1. 话说在一个夜黑风高的夜晚，就在那条最长，最可怕的路上，出租车司机开过那里，有个妇人在路旁招手上了车。一路上蛮安静的，直到那妇人说话了。她对司机说：“苹果给你吃，很好吃的哦……”司机觉得很棒就拿了，接着吃了一口。那妇人问：“好吃吗？”司机说：“好吃呀！”妇人又回了一句：“记得我生前也很喜欢吃苹果啊……”哇……&$#@……司机一听到，吓得紧急x车，面色翻白…… 只见那妇人慢慢把头倾到前面，对司机说：“但我在生完小孩后就不喜欢吃了！……”

1. It goes that on a dark and windy night, on the longest and most terrifying road, a taxi driver passed by and a woman hailed him from the roadside, getting into the car. The journey was quite quiet until the woman spoke up. She said to the driver, "Here's an apple for you, it's really delicious..." The driver thought it was great and took it, then took a bite. The woman asked, "Is it good?" The driver replied, "It's delicious!" The woman then added, "Remember, I also loved eating apples when I was alive..." Wow...&$#@... Upon hearing this, the driver was so scared that he made an emergency stop, his face turning pale... Then, as the woman slowly tilted her head forward, she said to the driver, "But after giving birth to my child, I no longer liked eating apples!"...

2. “你在学校里尽干这个，你长大会成个什么人啊？”父亲向儿子

2. "What kind of person will you grow up to be if you keep doing this in school?" the father asked his son.

3. 顾客：“你在街头卖食品，应该加一个防尘罩。” 售货员：“用不着，我卖都是风味乡土小吃。”

3. Customer: "You should add a dust cover when selling food on the street." Salesperson: "There's no need, I sell all kinds of local delicacies."

4. 您曾经对我说过，用这台收音机我可以收到所有的电台。”一个人在 电器商店抱怨地说。 “怎么？您收听不到？” “收到了，可总是同时收到。”

4. "You once told me that with this radio, I could receive all the stations," a person complained in an electronics store. "What? You can't receive them?" "Yes, I do receive them, but they're always coming in at the same time."

5. 回，一个男孩子进了理发馆，让理发师给他刮脸。理发师请他坐下，给他 脸上涂了肥皂便不管了，男孩等得不耐烦了，喊道：“喂，你干吗一直让 我呆在这里？” 理发师回答说：“我在等你的胡子长出来。”

5. A boy entered the barber shop and asked the barber to shave his face. The barber asked him to sit down, applied soap to his face, and then ignored him. The boy grew impatient and shouted, "Hey, why do you keep me sitting here?" The barber replied, "I'm waiting for your beard to grow."

6. 冲得干净，用得放心。?>

6. Clean washing, worry-free use.

7. 拉屎不冲，天理难容!

7. Not flushing the toilet is something that heaven itself finds hard to tolerate!

8. 一滴水就是一滴眼泪，请不要让它白流。

8. One drop of water is a drop of tear; please do not let it flow in vain.

9. 干干净净牌冲刷器，用过就知道。

9. Clean and tidy brush, you'll know after using it.

10. 在电视修理部。 “先生，请原谅，您的电视机今天已经来不及修理了。” “那我今天晚上怎么办呢？” “给您两片安眠药吧！”

10. At the television repair department. "Sir, I apologize, it's too late to repair your television today." "What should I do tonight then?" "I'll give you two sleeping pills!"

11. 甲看到一个商贩鼻青脸肿，挑着担子快快走过，就问乙是怎么回事。 乙说：“这是个卖桃的。他曾向顾客发誓说：“我卖的桃品种名贵，个顶个 的甜。要是不甜，你们往我脸上扔。”

11. Jia saw a vendor with a bruised nose and swollen face, hurrying by with a load on his shoulders, and asked Yi what had happened. Yi replied, "This is a peach seller. He had sworn to the customers, 'The variety of peaches I sell are all valuable, and each one is sweet. If they're not sweet, you can throw them at my face.'"

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13. 今天你冲了吗?

