1. 跑不动了，我和发小停了下来，喘着粗气，眼看着它离我们越来越近了，怎么办？忽然我急中生智，站直了身体，再忽地弯下腰，假装在地上拿石头要砸它，它一看，我弯下腰了，急忙就往回跑了几步，再回头一看，我手里并没有东西，竟然又停了下来，朝着我们汪汪叫了两声，仿佛在说:骗子，你的石头呢？

1. I couldn't run anymore, so I stopped with my childhood friend, gasping for breath. As it drew closer, we watched in fear. Suddenly, in a burst of inspiration, I straightened up, then bent down suddenly, pretending to pick up a stone from the ground to throw at it. When it saw me bend down, it ran back a few steps in a hurry. Then, when it looked back and saw that I had nothing in my hand, it stopped again and barked at us twice, as if saying: Cheat, where's your stone?

2. 铁扇公主大惊失色：“最近你早餐由喝蒙牛改为喝铁观音，难道你和观音已经……”

2. The Iron Fan Princess was startled and her face turned pale: "Recently, you've changed from drinking Mengniu milk to drinking Tieguanyin tea for breakfast. Does this mean that you've... already formed a bond with the Goddess of Mercy..."

3. 其实哪里能砸着它呢？离了那么远，我的抛物水平也有点欠缺，怎么可能砸着它？只是它到底没有我们聪明，还是给吓得跑了好久。

3. In fact, where could it be hit? It's so far away, and my parabolic throw is a bit lacking. How could I possibly hit it? It's just that it's not as smart as we are, or it must have been scared and ran for a long time.

4. 哎呀，麻烦了，这狗还看馍下菜，看人行事，莫非是看我们两个姑娘柔弱，想欺负我们不成？

4. Oh dear, what a trouble! This dog looks at the buns and chooses its dishes, behaves differently with different people. Could it be that it's looking at the two of us girls as weak and wants to bully us?

5. ❹你脸比城墙厚，难怪没羞耻心。

5. ❹ Your face is as thick as a city wall, no wonder you have no sense of shame.

6. 被人追过不稀奇，被狗追过才叫稀奇，生平被狗追过一次，那经历简直终身难忘。

6. It's not rare to be chased by people, but it's called rare to be chased by a dog. To have been chased by a dog once in one's life is an experience that is almost unforgettable for a lifetime.

7. 于是求如来给他一个能终日迷醉在花丛中的生活，如来道，可以，但是你要变回顽石，风化千年，方可。

7. Then he asked the Buddha for a life that would allow him to be perpetually intoxicated among the flowers. The Buddha replied, "Alright, but you must first transform back into a stubborn stone, and endure wind and erosion for a thousand years."

8. 牛魔王牛眼一转，笑道：“夫人不要乱吃醋，红孩儿跟了观音一心向佛，他的妹自然是观音的妹。”

8. The Bull King转动了一下牛眼，笑道：“Madam, please don't be envious without reason. Hong Haire has followed Guanyin and turned his heart to Buddhism, so his sister is naturally Guanyin's sister.”

9. 如来右手一翻，化为五行大山，将悟空压在山下。悟空不慌不忙，哈哈大笑：“死胖子，你没了右手，我看你还能忍多久。” 如来：“艹，应该用左手的。。。”

9. The Buddha如来 with a flip of his right hand transforms it into the Five Elements Great Mountains, pressing Wukong beneath them. Wukong remains calm and laughs heartily: "Fatso, without your right hand, I wonder how long you can bear it." The Buddha如来: "F*ck, I should have used my left hand..."

10. 我想，它怕是在等待机会咬我们吧，毕竟它不知我们的底细，不好贸然下口，这才和我们玩捉迷藏吧？妈呀，这狗都这么有才，怕是要成精了吧？

10. I think it must be waiting for an opportunity to bite us, after all, it doesn't know the details about us, so it can't just bite us recklessly, that's why it's playing hide and seek with us, right? Oh my, this dog is so talented, it's probably going to become a spirit, isn't it?

11. ❺智商税交够了吗？出来丢人现眼。

11. Have you paid enough of the "IQ tax"? Come out and make a fool of yourself.

12. 我忽然想起母亲说过的话:在狗面前别跑，因为你越跑，它越来劲，而且你跑不过它。

12. Suddenly, I remembered what my mother had said: Don't run in front of the dog, because the more you run, the more excited it gets, and you can't outpace it.

