笑谈古今，智慧传承。在这部中，我们将带领您穿越时空，领略经典笑语的魅力。从古至今，幽默风趣的段子如同璀璨的星辰，点缀着人们的生活。让我们一同开启这趟充满欢笑的旅程。

Chatting about ancient and modern times, wisdom is passed down. In this section, we will lead you through time and space to appreciate the charm of classic jokes. From ancient times to the present, humorous and witty anecdotes are like dazzling stars, decorating people's lives. Let's embark on this journey filled with laughter together.

1. 一恐龙路过西安交大时上了趟厕所，出来后她呜咽道：

1. A dinosaur stopped at Xi'an Jiaotong University for a bathroom break, and upon coming out, it wailed, "Wu yan."

2. 西游记告诉我们：凡是有后台的妖怪都被接走了，凡是没后台的都被一棒子打死了。

2. The Journey to the West teaches us: All monsters with connections are taken away, while those without connections are killed with a single blow.

3. 这辈子终于不愁嫁不出去了

3. Finally, this lifetime I no longer have to worry about not getting married.

4. 一只手湿不难，一床被子湿就难了。

4. It's not hard to get one hand wet, but it's difficult to get a quilt wet.

5. 原谅我打扮得花枝招展，拿着自来水笔，皱着眉头，拼命写字，只为帮学霸弄个水落石出。

5. Pardon me for dressing up in all my finery, holding a fountain pen, furrowing my brow, and writing with all my might, just to help the ace student get to the bottom of things.

6. 你让我滚，我滚了。你让我回来，对不起，滚远了。

6. You told me to go, so I went. You asked me to come back, sorry, I've gone too far.

7. 前几天这里下了一场大雨，房子都被淹了。吓死我了。还好我媳妇救了我一命。要不是她当时一肚子气，我早就没命了。

7. A heavy rainstorm hit here a few days ago, and the houses were all flooded. It scared me to death. Thankfully, my wife saved my life. If it weren't for her being so angry at the time, I would have lost my life long ago.

8. 诸葛亮出山前也没带过兵啊，你们凭啥要我有工作经验。

8. Before Zhuge Liang emerged from retirement, he had never led an army either, so why do you expect me to have work experience?

9. 旋转木马是这世上最残酷的游戏，彼此追逐，却永远隔着可悲的距离。

9. The carousel is the most cruel game in the world, chasing each other, yet forever separated by a tragic distance.

10. 请不要把我对你的容忍 当场你不要脸的资本。

10. Do not take my tolerance for you as your excuse to be shameless.

11. 我以前养过一只狗，给它取名停止。每次都叫:停在这里，停在这里。没过多久，狗就疯了。

11. I once had a dog, and I named it Stop. I would always call out, "Stop here, stop here." Before long, the dog went crazy.

12. 进了考场就失忆，出了考场就偏执。

12. Forgetting everything once entering the exam hall, and becoming paranoid after leaving it.

13. 我是你转身就忘的路人甲，凭什么陪你蹉跎年华到天涯

13. I'm just a passerby you'll forget as you turn your back, why should I waste my youthful years with you all the way to the ends of the earth?

14. 一只饿狼到农民家觅食，听屋里女人训孩子:再哭就把你扔出去喂狼！孩子哭了一夜，狼含着泪等到天亮:骗子！女人都是骗子！

14. A hungry wolf came to the farmer's house in search of food, and heard the woman inside scolding her child: If you cry again, I'll throw you out to feed the wolf! The child cried all night, and the wolf waited with tears in its eyes until dawn: Liars! All women are liars!

15. 大学是梦想开始的地方吗？上帝回答:是的，我睡得很香！

15. Is the university the place where dreams begin? God replies: Yes, I sleep very well!

16. 年轻的时候，我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸;年老的时候，镜子算是扯平了。

16. In our youth, we often make faces at ourselves in the mirror; in our old age, the mirror has at least evened the score.