13. Have you showered today?

14. “听说你们家开的饭店昨天开市大吉，开了几桌呀？” “就开一桌。” “一桌也能赚它五十六十吧？” “赚？我赔进100多元！” “岂有此理，怎么会赔进去呢？” “你不知道，我这是楚庄王设宴，请的是五霸呀！”

14. "I heard that the restaurant in your family opened for business yesterday and had a good start. How many tables did you have?" "Just one table." "Can you make a profit of 50 to 60 yuan even with just one table?" "Profit? I ended up losing over 100 yuan!" "What kind of sense does that make? How could you possibly lose money?" "You don't understand. This is a banquet set up by King Zhuang of Chu, and I've invited the Five Hegemons!"

15. 张三丰先生回到家里，把处方仔细地裁为三张。

15. Master Zhang Sanfeng returned home and carefully cut the prescription into three pieces.

16. 个神灯，一摸出来了一个神灯神魔，他说“我可以满足你们每个人三个愿望。”美国人抢先说“我要一箱美元”“还有两个呢，”“恩，再来一箱美元”“最后一个”“恩，最后一个，就是送我回美国”咻，美国人不见了，法国人也急了，“我要一个美女”来了一个“恩，再要一个美女”“还有一个”“恩，送我回法国”咻，法国人也不见了，剩下北京人了，从容的说到，“给我一瓶二锅头”“还有两个愿望”“再来一瓶二锅头”“还有一个呢”北京人一看，两瓶酒一个人喝也没意思就说到“再把他们俩弄回来吧，陪我喝酒”咻，美国人和法国人又回来了。

16. There were sixteen magic lamps, and when one was touched, out came a magical genie who said, "I can grant each of you three wishes." The American stepped forward and said, "I want a chest of dollars." "And the other two?" "Yes, another chest of dollars." "The last one?" "The last one, I want to be sent back to America." Whiz, the American disappeared. The Frenchman hurried up, "I want a beautiful woman." A beautiful woman appeared. "Another one?" "And the last one, send me back to France." Whiz, the Frenchman also vanished, leaving only the Beijing people. Calmly, he said, "Give me a bottle of erguotou." "And the other two wishes?" "Another bottle of erguotou." "And the last one?" The Beijing person looked at the two bottles of liquor and said, "It's not much fun drinking them all by myself. Why don't you bring back those two and have a drink with me." Whiz, the American and the Frenchman came back.

17. 甲：“营业员胸前为什么佩带照片呢？” 乙：“开展微笑服务啊！” 甲：“这和佩带照片有什么关系？” 乙：“你没看那照片上的人都是微笑的吗！”

17. A: "Why do salespeople wear photos on their chests?" B: "It's to promote a smiling service!" A: "What does wearing a photo have to do with that?" B: "Did you not notice that the people in the photos are all smiling!"

18. 某商店招营业员，经理亲自主考。 经理：“如果顾客要买1公斤点心，应该给他多少克？” 应聘者：“945克。” 经理：“答得好，你被录取了。”

18. A certain shop is hiring salespersons, and the manager is conducting the interview personally. Manager: "If a customer wants to buy 1 kilogram of snacks, how many grams should be given to them?" Applicant: "945 grams." Manager: "Good answer, you have been accepted."

19. 有人很喜欢“麻辣粉丝煲”这道菜。有一次，他上饭馆，又点了这道菜。但侍者告诉他， 这道菜已经卖完了。“真的卖完了吗？”他很失望地问。“先生，真的卖完了。你瞧， 最后一份卖给那桌的先生了。”侍者回答道。那人顺着侍者的指点，看见有个很体面的绅士坐在邻座。 绅士的饭菜已经吃得差不多了，但那份“麻辣粉丝煲”居然还是满满的。那人觉得绅士很浪费美味， 所以他走到绅士旁边，指着那份“麻辣粉丝煲”，很有礼貌地问：“先生，您这还要吗？” 绅士很有风度地摇摇头。于是那人立刻坐下，拿起调羹狼吞虎咽起来。风卷残云，一会儿一半下肚了， 突然间他发现在砂锅底躺着一只很小很小但皮毛已长全的小老鼠。一阵恶心， 那人把吃下去的所有粉丝通通吐回了砂锅里。当他在那儿翻胃不已的时候， 那绅士用很同情的眼光看着他，说：“很恶心是吗？刚才我也是这样……”