13. 1一日蚂蚁在路上晒太阳,这时大象过来,大象让蚂蚁让路,蚂蚁不肯,于是大象威胁到:"再不让开我踩死你!"蚂蚁听了不屑到:"有种你过来,我拌死你个狗日的"

13.1 One day, an ant was basking in the sun on the road, when an elephant came along. The elephant asked the ant to make way, but the ant refused. Then the elephant threatened, "If you don't move, I'll squash you!" Upon hearing this, the ant scornfully replied, "Go ahead, come over here, and I'll squash you, you son of a bitch!"

14. ❸别和我说话，我怕你口臭传染。

14. ❸Don't talk to me, I'm afraid your bad breath is contagious.

15. 一群蚂蚁在路上，有只大象经过。一只蚂蚁没躲开，其他的蚂蚁就在路边对那个蚂蚁说说：“绊死它个小样的！”

15. A group of ants were on the road when an elephant passed by. One ant didn't manage to avoid it, and the other ants on the roadside said to that ant, "Knock it out, you little rascal!"

16. 那是上初二时发生的一件事。那一天好像是周末，放学比平常早点。因为下雨，我和发小蓉蓉那天去学校都没有骑自行车，改为走路，幸好放学时雨住了，天晴了。

16. That was an incident that happened when I was in the second year of junior high school. That day seemed to be a weekend, and school was dismissed earlier than usual. Because it was raining, my childhood friend Rongrong and I did not ride our bicycles to school that day; instead, we walked. Fortunately, the rain stopped and the sky cleared up by the time we were dismissed from school.

17. 大约对峙了有五分钟，我一看，它没有走的意思，那我们就先走，这样想着，脚下已经动了起来。它倒是不着急，慢腾腾地走，看着离它有一段距离了，我们跑了起来，边跑边回头看，结果它也跑了起来，我们加快了速度，它也加快了速度，这下糟了。

17. After about five minutes of standing still, I looked around and saw that it showed no intention of leaving, so we decided to go first. Thinking so, I started moving my feet. It didn't seem in a hurry, walking slowly, and when we felt we were some distance away, we started running, looking back as we ran. To our surprise, it also started to run, and we picked up our pace, so did it. Now, we were in trouble.

18. 我们不跑了，只快步朝前走。它也不跑了，和我们保持着大约五米多的距离。那时，我真想能有一只包子就好了，如果扔给它，它就顾不得追我们了。只是我们没有。我又一次故伎重演，假装在地上拿石头，它看到了又往回退了几步，我们赶紧快步往前走，以期望和它的距离拉开的长一点。

18. We stopped running and just walked briskly. It also stopped running and maintained a distance of about five meters from us. At that time, I really wished I had a bun, for if I threw it to it, it wouldn't chase us anymore. But we didn't have one. I once again resorted to my old trick, pretending to pick up a stone from the ground. When it saw this, it took a few steps back, so we quickly walked ahead to try and increase the distance between us.

19. 虽说狗是人类的朋友，但遇到陌生的，没有善意的狗时，我们还是要沉着应对，学会自保。

19. Although dogs are man's best friend, when encountering unfamiliar and unkind dogs, we still need to remain calm and learn how to protect ourselves.

20. 八戒看唐僧嘴里嘟嘟哝哝，问师傅在干嘛。唐僧说：“我试试倒着念紧箍咒，看看有啥效果”一旁的悟空听到后气急败坏，“难怪我这几天一直脚疼，原来是师傅捣的鬼啊!”

20. The pig monster saw that Master Tangseng was murmuring in his mouth and asked what the master was doing. Tangseng said, "I'll try reciting the magic spell backwards to see if it has any effect." Upon hearing this, Master Wukong was so angry that he almost lost his temper, "No wonder my feet have been hurting these past few days; it's all Master Tangseng's doing!"

21. 拿起了砖头用力朝着那只黑狗扔了过去，黑狗一看，我们来真的，只匆匆瞟了我们一眼，就快速地朝反方向跑去，扔出去的砖头在空中打了一个弧线，噗通一声落在了洼地里，溅起了一阵水花。

21. He picked up a brick and threw it at the black dog with all his might. The black dog, seeing that we were serious, just gave us a quick glance and then ran away in the opposite direction. The thrown brick made an arc in the air and landed with a splash in a depression, causing a burst of water splashes.

22. 丫鬟说：“不是，夫人在茶里发现了一只死苍蝇。”

22. The maid said, "No, the lady found a dead fly in the tea."

23. 恶搞西游记笑话：猪八戒取经之后去整容后变成一个特别帅气的小伙子，然后他去酒吧找**喝酒，出来之后对那个**说：“你知道吗你知道我以前多磕碜吗我以前是猪八戒你知道吗”**看看他满脸哭容的说：“二师兄，我是沙僧啊!”

