人生百态，笑谈之间。在这瞬息万变的世间，总有一些片段，让人忍不住嘴角上扬，瞬间融入欢乐的海洋。让我们一起，探寻那些让人忍俊不禁的瞬间，感受生活的趣味所在。

The diversity of life, all summed up in a laugh. In this ever-changing world, there are always some moments that can't help but lift our嘴角, instantly immersing us in an ocean of joy. Let's embark together on a quest to uncover those humorous moments that bring us to the brink of laughter, and feel the fun in life.

1. 怎么可能在拥有爱情的同时又拒绝受伤呢，别忘了，丘比特射出的是箭，不是玫瑰。

1. How can one have love and refuse to get hurt at the same time? Remember, Cupid shoots arrows, not roses.

2. 答：我们打赌，看谁能将身子伸出窗外更远，结果他赢了。

2. Answer: We made a bet to see who could stick their body out the window further, and he won.

3. 我忘记了我曾信誓旦旦的保证会爱一辈子的人的脸

3. I have forgotten the face of the person I had solemnly promised to love for a lifetime.

4. 多年以前，一偏僻的小山村刚刚通电，家家户户用上了电灯泡。一老太太不知怎么关灯，像吹煤油灯似的吹了半天，仍没熄灭。她自言自语道：这新玩意真好，还防风哩。

4. Many years ago, a remote mountain village was just connected to the power grid, and every household had electricity with light bulbs. An old woman didn't know how to turn off the lights and blew at it like she was blowing out a kerosene lamp for half a day, but it still didn't go out. She muttered to herself: This new thing is really good, it even resists the wind.

5. 在家的时候发烧还会坚持上网、上学的时候打个喷嚏都会觉得是癌症晚期。

5. When at home with a fever, they still insist on going online; and when sneezing at school, they feel it's the late stage of cancer.

6. 你真的很不错，感谢你的父母，为中国带来一个这么大的笑话。

6. You're really great, thank your parents for bringing such a big joke to China.

7. 谁辜负了谁的坚守，谁执著着谁的白首。你用沉默回避我，那我就用不联系成全你。

7. Who has betrayed whose loyalty, and who is steadfast in whose twilight years. You use silence to avoid me, so I will fulfill you by not contacting you.

8. 因长期分居，牛郎和他的牛好上了七夕取消，望各位周知。

8. Due to long-term separation, the Cowherd and his cow have become involved, and the Qixi Festival has been cancelled. Please make a note of this.

9. 餐厅里，两个年轻姑娘聊天，其中一个向同伴吐槽：“我怎么这么命苦啊，结婚订的日子赶上婆婆生二胎，刚过门就得伺候月子。。。”

9. In the restaurant, two young girls were chatting, and one of them complained to her companion, "How unfortunate am I, my wedding date coincided with my mother-in-law giving birth to her second child. I had to take care of her postpartum immediately after getting married..."

10. 每天叫醒我的既不是尿意。也不是闹钟，更不是什么梦想，是穷。

10. What wakes me up every day is not the need to urinate, nor the alarm clock, nor any dream, but poverty.

11. 二十多年前，你降生的那天，天下大旱，蝗虫成片，苍也空，井也空，你妈扑哧用一力，你便伴着屎生出来了。

11. More than twenty years ago, on the day you were born, there was a severe drought in the land, locusts swarmed in vast numbers, the sky was empty, the wells were empty, and your mother exerted all her strength with a single push, and you were born amidst the filth.

12. 用iphone的人都有个共同点：就是不好意思说不好用。

12. People who use iPhones have a common trait: they are embarrassed to say that it's not good to use.

13. 洗澡中，请勿打扰，偷窥请购票，个体四十，团体八折!

13. Please do not disturb during bathing. Peeping is allowed with a ticket: individual tickets are 40 RMB, and group tickets enjoy an 80% discount!

14. 我敢保证，你这一生最深情绵长的注视都给了手机我长这么大都不知道腿细是什么感觉腰细是什么感觉手细是什么感觉脖子细是什么感觉

14. I dare to guarantee that all the deepest, longest glances you've given in your life have been to your phone. I've grown up without ever knowing what it feels like to have thin legs, thin waist, thin hands, or a thin neck.