19. Many people are fond of the dish "Spicy Vermicelli in a Pot." One time, he went to a restaurant and ordered it again. However, the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Did it really sell out?" he asked, disappointed. "Sir, it really is sold out. Look, the last portion was sold to that gentleman over there," the waiter replied. The man followed the waiter's gesture and saw a very dignified gentleman sitting at the adjacent table. The gentleman had almost finished his meal, but that portion of the "Spicy Vermicelli in a Pot" was still full. The man thought the gentleman was wasting such a delicious dish, so he walked over to the gentleman's side, pointing at the "Spicy Vermicelli in a Pot" and asked politely, "Sir, would you like some more?" The gentleman gracefully shook his head. Then the man sat down immediately, picked up a spoon, and gobbled it up with great appetite. In no time, half of the dish was gone. Suddenly, he noticed a very small but fully-furred mouse lying at the bottom of the pot. Feeling a wave of nausea, the man vomited all the noodles back into the pot. When he was there feeling queasy, the gentleman looked at him with a sympathetic gaze and said, "It's really disgusting, isn't it? I felt the same way just now..."

20. 理发师：“你要理什么样的发型？” 青年人：“要能最引人注目的发型。” 理发师：“那好！我就给你剃个光头。”

20. Barber: "What kind of hairstyle do you want?" Young man: "One that is the most eye-catching." Barber: "Alright! I'll give you a shave."

21. 用完厕所“方便”后，一定要：洗刷刷洗刷刷……

21. After using the toilet for "convenience," one must definitely: wash, wash, wash, wash...

22. 另一位顾客捧着一碗馄饨声明：“我顶喜欢喝面叶（面片）啦！”

22. Another customer holding a bowl of wontons declared, "I really love to drink noodles (noodle slices)!"

23. “伯伯，我要买一本《儿童时代》。” “买它要搭一本别的书。” “搭配的是什么书呀？” “一本《老年天地》。”

23. "Uncle, I want to buy a copy of 'Children's Era.'" "To buy it, you need to get another book as well." "What book is it that you have to get with it?" "A copy of 'Senior Universe'."

24. 妇人：“这虾，新鲜不新鲜？” 卖鱼老头：“新鲜的！你看，不是活着么？” 妇人：“但是你也活着！”

24. Woman: "Is this shrimp fresh or not?" Fish vendor: "It's fresh! Look, it's still alive, isn't it?" Woman: "But you're alive too!"

25. 这天，酒店老板正在大厅巡视。来了一乞丐上前说道：“老板给个牙签行吗？” 老板给他一个打发走了。一会儿，又来一个乞丐，也是来要牙签的。 老板心想现在这乞丐怎么不要饭改要牙签了？也同样给他一个打发走了，没过多旧，又来一个乞丐。 老板对他说：“你也是来要牙签的吗？”乞丐说：“有个人吐了，可我晚了一步 ，已经被前面两个乞丐把能吃的都吃了，现在只剩下汤了。你能给我个吸管吗

25. That day, the hotel owner was patrolling the lobby. A beggar approached and said, "Boss, can I have a toothpick?" The owner gave him one and sent him away. A while later, another beggar came, also asking for a toothpick. The owner thought to himself, why are these beggars not asking for food anymore but for toothpicks? He also gave him one and sent him away. Not long after, another beggar came. The owner asked him, "Are you also here for a toothpick?" The beggar replied, "Someone threw up, but I was too late; the first two beggars had already eaten everything edible. Now there's only soup left. Can you give me a straw?"

