1. 不幽默，我父母一点也不幽默，基本上不开玩笑。

1. Not humorous, my parents are not at all humorous, they basically don't make jokes.

2. 崔永元：你以前是一个很本份的人吗？我随便问问。

2. Cui Yongyuan: Were you ever a very honest person before? I'm just curious.

3. 这位朋友认为，全世界的人都算上，就中国人最会吃饭。现在我采访一下外国朋友，听听他们的看法。您从什么地方来？

3. This friend believes that, when it comes to the whole world, the Chinese people are the most skilled at eating. Now, let me interview some foreign friends and hear their opinions. Where are you from?

4. 不，我还知道他的优点，他手很巧，家里的东西坏了，首先是他亲自去修。

4. No, I also know his merits. He is quite skillful, and when something breaks at home, he is the first one to fix it himself.

5. 崔永元：他是不是到鸡场买新鲜的鸡蛋去了？

5. Cui Yongyuan: Did he go to the chicken farm to buy fresh eggs?

6. 崔永元：您在这个过程中拿过红包没有呢？嘉宾：没有。崔永元：这个红包是从来没拿过的，红包的意思不是说拿红纸包着的，拿白纸包的也算红包。?>

6. Cui Yongyuan: Did you ever take any red envelopes in this process? Guest: No. Cui Yongyuan: This red envelope is one that has never been taken. The meaning of a red envelope is not just about taking one wrapped in red paper, even one wrapped in white paper counts as a red envelope.

7. 美国的油价比中国还便宜两块钱。我就想了，中石油、中石化这是怎么回事啊？你们怎么玩的啊？甚至还亏损，要不换我当老总，试半年，不行我再还给你！

7. The oil price in the United States is two yuan cheaper than in China. I thought to myself, what's going on with Sinopec and PetroChina? How are you guys playing this game? You're even running at a loss. Why don't you let me take over as the CEO? I'll give it a try for half a year, and if it doesn't work out, I'll give it back to you!

8. 今天，无论你是快乐还是痛苦、是成功还是失败、是得意还是失意！一切终将过去！因为，今天只有一天。

8. Today, whether you are happy or sad, successful or unsuccessful, elated or disappointed! All will pass in time! Because, today is just one day.

9. 嘉宾：他说出去买一个东西，比如说去买点鸡蛋。这么简单的一件事，他可以出去两个小时才回来。

9. Guest: He said he went out to buy something, like to get some eggs. Such a simple matter, and he can be out for two hours before coming back.

10. 网友质问我为何不对我爸是李刚发表看法，因为实在是无处下嘴了。

10. The netizen questioned me on why I didn't express my opinion on my father being Li Gang, because there really was no place to start.

11. 我常常在反问自己，为什么对文化的粗鄙化有越来越强的容忍力？我常常在安慰自己也许是年龄增大变得宽容，现在看来实在是在退化。

11. I often ask myself, why do I have an increasingly strong tolerance for the coarsening of culture? I often comfort myself by thinking that perhaps as I get older, I become more tolerant, but now it seems that I am actually regressing.

12. 他是不是到鸡场买新鲜的鸡蛋去了？他还有什么优点？

12. Has he gone to the chicken farm to buy fresh eggs? What other merits does he have?

13. 交警队长酒桌上对朋友说，咱地界上你随便开，出了事算对方责任。晚上分手后果然接到朋友电话说出事了，是自己的责任。队长说，不，是对方的责任。朋友说，对方是树。

13. The traffic police captain said to his friend at the dinner table, "You can drive freely in our area, and if anything happens, it's the other party's fault." Later that night, he received a call from his friend, who said something had gone wrong, and it was his own fault. The captain replied, "No, it's the other party's responsibility." The friend said, "The other party was a tree."

14. 中国不缺惹祸的人，缺的是敢于担当的汉子，担当了，就还是条汉子！

14. China is not short of troublemakers; what it lacks is men who dare to take responsibility. If you take responsibility, you are still a man!