15. 哥们在七夕大呼：牛郎有我惨么他最少一还能见老婆一次，我都他M活了25年，就从没见过老婆一次!

15. The guys shouted on the Qixi Festival: "Is the Cowherd any worse off than me? He at least still gets to see his wife once a year. I've lived for 25 years, and I've never seen my wife even once!"

16. 读书苦、读书累、读书还要交学费、不如参加黑，社，会、有吃有喝还有睡!

16. Reading is hard, reading is tiring, and you still have to pay tuition for reading; it's better to join a black society, where you can eat, drink, and sleep!

17. 昨天岁的侄女跟我在QQ上哭诉昨晚与交往三周的前任分手，痛不欲生，并劝戒我小姨，原来爱情这么伤!还感叹道问世间情为何物,直教人生死相许!然后接着说你岁都没有谈恋爱实在是明智的决定啊。

17. Yesterday, my niece, who is 17 years old, cried to me on QQ about her breakup with her ex-boyfriend, whom she had been dating for three weeks, expressing intense pain and sorrow. She advised her aunt that love can be so hurtful! She also sighed and wondered, "What is love in this world, that it can make people swear to be together in life and death!" Then she continued to say that deciding not to date at your age is actually a wise choice.

18. 女说：你为什么看上去那么老气呀？男说：如果你喜欢人民币的话，还会在乎它是哪一年发行的吗？

18. The woman said: Why do you look so old? The man replied: If you like the Chinese yuan, would you still care about when it was issued?

19. 找女朋友就应该找一个不爱化妆的!偶尔画一次!感觉会怦然心动，要是找一个总化妆的!偶尔不画一次!容易猝死啊!

19. When looking for a girlfriend, you should find someone who doesn't like to wear makeup! Only occasionally apply it to feel a surge of excitement. If you find someone who always wears makeup and occasionally doesn't, it might lead to a sudden death!

20. 11从来没有人卷我们，只有我们自己才有权决定，是否内卷。

20.11. No one has ever forced us, only we ourselves have the right to decide whether to engage in internal competition.

21. 女秘书：“老板，你太太来电话，她说要在电话里吻你。“老板：“你先替我收一下，一会过来交给我。“

21. Female Secretary: "Boss, your wife called and said she wants to kiss you over the phone." Boss: "You take it first and give it to me later."

22. 鸡问母鸡:不下蛋可以带我出去玩吗？母鸡说，不行，我要工作！鸡说，可是你下了那么多蛋啊！母鸡意味深长地对小鸡说:一天一个鸡蛋，菜刀靠边站，一月无蛋，高压锅见。存在是因为你创造了价值，淘汰是因为你失去了价值。过去的价值不代表未来，所以每天努力吧！

22. The chicken asked the hen, "Can you take me out to play if you don't lay eggs?" The hen replied, "No, I have to work!" The chicken said, "But you've laid so many eggs!" The hen, with a profound meaning, said to the little chick: "One egg a day, the knife stays by the side; no eggs in a month, the pressure cooker awaits. Existence is because you create value, and elimination is because you lose value. Past value does not represent the future, so work hard every day!

23. 今天上网来偷菜、逛到你家小菜园、弹指只是一瞬间、菜园立马变荒原

23. Today, coming online to steal vegetables, browsing to your small vegetable garden, it's just a blink of an eye, and the vegetable garden instantly turns into a wasteland.

24. 14你一直这么努力，一定是不知道偷懒有多舒服。拒绝内卷！躺平多舒服。

24. 14 You've always been so hardworking; it must be that you don't know how comfortable it is to loaf around. Refuse to engage in the "involution"! Lying flat is so comfortable.

25. 女友这月大夷妈没来，她说准备买个试纸测下，我心疼的问：“那一定很贵吧？”

25. My girlfriend hasn't had her period this month, and she says she's planning to buy a pregnancy test to check it out. Feeling sorry for her, I asked, "That must be pretty expensive, right?"

26. 某人骑车上街,路过一路口撒把前行交警看见惊呼:手掌好!某人高兴的挥手作答:同志们辛苦了!

