带有戏谑或嘲讽的色彩,结局总是出人意料而又机智俏皮。快乐送给开心的人，幸福送给有情的人，希望送给等待的人，成功送给奋斗的人，祝福送给正看短信的人!

55. In the modern sense, a joke refers to some short oral stories with various contents, carrying a playful or satirical tone, whose endings are always unexpected and witty. Happiness to those who are cheerful, joy to those with feelings, hope to those who are waiting, success to those who are striving, and blessings to those who are reading this message!

56. 珍惜并不是说做错了什么要懂的去挽回才叫珍惜!

56. Cherishing does not mean that you only cherish something by understanding and trying to make amends for what was done wrong!

57. 这个世界既不是有钱人的世界，也不是有权人的世界，它是有心人的世界。

57. This world is neither the world of the wealthy nor the world of the powerful; it is the world of the hearted.

58. 次日老公回家，老婆扑上来含泪说：“关键时候才能看出老公对我的好，老公以后我啥都听你的！

58. The next day, the husband came back home, and the wife rushed up, crying, saying, "Only in critical moments can you see how much the husband cares for me, from now on, I'll listen to you about anything!"

59. 壁虎误入鳄鱼池。危急时刻，壁虎急中生智，抱住鳄鱼大喊:妈妈！鳄鱼惊呆了，立刻泪流满面:你这么瘦，别再出去打工了！

59. The gecko accidentally fell into the crocodile pool. In a moment of crisis, the gecko suddenly thought of a clever plan and held onto the crocodile, shouting, "Mommy!" The crocodile was stunned and immediately burst into tears: "You're so thin, don't go out to work anymore!"