拥抱和解：18句箴言助你余生顺遂，与自己和解是人生最佳疗愈。

Embrace Reconciliation: 18 Proverbs to Guide You Through the Rest of Your Life, Reconciling with Yourself is the Best Healing in Life.

1. 02 超越恐惧的感受

1. 02 Experiencing the Feeling Beyond Fear

2. 比如，学生时代，父母对孩子的成绩严格要求，要是没有考到九十分以上，就辱骂孩子不用心学习，没有出息等等。

2. For example, during school days, parents often have strict requirements for their children's grades. If their children don't score above 90 points, they may scold them for not studying hard enough, lacking ambition, and so on.

3. 一次我整理衣橱，顺便拿了几件自己不穿的衣服，我买来就穿过一两次，她店里有个小孩子和我女儿聊天，那个小孩子说和我女儿交换玩具，然后两个小女孩石头剪刀布的玩着。

3. Once while tidying up my closet, I picked up a few clothes that I hadn't worn. I had only worn them a couple of times since I bought them. There was a little kid in her store chatting with my daughter. The little kid suggested swapping toys with my daughter, and then the two little girls played rock-paper-scissors.

4. 第四步，减少有害信息。 对来自童年的信息进行分级，确定每条信息对自己有多大影响。

4. The fourth step is to reduce harmful information. Categorize information from childhood and determine the impact each piece of information has on you.

5. 回到上面的案例，这类女性可能生活在父母离异的环境中，或者父母中有一方有暴力倾向，因为与他人有稳定的联系的需求无法得到满足，使其处于被抛弃和虐待的恐惧中。成年后，她也会因为担心失去另一半而委屈自己讨好对方。

5. Returning to the above case, such women may live in an environment where their parents are divorced, or one of their parents has a tendency towards violence. Because their need for stable connections with others is not met, they are constantly in fear of being abandoned and mistreated. After becoming adults, they may also subject themselves to pleasing their partners out of fear of losing them.

6. 想起以前看过的一篇演讲，不到四分钟，但足以震撼人心。

6. Remembering a speech I once watched, it was less than four minutes long, yet it was enough to震撼 the heart.

7. 当我们懂得去做自己，也就拥有了最适合的生活。

7. When we understand how to be ourselves, we also have the most suitable life.

8. 03 以智慧对恐惧做出回应

8. 03 Respond to fear with wisdom

9. 决定一个人命运的不是性格，不是能力，而是这个人的心智模式。心智才是拉开人与人之间距离的关键因素。

9. It is not the character, not the ability, but the mindset of a person that determines one's fate. Mindset is the key factor that separates people from each other.

10. 当你打开 社会 新闻，便会发现一个现象：那些家长里短的纠纷里，最多出现的便是责怪。婆婆责怪儿媳妇儿，妻子责怪丈夫，孩子责怪父母……

10. When you open social news, you will find a phenomenon: in the disputes of daily family matters, the most common is blaming. The mother-in-law blaming the daughter-in-law, the wife blaming the husband, the children blaming their parents...

11. 心理学家阿德勒曾说：“幸福的人用童年治愈一生，不幸的人用一生治愈童年。”

11. The psychologist Adler once said, "Happy people use their childhood to heal their entire life, while unhappy people use their entire life to heal their childhood."

12. 所以说，我这样在别人眼里看起来很羡慕的生活，但并不是每个人可以做到，不用说其他，不用开车接孩子上学放学都没几个人做到，我说步行走路锻炼身体，大家都知道，但是大部分人做不到，觉得骑车快，走路多累，但是在我心里，走路是最适合我的健身习惯。

12. Therefore, the life that seems envious to others as I live it is not something everyone can achieve. To say nothing of other things, there are very few people who can manage without driving to pick up and drop off their children at school. I've mentioned walking to exercise, and everyone knows it, but most people cannot do it, feeling that riding a bike is quicker and that walking is too tiring. But in my heart, walking is the most suitable fitness habit for me.

13. 因为，很多人在成年后会发现自己的生活过得不顺遂，总是遇到各种各样的问题，而有些问题出现一次后还会反复出现，陷入恶性循环。

13. Because many people find that their lives are not going smoothly after adulthood, they are always encountering various problems, and some of these problems may recur repeatedly, leading to a vicious cycle.

14. 正所谓，甲之蜜糖，乙之砒霜。适合别人的，未必适合你。

14. As the saying goes, "What is honey to one may be arsenic to another." What suits someone else may not necessarily suit you.