15. 活着放锅里是不合适的，按照瑞典的吃法，先到后面把他掐死，然后在吃。这个美国朋友还有什么指教？觉得我们在吃的方面还有什么问题，还有什么缺点，欢迎指正。

15. It's inappropriate to put a living person in a pot. According to the Swedish way of eating, you should strangle him first and then eat. What else does this American friend have to teach us? Does he think there are any other issues or shortcomings in our approach to eating? Welcome to point them out.

16. 嘉宾：我记得最深的一次可能就是走大坂界山，是吧？噢，界山大坂。崔永元：是挺危险的，都忘了地名了。

16. Guest: I think the deepest memory I have is probably when we climbed Osaka's Kibi Mountain, right? Oh, Kibi Osaka. Cui Yongyuan: It was quite dangerous, I even forgot the name of the mountain.

17. 有时你想发言，但唯恐被指为不和谐音，只好欲言又止；有时你想发言，却被告知，你的代表已代你发过了！

17. Sometimes you want to speak out, but fear being labeled as a discordant note, so you hesitate to voice your thoughts; sometimes you want to speak, but are told that your representative has already spoken on your behalf!

18. 今天见到你（金铭）在这个现场特别高兴，我真是高兴得都乐出声来了。

18. I'm particularly happy to see you (Jinming) at this venue today, I am so happy that I almost laughed out loud.

19. 崔永元：这个红包是从来没拿过的，红包的意思不是说拿红纸包着的，拿白纸包的也算红包。

Cui Yongyuan: This red envelope is something I've never received before. The meaning of a red envelope is not that it's the one wrapped in red paper; even one wrapped in white paper counts as a red envelope.

20. 昨天再好，已成永恒。明天再美，来了在说。只有让今天精彩，才能让回忆美好！

20. Yesterday, no matter how good, has become eternal. Tomorrow, no matter how beautiful, wait and see. Only by making today精彩, can we make our memories beautiful!

21. 崔永元：您在这个过程中拿过红包没有呢？嘉宾：没有。

21. Cui Yongyuan: Did you ever receive red envelopes during this process? Guest: No.

22. 崔永元：张钧先谈谈你走这一路的感受吧？遇到过什么大风大浪没？嘉宾：我记得最深的一次可能就是走大坂界山，是吧？噢，界山大坂。崔永元：是挺危险的，都忘了地名了。

22. Cui Yongyuan: Zhang Junxian, let's talk about your feelings on this journey. Have you encountered any big storms or difficulties? Guest: I think the deepest memory I have might be walking through the Osaka Kaido, right? Oh, Osaka Kaido. Cui Yongyuan: It was quite dangerous; I even forgot the name of the place.

23. 鱼还活着就放进去，太残忍，不要这么吃，怎么吃呢？

23. It's cruel to put the fish in while it's still alive. Don't eat like this, how should one eat?

24. 嘉宾：他说出去买一个东西，比如说去买点鸡蛋。这么简单的一件事，他可以出去两个小时才回来。崔永元：他是不是到鸡场买新鲜的鸡蛋去了？

24. Guest: He said he was going to buy something, like buying some eggs. Such a simple matter, he could be out for two hours before coming back. Cui Yongyuan: Did he go to the chicken farm to buy fresh eggs?

25. 您看美食家都在给您鼓掌的。还有什么问题，您发现的都给指出来，瑞典之石可以攻玉，还有什么？

25. You see, the gourmets are all clapping for you. If there's anything else you find, please point it out. Swedish stones can polish jade, and what else?

26. 半个月前我就知道汽油要涨价，信不信由你。因为食用油涨价了，而石油工人也吃食用油，所以采油成本加大了。

26. I knew the gasoline prices were going to rise half a month ago, believe it or not. This is because cooking oil prices have increased, and oil workers also consume cooking oil, so the cost of oil extraction has gone up.

27. 崔永元：那你说说，养鸟有什么乐趣？嘉宾：作为老年人来说，可以锻炼身体。他催人早起，天明则叫。崔永元：你说的情况，我听着像养鸡。

27. Cui Yongyuan: So, what's the fun in keeping birds? Guest: For elderly people, it can be a way to exercise. It encourages you to wake up early, and it crows at dawn. Cui Yongyuan: The situation you described, it sounds to me like keeping chickens.