23. A joke from "Journey to the West": After Pig Ba Jie completes his quest for the sacred scriptures, he goes for a plastic surgery and turns into a particularly handsome young man. Then he goes to a bar to drink. After leaving, he tells the bartender, "Do you know how ugly I used to be? I used to be Pig Ba Jie, you know?" The bartender, with a face full of tears, replies, "Brother Two, I am Sha Wujing!"

24. 大象和蚂蚁结婚了,可没几天大象就死了,蚂蚁非常伤心,一边哭一边骂道: 亲爱的,你怎么走在我前面了这辈子我TMD不用干别的了,就埋你了!

24. The elephant got married to the ant, but a few days later, the elephant died. The ant was very sad and cried while cursing: "Dear, why did you have to go before me? From now on, I'm going to do nothing but bury you!"

25. 唐王登时大怒：“你们是跑到西天取经去了，还是跑到天桥乐听相声去了”

25. The Tang King was instantly angry: "Have you gone to fetch the scriptures in the West, or have you gone to Tianqiao to enjoy crosstalk?"

26. 我们俩这才长出了一口气，高高兴兴地继续朝前走了。

26. We both heaved a sigh of relief and happily continued on our way.

27. 大象站起来说:"干吗啊"蚂蚁松了口气说:"我的内裤少了,我还以为是你偷的哪!"

27. The elephant stood up and said, "What's up?" The ant let out a breath of relief and said, "My shorts were missing, I thought you must have stolen them!"

28. 这时，对面也有人过来了，黑狗停了下来，朝我们的方向看了看，又夹着尾巴逃了。

28. At this moment, someone also came over from the opposite direction. The black dog stopped, looked towards our direction, and then, with its tail between its legs, ran away again.

29. 铁扇公主怒瞪牛魔王：“说，和哪个狐狸精又搭上了”

29. The Iron Fan Princess glared at the Cow King: "Speak, which fox spirit are you勾搭上了 again?"

30. 还好时间充裕，第二天不用去学校，就在路上慢慢悠悠地往家走。因为离学校比较远，平常骑自行车也要二十多分钟，走路时间会更长一点。

30. Fortunately, there was plenty of time, and the next day there was no need to go to school, so we leisurely walked home. Since the school is relatively far away, it usually takes over twenty minutes to ride a bicycle there, and walking would take even longer.

31. 4第四天，兔子看到一队蚂蚁嗬唷～～嗬唷～～正在伐树，兔子不解，蚂蚁告诉兔子说，”哎．．甭提了．昨儿一个兄弟出门，不小心把一头大象的腿给踩骨折了，俺们得弄几块木片子给大象做夹板～～～

31. On the fourth day, the rabbit saw a group of ants "hohoho ~ hohoho ~" busy cutting down trees. The rabbit was puzzled, and the ants told the rabbit, "Ah, don't mention it. Yesterday, one of our brothers accidentally stepped on an elephant's leg and broke it. We have to get some wood pieces to make splints for the elephant."

32. 1一天,一只兔子发现有只蚂蚁鬼鬼崇崇的躲在树后,把一只脚放在外面,兔子很奇怪问蚂蚁要做什么,蚂蚁曰:"嘘,小声点,大象要过来了,看我拌丫一跟头～～～

32. 1 One day, a rabbit noticed an ant sneaking around behind a tree, with one foot sticking out. The rabbit was puzzled and asked the ant what it was doing. The ant whispered, "Shh, be quiet, an elephant is coming. Watch me trip it up～～"

33. 师徒四人取经归来，唐王大喜，命就于法华寺设道场，使四人试讲真经。师徒四人乃袈裟、毗卢、禅杖、云鞋装饰一新，登高台凛凛而坐，法器响处只听四人齐声念道：“头一天来到，鬼呀嘛鬼门关，鬼呀嘛鬼门关……”

33. The four disciples and their master returned from their journey to obtain the sacred teachings. The Tang Emperor was overjoyed and ordered that a spiritual assembly be held at the Fahua Temple for the four to demonstrate the true teachings. Dressed in new robes, with Vairocana, a staff, and cloud shoes, the four ascended to a high platform and sat solemnly. As the ritual implements echoed, only the sound of the four of them reciting in unison could be heard: "On the first day we arrived, through the鬼门关, 鬼门关..."