17. 昨晚，我和我儿子玩，踢了他几下屁股。儿子笑着跑了，然后开启了通宵唱歌模式。一开始我没注意我在唱什么，最后我听清楚了:等你老了，走不动了，看你怎么打我Me

17. Last night, I played with my son and gave him a few kicks on the buttocks. He laughed and ran away, then he turned on the all-night singing mode. At first, I didn't pay attention to what I was singing, but eventually I heard it clearly: When you get old and can't walk, see how you hit me.

18. 生活就像宋祖德的嘴，你永远都不知道下一个倒霉的会是谁~~~

18. Life is like Song Zude's mouth; you never know who will be the next倒霉 one~~~

19. 嘿，年轻人，你赶上了认识我这样的幸运。看来你的祖先积累了很多美德。

Hey, young person, you're lucky to have met someone like me. It seems that your ancestors have accumulated many virtues.

20. 我终于变成了我最讨厌的那种人。从小就讨厌长得好看的人。

20. Finally, I have become the kind of person I detest the most. I have always disliked beautiful people since I was a child.

21. 虽然你身上喷了古龙水，但我还是能隐约闻到一股人渣味儿。

21. Although you've sprayed yourself with cologne, I can still faintly detect a scent of scoundrel.

22. 作为一个女人，我想要一个日出而作，日落而息这么简单的爱情，有那么难吗？

22. As a woman, I want such a simple love that starts with the sunrise and ends with the sunset — is that so difficult?

23. 小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界，等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我

23. When I was a child, I thought that when I grew up, I would be able to save the entire world. But as I grew up, I realized that I couldn't even save myself from the world.

24. 出问题先从自己身上找原因，别一便秘就怪地球没引力。

24. When things go wrong, look for the reasons within yourself first; don't blame the Earth for not having gravity just because you're constipated.

25. 如果心情不好， 就去超市捏捏方便面 。

25. If you're feeling down, go to the supermarket and squeeze some instant noodles.

26. 我爱你时，你说什么就是什么。 我不爱你时，你说你是什么。

26. When I love you, whatever you say is true. When I don't love you, you are whatever you say.

27. 当你老得走不动的时候，我会每天用轮椅推着你去广场，让你看我和其他老人跳舞。

27. When you are too old to walk, I will push you in a wheelchair to the square every day, so you can watch me and other elderly people dance.

28. 人不犯我，我不犯人；如果一个人攻击我，他就是人贩子。

28. If no one attacks me, I will not attack anyone; if someone attacks me, he is a human trafficker.

29. 男生做饭会加分，这其实是个伪命题。关键是看脸。就算宋仲基连淘米都不会，也等不及加分加到顶上，而武大郎可以做烤饼。要不要补充？

29. Cooking at home adds points for boys, which is actually a false premise. The key is appearance. Even if Song Joong-ki doesn't know how to wash rice, he can't wait to accumulate points to the maximum, while Wu Dalang can make baked cakes. Should I add anything else?

30. 别跟我说话，因为我不明白。在别人看来，我和一头猪吵架是愚蠢的。

30. Don't talk to me, because I don't understand. To others, it's foolish to argue with a pig.

31. 我允许你走进我的世界,但不许你在我的世界里走来走去。

31. I allow you to enter my world, but not to wander around in it.

32. 初中的时候，我就迷上了武侠小说。上课的时候在看金庸的《天龙八部》，被老师发现了。我没收了，吼了一声:把另外七本书给我。

32. When I was in junior high school, I became obsessed with martial arts novels. During class, I was reading Jin Yong's "The Heaven Sword and Dragon Saber," and the teacher caught me. She confiscated it and shouted: "Give me the other seven books."

33. 刚毕业后会有期;毕业一年后会有妻;后来后悔有妻;再后来会有后妻;最后悔有后妻。

33. There will be prospects immediately after graduation; a wife one year after graduation; later, he regrets having a wife; then, there will be a second wife; finally, he regrets having a second wife.

