1. 你在我眼中是最美，每一个微笑都让我沉醉。你的坏，你的好，你发脾气时撅起的嘴。你在我的心中是最美，只有相爱的人最能体会。

1. You are the most beautiful in my eyes, every smile of yours makes me drunk. Whether it's your bad or good, the pouty lip when you're angry. You are the most beautiful in my heart, only those in love can truly understand.

2. 做个没心没肺的坏女孩，是不是就会得到你卑微的爱。

2. Be a heartless and reckless bad girl, would that earn you my humble love?

3. 十九、告别手淫，寻找爱情。锻炼JJ，天天享受。

3. Nineteen, goodbye to masturbation, seek love. Exercise the member, enjoy every day.

4. 男女关系处理得好会传出佳话，处理得不好会传出闲话。

4. A well-handled relationship between men and women will spread good stories, while a poorly handled one will spread idle talk.

5. 六十四、非诚勿扰女嘉宾再牛也就灭一个男的的灯，宿舍楼下阿姨能灭一整楼的。

5. Sixty-four, no matter how formidable a female guest on a dating show is, she can only turn off one man's light. But the auntie downstairs in the dormitory can turn off the lights for an entire floor.

6. 好的婚姻让你得到好的经验，坏的婚姻让你得到坏的经验，不好不坏的婚姻让你得到一对小孩和账单。

6. A good marriage gives you good experiences, a bad marriage gives you bad experiences, and an average marriage gives you a pair of children and bills.

7. 阳光洒在脸上，零零碎碎，就像心里没有你，千疮百孔。

7. The sunlight sprinkles on the face, in bits and pieces, as if there is no trace of you in my heart, full of holes and wounds.

8. 我真的感觉不到你的在乎，哪怕是一点点也感觉不到。

8. I really don't feel your concern, not even the slightest bit.

9. 只因在人群中多看了你一眼，你就叫我上黑板答题。

9. Just because you caught my eye in the crowd, you made me go to the blackboard to answer a question.

10. 跳舞太累、唱歌很贵、不如来个同学会，怀念校园滋味，避免单身心碎，互相信息反馈，撮合几对是几对！

10. Dancing is too tiring, singing is too expensive, why not have a class reunion instead? Relive the campus days, avoid the heartbreak of being single, exchange information with each other, and match a few couples if possible!

11. 对不起！我不小心把喜欢你发到了你的手机里，如果你接受请保留；如果不接受，请把它发还给我。

11. Sorry! I accidentally sent "I like you" to your phone. If you accept it, please keep it; if not, please send it back to me.

12. 教导主任和校长都掉到河里，你手上有一块砖你砸谁？“谁TM救人我砸谁。”

12. The headmaster and the principal have both fallen into the river, and you have a brick in your hand. Who should you throw it at? "I'll throw it at anyone who dares to save them."

13. 如果收到，千万别怪，谁叫胆小，未敢表白，选个时节，把你来爱。山盟海誓，跑得太快，你要愿意，也把我爱。

13. Don't blame me if you receive this, after all, it's because I was too shy to confess. I chose a time to love you. Promises of love rushed ahead too quickly, but if you're willing, you can also love me.

14. 英语不行的男生前途无量，数学不好的姑娘光芒万丈。

14. Boys who aren't good at English have boundless prospects, and girls who aren't good at math shine brilliantly.

15. 天气预报：今天凌晨到白天有时有想您，下午转大到暴想，预心情将由此降低五度。受延长低气压影响，预此类天气将持续到到您为止。

15. Weather Forecast: From the early morning to the daytime today, there will be occasional longing for you, turning into heavy and severe longing in the afternoon. It is expected that your mood will drop by five degrees as a result. Affected by an extended low-pressure system, such weather is expected to continue until you are no longer affected.

16. 六十、老师讲完课后道：还有哪不懂？我伸个懒腰道：老师这节什么课啊。

16. Sixty, after the teacher finished the class, he asked, "Is there anything you don't understand?" I stretched lazily and said, "Teacher, what kind of class was this one?"