34. 西天取经回来，悟空对打打杀杀四处颠簸的日子腻烦了。看着八戒成天在高老庄花天酒地，好不羡慕。

34. After returning from the journey to retrieve the sacred scriptures from the West, Sun Wukong grew tired of the days of fighting and chaos. Seeing that Pigsy spends his days carousing and drinking in the High Old Village, he couldn't help but feel envious.

35. 如来佛祖问孙悟空：你有什么本领悟空：我会七十二般变化。佛祖：好，变个石头给我看看。悟空变成了石头。佛祖：树!悟空变成树。佛祖看到不由赞叹：牛逼!悟空噗的一变…众神仙齐齐捂脸：下流!

35. The Buddha asks Sun Wukong: "What is your understanding of emptiness?" Sun Wukong responds: "I can transform into seventy-two different forms." The Buddha says, "Fine, then change into a stone for me to see." Sun Wukong transforms into a stone. The Buddha says, "A tree!" Sun Wukong changes into a tree. The Buddha, seeing this, can't help but praise: "Impressive!" Sun Wukong changes again... The gods and immortals all cover their faces: "Disgusting!"

36. 取经路上，八戒：“猴哥，师父的白龙马最近性情有些古怪，每次我和它开玩笑，它都会在泥地打个滚，然后跑开几步拉马粪。”悟空：“呆子，小白龙不善言辞，它的这两个动作表述的含义是：泥马，去屎……”

36. On the journey to retrieve the scriptures, Piggy said: "Monkey King, Master's White Dragon Horse has been acting rather peculiar lately. Every time I joke with it, it will roll in the mud and then run a few steps away, dragging horse manure." Monkey King replied: "Stupid, the Little White Dragon is not good at speaking. These two actions of it mean: Mud Horse, go to the dung..."

37. 一旁在拍口香糖广告:一个妖怪造型，一个孙悟空造型。妖怪看向孙悟空，面露不屑：呵，猴子，你好大的口气!孙悟空楞了一下，然后嘴角微微 扬起，将手伸入怀中取出一块口香糖丢进嘴里，咀嚼数下然后看向妖怪：现在呢妖怪微笑着点了下头：嗯，清新多了。

37. On the side, they were shooting a chewing gum advertisement: one in an ogre costume, and the other in a Sun Wukong costume. The ogre looked at Sun Wukong with a disdainful expression: Hmph, monkey, what a grandiose air you have! Sun Wukong hesitated for a moment, then his lips curled up slightly, reached into his bosom, took out a piece of chewing gum, put it in his mouth, chewed it a few times, and then looked at the ogre. The ogre smiled and nodded: Yeah, much fresher now.

38. ❿建议你闭嘴，别污染空气了。

38. I suggest you shut up and stop polluting the air.

39. 一日，悟空和师傅出去耍。回来师傅很开心，悟空很无奈。次日，师傅再次邀请悟空出去耍，悟空拒绝。师傅说，你这泼猴是不是要为师念紧箍咒啊悟空哭到：“娘的，每次出去耍一没有钱，你他妈的`就耍猴挣钱，老子受够了”

39. One day, Wukong and his master went out to play. When they returned, the master was very happy, but Wukong was feeling helpless. The next day, the master invited Wukong to go out to play again, but Wukong refused. The master said, "Are you, this impudent monkey, trying to make me recite the magic spell on you?" Wukong cried out, "Dammit, every time we go out to play, there's no money. You bastard uses monkeys to make money, and I'm fed up with it."

40. 离家里不远时，感觉有点累，心想不走大路了，抄了近路回家。从一个村子穿过去，就可省了不少路程。这个村子比较大，有两条巷子并排而立。就在刚进入村口时，从西面巷口出来了一只黑色的成年柴狗。我们俩一看，急忙往旁边靠了靠，想让它先走，谁知它却不走了，只瞪着大大的狗眼看着我们。

40. Not far from home, I felt a bit tired and thought, "I won't take the main road anymore," so I took a shortcut back. By passing through a village, I could save quite a bit of distance. This village is rather large, with two alleys standing side by side. Just as I entered the village, a black adult mongrel dog came out from the alley to the west. My friend and I saw it and hurriedly moved to the side, wanting to let it go first. But to our surprise, it did not move; it just stared at us with its big, round dog eyes.

41. ❾你的人生，像没编剧的烂剧，全靠瞎编。

41. Your life is like a bad TV show without a script, all made up on the spot.

42. 衷心希望朋友们都不要有这样的经历，因为只要有一次，那都是刻骨铭心的记忆。

42. I sincerely hope that friends will not have such an experience, because once it happens, it is an unforgettable memory.