15. 随着电子科技的越来越发达，人们的注意力已经被全面的碎片化，痛苦很大的一部分就是来源于信息，让人难以做到专注一件事上，正念成了我们修行的方向。

15. With the increasingly advanced electronic technology, people's attention has been completely fragmented, and a significant part of the pain comes from information, making it difficult to focus on a single thing. Mindfulness has become the direction of our practice.

16. 因为我清楚的明白一个道理，人与人之间打交道并不是心与心的交道，更多时候是情绪与情绪的碰撞，观念与观念之间的互动，只见其性而不见其心。唯有在摆脱情绪困扰的时候，人才能遇见自己的心，才可以遇见别人的心。

16. Because I clearly understand a truth: dealing with people is not a heart-to-heart encounter, but more often a collision of emotions, an interaction between ideas, seeing their nature but not their hearts. Only when one frees oneself from emotional disturbances can one meet one's own heart, and only then can one meet the hearts of others.

17. 人生处处皆为道场，我们每个人都是岁月中的前行者。

17. In life, everywhere is a training ground, and each of us is a forerunner in the course of time.

18. 因此，即使我们长大成人，但儿时的经历都化作内在小孩留在了我们的记忆里，一旦遇到相似的情况，就会唤醒这个沉睡的“纠缠者”。

18. Therefore, even as we grow into adulthood, the experiences of our childhood are preserved in our memory as the inner child. Whenever we encounter similar situations, this dormant "tormentor" is awakened.

19. 不论跟谁结婚，其实都是一场自我的修行，唯有不断的让自己变得更好，是解决一切问题存在的根本。

19. Regardless of whom you marry, it is essentially a self-improvement journey. Only by continuously making oneself better can one fundamentally solve all existing problems.

20. 我们在发觉对方的过程中，不知不觉也等于是发掘自己。去了解对方的感觉、想法，我们才能更了解自己。

20. In the process of discovering the other person, we inadvertently also uncover ourselves. By understanding the other person's feelings and thoughts, we can better understand ourselves.

21. 就像罗曼罗兰所说的：“一个内心充满了阳光的人，一个生气勃勃的人，为什么要到本身以外寻找阳光和生命呢？”

21. As Romain Rolland said, "Why should a person who is full of sunshine and vitality look for sunshine and life outside themselves?"

22. 可以说，一个人最好的生活方式就是： 做自己 。

22. It can be said that the best way of life for a person is: be yourself.

23. 大概是人性使然，我们总是更容易看到他人身上的不是，而忽略了自己的。

23. Perhaps due to human nature, we tend to more easily see the flaws in others while ignoring our own.

24. 积极不懈地善加利用自己的时间，也是向高层次攀登的一道阶梯。

24. Actively and tirelessly making good use of one's time is also a stepping stone to climbing to a higher level.

25. 比如，女性在交往多个男朋友之后，依然没有好的归宿，她以为自己只是遇人不淑。或者，有些职场人士总是一而再再而三地跳槽，无法在一个公司落地生根，他总觉得是公司不好。

25. For example, after dating multiple boyfriends, some women still don't find a good match and they believe they just haven't met the right person. Or, some professionals keep changing jobs over and over again, unable to settle down in one company, and they always think it's the company's fault.

26. 如果你选择让自己以默认方式活在这个世上，那么你恰恰把选择的权利交给了他人，交给了环境。

26. If you choose to live in this world in the default manner, you are actually handing over the right to choose to others, to the environment.

27. 在不同的情境下，会引发不同的内在小孩。比如，感到被抛弃、被拒绝、被排挤的时候，就会引发受伤的内在小孩。我们会觉得孤独和悲伤，被一系列的负面情绪淹没，仿佛被全世界抛弃了一般。

27. In different situations, different inner children are triggered. For example, when feeling abandoned, rejected, or excluded, the wounded inner child is triggered. We may feel lonely and sad, overwhelmed by a series of negative emotions, as if we are abandoned by the whole world.

28. 不管是否轻重，是否频繁，都有相应的策略来处理情绪上的困难经历，这在心理学上称之为“应对”，而采用哪种应对方法取决于个人及童年经历，主要有三种应对方式：

28. Whether it is mild or severe, whether it occurs frequently or not, there are corresponding strategies to deal with the difficult experiences of emotions, which is termed "coping" in psychology. The choice of coping method depends on the individual and their childhood experiences, and there are mainly three coping styles:

29. 不要把自己糟糕的境遇归咎于他人或外界环境，我们每个人都要对自己的行为负责。

29. Do not attribute your poor situation to others or external circumstances; each of us is responsible for our own actions.

