1. 结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣，活动起来不方便，但会很温暖。

1. Marriage is like putting on a cotton coat for freedom, which is not very convenient to move around in, but it will be very warm.

2. 一猛男坐公车回家，好心的女售票员见其拉链未拉上，提醒他说：“同志，你枪没放好，小心走火呀。”猛男笑曰：“没关系，子弹刚刚打完了。”

2. A manly man was taking the bus home, and the kind-hearted female ticket collector noticed that his zipper was not closed and reminded him, "Comrade, your gun isn't loaded properly, be careful not to fire accidentally." The man laughed and said, "It's alright, the bullets just ran out."

3. 清明 节应该回小学初中扫扫墓，因为那里埋葬了你的青春

3. The Qingming Festival should be a time to visit elementary and junior high schools to sweep graves, as it is where your youth is buried.

4. 漂亮的女人像是放在展柜里的工艺品，欣赏的人很多，但买下的人只能一个人。

4. Beautiful women are like exquisite crafts displayed in a showcase, with many people admiring them, but only one person can purchase them.

5. 孤单是你心里面没有人!寂寞是你心里有的人却不在身边。

5. Solitude is when there's no one in your heart! Loneliness is when there's someone in your heart but they're not by your side.

6. 熄灭了烟说起了从前,前半生就这样吧还有明天。

6. Put out the cigarette and talked about the past. The first half of my life is like this, and there is still tomorrow.

7. 经理带着一个壮汉去码头。经理和他的工人们打赌说，这个壮汉可以一个挨一个和100个女人做，不带停的，还能让她们都满足。赌注定好，大家都同意了第二天见面。第二天， 100个女人沿着码头排好队。壮汉脱下他的裤子。他挨着一爱一个地做，果然让每一个都满足，不带停的：

7. The manager took a burly man to the dock. The manager and his workers made a bet that this strong man could have consecutive sexual encounters with 100 women without stopping, and still satisfy each one of them. The bet was set, and everyone agreed to meet the next day. The next day, 100 women lined up along the dock. The burly man took off his pants. He went from one to another, and indeed satisfied each one without stopping:

8. 把寂寞刻在酒瓶子上，喝进膀胱里，尿出来，让寂寞洒满一地!

8. Carve loneliness on the bottle of wine, drink it into the bladder, and pee it out, letting loneliness sprinkle all over the ground!

9. 我开始厌恶这个患得患失忽冷忽热拼尽全力去逞强的自己。

9. I began to detest this version of myself who is overly concerned with gaining and losing, hot and cold, and who exerts all her efforts to pretend to be strong.

10. 听说下雨天有俩sb，，你个吃着巧克力，一个弹着吉他~

10. I heard there were two idiots during the rainy day, one eating chocolate and the other strumming a guitar.~

11. 我虽然做不了有钱人的后代，但我一定要做有钱人的祖宗。

11. Though I can't be the descendant of a wealthy person, I must definitely be the ancestor of one.

12. 从前一位老和尚，临终前对周围的人问了一个问题，也是他这辈子最关心最迷惑的问题。这个问题就四个字，恰巧发音是一个很出名的文人的名字-----你猜是什么问题？“莎士比亚？”

12. Once, an elderly monk asked a question to the people around him before his death, which was also the most concerned and puzzled question of his entire life. This question consists of just four characters, and coincidentally, it sounds like the name of a very famous literary figure -- can you guess what the question is? "Shakespeare?"

13. 在这个连上厕所都要钱的年代里，没有什么不可能的。

13. In this era where even using the toilet costs money, nothing is impossible.

14. 天时不如地利,地利不如人和,人和不如钱多。

14. It's better to have favorable geographical conditions than favorable timing, better to have favorable geographical conditions than harmonious people, and better to have a lot of money than harmonious people.

15. 世人总是为三样东西烦恼： 职场 励志曾拥有的，如今拥有的，以及想要拥有的。

15. People are always troubled by three things: work, motivational experiences they once had, what they currently have, and what they want to have.

16. 实在不必厚着脸皮壮着胆子耐着性子攒着劲儿去取悦一个不可能在一起的人。

16. There is no need to put on a brave face, gather the courage, and be patient while trying to please someone who is impossible to be with.

17. 女友和我分居了，其实我们的性生活还是蛮蟹的——我性无能，她性冷淡……

17. My girlfriend and I have separated, but actually, our sex life is quite awkward—I am impotent, and she is frigid...

18. 什么是幸福幸福就是猫吃鱼，狗吃肉，奥特曼打小怪兽。

18. What is happiness? Happiness is when cats eat fish, dogs eat meat, and Ultraman fights evil monsters.

19. 你最美 她化了妆也没有你化成灰好看。

19. You are the most beautiful, even when she's wearing makeup, she doesn't look as good as you when you're turned to ashes.

20. 其实试卷都一个样，我也有可能复旦北大清华。你们想看看高考雷人激励标语有哪些吗?

20. In fact, all the exam papers are the same, and I also have a chance to get into Fudan, Peking or Tsinghua universities. Would you like to see what some of the shocking and motivational slogans for the college entrance examination are?