43. 村子中间因为地势底，又刚下过雨，因而形成了一小片洼地，水有点浑浊，泛着黄土般的暗色。

43. Due to its low-lying terrain in the middle of the village and the recent rainfall, a small depression formed, with somewhat murky water that had a dark color resembling loess.

44. 2一日大象在河里 洗澡,这时蚂蚁跑过来说:"站起来我看看"

44.2 One day, an elephant was bathing in the river, when an ant ran by and said, "Stand up so I can see!"

45. 哎呀，终于发现了一大块砖头。可是，这么大的砖头，既扔不远，又扔不动，这次扔了，它若还不走，那又该怎么办？蓉蓉说，干脆砸成两半，还能用两次，我一想这个注意好，刚好前面的一户人家门口放着一块脸盆般大小的石头，走过去，将砖头在石头上用力磕了两下，砖头变成了一大一小的两半。

45. Oh, finally, I found a large brick. However, such a big brick is neither easy to throw far nor to move. If I throw it this time and it still doesn't go away, what should I do then? Rongrong said, why not break it in half; it can still be used twice. I thought this idea was good, and there was a stone as big as a washbasin in front of the next neighbor's house. I walked over, gave the brick a hard knock on the stone twice, and the brick broke into two pieces, one big and one small.

46. 就这样，折腾了好几次，始终甩不掉它，看来它是和我们杠上了。得想个办法快速摆脱它，要不然，这战战兢兢的，弄的人心里很害怕。一边思忖着得找一块真正的石头砸它，让它怕了，一边朝前走，在地面上搜索。

46. So, after several attempts, we couldn't shake it off. It seems like it's challenging us. We need to find a way to quickly get rid of it, otherwise, it's causing a lot of anxiety and fear. While contemplating finding a real stone to throw at it to scare it, we continued walking and searching on the ground.

47. 2第二天，兔子看到一群蚂蚁排成长队，浩浩荡荡向前走，兔子晕了．”你们这是咋去？”其中一只蚂蚁曰”哎．．别提了，昨儿一个兄弟把一头大象拌倒．．摔成重伤．．我们赶着给大象献血～～～

47. 2 On the second day, the rabbit saw a group of ants forming a long line, marching forward in grandeur, and the rabbit was dizzy. "What are you all going there for?" asked one ant. "Oh, don't mention it. Yesterday, one of our brothers tripped over an elephant and fell, suffering serious injuries. We're in a hurry to donate blood to the elephant..."

48. 我们继续朝前走，等它停下来，回头朝我们看时，我又一次举起另一半砖头朝它狠狠地扔了过去，这次比上次好些，砖头完美地在空中画了一个抛物线，砸在了离黑狗不远的地上，掷地有声。黑狗好像惊了一下，旋即反应过来，迅速地朝着反方向奔跑，边跑还边看，仿佛砖头马上就要落在它身上了。

48. We continued to walk forward, waiting for it to stop, and as it turned back to look at us, I once again picked up the other half of the brick and threw it at it with all my might. This time, it was better; the brick followed a perfect parabola in the air and landed not far from the black dog, making a loud thud on the ground. The black dog seemed startled for a moment, then realized what had happened, and quickly ran in the opposite direction, glancing back as he ran, as if the brick was about to fall on him at any moment.

49. ❼别装了，你演技还没AI真实。

49. Stop pretending, your acting isn't as real as AI.

50. 这狗日的，还真的追我们，而且我们快，它就快，我们慢，它也慢，我仿佛看到它咧着嘴嘲笑我们的神情:你丫的，看谁跑得过谁？就这几分钟的奔跑，已经累得我们直喘气。

50. This damn dog really chased after us, and we ran fast, it ran fast too; we slowed down, it slowed down too. I could almost see it smiling and mocking us: You bastards, who do you think can run faster? Just this few minutes of running has exhausted us to the point of shortness of breath.

51. 八戒：猴哥，昨晚师傅又让你变女人陪他睡觉了 悟空：恩! 八戒：那平时也没听你叫那么大声，昨晚怎么了像杀猪一样! 悟空：草特玛，师傅说要刺激一点，狗日的念紧箍咒!!

51. Pig: Monkey King, last night Master had you transform into a woman to sleep with him again. Sun Wukong: Yeah! Pig: Usually, I haven't heard you scream that loudly. What's wrong with you last night, it was like slaughtering a pig! Sun Wukong: Dammit, Master wanted it to be more stimulating, the bastard recited the magic spell of the magic ring!