30. 这类人面对负面情绪时，往往会借助酒精和药物，或者把自己的注意力转移到电视和手机上。虽然，短期来看回避这种方式对于负面情绪有一定的缓解作用，但从长远来看，回避既妨碍我们实现梦想，也阻碍我们满足对自主性、连结性和能力的需求。

30. Such individuals often turn to alcohol and drugs or divert their attention to television and mobile phones when faced with negative emotions. Although, in the short term, avoiding this approach may provide some relief from negative emotions, in the long run, avoidance hinders us from achieving our dreams and also obstructs our need for autonomy, connection, and capability.

31. 类似于小玲这样的痛苦是属于求不得的苦，要怎么样才能消除痛苦呢？

31. The pain experienced by people like Xiaoling is the kind of suffering that comes from not being able to obtain what one seeks. How can one eliminate this pain?

32. 有人说：“谈恋爱是跟一个人的优点在谈，结婚却是跟一个人的缺点过日子。”

32. Someone said, "When dating, it's about talking about a person's strengths, but when getting married, it's about living with a person's shortcomings."

33. 每次呼吸的一个循环尽量的缓慢，专注于呼吸的对应部位，对正念加以练习，称之为正念的修行。

33. Each cycle of breath should be as slow as possible, focus on the corresponding part of the breath, and practice mindfulness, which is known as the practice of mindfulness.

34. 这是我的现实生活，我们时常处在羡慕中，羡慕别人的工作、爱情、家庭，幻想着自己若是那样该有多好，却忘记了思考别人的生活是否真的适合自己。

34. This is my real life, and we often find ourselves envying others, envying their jobs, love, and families, imagining how wonderful it would be if we were like them, but we forget to think about whether others' lives are really suitable for ourselves.

35. 孤独不是“浮华褪尽，人比烟花寂寞”的空虚，孤独是等待玫瑰的小王子一天迎接四十四次日落的柔情。

35. Solitude is not the emptiness of "when the glitter fades, people are lonelier than flowers in the fireworks," but rather the tender patience of the Little Prince waiting for the rose he loves to witness forty-four sunsets a day.

36. 当我们去觉察并修正自己的应对方式时，我们就能看到自己内心的冲突、创伤和心结，接着，重新理解自己难以驾驭的情绪和感受，通过刻意练习拥有一个更加稳定的成人自我，最后改写自己的人生脚本，创造全新的关系模式和行为模式，不再在积习难改的命运中打转。

36. When we become aware and correct our coping strategies, we can see the internal conflicts, traumas, and knots within ourselves. Then, we can reinterpret our difficult-to-control emotions and feelings, cultivate a more stable adult self through deliberate practice, and finally rewrite our life script, creating new patterns of relationships and behaviors, and no longer revolving in the unchangeable destiny of habits.

37. 每个人都有属于自己的选择，不必按照统一的模板去生活。

37. Everyone has their own choices to make, and there is no need to live according to a uniform template.

38. 在日常生活里，我们会看到很多女性在职场中雷厉风行步步高升，是当之无愧的女强人。可是，一旦到了恋爱或婚姻关系中，她们就变得唯唯诺诺委曲求全，不知该如何处理亲密关系。

38. In everyday life, we often see many women who are assertive and climbing the career ladder in the workplace, truly deserving of the title of "strong women." However, once they enter into romantic or marital relationships, they become overly accommodating and compliant, unsure of how to handle intimate relationships.

39. “你要做一个不动声色的大人了，去过自己另外的生活，不是所有的鱼都会生活在同一片海里。”

39. "You have to become an adult who is unflappable, live your own separate life; not all fish live in the same ocean."

40. 就我们自身而言，与其望着他人浪费时间，不如找到适合自己的生活方式，充实而愉快地度过一生。

40. As for ourselves, it's better to find a lifestyle that suits us and spend our lives filled and happy, rather than wasting time watching others.

41. 我无论是在书桌前品茗练字，还是与父母共话家常，还是在陌生城市的欣赏风景，都足以聊慰我风尘仆仆的灵魂。

41. Whether I am sipping tea and practicing calligraphy in front of my desk, chatting with my parents about daily life, or admiring the scenery in a strange city, all these are enough to soothe my weary soul.

42. 舒马赫说，一个良好的心智模式，是需要抽离自身的处境，从和他人的关系中看到自己的真实面貌。

42. Schumacher said that a good mental model requires stepping away from one's own situation and seeing oneself truly through the relationship with others.

43. 网上有个回答很精辟：绑得太紧的绳子，会断掉；管得太多的关系，会疲惫。

43. There's a very insightful answer on the internet: A rope tied too tightly will break; too much interference in relationships will lead to exhaustion.