26. Someone was riding a bike on the street and passed by an intersection, where a traffic policeman saw him and exclaimed: "Great hand!" The person happily waved in response: "Comrades, you all work hard!"

27. 如果你是一个胖纸、记住不要围红色的围巾。不然你会很像QQ。

27. If you're a chubby person, remember not to wear a red scarf. Otherwise, you'll look a lot like a QQ avatar.

28. 我邻居家孩了名字叫朱川，他妈妈每次给他买衣服，都会跟人说这是给我们家朱川的衣服。

28. The boy in my neighbor's house is named Zhu Chuan. His mother always tells people that the clothes she buys for him are for our Zhu Chuan.

29. 北漂多年后回到老家，母亲从厨房缓缓出来，手中拧着一壶茶，关切地对他说走累了，赶紧喝吧，这是娘泡的茶。他脸一红，翘起兰花指接过了茶杯。

29. After years of being a "Beijing漂" (a person who moves to Beijing for work), he returned to his hometown. His mother slowly emerged from the kitchen, holding a pot of tea, and concernedly said to him, "You must be tired from walking around, have a drink quickly, this is the tea I brewed." He blushed and picked up the teacup with an elegant gesture, like a peony finger.

30. 下雨了精神病院里好多傻子拿着毛巾香皂在雨里洗澡，只有你独自在窗台看着，有人好奇地问：你在干什么呢？你说那群傻子笨得很，我等水热了再去。

30. It started to rain, and many idiots in the mental hospital were taking towels and soap to bathe in the rain. Only you were alone on the window sill watching. Someone curious asked: What are you doing? You said that those idiots are very笨，I'll go when the water gets hot.

31. 等我有了钱，就买两辆宝马在前面开路，我在后面骑自行车上班。

31. Once I have money, I will buy two BMWs to lead the way, and I will ride a bicycle to work behind them.

32. 受气的时候，我会拿起电话拨外地号码不加0，这样很快就可以听到有人跟我说：对不起。。。

32. When I'm feeling upset, I'll pick up the phone to dial a long-distance number without adding the 0, and soon I can hear someone saying to me: Sorry...

33. 农夫要杀公鸡却逮不着，于是抓起母鸡对公鸡说：再不下来让你当光棍儿!公鸡：你他妈以为我傻呀，我下去她就成寡妇了

33. The farmer wanted to kill the rooster but couldn't catch it, so he grabbed a hen and said to the rooster: If you don't come down, I'll make you a bachelor! The rooster: You他妈 think I'm stupid, don't you? If I come down, she'll become a widow!

34. 18这不叫内卷，这叫悄悄学习，然后惊艳所有人！

34. 18 This isn't called "involution," it's called quietly studying, and then astonishing everyone!

35. 我发誓再上网就砍手，结果发现自己是千手观音。

35. I vowed that if I went online again, I would cut off my hand, but then I found out that I was the thousand-armed Avalokiteshvara.

36. 你别看我整天看剧聊天刷微博玩游戏，剩下的时间我可都在认真睡觉呢!

36. Don't look at me spending the whole day watching dramas, chatting, browsing Weibo, and playing games; the remaining time, I'm actually sleeping seriously!

37. 你不想接我电话就直说、别老是让人家中国移动帮你向我说对不起!

37. If you don't want to answer my calls, just say so. Don't keep making China Mobile apologize for you!

38. 有一天，医院进行口腔检查，一位教授问:一种药的剂量是多少？一个学生回答说:5克过了一会儿，他突然想起来应该是5 mg。他站起来说，“ldquo教授，我能改吗？教授说:不，病人在30秒内死于用药过量。

38. One day, the hospital conducted an oral examination, and a professor asked, "What is the dosage of this medication?" A student replied, "5 grams." After a while, he suddenly remembered it should have been 5 mg. He stood up and said, "Professor, can I change it?" The professor said, "No, the patient died of an overdose within 30 seconds."

39. 时间和婚姻都会让一个男人成熟，只是时间是小火慢熬，婚姻是大火快炒。

39. Both time and marriage can mature a man, but time is like slow-cooking over a low flame, while marriage is like stir-frying over a high flame.