17. 四十七、没有访问权的空间我这辈子都不会再进…

17. 47. I will never enter a space without access rights in my lifetime...

18. 我曾经和一个人无数次擦肩而过，衣服都擦破了，也没擦出火花。

18. I have passed by the same person countless times, and my clothes have been worn through, yet no spark has been struck.

19. 七十七、考试就像得了病一样，考前是忧郁症，考时是健忘症，考后病情开始好转，拿回卷子时，心脏病就发作了。

19. 77. Exams are like an illness: before the exam, you have depression; during the exam, you have amnesia; after the exam, the condition starts to improve; when you get back the test paper, you have a heart attack.

20. 我仰视着你，别尼玛高傲，你只不过是比我高而已

20. I look up at you, don't be so proud, you're just taller than me.

21. 别指望减肥了，八戒走了十万八千里也没见瘦下来。而且，他还吃素！

21. Don't expect to lose weight; even after walking 80,000 miles, Bajie hasn't slimmed down. Moreover, he even eats vegetarian!

22. 四、开心了就笑，不开心了就过会儿再笑。

22. Four, if you are happy, laugh; if you are not happy, laugh later.

23. 从这个世界走到那个世界，需要几代人的攀爬挣扎？

23. How many generations of climbing and struggling are needed to move from this world to that world?

24. 说了晚安去睡觉的人，往往半个小时之后还在得瑟。

24. People who say goodnight and go to sleep often are still fidgeting half an hour later.

25. 世界上最性感的就是孙悟空，豹纹底裤+钢管。

25. The sexiest person in the world is Sun Wukong, wearing leopard print shorts and a steel pole.

26. 你说我连猪都不如我笑了你连我都不如。

26. You say I'm not even as good as a pig, I laughed and said you're not even as good as me.

27. 七十九、昨天晚上睡觉，忽然发现有人在扯我被子，我一脚就把她踹下了床。现在的鬼越来越胆大了，跟老子抢被子。

27. Last night while sleeping, suddenly I found someone tugging at my blanket, and I kicked them off the bed with one foot. The ghosts are getting bolder these days, even daring to compete with me for the blanket.

28. 我不是你买的茉莉蜜茶，没有再来一次好机会。

28. I am not the jasmine honey tea you bought, without a good chance to try again.

29. 轮回了多少个世纪，我们相遇；积攒了多少姻缘，我们相恋。亲爱的，有你真好，让我们甜蜜相爱，幸福相守，一直到老！

29. After countless centuries of reincarnation, we met; after accumulating so many love connections, we fell in love. Darling, it's so wonderful to have you. Let's love sweetly and stay happy together until the end of our lives!

30. 这个年头找到真爱的机率和被雷劈的机率差不多。

30. The chances of finding true love these days are about the same as getting struck by lightning.

31. 马在松软的土地上易失蹄，人在甜言蜜语中易摔跤。

31. Horses are prone to lose their balance on soft ground, and people are susceptible to falling for sweet talk.

32. 当你发现你身边的朋友又多了，说明你又有什么可利用了。

32. When you find that you have more friends around you, it means that you have something else to exploit.

33. 我在原地等你，你却像断了线的风筝，越飞越远，让我抓不到

33. I waited for you in place, but you were like a kite with its string cut, flying ever farther away, out of my grasp.

34. 你学习我捣乱；你洗澡我偷看；你睡觉我陪伴；你生孩子我做饭。

34. You learn from my mischief; you bathe while I sneak a peek; you sleep and I keep you company; when you give birth, I cook for you.

35. 我想念你的笑，想念你的外套，想念你白色袜子和你身上的味道。让思念化作天空的白云，带去我对你的眷恋。亲爱的，回来吧，我和儿子都想你。

35. I miss your smile, miss your coat, miss your white socks and the scent of you. Let my longing transform into the white clouds in the sky, carrying my affection for you. Darling, come back, both me and my son miss you.

36. 我要稳稳的分数，能抵挡考试的残酷，在成堆学霸里，能有个归宿。

36. I want a stable score, able to withstand the cruelty of exams, and have a place among the heaps of academic overachievers.