44. 只有成为更好的你、更好的我，才能成就更好的我们。

44. Only by becoming a better you and a better me can we achieve a better us.

45. 如果说受伤的内在小孩让我们感到不舒服，那内在审判者无疑让我们更加雪上加霜。

45. If the wounded inner child makes us uncomfortable, the inner judge undoubtedly piles on even more pain.

46. “对外降低期待，对内提升自我，生活绝对会给予你意想不到的惊喜。这就是我活的比较幸福的原因。

46. "Lower your expectations externally and elevate yourself internally, and life will absolutely surprise you with the unexpected. This is the reason why I feel relatively happy."

47. 别人羡慕我以前怀孕190斤能够瘦到116斤，167的身高，变得穿什么衣服都蛮比过去那几年有型好多，其实女人找到适合自己的风格很重要，适合自己风格的服饰可以给女人以自信。

47. People envy me for being able to lose weight from 190 pounds to 116 pounds during my pregnancy, with a height of 167 cm, and looking much more stylish in whatever clothes I wear than in the past few years. In fact, it's very important for women to find a style that suits them, as clothing that matches their style can give women confidence.

48. 如何加强成人的自我呢？可以从以下两个方面进行努力：

48. How can adults strengthen their self-esteem? Efforts can be made from the following two aspects:

49. 正如世界上没有相同的两片树叶，同样也没有相同的两个人。

49. Just as there are no two identical leaves in the world, there are also no two identical people.

50. 我们不肯 探索 自己本身的价值，我们过分看重他人在自己生命里的参与，于是，孤独不再美好，失去了他人，我们惶惑不安。

50. We are unwilling to explore the value within ourselves, and we overly value the participation of others in our lives. As a result, solitude is no longer beautiful, and without others, we become restless and confused.

51. 在这种环境长大的孩子，他的内在就有一个对成就要求极高的审判者，他会要求自己时时处处做得最好，因而给自己施加非常大的压力，唯恐做得不好让别人失望。

51. Children raised in such an environment have an inner judge with very high achievement expectations, who demands the best of themselves at all times and in all places, thereby putting immense pressure on themselves, fearing that they may not perform well and disappoint others.

52. 同时，我们也要认识到内在审判者通常与受伤的小孩共同存在。因此，想要治愈内在的受伤小孩，就需要摆脱内在审判者的束缚。

52. At the same time, we must also recognize that the inner critic often coexists with the wounded child. Therefore, to heal the inner wounded child, one needs to free oneself from the bondage of the inner critic.

53. 不管是哪种结果，都会让我们迷失自己，丢失真正的快乐。

53. Regardless of the outcome, it will lead us to lose ourselves and lose the true happiness.

54. 正所谓，金无足赤，人无完人。即使再优秀的人，都会有自己的缺点。

54. As they say, gold is not all pure, and people are not perfect. Even the most outstanding individuals have their own shortcomings.

55. 首先，计划改变。 通过前面的分析，我们已经了解了自己内在的性格部分，现在可以问问自己想先改变什么？改变的意愿有多强，为此可以付出多少时间和精力？

55. Firstly, there is a need for change. Through the previous analysis, we have come to understand our inherent character traits. Now, we can ask ourselves what we want to change first? How strong is our willingness to change, and how much time and energy are we willing to invest in it?

56. 一个读者问过我一个问题，什么才是最好的生活，对于这个问题，从我个人的成长来说，我可以简单的概括为以下几点，第一，过适合自己的生活，学会做自己，第二，经营好自己就是经营好婚姻家庭，第三，让自己内心安宁，享受孤独，第四，不要活在别人的评价里。

56. A reader once asked me what the best life is, and for this question, from my own personal growth, I can simply summarize it into the following points: first, live a life that suits you and learn to be yourself; second, managing yourself well is the same as managing a marriage and family; third, keep your inner peace and enjoy solitude; fourth, do not live according to others' evaluations.

57. 作者把内在小孩分为三种类型：受伤的内在小孩、被宠坏的内在小孩和幸福的内在小孩。

57. The author divides the inner child into three types: the wounded inner child, the spoiled inner child, and the happy inner child.

58. 孤独与我而言，是我生命的常态，我生命注定是一趟孤独的旅程，与孤独和解也是我这一生的命题。

58. Solitude is the常态 of my life, my life is destined to be a journey of solitude, and reconciling with solitude is the theme of my entire life.

59. 像我这种看起来微笑面对生活的人，在现实里话非常少，别人不问我也不说，我也不会给人随便提意见，我也能接纳身边周围任何人的情绪并且很少受到干扰。

59. For someone like me who seems to face life with a smile, I am actually very reserved in reality. I don't speak unless asked, and I wouldn't offer unsolicited advice. I am also able to accept the emotions of anyone around me and am rarely disturbed.