28. 大家听明白没有，其实最累的是鲁菜，鲁菜基本上都是古汉语了。

28. Did everyone understand? In fact, the most tiring cuisine is Shandong cuisine, which is basically ancient Chinese.

29. 崔永元：你以前是一个很本份的人吗？我随便问问。嘉宾：我是党员，我1987年就入党了。崔永元：我问的是家庭生活，不是组织生活。

29. Cui Yongyuan: Were you a very honest person before? I'm just asking out of curiosity. Guest: I am a member of the Communist Party, I joined the party in 1987. Cui Yongyuan: I was asking about your family life, not your life in the organization.

30. 崔永元：那你说说，养鸟有什么乐趣？嘉宾：作为老年人来说，可以锻炼身体。他催人早起，天明则叫。

30. Cui Yongyuan: So, what's the fun in keeping birds? Guest: For the elderly, it's a way to exercise their bodies. It encourages them to wake up early, and it chirps at dawn.

31. 有人说我不相信有野人，真是冤枉我了。我知道现在野人很多，有的野人当上了科学家，有的野人还当上了法官。当然，绝大部分野人在当主持人。

31. Some people say I don't believe in savages, but that's an injustice to me. I know that there are many savages now, some of whom have become scientists, and some have even become judges. Of course, the vast majority of savages are hosts.

32. 狗也是我们中国人民的朋友。您想借这个场合告诉大家不要吃狗肉？

32. Dogs are also friends to the Chinese people. Would you like to take this opportunity to tell everyone not to eat dog meat?

33. 其实，好的幽默是善解人意的。因为幽默没有了分寸，就会拿别人开心。拿别人开心可能也会赢得笑声，但是会对被幽默的人造成伤害。所以如果想要幽默，首先要有自我牺牲的精神。

33. In fact, good humor is considerate. Because when humor lacks boundaries, it may take joy at others' expense. Taking joy at others' expense might also bring laughter, but it can cause harm to the person at the receiving end of the humor. Therefore, if one wants to be humorous, one must first have a spirit of self-sacrifice.

34. 因为在以前我每次见到你都想哭。

34. Because in the past, every time I saw you, I wanted to cry.

35. 老同学就是可以去掉你脸上的沧桑，依稀找到过去的影子。

35. Old classmates can remove the weariness from your face and faintly find the shadows of the past.

36. 半个月前我就知道汽油要涨价，信不信由你。因为食用油涨价了，而石油工人也吃食用油，所以采油成本加大了。当然，随着石油工人吃糖、吃大蒜、吃绿豆，油价还有上涨空间。如果石油工人上下班坐班车的话，因为班车用的油是涨价的，所以油价自然还要涨一点点。

36. A month and a half ago, I knew that the price of gasoline would rise, believe it or not. This is because the price of edible oil has increased, and oil workers also consume edible oil, so the cost of oil extraction has gone up. Of course, as oil workers consume sugar, garlic, and mung beans, there is still room for the oil price to rise. If oil workers take buses to and from work, since the oil used by the buses has increased in price, the oil price will naturally rise a little bit more.

37. 是不是老同学、老朋友之间有一种说不清的非常奇怪的感觉？

37. Is there a mysterious and unexplainable feeling between old classmates and old friends?

38. 作恶之可怕，不在于被人发现，而在于自己知道；行善之可嘉，不在于别人夸赞，而在于自己安详。

38. The dreadfulness of doing evil does not lie in being discovered by others, but in knowing it oneself; the praiseworthiness of doing good does not lie in others' praise, but in one's own serenity.

39. 我觉得您的做法很奇特，一般的人肯定会在大街上把书一扔，那一块钱就当被小偷偷了，然后就回家了。您为什么咽不下这口气，还要郑重其事地打一场官司？为一块钱打一场官司？

39. I think your approach is quite peculiar. Generally speaking, most people would just throw the book on the street and consider the one yuan as stolen by a thief, and then go home. Why can't you let this go and instead take such a serious matter to court? To sue over one yuan?