37. 老师说谈恋爱影响学习，难道学习就不影响谈恋爱么？

37. The teacher said that dating affects studying, but doesn't studying also affect dating?

38. 哪个国家经常离婚，巴黎，好的以后我们去那里结婚。

38. Which country has a high divorce rate? Paris, let's get married there in the future.

39. 二十四、粉红灯光，卿卿我我，拉拉扯扯，见不得人。

39. Twenty-fourth, pink lights, intimate whispering, pulling and tugging, not something to be seen by others.

40. 十、我跟伍佰不熟，他弟弟二百五跟我很熟。

40. Ten, I'm not well acquainted with Wu Bai, but his younger brother Er Bai Wu is very familiar with me.

41. 还记得小时候爸爸曾经对我讲。不要早恋。原来！那是因为只有等待你的出现，我的真爱才能上演。

41. Remember when Dad used to tell me when I was little, "Don't start a relationship too early." It turns out that's because only with your appearance can my true love begin to unfold.

42. 有一天我把自动回复改成然后呢？结果有人聊了一个下午。

42. One day, I changed the automatic reply to "Then what?" and as a result, someone chatted with me for an entire afternoon.

43. 以前美女玩非主流 现在肥猪开始横行了，这都怎么了。

43. In the past, beautiful women played against the mainstream, but now the fat pigs are starting to run amok. What's going on?

44. 嫁给我吧，我会用石油给你冲厕所，用人头马XO给你洗泡泡浴，用波音777接你上下班。用赵薇给你作丫鬟。

44. Marry me, and I will flush your toilet with oil, bathe you in a bathtub with Martell XO, drive you to and from work in a Boeing 777. And I will use Zhao Wei as your maid.

45. 你是烟卷我是烟叶，你是鲜花我是花米，你是头发我是头屑，总之我们是最佳拍档，永不分离！

45. You are a cigarette, I am the tobacco leaf; you are a flower, I am the flower seeds; you are hair, I am the dandruff; in short, we are the best partners, never to be separated!

46. 二十、如果你曾歌颂黎明，那么也请你拥抱刘德华。

46. Twenty, if you have ever praised the dawn, then also embrace Andy Lau.

47. 作业我已经摊在阳台上了，台风你自己看着办吧。

47. I've already spread out the work on the balcony, you deal with the typhoon yourself.

48. 又红又甜是西瓜，能说会道是胡瓜，呱呱乱叫是青蛙，看信息的是傻瓜。

48. Red and sweet is watermelon, eloquent is melon, croaking is the frog, and one who reads information is a fool.

49. 一个机缘认识你，两次见面留意你，三番四次约会你，七上八落挂念你，九成应是喜欢你，十分肯定我爱你。

49. One chance encounter recognizes you, two meetings take notice of you, three or four dates invite you, seven ups and downs keep you in mind, nine out of ten it's a sign you like me, and ten out of ten I love you for sure.

50. 二十七、你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下。

50. 27. What are you unhappy about? Speak up and let everyone have a laugh.

51. 洗完头，就算不出门也要自拍几张，不然不是白洗了。

51. After washing my hair, I must take a few selfies even if I'm not going out; otherwise, it would be a waste of washing it.

52. 四十四、人生总有许多巧合，两条平行线也可能会有交汇的一天。

52. 44. Life is full of coincidences, and two parallel lines may also intersect one day.

53. 我遇车祸了，腰扭了，肇事司机就是你我被爱情撞了一下腰！嘻嘻，我爱你！

53. I was in a car accident, my back is twisted, and the driver at fault is you and me—love has given me a twist in the lower back! Hahaha, I love you!

54. 人生真是讽刺，一个人竟然真的会变成自己曾经最反感的样子。

54. Life is truly ironic; one can actually turn into the very person they once detested the most.

55. 淡淡的一眼是你认真的承诺，静静的一刻是我生命的全部，我不愿离开你。

55. A faint glance is your serious promise, a quiet moment is all of my life, I do not want to leave you.

56. 我不哭，我不闹，我不睡觉，我左手拿安眠药，右手拿根小绳要上吊。

56. I don't cry, I don't make a fuss, I don't sleep. In my left hand, I hold sleeping pills, and in my right hand, I hold a thin rope, ready to hang myself.