40. 真正的爱情，是不怕距离考验的，相信的顶下。

40. True love is not afraid of the test of distance; it is believed in at its core.

41. 发自肺腑对着我家空调说有你真好，没你我该怎么活!

41. From the bottom of my heart, to my air conditioner at home, I say it's really good to have you. Without you, how should I live!

42. 狼崽从出生开始就吃素狼爸狼妈绞尽脑汁训练狼崽捕猎终于有天狼爸狼妈欣慰的砍刀儿子狂追兔子狼崽抓住兔子凶相毕露恶狠狠的说:小子!把胡萝卜交出来!

42. The wolf pups have been vegetarian since birth, and the wolf dad and mom have racked their brains to train the pups to hunt. Finally, one day, the wolf dad and mom were relieved to see their son frantically chasing a rabbit. The wolf pup caught the rabbit, revealed a fierce expression, and said menacingly, "You brat! Hand over the carrot!"

43. 各国运动员抵达里约奥运村后，别国代表团都是严防丢失东西，只有朝鲜代表团是严防丢失远动员及工作人员。

43. After the athletes from various countries arrived at the Rio Olympic Village, all the delegations were strictly on guard against losing their belongings, but only the North Korean delegation was strictly on guard against losing their athletes and staff.

44. 我们同时答应对方、做彼此的男女朋友、但是你的离开却破坏了这段感情

44. We both agreed to be each other's boyfriends and girlfriends, but your departure destroyed this relationship.

45. 爱情就是一场赌局，赢了，厮守一生，白头到老。输了，全盘皆输，那比朋友更近的人，就是熟悉的陌生人。

45. Love is a game of chance; if you win, you will cherish each other for a lifetime, growing old together. If you lose, everything is lost. The person who was closer than a friend, becomes a familiar stranger.

46. 有个腼腆的男孩终于鼓足勇气问心爱的女孩:你喜欢什么样的男孩子女孩说:投缘的男孩再问还是一样,他只好伤心的说:头扁一点的不行吗

46. A shy boy finally mustered up the courage to ask his beloved girl: "What kind of boy do you like?" The girl replied: "Boys who are compatible." When he asked again, the answer was still the same. Feeling sad, he said: "Is it okay if he has a flatter head?"

47. 你是什么座(做)的，我是肉做的 。

47. What sign are you, I'm made of flesh.

48. 一个农民挑着两担大粪走在田埂上。有个人走上去问：大爷，这酱多少钱一斤农民没支声。此人伸手沾了一点放进嘴里尝了尝，心想：你不告诉我多少钱一斤，我也不告诉你你的酱臭了

48. A farmer was carrying two loads of manure on a path along the field. Someone walked up to ask, "Old man, how much is this soy sauce per jin?" The farmer did not respond. The person then reached out, dipped a little into his mouth to taste it, thinking: If you don't tell me how much per jin, I won't tell you that your soy sauce smells bad.

49. 你喜欢的人不喜欢你，就算全世界的人都喜欢你，你也会孤单吧。

49. If the person you like doesn't like you back, even if everyone in the world likes you, you might still feel lonely, wouldn't you?

50. 1别人都吃炸鸡喝可乐，我天天喝热水，身体比他们好，卷死他们。

50. 1 Everyone else eats fried chicken and drinks cola, but I drink hot water every day. My health is better than theirs, and I can easily outdo them.

51. 有一天、奥特曼上课举手回答问题、结果本老师就这样挂掉了。

51. One day, Ultraman raised his hand in class to answer a question, and then Teacher Ben just like that passed away.

52. 女友不服：我们这叫催泪片，那你们男人看的日本那片叫啥，叫催精片吗？

52. The girlfriend protested: If we call this a tearjerker, then what do you men call the Japanese ones you watch, are they called semen-eliciting films?

53. 一天，瘸子和瞎子同骑一车外出。瞎子骑，瘸子看路。突然瘸子发现前方有一深沟，急呼：沟、沟、沟！瞎子回唱道：噢勒 噢勒 噢勒！二人一起掉入沟中。

53. One day, a cripple and a blind man rode together on a cart. The blind man rode, and the cripple watched the road. Suddenly, the cripple noticed a deep ravine ahead and urgently shouted: Ravine! Ravine! Ravine! The blind man replied in song: Oh la, oh la, oh la! Both of them fell into the ravine together.