34. 周末宿舍聚餐，吃了一顿很辣的火锅。喝了点酒，没回宿舍，去酒店开房！一个同学不能吃辣，结果拉肚子，屁股很难受！我睡到第二天中午才退房。有许多人。我们看到两个人在一个房间里，其中一个抓着他的屁股。周围的人都笑个不停！天啊，我发誓，我没有打他的屁股！

34. We had a dormitory dinner party on the weekend and ate a very spicy hotpot. We had a few drinks, didn't go back to the dormitory, and checked into a hotel instead! One classmate couldn't eat spicy food, and ended up with diarrhea, feeling very uncomfortable in the butt! I checked out only at noon the next day. There were many people. We saw two people in a room, and one was holding his butt. Everyone around kept laughing! Oh my God, I swear, I did not hit his butt!

35. 一分钟有多长？看你是蹲厕所还是在外面等了。

35. How long is a minute? It depends on whether you're in the bathroom or waiting outside.

36. 我出生的时候，上帝问我是要记性好还是要长得帅。我已经忘了当时回答了什么。

36. When I was born, God asked me if I wanted to have a good memory or to be handsome. I've already forgotten what I answered at that time.

37. 之所以这么多人在公交车上睡觉，不是因为晚上睡多晚，也不是因为白天工作多累，而是因为怕听到一点声音。迪！老年卡。

37. The reason so many people are sleeping on the bus is not because they stay up late at night, nor because they are tired from work during the day, but because they are afraid of hearing any noise. Dee! Senior card.

38. 如果你注定不能给予我期待的回应那么就保持在安全距离之外吧。

38. If it's destined that you can't give me the response I expect, then please stay at a safe distance.

39. 我是保安，怎么敢谈恋爱？我有什么资格谈恋爱？我值得吗？我的生活只是开门和关门。我为什么要谈恋爱？我开门快吗？

39. I'm a security guard, how dare I have a romantic relationship? What qualifications do I have for a romantic relationship? Am I worthy of it? My life is just about opening and closing doors. Why should I fall in love? Am I quick at opening doors?

40. 特别喜欢和爱聊天的朋友一起吃饭。一般他们聊天的时候，我都在埋头吃饭。

40. I particularly enjoy having meals with friends who love to chat. Usually, when they are chatting, I am buried in my meal.

41. 老王有个丑姑娘，一直嫁不出去，希望被拐卖。有一天，她的梦想终于实现了，她被绑架了。绑匪觉得她长得丑，把她送回了原来的地方。女子坚持不下车，绑匪咬牙切齿说，走！不要车！

41. Old Wang had an ugly girl who had never been able to get married and hoped to be abducted. One day, her dream finally came true, and she was kidnapped. The kidnapper, thinking she was ugly, sent her back to her original place. The girl refused to get off the bus, and the kidnapper gritted his teeth and said, "Go! Don't take the car!"

42. 一家五口开车回家，我坐在后排中间。老公把车停在家里的时候，我看着妈妈，老公，两个儿子打开车门，下车，关门，然后锁车，上楼。整个过程就像流水一样一气呵成。现在我被锁在车里想

42. The family of five drove home, and I was sitting in the middle of the back row. When my husband parked the car at home, I watched as Mom, my husband, and the two sons opened the car door, got out, closed it, locked the car, and then went up the stairs. The whole process was as smooth as flowing water. Now I'm locked inside the car and thinking...

43. 问：你喜欢我哪一点答：我喜欢你离我远一点!

43. Question: What do you like about me? Answer: I like you to be a bit farther away from me!

44. 现在连银行卡的密码都不想设置了。想想用六位数保护两位数的存款也挺累的。

44. Now I don't even want to set a password for my bank card. It's quite tiring to think about using a six-digit password to protect a two-digit deposit.