26. 能源属于大家，呵护需要你我。

26. Energy belongs to everyone, and its protection requires both our efforts.

27. 杨怕孩子出危险，就吓唬他说：“别乱跑，当心此地有鬼要吃人的。”

27. Yang was afraid that the child might get into danger, so he scared him by saying, "Don't run around recklessly, be careful as there are ghosts here that want to eat people."

28. 老大、老二乘坐飞机，老二晕机，不停呕吐。一袋吐满，老大只好去取袋子， 等他回来时，发觉全机人都在不停呕吐。老大问其原因，老二说：“我看到这只袋子也吐满了， 只好又喝进去了半袋，结果他们就全吐了。” 如果您看到现在还没吐的话，那我不得不承认你是个高手，那我要出绝招了

28. The elder brother and the second brother were traveling by plane. The second brother got airsick and kept vomiting. When one bag was full, the elder brother had to go and get it. When he came back, he found that everyone on the plane was vomiting continuously. The elder brother asked for the reason, and the second brother said, "I saw that the bag was also full, so I had to drink half of it again, and then they all started vomiting." If you haven't vomited yet, I have to admit that you are a master. Then, I will show you my ultimate move.

29. 请高抬贵手。

29. Please exercise leniency.

30. 有一天，老大和老二又去戏院看戏，看到中途二人为情节发展而争执起来， 并为此打赌。老大指着前边摆的一排痰盂说：“输的人要喝一口那里边的东西。 ”不幸，老大输了，于是老大皱着眉头喝了一口。二人接着赌下边的情节，这次，老二输了。 只见老二抱起一个痰盂，咕咚咕咚连喝了十五大口。老大大惊失色，佩服的五体投地，对老二说 “你太了不起了，居然能连喝十五大口！” 老二摇摇头，“不是我想喝，那个痰盂里的痰太浓，我实在咬不断。

30. One day, the elder brother and the second brother went to the theater to watch a play. During the performance, the two of them argued over the plot development and made a bet. The elder brother pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser has to drink a sip from what's inside." Unfortunately, the elder brother lost and had to皱着眉头take a sip. They continued betting on the next part of the plot, and this time, the second brother lost. The second brother picked up a spittoon and guzzled down fifteen big gulps. The elder brother was terrified and in awe, praising the second brother, "You're amazing, to be able to drink fifteen big gulps!" The second brother shook his head, "It wasn't that I wanted to drink; the phlegm in the spittoon was too thick, I couldn't bite through it."

31. 于是三个人继续走着，可是运气好，又发现了一个神灯，摸出了一个神灯神魔，“哈哈，我是刚才那个神魔的弟弟，我的法术没那么高，我只能满足你们每个人两个愿望”这次法国人和美国人想了，说什么都没用要是再让他弄回来可就死了，让他先说，于是就把北京推到了前面，北京人说“先给我瓶二锅头”咚，

31. So the three continued walking, but luck was on their side as they discovered another magic lamp, from which emerged a magical spirit, "Haha, I am the younger brother of the magic spirit you just met. My magic isn't as powerful, so I can only grant each of you two wishes." This time, the Frenchman and the American thought about it and realized that no matter what they said, if they let him retrieve it again, they would be dead. So they let Beijing go first, and Beijing said, "Give me a bottle of erguotou first." Boom!

32. 不要随意将手机等异物投入便池。

32. Do not casually throw items such as mobile phones into the toilet bowl.

33. 如果你不冲刷厕所，你将是历史的罪人。

33. If you don't flush the toilet, you will be a criminal against history.

34. 一天，小杨带孩子到五指山去玩。孩子满山遍野乱跑起来。小

34. One day, Xiao Yang took his child to play in the Wuzhi Mountains. The child started running around the mountains and fields. Xiao...

35. 请不要在小便池内拉屎。

35. Please do not defecate in the toilet bowl.

36. 同志们!冲啊!

36. Comrades! Charge!

37. 顾客：“我理一次发，你竟收我5元钱，我头上几乎没有头发呀！收 钱大多了。” 理发师：“不多，不多，我收您的钱不是因为剪头发，而是因为找头 发来剪，花了我不少时间啊！”

37. Customer: "I got a haircut, and you charged me 5 yuan, but I almost have no hair on my head! That's too much money!" Hairdresser: "Not much, not much, I'm not charging you for cutting the hair, but for finding the hair to cut, which took me quite a bit of time!"