21. 有一次用语音报数的电子称称体重，我站上去的时候，它说："请大家排好队，一个一个上。"

21. On one occasion, I used an electronic scale with voice counting to weigh myself, and as I stepped on it, it said, "Please form a line and one by one, come up."

22. 女人真奇怪，不该知道的事，她们全知道;该知道的事，她们反而不知道。

22. Women are really strange; they know everything they shouldn't know, but they don't know what they should know.

23. 成熟的一面是给外人看的幼稚的一面是给爱人看的。

23. The mature side is shown to outsiders, while the immature side is shown to the loved one.

24. 事实证明，感情经得起风雨，却经不起平淡;友情经得起平淡，却经不起风雨。

24. It has been proven that emotions can withstand storms, but not the mundane; friendship can endure the mundane, but not the storms.

25. 你会流泪，并不代表真的慈悲;我会微笑，并不代表一切都好。

25. Crying does not necessarily mean true compassion; smiling does not mean everything is alright.

26. 男人赚钱后想和老婆离婚，男人赚不到钱老婆想和他离婚。

26. When a man makes money, he wants to divorce his wife; when a man can't make money, his wife wants to divorce him.

27. 不管朋友还是恋人，当我说“算了”的时候，其实是包含了我太多的失望。

27. Whether it's a friend or a lover, when I say "never mind" or "it doesn't matter," it actually contains too much of my disappointment.

28. 我家邻居变得有心计了。" "说人话!""他改了WIFI密码。"

28. My neighbor has become cunning." "Speak human language!" "He changed the WIFI password."

29. 男人喜好听话的女人，但男人若是 爱好 一个女人，就会人不知鬼不觉听她的话。

29. Men prefer women who are compliant, but if a man loves a woman, he will listen to her without anyone knowing.

30. 小时候总感觉睡觉是多么浪费时间，长大后才发现能睡个好觉是一件多么奢侈的事情。

30. As a child, I always felt that sleeping was such a waste of time, but as I grew older, I realized how luxurious it is to get a good night's sleep.

31. 逗比励志语录相关 文章 ：

31. Related articles about humorous and motivational quotes:

32. 您信他，他就是真理!你爱他，他就是上帝!你不爱她，她连狗屁都不如!

32. If you believe in him, he is the truth! If you love him, he is God! If you don't love her, she's not even worth a fart!

33. 如果你看到面前的阴影，别怕，那是因为你的背后有阳光。

33. If you see the shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, for it is because there is sunlight behind you.

34. 上帝之所以创造指纹，是因为他想让人们知道，其实，每个人都有伤痕。

34. The reason why God created fingerprints is that He wanted people to know that, in fact, everyone has scars.

35. 我不能做到让所有人都满意，因为不是所有人都是人。

35. I cannot please everyone because not everyone is a human being.

36. 当一个男的对你不再啰嗦了 说话有水平了 恭喜你 你已经失去他了。

36. When a man stops nagging you and starts speaking eloquently, congratulations, you've already lost him.

37. 逗比励志语录

38. 我把你捧在手里是你是个杯子，我松手的时候你就是个玻璃渣子。

37. Joke-inspiring quotes 38. When I hold you in my hands, you are a cup; when I let go, you are shattered glass.

39. 一船出海，船长为鼓舞士气，大书标语口号：“大海航行靠舵手”。数月后，寂寞的海员们拿油漆抹掉了“舵”字。

39. A ship set sail, and the captain, in order to boost morale, wrote a slogan on the ship: "The sea voyage relies on the helmsman." Several months later, the lonely sailors painted over the character "helmsman."

40. 做女人要有骨气，要么恋爱到结婚，要么骄傲做单身，同意的挺下。

40. Women should have backbone; either fall in love and get married, or be proud to be single. Who agrees, please nod.

41. 表问我为什么每天都是六菜一汤，其实也没什么，就是有钱，就是任性!

41. Ask me why I always have six dishes and one soup every day, actually there's nothing much to it, just that I have money, and I'm任性 (arbitrary)!

42. 99刚要到最后一个的时候，他的心脏病发作死了。经理摸着头很困惑的说： “我就想不明白了！今早上练习的时候进展的很顺利啊！”

42. Just when it was about to be the last one, he had a heart attack and died. The manager, scratching his head in confusion, said, "I just can't understand! Everything was going smoothly during the practice this morning!"

43. 我讨厌这种朋友，平常和你嘻嘻哈哈的。在你困难的时候，当做若无其事。

43. I dislike such friends who make light of things when they're with you, but act as if nothing's happened when you're in trouble.

44. 九年义务 教育 只教会你装逼吗 是你混好了，还是TM我老了!

44. Compulsory nine-year education, does it only teach you to act snobbish? Is it because you have done well, or is it because I am getting old!

45. 我不是为了钱，我是因为生活。我不是要上床，我是因为爱你。

45. It's not for the money, I do it because of life. I'm not just for a bed, I'm because I love you.

46. "同桌你听，我的肚子里好像有小宝宝在踢我" "说人话" "劳资饿了"。

46. "You're sitting next to me, listen, it feels like there's a little baby kicking me inside my belly" "Speak human" "I'm hungry."

47. 男人的帅不在脸蛋，而在岁月积淀下来的睿智与淡定。

47. A man's attractiveness does not lie in his face, but in the wise and composed demeanor accumulated over the years.