57. 一别之后，二地思念，只是说三四分钟又谁知五六小时七颗心象挑水，八行书无可传，九九长寿人间有，十里长亭我爱你！

57. After our farewell, there's longing between us two. Just a few minutes' talk, who knows can be as long as five or six hours; seven hearts are like carrying water. Eight lines of letters cannot convey my feelings. There's a nine-nine longevity in the world, and I love you at this ten-mile pavilion!

58. 热恋时，总相许下辈子再结良缘；结婚後，常怀疑上辈子是否作孽。

58. During the passionate love affair, they always promise to be re-united in a good marriage in their next life; after getting married, they often suspect that they might have committed some sins in their past life.

59. 宁可让中国没有一个处男，也不能让日本有一个处女。

59. It would be better for China to have no virgins than for Japan to have one.

60. 别沮丧了。虽然你不曾拥有一场说走就走的旅行，但至少还有一个说胖就胖的体型。

60. Don't be discouraged. Although you have never had a spontaneous trip, at least you have a body that can gain weight on a whim.

61. 千万不能用自己的照片做头像，一下线多不吉利

61. Under no circumstances should you use your own photo as an avatar; it's not auspicious when you log off.

62. 当幸福来敲门的时候，我怕我不在家，所以一直都很宅。

62. When happiness comes knocking, I'm afraid I won't be at home, so I've been staying indoors a lot.

63. 你一次次的置之不理，又有没有想过旁人的感受

63. You keep ignoring it time and time again, have you ever thought about how it affects others?

64. 一未婚女子叹：为什么好男人全成了人家的老公？有人提醒她：妻子们培养好丈夫都是自产自销，没有男人能自学成材。

64. An unmarried girl sighed: Why do all the good men end up as someone else's husband? Someone reminded her: The wives raise good husbands by themselves, and no man can become skilled through self-study.

65. 都说炫舞里面人物身材好，我告诉你，你要是天天那么蹦跶你也瘦。

65. Everyone says the characters in Flash Dancer have good figures. Let me tell you, if you dance that much every day, you'll also slim down.

66. 人生就像高压锅。压力太大的时候自己就熟了。

66. Life is like a pressure cooker. When the pressure is too great, you become cooked yourself.

67. 一等烟民大中华心里想啥就有啥。二等烟民三个五多少个老婆没法估。三等烟民红双喜吃喝拉睡靠自已。四等烟民卷烟丝累死累活没人知。

67. First-class smokers, whatever they think in their hearts, they get. Second-class smokers, how many wives can one have with three fives? It's impossible to estimate. Third-class smokers, rely on themselves for eating, drinking, defecating, and sleeping with Hong Shuangxi. Fourth-class smokers, toil themselves to death rolling cigarette strips, and no one knows about it.

68. 四十五、幸福就是每天早晨醒来一看表，竟然还能再睡半个小时。

68. Forty-five: Happiness is waking up every morning and seeing the clock and realizing you can still sleep for another half an hour.

69. 我会找个和你同姓的男朋友，生个儿子，就叫你的名字，做不成夫妻，你就做我儿子吧！

69. I'll find a boyfriend with the same surname as you, have a son, and name him after you. If we can't be husband and wife, then you can be my son!

70. 每一个爱睡懒觉的人都有一个难以割舍的情人，他的名字叫作被窝。

70. Every lazy sleeper has an indispensable lover, whose name is the quilt.

71. 锄禾日当午，地雷埋下土。李白来跳舞，炸成二百五。

71. The hoeing is in full midday, landmines buried in the earth. Li Bai comes to dance, and gets blown up into a "two five" (a slang term in Chinese referring to a person who is extremely foolish or clumsy).

72. 当老师上课到一半不说话时，说明有一位同学死定了。

72. When a teacher stops speaking halfway through a class, it means one student is doomed.