38. 甲：“你什么职业？” 乙：“我开‘洋货店”的。” 甲：“为何不卖国货？” 乙：“我卖的并非外国货，全是国货，只因生意不好，不能赚钱，倒 养几个伙计，所以叫‘养伙店’。”

38. A: "What's your profession?" B: "I run a 'foreign goods store'." A: "Why don't you sell domestic products?" B: "The goods I sell are not foreign, they are all domestic products. It's just that the business isn't doing well, and I can't make a profit. I have to support a few assistants, so that's why it's called a 'supporting assistants store'."

39. 还不穿那双鞋呢？”“明天就可以穿了。买鞋时售货员对我说，头

39. "He hasn't worn those shoes yet?" "He can wear them tomorrow. The salesperson told me when I bought the shoes, the first... "

40. 北京人，法国人，美国人一起在沙漠里走着，就快渴死了，突然三个人发现了

40. Beijing people, French people, and Americans were walking together in the desert and were about to die of thirst when suddenly, the three individuals discovered...

41. 卫生用品包好再扔，体谅打扫者的辛劳。

41. Please wrap the sanitary items before throwing them away, showing consideration for the hard work of the cleaners.

42. 三丰先生买了一台电脑，抱回家后按入网说明逐次设置，然后兴奋地鼠标一点，上网了！咦？

42. Master Sanfeng bought a computer, carried it home, and followed the instructions step by step to set it up. Then, excitedly, he clicked the mouse, and he was online! Huh?

43. 握紧枪兄弟，别发抖。

43. Hold tight, brothers in arms, don't tremble.

44. 儿子：“爸爸，有个顾客问我们卖的衬衫缩不缩水？” 父亲：“他挑的那件衬衫合身吗？” 儿子：“不，大了点。” 父亲：“那你告诉他，衬衫缩水。”

44. Son: "Dad, a customer asked if the shirts we sell shrink?" Father: "Is the one he chose fitting?" Son: "No, it's a bit big." Father: "Then tell him, the shirts shrink."

45. 一个卖辣椒的小贩见一个湖南口音的人走过来，忙大叫道：“要买辣 椒的赶快来，不辣不要钱！” 湖南客人买了一斤走了。这时一个上海人来买，小贩又喊了起来： “我这辣椒，一点不辣，还带甜味。” 上海客人正要买，忽见湖南人回来说：你这辣椒是甜的，我不要。”小 贩辩道：“这辣椒是变味辣椒，爱辣的吃了辣，喜甜的吃了甜。” 一位过路的广东人听了，笑着说：“辣椒我不要，我要买你的变味嘴 巴行么？！” 街上一阵哄笑。

45. A vendor selling chili peppers saw someone with a Hunan accent walk by, and he急忙喊道: "Come quickly to buy chili peppers, no money for those that are not spicy!" The Hunan guest bought a pound and left. At this time, a Shanghai person came to buy, and the vendor shouted again: "My chili peppers are not spicy at all, and they even have a sweet taste." The Shanghai guest was about to buy when suddenly the Hunan man came back and said, "Your chili peppers are sweet, I don't want them." The vendor argued: "These chili peppers are flavored chili peppers, those who like spicy can eat the spicy ones, and those who like sweet can eat the sweet ones." A passerby from Guangdong overheard, laughing and said, "I don't want the chili peppers, can I buy your 'flavored mouth' instead?!" The street erupted in laughter.

46. 厕所为我，我为厕所。

46. The toilet is for me, and I am for the toilet.

47. 顾客：“老板，你们这附近有钻井队吗？” 老板：“你问这个干啥？” 顾客：“想钻钻，看包子馅在什么地方。”

47. Customer: "Boss, is there a drilling team around here?" Boss: "Why do you ask that?" Customer: "I want to drill and see where the filling of the dumplings is."