54. 在意别人的看法很正常，但你要明白的是，不是所有的人都是人。

54. It's normal to care about what others think, but what you should understand is that not everyone is a human being.

55. 夫妻分隔两地、每次想念老婆时只能默默抽烟、一年下来、我就成功戒烟了。

55. Because my wife and I were separated by distance, I could only silently smoke every time I missed her. By the end of the year, I successfully quit smoking.

56. 心里难过、却不知道为什么、只是壹个劲的难过

56. Feeling sad, but not knowing why, just keep on feeling sad.

57. 听说现在上网可以查到****，我顿时就慌了，如果被人发现我从来没开过房，多难为情啊!

57. I heard that you can find out **** online now, and I got really worried. If someone finds out that I've never checked into a hotel room, how embarrassing would that be!

58. 走在路上看到个大爷躺在地上，我赶紧上陪大爷躺下，大爷看了看我说后生你别跟我抢，我儿子要买房娶媳妇。我说，我也要买房娶媳妇啊，但我不啃老。大爷说后生有志气，这地给你了，我换个地儿!

58. While walking on the road, I saw an elderly man lying on the ground, so I quickly lay down next to him. The old man looked at me and said, "Young man, don't compete with me for this spot; my son is buying a house to get married." I replied, "I also want to buy a house to get married, but I won't rely on my parents." The old man said that I had ambition and offered, "This piece of land is yours, I'll move to another place!"

59. 是随性，不等于没脾气，我从来没讲过我是善良的那个。

59. Being casual does not mean I have no temper. I have never claimed to be the kind-hearted one.

60. 如果说岁月是把杀猪刀，那肥胖更是一把屠龙刀!

60. If time is a knife used to kill pigs, then obesity is a sword used to slay dragons!

61. 我的兴趣爱好可分为静态和动态两种。 静态就是睡觉，动态就是翻身

61. My hobbies can be divided into two categories: static and dynamic. Static is sleeping, and dynamic is turning over.

62. 小时候最怕的梦是梦到自己找厕所、最最可怕的是、人没醒来了、厕所找到了。

62. The scariest dream I had as a child was dreaming that I was looking for a toilet, and the most terrifying part was that when I finally woke up, I had found the toilet.

63. 一妇女拿假钞去买早点,小贩恼了:大姐,你给假钞也就算了,那起码是张印的,你这张钞票居然是画的!退一万步说,画的也就算了,你给画一张五块十块的都行,你还给画张七块的

63. A woman tried to buy breakfast with counterfeit money, and the vendor was angry: "Sister, it's okay that you gave me counterfeit money, at least it was printed. But this note of yours is actually drawn! To put it another way, it's okay if it's drawn, you could have given me a five or ten drawn note, but you gave me a seven!

64. 所谓价值观不同就是给一根蜡烛，有人会觉得差一个蛋糕，有人会觉得缺一条皮鞭。

64. The so-called differences in values is like giving a candle, some people would think it lacks a cake, while others would think it's missing a whip.

65. 你的长相、影响了我滴健康成长、我看到你。心情比上坟还要纠结

65. Your appearance has affected my healthy growth. When I see you, my mood is as tangled as if I were at a tomb.

66. 走在路上看到大爷躺在地上，我赶紧上去要扶，大爷看了看我说：后生你别动，看你也是个打工的，你走吧我再等等。我被感动了赶紧说大爷，有个开路虎的停好车就快过来了。大爷也激动了你这后生还算实在，你干脆别走了给我做个证人，完事儿也买个车上班开。

66. Walking on the road, I saw an elderly man lying on the ground and I hurried to go and help him up. The elderly man looked at me and said, "Young man, don't move. I can tell you're also working here. Just go and I'll wait a bit more." I was touched and quickly said, "Old man, there's a Land Rover that has just parked nearby, and it will be here soon." The elderly man was also excited. "You young man are still honest. Why don't you just stay and be a witness for me? After the matter is settled, you can also buy a car to drive to work."

67. 为什么穿山甲要一直挖地，因为它在找穿山乙。

67. Why does the pangolin keep digging into the ground? Because it is looking for pangolin B.